NFT: Cutting Burgers in Half With a Knife and Fork.

Perfect late night at the diner when you don't know if you want dinner or breakfast.

I use a chainsaw

recently. Here's an excerpt for you fools who can't handle a "big" sandwich:

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I have to fundamentally disagree with you on the hamburger part. If you want to cut a sub or a PB&J in half (I tried to figure out if I liked a diagonal cut or a straight cut on the PB&J better, but I can't bring myself to give a shit), that's fine. But a burger? No. I hate bossy foodies, and so should you, but that's inadvisable. You need to keep all the beefy juices inside the burger as you eat it, so you get the maximum amount of hot blood and tallow in every bite. If you cut the fucker in half, then it leaks all over the plate and soaks the bun (not that I'm against a sopping-wet bun) and makes a mess of everything. And putting extra ketchup on the thing is also a mess. Ever take half a bun off a burger? The thing just goes toppling right over. I feel like a fool. If you're eating a really well-made burger, you shouldn't need to cut it in half. You should be attacking it from the perimeter because the bun edges should be all crispy and buttery and you should still be able to get some beef and bacon and lettuce in the bite, too. If you cut it in half and then go right for the center, you are not getting the full TEXTURAL elements. Textural elements are so very crucial. Avoid cutting a burger in half. I don't even like it when the joint plunges a steak knife into the center of the thing, like I'm supposed to pull it out like it's Excalibur. Your big steak knife does not impress me, Ruby Tuesday. You should avoid breaching the patty until you've taken your first bite.

In comment 11780563 Bill in UT said:

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Pronounced Fiedi. Whatever

you were right, he was born Guy Ferry.

My uncut Five Guys all the way with fries and their free peanuts last night. Dealt with all the stuff sliding out.

Strange what he's done with the spelling/pronounciation than. But he is good at marketing himself.

In comment 11780902 Big Al said:

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My uncut Five Guys all the way with fries and their free peanuts last night. Dealt with all the stuff sliding out.

Did you get cajun fries or regular fries?

In comment 11780788 lono801 said:

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The farts are epic for days... A true LA experience

One trip to the Tommy's on Anaheim St in Long Beach is one of my fondest memories of living in SoCal. Was behind a couple of hippies on line and one of them was whining that there were no salads or vegetarian menu choices. The guys behind the counter were literally laughing at him.

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In comment 11781026 Big Al said:

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You've got to get the cajun fries! They're so much better.

"I gotsta make brown water Miss Daisy!"

In comment 11780902 Big Al said:

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My uncut Five Guys all the way with fries and their free peanuts last night. Dealt with all the stuff sliding out.

Um...


Where and how did you find 5 uncut guys? Wait, I don't want to know. NTTAWWT.

In comment 11781084 Cam in MO said:

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In comment 11780902 Big Al said: Quote: My uncut Five Guys all the way with fries and their free peanuts last night. Dealt with all the stuff sliding out. Um... Where and how did you find 5 uncut guys? Wait, I don't want to know. NTTAWWT.

Some non-jewish country probably.

reducing the area available to hold onto your burger, while increasing the area available for the stuff to fall out is somehow supposed to make eating it less sloppy?

I've never seen a burger so big that cutting it is necessary. It may be a personal preference, but it's not necessary, unless you have a crappy bun. A sub is a different story because it's typically longer than your hand can reach around.

Reach arounds? Really?

My gourmet dining with a Colorado omelet at IHOP.