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NFT: Dealing with friend/co-workers suicide

buford : 7/28/2015 10:51 am
I am in shock. I just found out that someone I have worked closely with for five years committed suicide over the weekend. She seemed fine, even happy. She remarried last year and seemed so in love and content. I just don't know what to think or feel. I can't believe she would leave her daughter. I knew she had a dark side, and we talked about it. But I thought she had finally found happiness.

All the bs we deal with each day is so meaningless. The fact that someone young, vital, talented, beautiful, funny and intelligent would do this has really thrown me. It just makes no sense.
I'm sorry for your loss, buford.  
BrettNYG10 : 7/28/2015 10:52 am : link
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Horrible, sorry to hear it. It defies explanation.  
Victor in CT : 7/28/2015 10:53 am : link
I had a friend take his life over Easter weekend. He was a depression sufferer, but I was stunned. Very sad
sorry for your loss  
MookGiants : 7/28/2015 10:55 am : link
unfortunately I think too many of us have lost a friend to suicide. It never makes any sense from the outside. Hopefully she is at peace now. God bless her daughter, ugh.
What a senseless tragedy  
njm : 7/28/2015 10:55 am : link
I've never dealt with a suicide, but when someone close passed way before their time I found that trying to help their family did as much for me as it did for them.
The human mind  
Old Dirty Beckham : 7/28/2015 10:57 am : link
is both are biggest strength and biggest weakness. Clearly she was ill.

Best to her daughter who will be effected by this the most.
So Tragic. It's really hard to try and understand it.  
BeerFridge : 7/28/2015 10:58 am : link
.
It's depression  
GentleGiant : 7/28/2015 10:58 am : link
absolutely unexplainable how some people with everything to die for soldier on while a hang nail can drive others to the brink. Bad chemicals in the brain.
I'm sorry, buford...  
RC02XX : 7/28/2015 10:58 am : link
I hope that her daughter will have the support and love of her relatives.
When I was about 16 (many many years ago)  
cjd2404 : 7/28/2015 10:58 am : link
My father committed suicide. It sucks to be sure. All the questions you'll have as to the why and what could have been so bad that suicide was the only option will likely never be answered. They way I ultimately dealt with it was simply that it was a mental illness of one kind or another that really was the cause. As it was my father, I am not sure I'll ever really get over the how it happened, I can only comfort myself and my family knowing that there was really nothing we could do and to accept that he was sick and passed away tragically
I went through this once  
Torrag : 7/28/2015 10:59 am : link
I was on very friendly(not involved with) terms with the young woman. She had some issues but we thought she was making it work. Our office was a bleak environment for a while. Get people out together for some fun once the services are through. Buy flowers as a group for her family. The sooner you work out the grief and get to healing the better you'll be. One of our co-workers was very close to her and left the job about six months later. She didn't want to be reminded everyday.
Sorry for your loss  
RobCrossRiver56 : 7/28/2015 11:01 am : link
My best friend committed suicide in 1995. I did not know how bad he was and I was unable to help him.

I still have thoughts and dreams about him today. Had I known I would have done something.
My daughter recently lost a friend to suicide  
Jim in Fairfax : 7/28/2015 11:01 am : link
Stories like yours are common. Outwardly, people seem happy. But there are inner demons hidden inside.

Don't beat yourself up that you missed some "sign" that would have tipped you off. You can find signs in every person, and only a very few will ever attempt suicide. Most people keep these things locked deep inside. Try and remember the person you cared for, and not how it ended.
So sorry to hear about it, buford.  
yatqb : 7/28/2015 11:02 am : link
It's tragic. In my field I've had to deal with a few suicides, and it's never easy, both for me and family and friends. One of the saddest parts is the distorted thinking that can lead someone to believe that their loved ones would be better off without them. Of course the opposite is always true, as a suicide is generally devastating for those who care for the person. Hang in there.
Suffering from depression myself, although mild  
buford : 7/28/2015 11:06 am : link
and treatable, I should know all this. I do know all this. No one ever realized how miserable I was, but I never though about suicide, not even close. But it's still a shock. The company is offering grief counseling and I may take advantage of it. My poor boss left in tears. He worked with her more closely and for much longer.
the wife of a best friend of mine  
asbasb : 7/28/2015 11:14 am : link
committed suicide. She put her 6 week old daughter down for a nap a overdosed on pills. This was not her first time trying (she slit her wrists a number of times prior so there were lots of issues.)

I (and his parents) were living in ny and my friend called me from overseas (where they were living) and asked me to come and be with him.) When we got to his house we had to drag out the mattress on which the paramedics performed cpr and administered treatment.

Suicide stinks, especially with young children and other family involved. We never know what people are dealing with or why they decide that this is best route. Jut make sure that you can provide whatever support and help you can.
Take the counseling if its avaiable  
RobCrossRiver56 : 7/28/2015 11:33 am : link
I went for a few months after my friend passed and it really really helped.
Truly sorry for your loss  
Headhunter : 7/28/2015 11:36 am : link
stay strong
Sorry to hear Buford  
giantsfan44ab : 7/28/2015 11:40 am : link
A close friend of mine went through considerable pain like this, but thankfully I think she's coming out of a rut. It's crazy how people can so easily mask it. It's hard to understand these things, and there's never a clear path for solution.
Condolences buford  
RobCarpenter : 7/28/2015 12:12 pm : link
It's impossible to know what someone is really going through that leads to a suicide.
Sorry to hear about this  
natefit : 7/28/2015 12:15 pm : link
Tho I dont post much here anymore I wanted to say this: if you know anyone who is struggling with severe anxiety/depression and is manifesting self-harming behaviors and or suicidal ideation, I would implore you to look into DBT or Dialectical Behavior Therapy. It, along with the proper medication has saved the lives of the people I love most in this world.
my brother committed suicide.  
fkap : 7/28/2015 1:00 pm : link
the trigger for his deciding to end his life seemed like the classical 'long term solution to a short term problem', but ultimately, he didn't enjoy living, and hadn't for a long, long time. He left behind two young children, and I feel very bad for them, but ultimately I respect his decision. Living/not living is the ultimate personal decision and right. I believe you should absolutely try and help anyone you know who may be considering it, but ultimately, some people simply do not enjoy living.
One never knows exactly what is going on in another person's mind  
gidiefor : Mod : 7/28/2015 1:37 pm : link
fkap's post is also instructive -- my son says things that evoke flap's brother and that scare me -- so you'll never find me where this tiny voice isn't concerned about it.

Sorry that you have to deal with this buford -- the person who kills themselves is rarely aware of the impact their death will have on others -- they are wrapped up with their own devils.
Wow.  
AcidTest : 7/28/2015 1:54 pm : link
That is awful. Terribly sad. There is a lot of great advice on this thread. Prayers to your friend, her family, and of course you as well. RIP. God bless.
condolences  
bc4life : 7/28/2015 1:57 pm : link
Sounds like depression. It that is the case, then it is not a choice in the true sense of the word, rather it is an involuntary symptom of depression.

Suicide as an inevitable end of life decision is one thing, this does not sound like that.

Again, my sincere condolences.
Buford like yourself I suffer from depression  
jjgmrg901 : 7/28/2015 2:01 pm : link
I never knew why I was having some really bad days or times. I spent time trying to identify the cause, work? family? other items. After I was diagnosed and began treatment my world changed. It is not always sunshine and rainbows but when it is not I have someone to talk to.
I am so sorry for this young woman. Our demons are so difficult and dangerous without support.
I pray for both her and her daughter.
I hope there is some intense counseling available for the young girl.
Buford please take advantage of your company's offer. It can only be helpful.
I will be thinking of you and her daughter.
RE: It's depression  
stillpoe : 7/28/2015 2:06 pm : link
In comment 12388916 GentleGiant said:
Quote:
absolutely unexplainable how some people with everything to die for soldier on while a hang nail can drive others to the brink. Bad chemicals in the brain.


exactly. I think, people will sometimes view it as a selfish or cowardly act, and perhaps, in some instances that applies. other times, though, it's just a chemical thing and depression is more than just fixing it with talk therapy and working on a positive outlook.
Buford I'm so sorry about your friend  
Watson : 7/28/2015 2:17 pm : link
My Mom is Bi-polar. She has tried to commit suicide twice and has been hospitalized as being suicidal numerous other times.

I don't know whether this helps any but, doctors have advised us, often a person is more at risk when they are getting better. Someone in deep depression doesn't have the energy or ability to make a plan. My Mom was good at covering up particularly when we were younger. But if my siblings and I had not had lengthy discussions with her doctors, we would never have picked up on warning signs.

So as others have already said, don't beat yourself up. Grief counseling can help.
I'm sorry for your loss  
Matt M. : 7/28/2015 2:36 pm : link
I wish I had more to offer other than my condolences and prayers.
Awful news Buford  
Ned In Atlanta : 7/28/2015 4:03 pm : link
mental illness is a horrible thing. RIP to her family and hope you find strength in your friends,family and co-workers in this difficult time.
RE: Awful news Buford  
RasputinPrime : 7/28/2015 4:38 pm : link
In comment 12389570 Ned In Atlanta said:
Quote:
mental illness is a horrible thing. RIP to her family and hope you find strength in your friends,family and co-workers in this difficult time.


You don't have to suffer from a mental illness to be suicidal. Some of the most lucid people I know have decided to move on to valhalla. Fighting to keep living just isn't for everyone. Some people just don't have the will to keep fighting.
sorry for your loss.  
charlito : 7/28/2015 5:40 pm : link
Some employee where I work at committed suicide 3 weeks ago behind the building. He was in his car with the visor up and had on his army gear on. I just can't imagine someone I care for doing that. People hide whatever hell they're going through really well.
Sorry for your loss buford.  
SanFranNowNCGiantsFan : 7/28/2015 5:44 pm : link
I personally have no experience knowing someone who has committed it, but my thoughts and prayers to that person's family and you.
my cousin killed herself last year  
capone : 7/28/2015 6:07 pm : link
she was 40 very pretty taught kick boxing etc, vivarant enagaging and as it turns out very sad. It shocked me as I told people I see every day about her that the vast majority had lost someone in their family or a close friend. I was very angry at her for the pain she caused but have come around to the notion that all of us in the most desperate convergence of sorrow, despair, heart break etc are capable of hurting ourselves. some do it by overeating , drinking , shutting people out etc and some ( many of which have depression) feel so much pain that they cant take another breath.
So sorry to hear buford  
ctc in ftmyers : 7/28/2015 6:13 pm : link
My prayers are with you, your coworkers, and her family.
I had to take a 14 tear old  
charlito : 7/28/2015 6:39 pm : link
To the morgue my 3rd day as a patient transporter. He killed himself because he got dumped.
RE: I had to take a 14 tear old  
capone : 7/28/2015 6:47 pm : link
In comment 12389880 charlito said:
Quote:
To the morgue my 3rd day as a patient transporter. He killed himself because he got dumped.


wow -That is horrible
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