In a shocking development commissioner Roger Goodell has announced that the New York Football Giants team has been suspended for 6 weeks for beating themselves under the terms of the league's domestic abuse policy. The landmark decision was reached after the Giants 25 - 14 loss to the Arizona Cardinals. The original suspension was 2 weeks but it was changed to 6 weeks after the commissioner viewed the game tape. "I had not seen the tape prior to the first ruling and was given a somewhat ambiguous account by the team. After seeing the tape I feel the suspension should be increased to the full 6 games," said Goodell. “This game was particularly disturbing as the Giants essentially handed the Cardinals 19 of their 25 points, the first TD "drive" with penalties, the second TD on a return, and the last two field goals on turnovers. It made me sick to my stomach.”
John Mara indicated that the team has no plans to appeal the ruling. The 4th quarter meltdown started with a dropped pass by Victor Cruz that would have resulted in a Giants first down. Cruz dropped the microphone, despite having both hands on it, when asked to respond after the game. He did manage to say that he would like to be targeted for interviews more often in the future.
Anyway, the Giants were forced to punt as a result of the drop and allowed Ted Ginn Jr to return the punt for a touchdown to give the Cardinals a 19-14 lead after a failed two point conversion. “He runs so gracefully, it was mesmerizing to watch him,” said Giants special teams player who wished to remain anonymous. The ensuing kickoff return was fumbled by Demps and recovered by the Cardinals. Demps indicated that he was “too tired to hang onto the ball” after chasing Ginn on the previous return. The Giants defense was able to hold the Cardinals to a field goal that made the score 22-14..
The Giants returned the next kickoff without a fumble and a promising drive was started despite two more dropped passes. Unfortunately, the drive ended abruptly when Greg Jennings fell to the ground and fumbled the ball - without being hit. "The yardage stripes on the field were very slippery and I lost my footing,'" said Jennings. "The ground was very hard. It felt like I was hit by a left hook," added Jennings to help explain the fumble. (Note: In a related story the team announced that a Peds dispenser modeled after Jennings likeness will be distributed at next week's game in lieu of the previously planned bobble head dolls.)
The defense got the ball back, but the offense was determined not to be dragged out of the elvator and ruin the masterful meltdown. They delivered a textbook 4 and out, which featured two more dropped passes, and essentially and the game. The Cardinals kicked another field goal to make the score 25-14 and Quarterback Eli Manning punctuated the team's performance the performance with an interception on the final, meaningless, possession.
The NFL office indicated that the team will be required to undergo counseling as both a victim and an abuser while under the suspension. The Giants will be eligible to return to playing competitive NFL football at MetLife stadium on Monday, November 3rd, against the Indianapolis Colts.
Thought we could use a smile on a dreary day.
