NFT: Dispute Over Bachelor Party Cost, Seeking Advice

yet again we learn Fekker has really cheap friends. I assume you cheap shits cancelled your annual Rangers-Islanders bets by now?

But seriously, the groom should chip in for the hotel on this. It's not a right - lap dances and a nice steak dinner.. that's his entitlement, nothing more.

in two weddings since April. I'm also the best man in a wedding next september and October.

I'm in the process of planning my third bachelor party and have been in plenty of others. Usually everyone chips in for the hotel room but not the flight.

Bar tabs usually are paid for by everyone but the groom.

I've done Nashville, Montreal and am planning a destination one now. Same rules will apply to the destination one.

...

a lot hinges on whether the bachelor is himself pushing for the expensive party. If this is all coming from his friends, I wouldn't really expect the bachelor to kick in for any of it.

But if he's an active participant and in on the planning and the initial idea, then maybe that changes things.

In comment 12547750 MetsAreBack said:

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yet again we learn Fekker has really cheap friends. I assume you cheap shits cancelled your annual Rangers-Islanders bets by now? But seriously, the groom should chip in for the hotel on this. It's not a right - lap dances and a nice steak dinner.. that's his entitlement, nothing more.

I paid up on that mother fucker :)

for hotel at a min as well for that type of trip

groom paid for flight / hotel...we had a fancy dinner one night (we paid for him) and then bought him a bunch of lapdances at the club that night...

All entertainment is on his friends. Food, drink, girls, etc. If he gambles heavily that is on him as well.

hotel as well. But I think two things are at play here:

1) Did he voice concerns in the planning phase about not being able to afford it? Was he included? If he wasn't included and/or didn't speak up about the cost then he has no right to complain, if either one of those isn't the case then...

2) Relative wealth of participants, if either the groom or the complainer is materially less well off than the others that changes the situation. If it's expensive for the groom then subsidy is appropriate if the complainer is a good friend and can't really afford it and is basically being forced to spend money they don't have and had no say in the choice of location I could see a gripe there.

Groom paid for flight and hotel for Vegas, all the tables/bottles were paid by everyone else..

Groom paid for flight for PC, all the tables/bottles were paid by everyone else...

In comment 12547760 NoGainDayne said:

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hotel as well. But I think two things are at play here: 1) Did he voice concerns in the planning phase about not being able to afford it? Was he included? If he wasn't included and/or didn't speak up about the cost then he has no right to complain, if either one of those isn't the case then... 2) Relative wealth of participants, if either the groom or the complainer is materially less well off than the others that changes the situation. If it's expensive for the groom then subsidy is appropriate if the complainer is a good friend and can't really afford it and is basically being forced to spend money they don't have and had no say in the choice of location I could see a gripe there.

#2 is a problem - when I got married, a lot of my friends were still either just out of school or still in school, and relatively broke. My best man planned an expensive party that half dropped out of, without my knowledge, because they wanted to foot the whole bill.

I would have either forced a cheaper venue or paid up myself.

In comment 12547759 Torrag said:

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All entertainment is on his friends. Food, drink, girls, etc. If he gambles heavily that is on him as well.

+1. But really, accommodations shouldn't be that expensive. 4 or 5 guys a room.

In comment 12547753 Old Dirty Beckham said:

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in two weddings since April. I'm also the best man in a wedding next september and October. I'm in the process of planning my third bachelor party and have been in plenty of others. Usually everyone chips in for the hotel room but not the flight. Bar tabs usually are paid for by everyone but the groom. I've done Nashville, Montreal and am planning a destination one now. Same rules will apply to the destination one.

Wow, ODB is a popular guy!!!!!

for a 'travel' trip of a bacehlor party, the groom should pay for his share of travel costs such as hotel and airfare. dinner, bar tabs, cover fees, etc he doesnt pay.

when i was the bachelor we left the country and thats what i did.

another time i was part of the party and the bachelor covered his airfare and hotel.

I'm passing along all of this.

Anybody under 40 will be playing with their rattles reading facebook and their e-mails.

With 'kids' today?
Weddings costing a fortune.
Rehearsal dinners going all out, and costing a fortune.
Bachelor parties going destination and costing a fortune.

And then everyone complains they can't afford a house, or repay college loans, or to save for retirement.

Hire a driver and go to a local strip club. Get drunk. Groan in the morning.

The best part about getting married is being married, not the temporary shit you did while you were getting hitched.

And get the fuck off my lawn

I agree wholeheartedly. But we apparently are men of a different age.

Dunno about you, but I'm a man of the age that would be expected to pay for most of this shit, if i'd have had kids.

Luckily for my bank account, I shot blanks.

I flat out opted out of several bachelor parties by close friends due to the extravagant costs.

I think the bachelor should be paying for his flight and for his accommodations and if the destination was his idea, then he should be insisting on it.

These big destinations for bachelor parties can get out of hand and create real sources of tension between friends as it puts pressure on friends who are cash-strapped or who can only take so many vacations to go on these over-the-top extravagances and make this their one trip of the year when they may have other expenses, or significant others that want to go away.

Pics of bride or GTFO.

Groom absolutely pays his own flight and hotel room. What kind of cheapo is going to make his friend book a flight for him!?

I even think the groom should pick some things up while he's there. A round of drinks here and there, a lap dance to make someone feel uncomfortable, etc.

His friends should get him drunk and pay to make sure he has a good time while he's there.

+100.

What's the point of an extravagant trip without the person with whom you want to spend the rest of your life?

Seems really silly to me.

Go play a round of golf.

In comment 12547798 fkap said:

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With 'kids' today? Weddings costing a fortune. Rehearsal dinners going all out, and costing a fortune. Bachelor parties going destination and costing a fortune. And then everyone complains they can't afford a house, or repay college loans, or to save for retirement. Hire a driver and go to a local strip club. Get drunk. Groan in the morning. The best part about getting married is being married, not the temporary shit you did while you were getting hitched. And get the fuck off my lawn

flap, that was my reaction also. Maybe I am old or just cheap but that is a lot of money for a bachelor party.

Just go to Newark, and find a beach

In comment 12547798 fkap said:

Quote:

With 'kids' today? Weddings costing a fortune. Rehearsal dinners going all out, and costing a fortune. Bachelor parties going destination and costing a fortune. And then everyone complains they can't afford a house, or repay college loans, or to save for retirement. Hire a driver and go to a local strip club. Get drunk. Groan in the morning. The best part about getting married is being married, not the temporary shit you did while you were getting hitched. And get the fuck off my lawn

True. My real estate agent and his wife spent over $20,000 on a
wedding and they are not ballers.

and complicated? It seems silly to me.

some of the best bachelor parties I've been to were at the local KofC or volunteer fire dept with some rented talent, a blackjack dealer, some catered food, booze and some raffles.

or at best play golf, or go deep sea fishing, hit the casino (not AC) and hit the strip clubs.

I don't think i would attend nor would any of my friends organize a destination anything.

...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9V7nQrtMQEw - ( New Window )

you were the best man in 4 weddings (in a 6 month time frame)? I was in two wedding parties and I felt like I have too many close friends.

being best man in 4 weddings sounds like a fate worse than death.

and for some reason (I know this will sound judgmental and I don't mean it that way) I find it kind of sad that 4 people consider you either their best friend or closest relative, because you can't possibly really be. it probably means they just don't have any close friends or relatives. or I don't know WTF I'm talking about.

On being best man four times (in one year!!) and on the destination bachelor party and no one in the party having any sort of clue. Sounds great!

Naturally you come to BBI for advice ..

Who's is best man four times in one year??

Traveling expenses too.

A friend of mine just had his bachelor party financed by his bride and her mother at a strip bar. Of course they both attended with her friends. It was the worst bachelor party I been too due it being so awkward. It was a combined party I think. I guess that's a millennial thing now or something.

But I also have never blown thousands of dollars on one either.

Now if the groom demanded or wanted this expensive trip then I could maybe see him paying for some.

If this bachelor party is well beyond the means of all or some of the group then whoever is planning it or advocated it is the dick and should be picking up the slack.

for taking issue with a $1200 bachelor party.

"My initial thought (and current one) is he's being a cheap ass"

No one, ever?

when I read the complaints about this generation being worse off than their parents. How much money do you think was spent at a bachelor's party 30 years ago? 50 years ago?

As expectations are raised (pay $1200 or be considered cheap) for lifestyle choices there is little left to pay for essentials.

Hope they like working till the day they die or living at home.

Deserves the kind of thought that requires a quorum on a fucking message board.


I hope you all get herpes.

They took care of everything for my party - flight to miami plus hotel and the best 3 day bachelor party ever. Ive been to others where its basically the same but maybe the bachelor pays his flight and maybe hotel (though usually hotel is taken care of). Goes without saying that once you arrive the bachelor pays for nada.

am single and just look at it as a vacation (haven't had a vacation in nearly 4 years) for my best friend's. I don't think I am being irresponsible by going?

People are getting married at a later age now. As such, they're usually farther along in their careers and have more disposable income to spend on extravagant bachelor parties.

I left the country for mine- it wasn't too extravagant, we still packed a bunch of dudes into 2 rooms but it was a ton of fun. I went to Iceland for a buddy's bachelor party and it was an extremely memorable experience. No strippers or anything, and when else am I going to get together with 4 other guys and ride snowmobiles and drink until 3 am?

Local bachelor parties can be fun too, I'm not knocking them. But, I think these "vacation" bachelor parties are great.

In comment 12547798 fkap said:

Quote:

With 'kids' today? Weddings costing a fortune. Rehearsal dinners going all out, and costing a fortune. Bachelor parties going destination and costing a fortune. And then everyone complains they can't afford a house, or repay college loans, or to save for retirement. Hire a driver and go to a local strip club. Get drunk. Groan in the morning. The best part about getting married is being married, not the temporary shit you did while you were getting hitched. And get the fuck off my lawn

I agree

In comment 12547798 fkap said:

Quote:

With 'kids' today? Weddings costing a fortune. Rehearsal dinners going all out, and costing a fortune. Bachelor parties going destination and costing a fortune. And then everyone complains they can't afford a house, or repay college loans, or to save for retirement. Hire a driver and go to a local strip club. Get drunk. Groan in the morning. The best part about getting married is being married, not the temporary shit you did while you were getting hitched. And get the fuck off my lawn

I agree

if it's 12 guys, then you can each pitch in the $100 to cover the bachelor's costs.

if it's just 6 guys, then maybe you take care of flight/hotel but not the extras.

as another poster mentioned, another factor is whether the destination was something the bachelor or the best man insisted on - usually it's one or the other.

some Eiffel towers, kitchen instruments, a sybian, and a reason for the bride to back out.


If you're going to waste that much money, at least make it more memorable than "Douchebags gamble, get drunk, go to strip club, and think strippers actually like them." You can do that just about anywhere.

In comment 12547798 fkap said:

Quote:

With 'kids' today? Weddings costing a fortune. Rehearsal dinners going all out, and costing a fortune. Bachelor parties going destination and costing a fortune. And then everyone complains they can't afford a house, or repay college loans, or to save for retirement. Hire a driver and go to a local strip club. Get drunk. Groan in the morning. The best part about getting married is being married, not the temporary shit you did while you were getting hitched. And get the fuck off my lawn

And then they just get divorced 3 years later anyway :-p

a lot of divorces occur in the first or second year

This is why I'm glad I have no friends.

You people are fucking weird.

no one should ever tell anyone else how to spend their money.

If you want to spend your money on a big shindig (or if you can convince your parents to spend the money on the shindig - which is more wedding and rehearsal dinner - instead of buying you a house) that is completely up to you.

I just ask you not to whine about the things you can't do because of how you spent your money. (that's my attitude about most things in life - the whole we can't save because..... - we're a consumer society. choose your consumption. just don't ask for a hand after you've consumed and not saved for your rainy day/retirement). and don't judge others because they choose to spend differently. I don't care how you spend your money. I do care how it affects me or those around me.

I wonder if the massive reduction in number of children we have is partly responsible for this? when I was a young'un (born in '60), it wasn't at all unusual to have 4, 5, 6 kids in a family. Nowaday's, if you're on child 3, people look at you differently. parents had to spread the love/dollars around. Now, there's only one or two kids, so parents tend to treat them like princes/princesses, and a larger percentage of young adults end up thinking like princes/princesses.

no going cheap now. If they weren't on board to spend some money the idea should have been shot down from the get. My feel is if you are going to do anything, the bach should pay for his own flight not sure that anything outside of that should come out of his pocket

even if the groom is paying his way. If that is where you must go, I would have the groom pay for his flight and his room, everything else, the group picks up.

in terms of how they should be prioritized from a spending standpoint.

for me at least, the bachelor party was about getting wasted and having fun, which with my group of friends doesn't require destinations or elaborate plans so we went traditional and regardless of how much money we had or stage of our lives that probably wouldn't change.

the wedding is something most or many women have dreamed about since they were little. most or many men haven't thought about it for 2 seconds until they proposed and then a lot of the time it's just "stay out of the way" and let your bride plan her day.

I don't hear people complaining about paying for a wedding so they can't buy a house, but I don't think that's the sole tradeoff or the life stage most people are at when they get married. at least it wasn't for me.

I have no idea what is going on with my bachelor party or the expenses, although I have offered. They have chosen to keep me in the dark.

An issue in the whole thing is that my friends live all over, so a "destination party" was a requirement. I live in Florida, they live here, in Philly, DC, CT, Boston, Atlanta, Chicago. I've asked my groomsmen about when I need to book a flight (I assume my party is going to be in Austin, although I also gave the option of Key West to avoid some flight costs) and they told me not to worry about it.

That being said, I have also gone to other bachelor parties, destination and not, where we always paid for the hotel. I wasn't always in the wedding party, so I don't know if they picked up flight costs for our trips to New Orleans and Vegas.

How many people are going and how long are you going?

I just booked three nights at the Marriott Stellaris with round trip from JFK for less than $600 per person for four people and two rooms.

You could book the Sheraton in OSJ for $500 per person.

And even less than that at smaller boutique hotels in Condado.

You buy your booze from the supermarket, pregame it in the hotel, get nice and hammered and save money.

$1200 per person? That's ridiculous.

That's pretty standard in my experience. But your initial costs seem high. I've done Vegas at some of the better hotels with cabanas and all that crap, not to mention the BS concierge services to get us into the ridiculous clubs for less than that.

I did Vegas a few years ago. Flight, hotel and bottle service at 5-6 venues (Wet Republic/Encore Beach Club/Tryst/Pure/Hyde) for around the same price

and we've almost always had the bachelor pay for travel and hotel. Over the course of the trip, attendees will typically pick things up for him. At the end we make a google spreadsheet of expenses and everyone adds what they spent on behalf of the group. We redistribute from there.