NFT: Let's say you have to put your brain in any animal...

I would like to see this thread devolve in BBI style with someone issuing a challenge to fight somewhere (in animal getup).

in my new animal form, I'm gonna say fuck it and remain an animal.

I'll be a Chimpanzee because I can keep those opposable thumbs, become 5x stronger than the average human, get all the monkey pussy I've ever wanted, and start an Ape Uprising like in the movies.

Racoon is the answer to your question if I want to become a human in Chicago. Opposable thumbs plus naturally camouflaged and a small size that's easy to hide.

NNTAWWT.



Well, except the being a furry part.

In comment 11991346 Randy in CT said:

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I find out where you live and bite your hands off to stop you from ever posting like this again.

Then I will turn into MacGruber, find you, rip your throat out so you can't "talk to text" on BBI either

In comment 11991565 fbdad said:

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In comment 11991488 McLovin28 said: Quote: Honestly, who can resist a smart Jack Russell? You misread the instructions. YOUR brain goes into the Jack Russell. Why would you think that makes it smarter?

Well I'll answer your question with another question. What makes you think it doesn't?

They blend. Rarely are they ever even noticed, and then it's usually some type of scam.

Stuck in animal form?

I might have to Ecco the Dolphin my way up the Erie Canal.

In comment 11991594 wigs in nyc said:

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Stuck in animal form? I might have to Ecco the Dolphin my way up the Erie Canal.

You can use your imagination on that, but the guiding motivation is that getting to Chicago is imperative to your survival.

maybe we should do a BBI home page poll

A. Tapeworm
B. River Otter
C. Sasquatch
D. Jack Russell Terrier

In comment 11991608 Mike in Long Beach said:

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...getting to Chicago is imperative to your survival.

Interesting choice of city.

In comment 11991622 NoPeanutz said:

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maybe we should do a BBI home page poll A. Tapeworm B. River Otter C. Sasquatch D. Jack Russell Terrier

Greg's Bobcat should be in the mix, too.

Racoon's the got damn answer

In comment 11991559 Greg from LI said:

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Rats or squirrels get eaten quite a bit by a variety of predators, so you're not only running a human gauntlet but an animal gauntlet as well. That's why I liked a bobcat. It's not prey for anythin but it's small enough to be inconspicuous.

True, but you still have your brain so...you'd be much better at hiding and avoiding dangerous situations. Plus, a bobcat would pretty much have to make the entire trip by foot which would suck. A rat or mouse or squirrel could catch a ride without being detected. Get there safer and much quicker.

All of this is moot though.

Can we kill Brett already? I'm really excited.

1) no predator
2) source of food available
3) easy exit upon arrival
4) meets the size qualifier

cons
1) two week window may be a problem if your not going to chicago

First thing I'd do is hit a sporting goods store. As soon as the terrified customers left the place I'd grab whatever guns my finger would fit and then I'd jack a dump truck and head west. Maybe stock up on bananas for the drive.

In comment 11991639 montanagiant said:

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1) no predator 2) source of food available 3) easy exit upon arrival 4) meets the size qualifier cons 1) two week window may be a problem if your not going to chicago

Yeah, sorry. There aren't enough pro's around to nullify living in poo for two weeks.

a Yiants fan.

I kid.

damn, I was wondering why Racoon looked a little weird. Still the correct choice obviously.

We're indestructible, ubiquitous, nocturnal, can hide in plain sight, and we have opposable thumbs. And when you fuck with us, we're nasty and will give you the rabies. Plus, we can ride the sewer trail, underground, all the way from Portland fucking Maine to Portland fucking Oregon.

A long swim but it'd make it

as you currently know it in order to help your cause. So if you have a trusted friend in Pittsburgh who you know will help you complete the journey, then you can pursue that. How you'll communicate without the speaking mechanisms of a human and how you'll convince the friend that you are who you are is the challenge of course, but anything goes.

Writing would be hard as a tapeworm.

they a protected species, and have no real animal enemies/threats.

Plus, I'm badass and have mysterious powers according to Native Americans.

Plus, Chicago has an AHL hockey team called the wolves and if I am smart about it, I can be confused for the Chicago Wolves mascot and just blend in.

A guy on my hockey team used to be the mascot for the Wolves when he lived in Chicago.

In comment 11991700 BrettNYG10 said:

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A guy on my hockey team used to be the mascot for the Wolves when he lived in Chicago.

Is your friend an actual gray wolf like I would be? Probably. Just proves my plan would work as I expected.

Not very gray. Or wolf-like.

In comment 11991700 BrettNYG10 said:

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A guy on my hockey team used to be the mascot for the Wolves when he lived in Chicago.

Maybe an ape-like creature would be the move here. Then you can perhaps fit into a mascot costume and no one will know who's underneath.

be a gray wolf, but wear an ape costume to blend in?

That sounds weird.

I would say, one that can move quickly for long periods of time, camouflaged and can travel at night. Also, one that there's lots of so you won't stand out as weird if seen.

So, based on that, I'd say (1) coyote, or (2) white tailed deer.

I was gonna say skunk, 'cause they don't have many predators to worry about, but I don't think a skunk travel 40 miles a day for 14 days in a row.

.

In comment 11991562 chris r said:

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In comment 11991559 Greg from LI said: Quote: Rats or squirrels get eaten quite a bit by a variety of predators, so you're not only running a human gauntlet but an animal gauntlet as well. That's why I liked a bobcat. It's not prey for anythin but it's small enough to be inconspicuous. True. But there's so many other rats and squirrels for other animals to eat. On the other hand there's probably like 10 total bobcats in the Chicago - NYC corridor. Close call.

Way, way more than that. Hell, we have more than that right where I live.

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In comment 11991560 Jon from PA said:

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they're everywhere so you could blend in and they're awesome hunters.

Just don't go anywhere near a Chinese restaurant.

--Can run on water and swim (so fast)
--Looks like an ordinary lizard
-- Can bury in sand

Need to carry something to keep warm (maybe aluminum foil)

Not sure if it meets the size requirement.

Basiliscus - ( New Window )

In comment 11991643 shepherdsam said:

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First thing I'd do is hit a sporting goods store. As soon as the terrified customers left the place I'd grab whatever guns my finger would fit and then I'd jack a dump truck and head west. Maybe stock up on bananas for the drive.

This is fucking hysterical....

In comment 11991746 chris r said:

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Chris r, I'm more than a little late. I heard this question last night on old recording of the Ricky Gervais podcast in 2005. Obviously, the question was posed to Karl Pilkington, though the cities were London and Glastonbury.

Coyote. They can cover a 100 miles in a day and will make the trip under two weeks. They will hide in a den during the day and haul ass at night.

No one would know how deadly I really am.

In comment 11991346 Randy in CT said:

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I find out where you live and bite your hands off to stop you from ever posting like this again.

I'm actually surprised Randy did not choose Chupacabra.

a fuzzie

an animal that is hardy


I don't think it is physically possible for a rat or squirrel to travel that distance without breaking down.

At minimum you need an animal that can see well at night. The obvious choices are hardy dogs like a beagle or a mountain lion. Personally I'll go with a wolf.

you can kill, not be killed, hide better than anything, climb trees or mountains, live in any terrain or temperature, and people can't find them even when they try to.

Can outrun a speeding Acme rocket

But since it's your mind in the animal, do you retain the animals knowledge and instinct?

That way it would be safe when it got to Chicago.

However, I am not sure the mountain lion could swim across the Hudson, in which case a bald eagle with a gun.

In comment 11992145 manh george said:

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That way it would be safe when it got to Chicago. However, I am not sure the mountain lion could swim across the Hudson, in which case a bald eagle with a gun.

Except it would be arrested due to the extremely strict gun laws there

I wanna be a motha f'n Black Panther. But I want an opposable thumb so I can hold up my clenched fist/paw.....

I'd like to be inside of a beaver.

Want to stop me? Sure, make my day!