It's from the HBO series, "State of Play" and the episode is called "Trophy Kids." It's playing a lot this week.
It follows about four or five kids and their parents through a period of their lives. A lot of it will piss you off, at least it did me -- fathers yelling at their kids, another withholding praise until his daughter has accomplished certain goals, a crazy father hounding his son at his high school basketball games.
There's a panel discussion after with Todd Martinovich, who seems to have recovered from his drug use, although he looks skeletal. But he's very incisive and informative about his own experiences and offers intelligent comments about the entire issue.
One telling moment from him comes at the end, when the footballl father has handed his son terrible criticism. The kid walks out of the car and sits on a curb. The moderator, Peter Berg, asks Martinovich what he would tell the kid if he were there. A pause, and Marinovich said, "A hug."
Very emotional moment. I recommend the show highly.
Everyone is different.....some parents have gifted kids....and each child has their own unique calling and the way to achieve it....some thrive on being pushed to the limit.....many don't......
For some it's their only chance for making it big in the world, and maybe, initially that's the motivation for parents.....but eventually, they may get caught up in the hysteria of the "goal", and forget about the consequences of either not achieving it, or achieving it at what cost?
Ran into the "specializing" with my niece. she's a good athlete but wouldn't try out for her HS field hockey team because it was full of girls who had specialized in field hockey. Specialized in HS field hockey?!?! Are you kidding?
And so much of that is naive (or stupid) parents being sold a bill of goods by the people who run camps and traveling teams. Spend a shitload of money on our services and your kid can get a scholarship! Only problem is that most of these kids won't have the innate talent to pull a scholarship, so they might have well just lit their money on fire.
I was very bad but, fortunately, got better as my son got older. Things never got horribly bad but could have gone that way and certainly I have witnessed things where parents from one team get into fights with parents from the other team. Matter of fact, there was a story on our local news just the other day about two incidents. One was with regard to a local guy who goes to rinks simply for the purpose of yelling at coaches, referees and players. They have tried to have him banned from local arenas but because it is a public arena they can't do it. The other involved a junior hockey team's playoffs where the home team's parents were yelling, cursing and throwing things at the visiting team. Police had to be called and so forth.
Never got that bad for me but certainly it can get bad for a lot of folks. Not pleasant to admit it but, fortunately, I have learned my lesson. When I go to watch my step-grandson's games, I keep my big mouth shut.
Remember when I talked about lacrosse here in Maryland? That's what I've been seeing.
But what impact is this having on the kids beyond the physical aspects? Are these parents creating mirrored versions of themselves in their children, who will keep the cycle going with their own kids in the future?
This was for eight-year old girls softball. That was the breaking point for dad.
For a lot of the sports in my area, especially baseball and lacrosse, if you don't get on a travel team or a fulltime team then you are on the outside looking in for playing at the high school level.
Now, that isn't to say that if some kid with a lot of talent shows up and goes out for the team without having that history, that he won't make it, but it does apply to the vast majority kids in the middle.
Any way I got to coaching my daughter's 9-10 year old basketball team this season. I usually don't have the time working full time, going to grad classes and reffing. Well the coach obviously had not the faintest clue of how to even teach basic skills or positioning. So I offered to help and as the season wore on he was more comfortable letting me take over. I was mainly just trying to teach them positioning and defense. Wasn't running plays or anything as they couldn't grasp it. I got really into it never yelling at the girls or refs(I work with them) and lo and behold we got hot and made the championship when I thought we'd have a hard time winning 2 games. Well my daughter is ok nothing great, but she loves the game so I try and teach her what I can but she doesn't always get it. in the last game she was having a tough time guarding her girl and got beat and she was sort of zoning out on the court. I started to have my temperature rise and motioned her over during a free throw really feeling like I was about to give it to her good in front of everyone. Well thank good she was far enough away for me to give me time to look at myself and catch my breath and realize what I was about to do and what an idiot I was about to be. I took a breath put my arm around her and calmly explained what she need to do gave her a kiss on the head and sent her back out. Any parent who handles it any other way especially when they are that young is a pure jackass who shouldn't be aloud in the gym.
A lot of people are desperate to find scholarship money or simply a college hook to get in.
Here's the schedule
March, April, May
school ball
May, June, July
AAU/Legion ball
August
off/private lessons
Sept,Oct
fall ball
November
off/private lessons
Dec, Jan, Feb
indoor training/weightlifting/private lessons
I did bear in mind the pressure some parents place on thier kids. I would teach my daughter and the other girls how to improve but stressed to each one that the most important thing about sports is to have fun.
Surprisingly, quite a few parents agreed with me. We had one good winning year followed by a shitty season. (It all depends on having a few bigger girls play or not on the team.)
I'm worried we've way "overbooked" him. This our first time going through all this, so we're learning as well. We have to see how he reacts to everything, but if he needs to skip practices now and then to take a break, then I'm all for it. On the other hand, if he didn't do anything and was home, he'd be begging to play video games, fighting with his brother and/or otherwise making his mom crazy, so maybe he needs to be tired out a bit. :)
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Parents are crazy now. Anybody who has coached or had kids in sports have seen it first hand. Not to mention, these AAU scams and "specializing" in one sport.
Ran into the "specializing" with my niece. she's a good athlete but wouldn't try out for her HS field hockey team because it was full of girls who had specialized in field hockey. Specialized in HS field hockey?!?! Are you kidding?
If you think you intend to play field hockey in college, I would think playing year round in high school wouldn't be crazy. Now middle school? Probably? Elementary school (I have a friend who's third grade son plays on an AAU baseball team)? Definitely.
Maybe the training is the difference between the mediocre dedicated player and the mediocre non-dedicated player yet, from my vantage point, the better player is simply the better player. Some have gifts with the bat, their arm, the glove the feel of fielding or going back on a ball, etc. Some have it and those gift supersede the medicine player who trains year round.
Good topic though
If you don't do it, the government is waiting to tell you what to do...doubt that you want that.
Now when it comes to academics, I be like...
But it often comes down to politics. My son is a decent player. Certainly will be good enough to play HS lacrosse, but the travel team coach will be the HS coach. If he has to choose between two kids of relatively the same talent level and one has played travel lacrosse and helped fund the coach's organization, I've seen time and again where it happens that the kid who has been playing gets picked.
This isn't really a new phenomenon with politics though. I was a really good youth baseball player, but was cut during JV tryouts my freshman year because the coach was the football coach and he took kids from the football team.
That summer, I pitched a perfect game in Babe ruth and the coach told me to come out for the team the following year. I told him I went out last year and was cut and he said, "We'll make sure that doesn't happen again". I went on to play Varsity for three years and played in college, too.
I'm worried we've way "overbooked" him. This our first time going through all this, so we're learning as well. We have to see how he reacts to everything, but if he needs to skip practices now and then to take a break, then I'm all for it. On the other hand, if he didn't do anything and was home, he'd be begging to play video games, fighting with his brother and/or otherwise making his mom crazy, so maybe he needs to be tired out a bit. :)
I think you'd probably see signs of burnout. My daughter does a very competitive signing choir. They practice three nights a week for 2.5 hrs and then perform on weekends including tours around the country. She loves it so much that she's always excited and happy to go to rehearsal. And she knows that she has to keep up her schoolwork outside of that or that is over. If it wasn't her favorite thing to do, we wouldn't make the family commitment to drag her all over the place to rehearsal and performances, etc. But she loves it so much that we never wonder if we are giving her too much to do.
If she didn't want to and didn't have fun, I would scale her back for sure. I expect you'll see your son have the same reaction if he's not really enjoying it and it feels like a job to him.
The main cost for her is that I think she's a kid who excels with loads going on and time management challenges. And when there's nothing to do she is a bit lost. She eventually figures it out but there's that adjustment period when she shifts gears.
Also, I don't believe the constant play is needed to be a good baseball player or lacrosse player. The exclusion from high school playing if you're not on a club team seems like it is politically, rather than ability, driven.
Also, I don't believe the constant play is needed to be a good baseball player or lacrosse player. The exclusion from high school playing if you're not on a club team seems like it is politically, rather than ability, driven.
This discussion is about parents who are over-the-top, mostly with negative input. You see how that it is completely different than being supportive, yes?
Don't know where in ct you are, you have good points. Where we live in north central ct there really are no competitive leagues left.As the FMIC said if your not doing travel probably not going to see much of the field in high school. I think the whole system has moved,.. little league is dying here. my son is a couple months short of 15. we have been doing travel for 5 years..luckily we found a good organization with good realistic parents/kids. he plays very competitively, but very few think they are headed for D1 or worse MLB.
Here's the schedule
March, April, May
school ball
May, June, July
AAU/Legion ball
August
off/private lessons
Sept,Oct
fall ball
November
off/private lessons
Dec, Jan, Feb
indoor training/weightlifting/private lessons
even Legion Ball in my area suffers to "club" teams. we really have no other choice.
Always a good time but I did see plenty of lunatics.
I think it depends on the kid. I could see where some kids might be nervous if you watch the practices. My son loved it when I stayed to watch and was disappointed if I missed a game. I don't think one is right or wrong, just take your cue from your child.
I agree. Imo the "Bad Sports" parent is part of a larger problem. Things getting to competitive way to early. Parents wanting the best for their children and losing sight of what's the appropriate way to be encouraging & supportive. With sports it's in a public area and therefore more noticeable.
That said, my son played numerous sports & was on various traveling teams, it was what he wanted to do. I only recall one father having an issue. He wasn't a bad guy; just to emotionally involved. The coach handled it really well. The Dad worked on it. I suspect it improved his entire relationship with his son.
Saddest situation I encountered: Dad was a great player & his son cannot play. Not for lack of effort, bad attitude-stuff like that. He just can't play. I would get him as a prayer shot.
When the cage first went up, I gave the boy a thumbs-up and an approving nod. One of the ass-hole adults tried to "lecture" me about gawking and asked me if I was learning anything.
The boy's dad is not home very much, (I think mom & dad are "kind-of"separated). The team is over often practicing; their "coaches" can always be heard humiliating the kids.
Does it work ? - yes, they won the California Club Baseball title last year. What price, victory ?
But when her coach benched her and the league told her she couldn’t join another team, the action shifted from one court to another — she and her family sued.
Audrey said she could miss a pivotal season this spring and thinks that a large, controlling league has lost sight of its primary mission: encouraging kids to play sports. The league has said that Audrey is disgruntled with her playing time and that transferring her to another team would create a flood of similar requests.
“It would be really heartbreaking not to play,” Audrey said. “I would be losing a big part of my life.”
The lawsuit is one of a number filed across the country in recent years as families have increasingly turned to the courts to intervene in youth sports disputes. Parents upset that their children have been cut, benched, yelled at by coaches or even fouled too hard are asking judges to referee.
Some experts see such lawsuits as part of a shift in youth sports in recent decades away from sandlot play and intramural teams to professionalized leagues and tryout teams partly aimed at snagging scholarships for players and giving them a leg up in college admissions.
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