After suffering through that debacle of a Giants' game yesterday (Kevin Gilbride called, he wants his red zone offense back...), post-game I went over to Jersey City for my girlfriend's birthday dinner with her family.
Now...my girlfriend warned me ahead of time...her aunt is awful. I said really? How bad could she be? Her parents, brother and sister are all really nice people...but I'd never met her aunt. Until last night.
We walk into the restaurant...and I see an absolute whale sitting by herself at a table...wearing a Jason Witten Cowboys jersey...and watching the Eagles game on her phone. I roll my eyes and mutter to myself...then my girlfriend takes me over...and introduces me to the whale...yup, it's her aunt.
This unholy beast of a human is clearly a hard drinker, pushing 60, bloated, irish tan going, and she spends the whole dinner guzzling wine and beer and making obnoxious comments - that is, when she can be bothered to look up from the game on her phone.
I mean, who does that? Sits at a table of 8 people at a restaurant to celebrate someone's birthday, and watches a football game on her phone the whole time? Where do some people learn their fucking manners?
We have an otherwise enjoyable conversation...my girlfriend and I are Rangers fans, her dad and brother are Devils fans, so we throw some good-natured chatter back and forth and talk about some of the best hockey games we've all seen over the years.
But the elephant in the room (pun intended) is her beast of an aunt...here is a sampling of some of the shit she actually yelled out at different points of the meal, to nobody in particular:
"since I'm broke, you can all pay for dinner. Can someone pass me another slice of pizza?"
"I can't believe I have to pass a drug test for this new job I want!"
"Someone order me some more wine...and one of you can drive me home in my car".
My poor girlfriend is mortified...I assured her I'm not going to dump her just bc her aunt is an obnoxious fat troll Cowboys fan.
I was really tempted to tell the aunt she's a terrible human and the world would be better off if she stepped in front of a train. But cooler heads prevailed, so I politely kept my mouth shut and told her it was nice to meet her at the end of dinner.
She says "ok Mike. Bye"
PS: My name isn't Mike.
Phew. I needed to vent. Continue.
Well my girlfriend, a loyal Giants fan, planned it for after the Giants game...feeling no need to accomodate fans of any other teams. For which I supported her 100%:)
You know you're going to dump your girlfriend because you just met your soulmate...;)
Seriously though, this dinner would have been awesome to be there just so you can keep laughing to yourself about how good you have it compared to that whale.
(Seriously, why the hell did your girlfriend invite her?)
Can I get her number? Your soon to be ex-girlfriend; not the whale.
(Seriously, why the hell did your girlfriend invite her?)
Fixed it.
(Seriously, why the hell did your girlfriend invite her?)
What SB said.
Those genes, bro. Dump the chick before you get her knocked up and end up with an obnoxious whale for a kid.
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Might as well get it out of the way now.
(Seriously, why the hell did your girlfriend invite her?)
What SB said.
Those genes, bro. Dump the chick before you get her knocked up and end up with an obnoxious whale for a kid.
That's what's so weird...the rest of her family are all good solid, salt of the earth Jersey peeps. But good grief...her aunt. My rant probably doesn't even do justice to how terrible she is.
Look at the bright side, if the whale spent less time watching the game it might have meant more time speaking to and interacting with you.
So, in that regard you are fortunate the Cowboys fan had to spend dinner watching football on her phone.
She's a Cowboys fan watching the Eagles game on the phone. The Cowboys were on a bye.
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actually think it's sort of cool she's an actual fan of a team enough to care about watching the game (rude or not)>
She's a Cowboys fan watching the Eagles game on the phone. The Cowboys were on a bye.
So she can't be watching hoping a division rival loses a game? Don't we all do that?
I was thinking the same thing.
And, All those invited would have thought you were a hero.
If your gf was bothered by your comment, she doesnt want to hear the truth;or if she dumped YOU because of it, she would have done you a favor.
Winners all around.
She sounds like a narcissistic a-hole who has no qualms about her rude comments and who it might offend. Likely, (speaking from my own experiences with similar family members) she doesn't even think she is offensive. She likely thinks she is just being her and just saying what's on her mind. Even calling her on it may prove fruitless. but, at least it would clear everyone else's conscience and facilitate omitting her from future events like this.
This.
She probably (at this point) thinks everyone owes her for her being a fat sloppy beast. I have an in-law (my wife's older sister's husband), who is sort of the same way (not in being fat...although he is) but being poor. He thinks that others owe him that he has a dead-end job and is a lazy POS...complete asshole during family gathering. Thankfully, I've only had three dealings with him, but in one I told him to shut his mouth because it was annoying everyone (thankfully by this time I had been married to my wife for three years, so I was in a different place than you). Needless to say, my sister-in-law and brother-in-law don't deal with me much anymore...win!
And a Cowboy fan too. It's all almost too horrid to be true.
Thanks for sharing Mike ;-D
2) She's clearly emotionally disturbed, and an alcoholic to boot. Her comments (including forgetting your name) are of absolutely no consequence, and it seems clear that the rest of the family knew that.
3) She was basically a 300 pound fly. If she flits in your direction, swat her away. Otherwise, ignore her.
2) You really do';t want her as a Giants' fan do you?
Yesterday was just a perfect storm of circumstance...Giants lay another egg in what has been a crap season, so I'm in a foul mood already...then I cross paths with Medusa the Cowboys fan...
But as always, a good rant on BBI and I feel a whole lot better about the world:)
I agree...that is the way it should be done. And when we have family over for holidays, we pick and choose who we want to invite. However, when my mother-in-law has the family over for holidays, that asshole gets invited because she's not going to not invite her daughter and her family. I, in some level, enjoy him being there because I like the chance to tell him that he sucks.
yo Brett what's up with that!
Just don't get caught in a roll. That's really awkward and embarrassing.
On a serious note, she sounds awful yet hilarious. I couldn't help but laugh out loud at the "since I'm broke, you all can pay for my dinner." I somehow respect that more than the all too common aligator arms that a lot of people pull when it comes time to pay the bill.