Found out on Thursday night that my wife is pregnant - our first, a truly remarkable moment in my life, but now today her mom, who has been sick and reluctant to go to the doctor, is hospitalized and may be on her death bed. My wife is very private and not really sharing any info with me. Her and her dad are at the hospital. I don't know what to do, I'm stuck at home without permission to share with friends/family as my wife has asked me to keep this private from people we know. So many mixed emotions, not sure what the appropriate way to act is. Just venting, it's hard to sit here helpless like this..
This. Not sure why your wife isn't sharing the information with you though.
My wife has made it very clear that she does not want me there, which I begrudgingly understand. She knows that I want to be there by her side but I can't go against her wishes - it's a life or death situation, and she has a baby on the way. If me being there causes her anxiety for some reason, who am I to insist on the matter.
as long as you are sure this isn't the above situation great. but trust me if it is the above scenario and it's not handled right, it can sometimes become a really big thing later on. esp with life and death.
Keep up the good work and congrats on the baby. Focus on that!
^^^ +100
Congrats on the pregnancy.
This. Supporting someone in their time of need means doing the thing that will help that person best handle their current situation. If that means stay away, you stay away; if it means doing something that feels really awkward and uncomfortable, get ready to feel awkward and uncomfortable.
Keep your phone on hand and stay prepared so that you can be somewhere at a moment's notice if your presence is requested later. If there's anything you can do at your home now that will make life easier for your wife whenever she returns home - tidying up, doing the laundry, some other task that she would normally handle or that you've put off - take care of those things now (and if you're stressed out, getting off the internet and doing some housework might help you calm down).
And try not to call/text repeatedly - just let her know you're there for her if she or her family want or need anything, and trust that she'll keep you updated at whatever interval she feels like she can handle. If you keep asking for updates or asking how you can help when the situation hasn't changed, all you're really accomplishing is creating an additional responsibility for your wife.
Hope this helps.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation, waiting on the fate of a loved one?
I've only lost one person close to me in my life and that was my grandfather about 8 years ago and he was almost 90. My mother in law is only 64. I'm just so worried and scared for my wife and Father-in-law.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation, waiting on the fate of a loved one?
I've only lost one person close to me in my life and that was my grandfather about 8 years ago and he was almost 90. My mother in law is only 64. I'm just so worried and scared for my wife and Father-in-law.
I'm thankful that I haven't been in that particular situation myself - I've had relatives die before, sometimes earlier than expected, but nothing sudden.
But it's natural to feel scared, confused, unsettled, powerless. Just remind yourself, people are resilient creatures. Your mother-in-law has her closest family there with her to care for her - if she pulls through (and I'm sure everyone in this thread is pulling for her), she will pull through with those people beside her.
It can be really hard to just take a deep breath and wait, because waiting doesn't feel like you're contributing, and we all get that voice in the back of our heads that says, "Why aren't you doing something? You should be doing something!". But you ARE doing something to help - you're abiding by your wife's wishes at her time of need, you're staying prepared to help in whatever way she needs, and you're allowing your wife to keep her focus on her mother and her family instead of taking a stressful situation and making it about you.
You're doing the right thing. And your wife - though her focus is no doubt on her mother, as it should be - knows that you are doing that thing at her request, in her hour of need, even though it's not the action that feels most natural to you.
Also congrats on the news about first baby, children are the greatest.
I am going to say something and I apologize if it come across wrong or critical in anyway I don't intend it to be at all.
IMHO at some point in the future after much time has passed and the immediate emotions of her mother being sick have faded some it might be beneficial and you might want to discuss with her why she didn't feel comfortable enough to include you with any of the details or having you there with her. Nothing accusatory, just talk about it and let her know that you want her to be able to feel comfortable enough to allow you "in" and to be able to share and face together the bad and the good you might encounter in the future, being there for each other.
Again congrats on soon becoming a father.
Also congrats on the news about first baby, children are the greatest.
I am going to say something and I apologize if it come across wrong or critical in anyway I don't intend it to be at all.
IMHO at some point in the future after much time has passed and the immediate emotions of her mother being sick have faded some it might be beneficial and you might want to discuss with her why she didn't feel comfortable enough to include you with any of the details or having you there with her. Nothing accusatory, just talk about it and let her know that you want her to be able to feel comfortable enough to allow you "in" and to be able to share and face together the bad and the good you might encounter in the future, being there for each other.
Again congrats on soon becoming a father.
Good advice IMO. If you are here venting you need to address some of these communication issues in a bit one the dust settles She and you have to find common ground. It gets harder with kids and sadly at some point you will lose people close to you. Life is full of ups and downs and this will not be the last time something happens. You don't want to get to a point where you may have wished to discuss these things in calmer times.
Very happy this all turned out ok and congrats on the baby. Awesome news