I don't know what kind of critique you're looking for. Will it ever get on the radio- I doubt it. Would your friends like to hear it when you're all drunk- maybe. Will it get the girls to fall all over you- good luck :) I've cowritten about 200 songs with various composers and done a lot of critiquing online. I do lyrics. I wouldn't comment on the lyrics with seeing them printed. I can't tell a b flat from an f minor, so I won't comment on chord structure, but melodically it sounds like the same melody through the whole song, which isn't advantageous. Also, the prosidy is iffy in places. What genre is it for?
I don't know what kind of critique you're looking for. Will it ever get on the radio- I doubt it. Would your friends like to hear it when you're all drunk- maybe. Will it get the girls to fall all over you- good luck :) I've cowritten about 200 songs with various composers and done a lot of critiquing online. I do lyrics. I wouldn't comment on the lyrics with seeing them printed. I can't tell a b flat from an f minor, so I won't comment on chord structure, but melodically it sounds like the same melody through the whole song, which isn't advantageous. Also, the prosidy is iffy in places. What genre is it for?
Its not thought out like that. I essentially wrote a set of lyrics and printed them. I then pressed record on my phone and this is the output.
The melody does change in the chorus section. The country anymore part if you like. But the first line in the chorus is, as you pointed out, to similar to the verse. Thus even when the melody line changes its not ling enough to pull your ear away.
Im also whispeting here cause i live in an apt and it was 12am. I couldnt take the chorus up a notch.
I hate that i recognize the flaws you do but struggle to slove them. Then i get inpatient and just record a new song.
I don't know what kind of critique you're looking for. Will it ever get on the radio- I doubt it. Would your friends like to hear it when you're all drunk- maybe. Will it get the girls to fall all over you- good luck :) I've cowritten about 200 songs with various composers and done a lot of critiquing online. I do lyrics. I wouldn't comment on the lyrics with seeing them printed. I can't tell a b flat from an f minor, so I won't comment on chord structure, but melodically it sounds like the same melody through the whole song, which isn't advantageous. Also, the prosidy is iffy in places. What genre is it for?
Its not thought out like that. I essentially wrote a set of lyrics and printed them. I then pressed record on my phone and this is the output.
The melody does change in the chorus section. The country anymore part if you like. But the first line in the chorus is, as you pointed out, to similar to the verse. Thus even when the melody line changes its not ling enough to pull your ear away.
Im also whispeting here cause i live in an apt and it was 12am. I couldnt take the chorus up a notch.
I hate that i recognize the flaws you do but struggle to slove them. Then i get inpatient and just record a new song.
Just some advice. If you love writing, keep doing regardless of what anyone thinks. If you're hoping to make big money from it, you (anyone) has a better chance of making the Giants' roster :)
in front of people. That will force you to get the form together. I'm not sure it needs a break, but maybe an extra part/melodic element. You'll figure it out.
Perform it in front of friends. Take it to an open mic.
there's a substantial songwriting community on the net if you're interested in learning. At justplainfolks (jpfolks.com) you can get feedback from other amateur writers in return for your own comments on their work. If you want instruction and feedback from pros and amateurs you can try a place like SongU.
there's a substantial songwriting community on the net if you're interested in learning. At justplainfolks (jpfolks.com) you can get feedback from other amateur writers in return for your own comments on their work. If you want instruction and feedback from pros and amateurs you can try a plathce like SongU.
Thanks bill ill check it out. Agree with you. What did you do in music? Im a little unsure of the role you stated up there.
there's a substantial songwriting community on the net if you're interested in learning. At justplainfolks (jpfolks.com) you can get feedback from other amateur writers in return for your own comments on their work. If you want instruction and feedback from pros and amateurs you can try a plathce like SongU.
Thanks bill ill check it out. Agree with you. What did you do in music? Im a little unsure of the role you stated up there.
I wrote lyrics, mostly contemporary country, and found cowriters online. Spent about 5 years pitching songs in Nashville.
I would like to hear it with a longer chorus, and some sort of instrumental interlude. Obviously, this is not your finished product so just guitar is fine, but as I was listening I kept expecting a harmonica to jump in, or perhaps some other instrument which you might expect a poor man to have (penny whistle?).
Also, perhaps change up the chords on the chorus at the end to try and give it more of a definite ending, it almost sounded like you ran out of material and said "Okay, I guess I'm done" and just stopped.
I know you said this wasn't a finished product, you said you couldn't sing out the way you wanted because it was 12:30 and you didn't want to wake up your neighbors, but I was thinking while I was listening that you were holding back and that would explain it. Try recording it again when you are able to sing it the way you want to sound, and with a little better quality recording (the guitar sounded a little muffled).
I would like to hear it with a longer chorus, and some sort of instrumental interlude. Obviously, this is not your finished product so just guitar is fine, but as I was listening I kept expecting a harmonica to jump in, or perhaps some other instrument which you might expect a poor man to have (penny whistle?).
Also, perhaps change up the chords on the chorus at the end to try and give it more of a definite ending, it almost sounded like you ran out of material and said "Okay, I guess I'm done" and just stopped.
I know you said this wasn't a finished product, you said you couldn't sing out the way you wanted because it was 12:30 and you didn't want to wake up your neighbors, but I was thinking while I was listening that you were holding back and that would explain it. Try recording it again when you are able to sing it the way you want to sound, and with a little better quality recording (the guitar sounded a little muffled).
Good luck and keep it up!
funny you say that about harmonica. I just didnt have the right harmonica key and didnt want to use a capo. But harmonica is coming!
Its not thought out like that. I essentially wrote a set of lyrics and printed them. I then pressed record on my phone and this is the output.
The melody does change in the chorus section. The country anymore part if you like. But the first line in the chorus is, as you pointed out, to similar to the verse. Thus even when the melody line changes its not ling enough to pull your ear away.
Im also whispeting here cause i live in an apt and it was 12am. I couldnt take the chorus up a notch.
I hate that i recognize the flaws you do but struggle to slove them. Then i get inpatient and just record a new song.
Quote:
I don't know what kind of critique you're looking for. Will it ever get on the radio- I doubt it. Would your friends like to hear it when you're all drunk- maybe. Will it get the girls to fall all over you- good luck :) I've cowritten about 200 songs with various composers and done a lot of critiquing online. I do lyrics. I wouldn't comment on the lyrics with seeing them printed. I can't tell a b flat from an f minor, so I won't comment on chord structure, but melodically it sounds like the same melody through the whole song, which isn't advantageous. Also, the prosidy is iffy in places. What genre is it for?
Its not thought out like that. I essentially wrote a set of lyrics and printed them. I then pressed record on my phone and this is the output.
The melody does change in the chorus section. The country anymore part if you like. But the first line in the chorus is, as you pointed out, to similar to the verse. Thus even when the melody line changes its not ling enough to pull your ear away.
Im also whispeting here cause i live in an apt and it was 12am. I couldnt take the chorus up a notch.
I hate that i recognize the flaws you do but struggle to slove them. Then i get inpatient and just record a new song.
Just some advice. If you love writing, keep doing regardless of what anyone thinks. If you're hoping to make big money from it, you (anyone) has a better chance of making the Giants' roster :)
Perform it in front of friends. Take it to an open mic.
See what happens.
Thanks bill ill check it out. Agree with you. What did you do in music? Im a little unsure of the role you stated up there.
Quote:
there's a substantial songwriting community on the net if you're interested in learning. At justplainfolks (jpfolks.com) you can get feedback from other amateur writers in return for your own comments on their work. If you want instruction and feedback from pros and amateurs you can try a plathce like SongU.
Thanks bill ill check it out. Agree with you. What did you do in music? Im a little unsure of the role you stated up there.
I wrote lyrics, mostly contemporary country, and found cowriters online. Spent about 5 years pitching songs in Nashville.
Also, perhaps change up the chords on the chorus at the end to try and give it more of a definite ending, it almost sounded like you ran out of material and said "Okay, I guess I'm done" and just stopped.
I know you said this wasn't a finished product, you said you couldn't sing out the way you wanted because it was 12:30 and you didn't want to wake up your neighbors, but I was thinking while I was listening that you were holding back and that would explain it. Try recording it again when you are able to sing it the way you want to sound, and with a little better quality recording (the guitar sounded a little muffled).
Good luck and keep it up!
Also, perhaps change up the chords on the chorus at the end to try and give it more of a definite ending, it almost sounded like you ran out of material and said "Okay, I guess I'm done" and just stopped.
I know you said this wasn't a finished product, you said you couldn't sing out the way you wanted because it was 12:30 and you didn't want to wake up your neighbors, but I was thinking while I was listening that you were holding back and that would explain it. Try recording it again when you are able to sing it the way you want to sound, and with a little better quality recording (the guitar sounded a little muffled).
Good luck and keep it up!