for display only
Big Blue Interactive The Corner Forum  
Back to the Corner

Archived Thread

NFT: Wedding Tipping

jgambrosio : 2/8/2016 9:45 pm
I know a few of you have gotten married here recently, and my wedding is now less than 3 weeks away... as the groom I guess one of my responsibilities is to tip the vendors. I'm seeing figures all over the place, and given how tipping is always such a hot topic on here, I figured I'd ask everyone's opinion.

For instance, I've read that if the vendor owns their own business, no need to tip (our photographer and planner both are independent), or if you don't have to go through an agency, you don't have to tip (our band books events themselves). Our caterer has "service" in the contract, but not specifically 'gratuity." Does service count as the tip? I rented a trolley company to drive a half mile to get guests from the hotel to the ceremony with gratuity in the contract... do I tip even more?

So what's does BBI say? Am I going to be out another couple grand on tips? Catering manager, 2 bartenders, 6 waitstaff, planner, photographer, hairstylist, transportation, 5 person band, delivery folks, officiant/reverend...
Just remember  
widmerseyebrow : 2/8/2016 9:52 pm : link
You'll never see any of them again.
RE: Just remember  
Mike in Long Beach : 2/8/2016 9:53 pm : link
In comment 12807084 widmerseyebrow said:
Quote:
You'll never see any of them again.


lolol
The gratuity is included so you don't have to deal with it  
AP in Halfmoon : 2/8/2016 9:55 pm : link
During the festivities. Why would you tip in addition?
You may as well tip us also..  
EricJ : 2/8/2016 9:55 pm : link
for the advice given here.

Seriously, the catering should include gratuity. The other guys typically own their own business (ie photographer) so you don't need to tip the owner.
We didn't tip the planner/photographer  
widmerseyebrow : 2/8/2016 9:56 pm : link
Simply because everything we read said not to. Not sure why that is. Gratuity was included in our dinner price, but I drunkenly added it when I signed for the check. The event manager was nice enough to call and ask if I really meant to do that.
I tipped our photographer, the DJ, the string quartet  
Ben in Tampa : 2/8/2016 9:57 pm : link
And the limo guys. I'm pretty sure that was it.

Your guests will take care of the bartenders.

Weddings are fucking expensive.
RE: The gratuity is included so you don't have to deal with it  
jgambrosio : 2/8/2016 9:57 pm : link
In comment 12807087 AP in Halfmoon said:
Quote:
During the festivities. Why would you tip in addition?


Because it's not always clear, and knowing the "standard" these days, incremental is required.
_________________  
I am Ninja : 2/8/2016 10:13 pm : link
I tipped one guy. The kid running the chocolate fountain. In other words, the only employee of a vendor. DJ, photog, whoever else, I paid their fee, they performed the service, and I didnt even consider tipping.
Also, since you'll be married...  
Taggart : 2/8/2016 11:19 pm : link
When you are alone with your bride later that night, you can give her more than just the tip...
if you feed them you don't have to tip them  
gtt350 : 2/9/2016 12:15 am : link
.
RE: Just remember  
BlueGuy : 2/9/2016 5:07 am : link
In comment 12807084 widmerseyebrow said:
Quote:
You'll never see any of them again.


Ka-ching says the quarter in your piggy bank.
Wedding tipping  
Cruzin : 2/9/2016 7:17 am : link

Not nearly as fun as cow tipping and since you're buying the cow you should actually by a cow, that way in ten years when the luster has worn off and all you want to do is kill each other, you can......and eat it.
I own my own business, and while it's customary to tip the 1st mate  
Capt. : 2/9/2016 7:23 am : link
on my charter boat, as the owner/capt. I don't expect a tip and I am never offended if not tipped. Occassionally people ask me if they should tip me also, and I always tell them I am the owner and their business is appreciated so a tip tipping me is not necessary. Sometimes some will still give me something extra and I'm not adverse to extra $$. But I never expect it and I never put my hand out for it. Tip the help, not the business owners
So the "service" charge in the wedding contract  
bhill410 : 2/9/2016 7:42 am : link
is essentially a way for them to charge you more and not have it be taxed. None of that will go to the service and generally speaking its customary to tip the servers additionally and the maitre'd dei (I think i did 200 to the maitre dei and then maybe 40 per server or something like that). That one is obviously your call.

For the trolley driver I would call up the place and ask if the tip goes to the driver but generally speaking usually you are good with transportation places.

I believe I tipped each of the band members and I definitely tipped the videographer and photographer.

I know this thread will contain the usual cheapskates who complain about the tipping world but the way I look at it, if you can afford to the amount of money to them (especially servers and band members) than it does to you.
My wife's a photog  
Jon : 2/9/2016 8:00 am : link
and never expects a tip, but when she does receive one, it's usually about $100.
I'd post date checks  
Headhunter : 2/9/2016 8:02 am : link
for 3 years, if you're still married, they cash them
You have a planner  
Deej : 2/9/2016 8:13 am : link
it is the planner's job to advise you on this.
you don't pay enough?  
I Love Clams Casino : 2/9/2016 8:15 am : link
geez, they're not your local Denny's waitress or town tavern bartender...

Although it's said in jest, I say it seriously, "you'll never see any of them again"

I think tipping has gone overboard. People will remark from time to time, "oh remember that ___________ (insert service person here), we tipped him pretty good, he/she was happy we were there that time."

As such, I think most of it is just plain self affirmation. You should know this first, and as long as you know it, then go ahead and tip, or don't tip whatever you want.

Tipping in the US is pretty much out of hand.  
BeerFridge : 2/9/2016 8:35 am : link
.
RE: So the  
jgambrosio : 2/9/2016 8:43 am : link
In comment 12807206 bhill410 said:
Quote:
is essentially a way for them to charge you more and not have it be taxed. None of that will go to the service and generally speaking its customary to tip the servers additionally and the maitre'd dei (I think i did 200 to the maitre dei and then maybe 40 per server or something like that). That one is obviously your call.

For the trolley driver I would call up the place and ask if the tip goes to the driver but generally speaking usually you are good with transportation places.

I believe I tipped each of the band members and I definitely tipped the videographer and photographer.

I know this thread will contain the usual cheapskates who complain about the tipping world but the way I look at it, if you can afford to the amount of money to them (especially servers and band members) than it does to you.


I'm more worried about the first point - I don't want the waitstaff and bartenders to be getting next to nothing and then me not throw in a tip. I was thinking about giving $25 per person. We don't have a maitre'd per say, but instead a catering manager who has been helping us get things together - the wedding is in a city owned building, not a restaurant/banquet hall/etc. I can't tell if she's fully compensated through that service charge or not...

I did look back through the trolley docs and gratuity is included. The band is taking care of pretty much everything for us from the ceremony to the dinner to the reception, so I'll give them something as well. My fiancee mentioned that our officiant just asked for a donation to his church.I'll let the fiancee worry about the photographer and planner!
Wedding tipping  
TheManUpstairs : 2/9/2016 8:55 am : link
Yes, the officiant wants a donation -- in fact, you can probably call his church office, and sweetly say, "Do you know what his standard donation is?"

I would definitely make sure you've got a couple of hundred, minimum, in cash in your pocket throughout the wedding and reception. That way, if you see something needs done, or isn't getting done right, you can pull one of the staff/band/caterers/whoever aside, slip 'em a twenty, and make sure the wheels are greased.

Remember -- your fiancee/wife is going to be stressed beyond human description. Anything you can do to make this better is worth doing. Is the best man a trustworthy guy? Give him a hundred bucks for tips, and tell him to spread it around to the staff as needed.
When I was in school, I did a lot of catering work.  
Crispino : 2/9/2016 9:01 am : link
You definitely tip the maitre' d and wait staff. The guy who was the maitre'd would make it clear to the host that it was appropriate and expected. Guests understood and nearly always did the right thing. It was standard operating procedure and it kept everyone on their toes to provide the best possible service.
RE: Wedding tipping  
Chris in Philly : 2/9/2016 9:06 am : link
In comment 12807317 TheManUpstairs said:
Quote:
Yes, the officiant wants a donation -- in fact, you can probably call his church office, and sweetly say, "Do you know what his standard donation is?"

I would definitely make sure you've got a couple of hundred, minimum, in cash in your pocket throughout the wedding and reception. That way, if you see something needs done, or isn't getting done right, you can pull one of the staff/band/caterers/whoever aside, slip 'em a twenty, and make sure the wheels are greased.

Remember -- your fiancee/wife is going to be stressed beyond human description. Anything you can do to make this better is worth doing. Is the best man a trustworthy guy? Give him a hundred bucks for tips, and tell him to spread it around to the staff as needed.


Name checks out on the officiant customs...
.  
Danny Kanell : 2/9/2016 9:08 am : link
Can't believe Larry in Pennsylvania hasn't chimed in yet to tell you how dumb you are for even thinking about tipping anyone. He must be busy rolling pennies right now.
RE: _________________  
Sarcastic Sam : 2/9/2016 9:27 am : link
In comment 12807101 I am Ninja said:
Quote:
I tipped one guy. The kid running the chocolate fountain.


Is this a new euphemism that I'm unaware of?
RE: RE: _________________  
Jon : 2/9/2016 9:47 am : link
In comment 12807380 Sarcastic Sam said:
Quote:
In comment 12807101 I am Ninja said:


Quote:


I tipped one guy. The kid running the chocolate fountain.



Is this a new euphemism that I'm unaware of?


God I hope so.
RE: When I was in school, I did a lot of catering work.  
Rocky369 : 2/9/2016 10:19 am : link
In comment 12807331 Crispino said:
Quote:
You definitely tip the maitre' d and wait staff. The guy who was the maitre'd would make it clear to the host that it was appropriate and expected. Guests understood and nearly always did the right thing. It was standard operating procedure and it kept everyone on their toes to provide the best possible service.


Awfully professional of him. He'd get zero from me if he says upfront that I am expected to tip him. I expect to receive what I pay for. If I pay extra, I better get extra.
With every one of these wedding threads  
Greg from LI : 2/9/2016 10:27 am : link
I'm ever more grateful that I had a very small, modest wedding. No tipping required. You people are deranged.
Rocky, it's just the way it was done at the hotel....  
Crispino : 2/9/2016 10:37 am : link
I worked in. High end, big money weddings. The clientele never had any problem with it. It's all relative. But it's customary to tip for excellent service, on top of the service charge, which is usually less than people would normally receive. Nobody held a gun to anyone's head. Just politely told the hosts that tipping on top of the service charge was customary for excellent service.
Just received from our catering manager  
jgambrosio : 2/9/2016 10:46 am : link
Quote:
Gratuity is not included....BUT...you are paying for service. Gratuity is not expected. If you feel you'd like to add gratuity, of course it is much appreciated. But it is not like at the restaurant....you don't need to give a percentage. A flat dollar figure is fine, IF you feel you'd like to do that.


So I guess entirely optional...
RE: Rocky, it's just the way it was done at the hotel....  
Deej : 2/9/2016 10:51 am : link
In comment 12807515 Crispino said:
Quote:
I worked in. High end, big money weddings. The clientele never had any problem with it. It's all relative. But it's customary to tip for excellent service, on top of the service charge, which is usually less than people would normally receive. Nobody held a gun to anyone's head. Just politely told the hosts that tipping on top of the service charge was customary for excellent service.


See this is what gets me. #1, service should always be excellent at a "high end" hotel. #2, the phrasing "it's customary to tip for excellent service" implies that you dont tip for the expected service. Seems inconsistent with your first post, no? Is it tip expected, or tip for over and beyond service?
in the tri state area  
djm : 2/9/2016 10:51 am : link
I feel like the vendors and proprietors should be the ones tipping. The prices in this area are beyond insane. Aren't they getting paid enough?

I know a wedding planner  
djm : 2/9/2016 10:52 am : link
that makes BANK. I am mean serious money. No college. BArely made it out of high school...nice girl..i'm happy for her that she can make serious loot...but just remember that the wedding planner you're about to tip is probably making more money than you are.
RE: With every one of these wedding threads  
montanagiant : 2/9/2016 10:56 am : link
In comment 12807486 Greg from LI said:
Quote:
I'm ever more grateful that I had a very small, modest wedding. No tipping required. You people are deranged.

Could not agree more. I watched my brother put on a 60k+ wedding for his daughter. This damn thing was like a stage production with the intros and fog machines. The stress, work, and expense is absurd for one of those things. The I later found out he borrowed 30K of it from our mother and I really lost it. WTF would you put on that extravagant of a wedding when you have to borrow for 50% of it?
RE: RE: With every one of these wedding threads  
Deej : 2/9/2016 11:19 am : link
In comment 12807554 montanagiant said:
Quote:
In comment 12807486 Greg from LI said:


Quote:


I'm ever more grateful that I had a very small, modest wedding. No tipping required. You people are deranged.


Could not agree more. I watched my brother put on a 60k+ wedding for his daughter. This damn thing was like a stage production with the intros and fog machines. The stress, work, and expense is absurd for one of those things. The I later found out he borrowed 30K of it from our mother and I really lost it. WTF would you put on that extravagant of a wedding when you have to borrow for 50% of it?


It's an investment. He'll make that back 5 fold.
I'm not the guy who asked for the tip.  
Crispino : 2/9/2016 4:32 pm : link
Just reporting on what was customary. The place I worked in was extremely busy. The people who booked there knew that they were to tip the guy in charge. He made it clear it was part of the deal. They paid it. If you don't want to, don't. Personally, I would never fail to tip something extra if I was happy with the service rendered. I'm aware that others don't feel that way. To each his own.
Back to the Corner