question for all those over 30.
I'm 31, turning 32 in October - I just got back from a friends bachelor party in Austin, TX two weeks ago and cannot stop thinking about how good a time I had. We drank, partied our asses off, flirted with girls, stayed up till 4 in the morning, and all the other shenanigans you would expect from a bachelor party with 10 of your best buddies. Ever since then I have had an extreme sense of nostalgia for college and life in my early 20s without responsibilities and carefree.
My question is, is this a normal experience to just really, almost urgently, want to escape back in time and re-experience life when I was younger. As a sidebar, I was a very introverted and insecure in college, and kind of feel like I missed out on a lot of those experience. Now I just am much more confident, am married, have a good job, a house, a dog. But something is missing and that fun that I had is missing and I feel as though I can't get it back.
I was always the mature one, the neurotic one, the one who always had to look out for someone else, and i just have relaxed so much, but I can't relive that age, and I want to.
Anyone ever have those feelings. It's like I'm backward maturing. I just don't want life to be so fucking serious. I want to watch sports, go out to the bar and have a few drinks, not feel all this pressure to perform. The daily grind out work is killing me. I'm too young to be having a mid-life crisis, but that's how I feel. I feel like i'm going through some mid-life crisis. I am constantly thinking about all that i missed out on and am missing out on.
Sorry for venting, just was interested in seeing if anyone has felt the same way.
Youre where you want to be.
Do good for others and your life will be enhanced.
Stop worrying about what you missed, you missed it and sounds like you are doing fine now. Do you ever think the opposite? Hey because I was an introvert in college I studied and graduated and got married to a great woman and have a great job and a home.
Many of those who had the time you missed never finished college and are still living in their parents basement and taking how to courses at Strayer University.
Take some time and volunteer in your area, shop for the elderly, maybe drive some of them to a doctor's appointment.
Continue to add to your great life and stop wishing you got laid more when you were in college.
Enjoy
I'm 29 and i sometimes miss the endless free time, invincibility, lack of responsibility, and occasionally I miss the girls. But I wouldn't go back ever, or redo anything. I'd probably drink less, party less, and wrap my dick up more often if I did redo it.
Bullshit. If anything the 50somethings are the biggest "Today sucks" whiners that are longing for their past. "Everything was ...." back then!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jfoufXs01KU
The truth is - you can't. Regrets, everybody has them, but they're a waste of time. I've known a few, who have tried but eventually they've found out they missed out on more by missing out on a lot of great todays trying to recapture all of the yesterdays.
AP we found common ground.
I stopped reading the OP at "I'm 31..."
Now, I've been with wife number two for 11 years.
Was college great? Yup. Do I miss it? Nope.
Sure as shit didn't miss it a mere nine years later.
Life is a blast.
Remember this trite saying: If you only walk on sunny days, you'll never reach your destination.
Believe me, you're best years are ahead.
All these feelings you're struggling with now are going to go away and you're going to find some serious peace and contentment with yourself and your life.
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Aging?
AP we found common ground.
I stopped reading the OP at "I'm 31..."
Me too. The daily grind has you worn down? Well get used to it. You have at least another 30-40 years of it.
Meanwhile, AP Blue Lou and I would kill to be 31 again. Enjoy it NOW!!!!
I appreciate the volunteering idea, and something I have to look into. I work a lot, so I have to find the time, and I'd prefer to do it during the week as I like my weekends.
My friend, I'll say it clear
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain
I've lived a life that's full
I've traveled each and every highway
But more, much more than this
I did it my way
Regrets, I've had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption
I planned each charted course
Each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way
Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all and I stood tall
And did it my way
I've loved, I've laughed and cried
I've had my fill my share of losing
And now, as tears subside
I find it all so amusing
To think I did all that
And may I say - not in a shy way
Oh no, oh no, not me
I did it my way
For what is a man, what has he got
If not himself, then he has naught
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows
And did it my way
Yes, it was my way
Sums it up pretty well I guess....
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In comment 13001837 AP in Halfmoon said:
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Aging?
AP we found common ground.
I stopped reading the OP at "I'm 31..."
Me too. The daily grind has you worn down? Well get used to it. You have at least another 30-40 years of it.
Meanwhile, AP Blue Lou and I would kill to be 31 again. Enjoy it NOW!!!!
Slight refinement dear Buford: I'd bust a nut to have my 31 year old body back, and a lot of the "quietness of mind" the 5 years of MA training earned me, not to mention the ability to learn I had then, but I wouldn't want to be 31!
I like being "mature."
Hell, at 31? I didn't have anything REAL to feel all that nostalgic about, outside of childhood.
we're in our 40's now and still get together at least once a year for a weekend. sometimes more.
and it's always nostalgic, I love my life and wouldn't change much, but that drive or flight home from whatever we did always gets me nostalgic and a little melancholy (not to be confused with mellon collie) and then I get home to my wife and kids and I'm not melancholy any more I'm just glad I'm not the divorced dude who lives alone in bergen county.
but point is the first few years I was almost anxiety filled with those trips home after a great weekend, a sense of foreboding would come over me, but as you separate from the herd build your life more with a wife, kids, house, career, etc. its lessens and sometimes you'll find yourself looking forward to the trip home and setting plans for the next outing.
Just last weekend, father days weekend took friday off and met 3 of my college buddies went out in New haven - had pizza at Modern, car bombs at Chistopher Martin's ripped it up at night, played golf saturday, went to the casino saturday night and I headed home early morning so glad to see my little one pacing and waiting for me to get home to give me a Father's Day card she made.
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but life is still good. My advice, treat life like an adventure. Go rock climbing or white water paddling. I'm 56 and you can't help slowing down some.
Bullshit. If anything the 50somethings are the biggest "Today sucks" whiners that are longing for their past. "Everything was ...." back then!
we're in our 40's now and still get together at least once a year for a weekend. sometimes more.
and it's always nostalgic, I love my life and wouldn't change much, but that drive or flight home from whatever we did always gets me nostalgic and a little melancholy (not to be confused with mellon collie) and then I get home to my wife and kids and I'm not melancholy any more I'm just glad I'm not the divorced dude who lives alone in bergen county.
but point is the first few years I was almost anxiety filled with those trips home after a great weekend, a sense of foreboding would come over me, but as you separate from the herd build your life more with a wife, kids, house, career, etc. its lessens and sometimes you'll find yourself looking forward to the trip home and setting plans for the next outing.
Just last weekend, father days weekend took friday off and met 3 of my college buddies went out in New haven - had pizza at Modern, car bombs at Chistopher Martin's ripped it up at night, played golf saturday, went to the casino saturday night and I headed home early morning so glad to see my little one pacing and waiting for me to get home to give me a Father's Day card she made.
Great post.
Last year, half were playing cards and half were asleep.
But here's the thing. Remember when you were at a college party and the "old" dude who only graduated a few years ago was back drinking and hitting on chicks? We always thought that dude was a loser and a creep. You can't really go back to that life without being looked at that way, too.
Enjoy those guy's weekends and keep doing them each year.
seriously, though, people of every age party. you don't need to go back in time to party once in a while. It's not maturing/aging to give up partying. partying responsibly, maybe. Carefree? I don't remember a time I was free of cares past the age of 12. the category of what constitutes a care changes with time, but there always were cares, and there always will be.
remember yesterday, plan for tomorrow, and live in the now.
jjgmrg901: was it Carlin who said "if we're here to help others, what are the others here for?"
If you're 31 and have some regrets, I'd make a point of taking care of that before you turn 40. Not the best advice for all people, of course, but don't live an unhappy life if you don't have to.
Good luck.
(i.e. Go out this weekend, buy a Wrangler and have a threesome).
I envy those who are in their teens and have college ahead of them ("best four years of their lives"). Others, like Barilko and Buford, see 26 as young. 80 year-olds would see them as young. Methusaleh would see 80 year-olds as babies in cradles.
What doesn't help is professional sports in this case because 31 is seen as old in Basketball, Football and Hockey.
Just take it one day at a time, CMicks.
Phil Simms looks like he's starting to lose it. Brad Van Pelt has been dead for years. Paul Simon looks like a hunched over grandfather. Harrison Ford is slightly better preserved than Clint Eastwood, but not by much.
Anak, I suggest you start having fun and stop wondering what your purpose is. Thinking too much is unhealthy.
But the idea of only seeing my friends once a year is upsetting. I'm also terrified of marriage. The vast majority of marriages that I'm personally around are nonsense, and I just found out one of the fiance in one of the (perceived) good relationships had some extra carricular activity on a busines trip recently. The majority of successful marriages I hear about talk constantly about coping rather than staying in the throes of passion. It's just so unappealing to me, but as another poster said, I don't want to be alone in Bergen County either. My friends will all eventually be locked into marriage and sadly that (and children) is my biggest incentive as of now.
I wish I could understand how to enjoy it.
But it's not those actual times that you miss as much as it's just wanting back that "potential" of your future because back then, it seemed limitless and as you get older and settle into your realities more, you become less of a dreamer and life gets more fenced in as your responsibilities grow.
The major mistake we make is staying in this mindset and not realizing that 10 years from now, we're going to feel similarly about 31 as we did 21.
I had a lot of really good times when I was younger but those times weren't without struggles or rough patches. It's just selective memory. Choosing to remember the best parts and forgetting about the worst.
It's easy to get sucked into nostalgia but it's important to not take today for granted. Make the most out of these days so that when you look back on them 10 years from now, you won't feel like you missed chances or were stuck with your head in the clouds.
I'd love to have those carefree days back sometimes but I'd much rather be the person I am today than the person I was back then. Life is too short to live in the past. Embrace the present and set your sights on the future.
LOL My thought exactly when I open the thread.
I figured 31 is the new 17.
But the idea of only seeing my friends once a year is upsetting. I'm also terrified of marriage. The vast majority of marriages that I'm personally around are nonsense, and I just found out one of the fiance in one of the (perceived) good relationships had some extra carricular activity on a busines trip recently. The majority of successful marriages I hear about talk constantly about coping rather than staying in the throes of passion. It's just so unappealing to me, but as another poster said, I don't want to be alone in Bergen County either. My friends will all eventually be locked into marriage and sadly that (and children) is my biggest incentive as of now.
I wish I could understand how to enjoy it.
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Aging?
LOL My thought exactly when I open the thread.
I figured 31 is the new 17.
That's true. 31 is like the new 16. Used to be the new 21 but now it's the new 16
Going from 21 to 31 signifies a radical life change. Most people go from being unemployed, single and possibly living at home or with friends to having a job, probably a family and living on your own.
From 31 to 41, you really are just developing on that major change. If you didn't have kids or got married, you probably will right now or you never will. If you don't have your own house or apartment, you probably don't need to look back at 21 too fondly - you're still there. If you have kids, they are getting older and becoming young adults. As far as responsibilities, you are pretty much stagnant from 30 to mid 50's. Then you become an empty nester or a divorcee and have a rebirth of your wild days when you are freer to do things.