|
|
Â
|
| Quote: |
| Your 2014 record: 4-12. But they did lead the league in PRIDE, so there’s that. The fun thing about the Skins is that, on an annual basis, their abominable record is somehow the least embarrassing thing about them. As always, you can humiliate them simply by listing their vestigial fuckups over the past year in random order. Like so! They held a Cyber Monday promotion but did not allow you to order anything using your computer. They uprooted seats from FedEx Field for the third time in five years. Oh, but I’m sure the waiting list is still three generations deep. Their bus crashed. They got publicly pwn3d by Jeff Fisher when he made every player traded for RG3 a captain against them. “I can’t grade the pass game. Our quarterback does not allow a proper grading of the pass game.” Clinton Portis went broke. They bribed Indians. They hired fake Indians. Their fans managed to combine blackface WITH redface somehow. Their coach openly admitted that the franchise quarterback is incapable of playing quarterback. Joe Theismann lived another year. Dan Snyder and his old lady went on TV to defend the Skins nickname, but not before putting on their finest Talbots attire. Former lineman Ross Tucker said the team tried to pressure him into renting a luxury box for $125,000. At the time, Tucker’s salary was $300,000. They strong-armed the mayor of DC into saying the Redskins nickname, specifically so that they could then strong-arm her into building Dan Snyder a new stadium. I didn’t know you could effectively strong-arm people like this, but that’s DC politics for you. Their Twitter still feed gets the most consistently fantastic hostile responses. They got rid of Jason Reid, one of their most vocal critics at the Washington Post, by hiring him at a Snyder-owned radio station, giving him a show called “The Man Cave,” mysteriously cancelling the show before it even aired, firing the program director, and then mysteriously reviving the show a little while later. They then blamed the whole fiasco on a John Skipper impersonator. Their best defensive back (not saying much) was injured by a pizza |
Swinging Gate - ( New Window )
I had forgotten about that play...it was awesome!
The nice part about being a Redskins fan and having your local media wholly co-opted by team ownership is that no matter what is going on in the sports world or how badly the team is doing you can always tune in and hear Redskins talk 24/7...Russian paratroopers could be seizing control of Washington and I bet if you turned on our local radio they’d be debating how much more motivated the ‘Skins will be once the Soviets (we will always live in the 80’s here cause that’s the last time the team was any good) have seized power and President Putin can watch in person. Our “play by play man/voice of the Redskins/mouth of Sauron” Larry Michael will do his best Kent Brockman impersonation on welcoming our new overlords so fast, you’ll never see someone pick up the Russian language quicker.
We mortgaged the future of the franchise for a guy who is 5 and 15 over the last two years.
Bruce Allen: “We’re winning off the field.”
Absolutely true. The condition of the grass at Fed Ex is an absolute disgrace to football. No one else even plays in that goddamned place!
Our new GM is only here because he had to leave his previous good job to battle alcoholism.