I was at Rite Aid the other day and witnessed a kid (likely 6-9) throwing a temper tantrum for something he had wanted as his father stood in line waiting to pay at the register. The father having enough, either tolerating his kid or the embarrassment he felt in a public setting promptly picks the boy up by his left arm smacks his behind three times and proceeds to head for the exits as he leaves the shopped for items behind since his kid had put his screams into gear 6.
I couldnt help but cringe at the course of actions I'd had just witnessed. But didnt feel wise to intrude in another's ways of parenting. The other 5 customers on the line/vicinity along with the cashier didnt react much at all to the occurrence, presumably in lines with my thinking at the time.
Is Corporal Punishment in a public setting a social taboo, or a lesson that is necessary to teach during the moment? Curious on opinions
It's amazing that she's not out knocking over liquor stores, right?
That being said, from what the OP describes, it doesn't seem like the dad crossed any lines. We do not know what his son is like or how often he exhibits that type of behavior. In addition, 8 or 9 is a little bit old to be behaving like that if you don't get your way.
Well, seeing that he is Cromartie's Kid, he probably has a few. But doesn't see them that much.
I have a 10 month old son & expecting a daughter in October, just curious to the responses here.
Thanks dune..yea pulled a Cromartie there, less than 3 months after the boy...whoopsies
Quote:
Does the guy who started this thread have any kids?
I have a 10 month old son & expecting a daughter in October, just curious to the responses here.
Good luck with your kids but boy do you have a long road ahead.
A swat on the butt and removing yourself from a public outburst is IMO pretty normal Beating the kid is not the same as a whack on the butt.
Mine are 15 and 17 and bigger thanI am so now I get to kick the crap out of them . That's a joke just in case someone has their sarcasm meter off.
I wouldn't do it because I was frustrated with their behavior.
Luckily my kids are 11, 11, and 6 and I've never felt physically restraining or even hitting them was the best discipline.
And I was regularly hit as a kid and deserved to be (hands, belt, wooden spoon, metal spoon when the wooden one broke, etc.). I was downright awful. I was rude, lazy, disobedient, disrespectful, etc. you forgot ugly, freeloading...where was I?
Seriously, I was a bad kid, but my parents disciplined me fine and I wouldn't hesitate to discipline my children similarly, but haven't.
-Rich's dad.
More than that and on other parts of the body are not acceptable.
More than that and on other parts of the body are not acceptable.
Back of the hand is still within the range of reasonable, especially when you're trying to convince him not to touch something dangerous.
Reading this thread it is obvious that some people don't have any understanding of what a genuine loving discipline that might incorporate a few swats to the bottom entails.
Reading this thread it is obvious that some people don't have any understanding of what a genuine loving discipline that might incorporate a few swats to the bottom entails.
What if it's a "loving" gentle punch? Where else in civilized society is corporal punishment acceptable?
The same logic applies. Don't want to get your ass beat by a cop (or mom and/or dad), try not being disrespectful & keep your mouth shut.
It's amazing that she's not out knocking over liquor stores, right?
Yeah, but what about that bank robbery?
The very first and unwavering rule if a parent thinks it is in their child's best interest to use spanking as a discipline option. Never spank when angry, and never spank out of anger. I can't believe anyone could punch another person without being angry but let alone their own child!
Anyone who associates punching with swatting a child's rear end either doesn't get it or can't control themselves and their anger and it is would be wise for them to never attempt disciplining a child in this manner.
Are there plenty (too many) instances of parents physically abusing children, especially young children? Yes. But, i guarantee there are countless more cases of parents that occasionally spank their child without ever approaching or crossing the line to abuse.
I take myself as an example. I was absolutely spanked as a child. I knew enough as a small child I didn't want to be spanked, especially by my dad, when it was a little harder. I was never hit with a belt or any other object. I was never left with a permanent mark. i was never left with anything other than a butt that was sore for a short while after. But, I still didn't want it and certainly altered my behavior to avoid it. Once the tipping point was reached where spanking had no affect on me, it ceased. I will add, that I have several other issues with my parents, including other forms of abuse and neglect, so I am absolutely not sugar coating this.
My parents were hit as children, my mom badly.
Somehow, my parents raised three kids without hitting (yes, that includes spanking) any of them and we turned out toi be fine upstanding respectful people.
Reason with a four year old. Go ahead, try it.
Reason with a four year old. Go ahead, try it.
Amazingly, not hitting a four year old can work. It's possible! Stunning, I know.
There is no complete connection to spanking or not spanking and how children, in general, will turn out. I think it is more a case by case study. The overall philosophy of the parents involved is a huge factor. Their ability to communicate with their children is important. Are they relying solely on spanking? are their children aware of why they were spanked? Is it a regular occurrence? Do tyhe children know they are still loved?
On the flip side, are parents who don't spank efficiently disciplining their kids? Do their children understand consequences, liability, and responsibility? Do their kids understand right from wrong? Do their children respect them and other authority figures? And on and on.
There are good and bad examples on both sides and an awful lot of gray matter in between.
I never set out to spank, and I fucking hate doing it. I do it occasionally because it works, in that it gets their attention. You can try and reason things out with a 3-4-5-6 year old, but guess what? Their brains don't have the ability to process logic. I can patiently explain to my kids until I'm blue in the face not to swipe each other's toys and do various other things to torment each other, and it has absolutely no effect whatsoever.
I would agree, but that is not how I would describe a loving discipline incorporating a few swats to the rear end.
People are lumping in any beating with the word "spanking".
That would be like someone saying well when you talk to your child you must be screaming, belittling and cursing in their face.
Sure, I guess as a steadfast rule an absolute no spanking home could mean that there is no physical abuse, which is great. But, it doesn't guarantee there is no abuse of any kind in that home and it doesn't guarantee the kids are better parented or better off.
If you're talking about actual abuse, people who whip their kids with belts or wooden spoons or whatever, then I agree with you. If you're talking about a swat on the butt, that's completely different.
I post without further comment other than FYI.
http://www.sciencebasedmedicine.org/corporal-punishment-in-the-home-parenting-tool-or-parenting-fail/ - ( New Window )
I find the notion that "you don't have kids, you don't know how you need to spank a kid's ass" to be laughable, though, because then I wonder "well, what would these same people say to my parents for how they handled their situation?".
No-nonsense blue-collar people, too, not New Age let the kid break things to express his inner self yuppie parents.
And Hell, to some, what appears to be a hug would be the wrong thing anyway as some would perceive that as rewarding a tantrum or poor behavior. The bottom is each child is unique in their behaviors and needs. Without real knowledge of that child and parent combination, most judgements should really be reserved.
I find the notion that "you don't have kids, you don't know how you need to spank a kid's ass" to be laughable, though, because then I wonder "well, what would these same people say to my parents for how they handled their situation?".
No-nonsense blue-collar people, too, not New Age let the kid break things to express his inner self yuppie parents.
Whenever you hear an expectant parent say "I'll never let my kid watch children's TV" check back in three years, after they've realized laundry and dishes won't do themselves. Everyone wants to reinvent the wheel when it comes to parenting, but sometimes things happen for a reason. And that reason isn't that the 80% or whatever that article says of parents who spank want to brutalize their children, or are lazy or stupid. Some are lazy and stupid and some flirt with abuse, but for the great mass of them they do it because if used judiciously it seems a reasonably effective means of correcting bad or dangerous behavior.
On the flip side, he mentions the superior effectiveness of timeouts and removing privileges. I can say that we have tried several methods with one of my sons. All of them had success for a limited window and then were lost on him. there is no end all, be all.
Simply telling a child no or giving them a five minute time out and nothing more takes little investment on the parents part.
Taking the time to attempt to explain and best communicate that their maturity will absorb, whether that involves a few swats to the bottom or not is a lot harder to stop and do when you having a stressful or busy day. They key is loving them enough to invest that time. The child will know the difference.
What he's saying is that the without spankings, the hypothetical kid would have also turned out fine, and might have turned out better.
He's not saying that the kid would definitely have turned out better.
I don't necessarily agree with the "of course" statement, but I also don't think he's said what you've classified as an assumption that they would have been "much better off".
Like the parent in the OPs example? That's effective? The kid screamed louder and the parent had to leave the store. I don't hit my kids for any reason, but I can guarantee that no matter how tired my kid is, that my use of a time out in the store and a quick discussion with him would have produced a better outcome for everyone.
It wasn't expressly to contradict your post but I was responding to it. Just pointing out that the issue can be better understood as child development in between particular milestones (the ability to do dangerous or mean things and the ability to respond to logical cues) than the primacy of one method over another.