Before you say "yes" (which I do, on condition that for fact patterns like those described ion the article the punishment is plea bargained down to community service), read this article. warning - it is a very tough one to stomach and double the toughness if you are a working parent to young kids
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NO ONE THINKS IT WILL HAPPEN TO THEM UNTIL IT DOES.
As I've mentioned on here, I'm a psychotherapist. Very rarely does someone come in and say, whelp, I knew that was going to happen to me! Life is full of things like these. Usually, things work out. Usually something clicks and we're pulled back in.
I can think of a time my wife brought my son to work with her accidentally, forgetting he was in the car (and obviously realizing it when she got to work). I can't imagine what people would say about my robo-wife, who works 75 hours a week and still is an amazing mom that takes zero short cuts, has unlimited patience and is my role model.
I can think of myself crossing 3 lanes of traffic and almost killing myself and my 6 month old because he was up every 45 minutes for 2 months straight and I was severely sleep deprived. I can't imagine what people would have said about how bad of a parent I was and how I was careless or heartless are an idiot, when I was exhausted at home and spending my day working with kids in crisis on suicide watch.
I think of the time my wife 2 weeks ago, when I was showing my coworkers my house (had a retreat at my house) and my wife, who I've never seen do this, had left her hair straightener on. I imagine my infant daughter probably threw up or my 3 year old was running around like a maniac when we were trying to get out the door. What would people say? Careless? Vain? Cares more about her appearance than her family?
I can think of a time when my daughter was 3 months old and first going to day care (my wife was done with maternity leave). I took my kids to daycare. My son was having a toddler meltdown and everyone was late because of it. Daycare needed more wipes and diapers and I had to get their sheets for their cribs out of the drier. My daughter was in her infant seat and I picked it up and put it on the table, so I could strap her in. Just then, my son fell and bumped his head and was hysterical, so I dropped everything and ran to the room he was in. I soothed him and sang to him and somehow carried everything, including my son, with infant carrier in my other hand. I didn't realize until I got to daycare, that I had never returned to the infant seat to strap her in, so while she was in her seat, she wasn't actually buckled in. What would people say if I got in an accident? Bad, bad father? I'm not doting [/] enough?
I think that article said something that hit the nail on the head. It had a quote fro a psychologist.
[i]Humans, Hickling said, have a fundamental need to create and maintain a narrative for their lives in which the universe is not implacable and heartless, that terrible things do not happen at random, and that catastrophe can be avoided if you are vigilant and responsible.
Whoever said he or she is a doting parent, and that's what separates him or her, is either really, really righteous, or wants to believe it couldn't happen to him or her(I'm assuming the latter).
It's a horrific thing, but shit like this happens, despite best attempts to prevent it.
I don't know squat about this case and I'm not terribly interested in reading the details, since I hear enough sad stuff during my job, but the people in that article just made me sad for them. All I could think of was how fortunate I am and how horrible I felt for them, because I fuck up sometimes too.
Maybe car seats should have a cage made to withstand the impact of emergency air balloons.
But to answer the question: I think it is a crime but the punishment should be community service where you go around to schools and warn parents about child safety. That would benefit society and probably make the person feel a bit that their child had not died in vain. Jail time makes no sense
It's a horrific thing, but shit like this happens, despite best attempts to prevent it.
I mean, what attempts can these parents make to prevent forgetting they have their own damn kid in the back seat?
Haha
There was even a mythbusters that confirmed the dangerous part of it.
I think I mentioned how people can accidentally forget things, even something monumentally important. 99.9% of the time, it's for a split second (don't quote me on that lol).
I also do not understand the argument that this could happen to anyone. No offense but this isn't about YOU. Who cares about what YOU feel? This isn't about YOU. This is about a child who isn't able to take care him/herself and the responsibility falls on the one who made the decision to have the child.
JesseS : 3:31 pm : link : reply
I meant in general.
Gotcha!
There was even a mythbusters that confirmed the dangerous part of it.
Mythbusters is awful but I get your point and it is very dangerous. My point was that driving while tired happens but falling asleep just pops up on you. That has happened to me a few times and I have pulled over. One time I was 10 minutes from home and I pulled over in a parking lot and took a nap before getting home. There are statistics that show how dangerous it is. When you choose to operate a vehicle you are subject to criminal charges. They are just harder to prove. Forgetting a child for X hours doesn't happen instantly. They are really not comparable.
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Then there is no way it should be a crime.. the person has already suffered enough.. as a parent you all know that accidentally killing your child will hurt much worse than going to jail.. also why force the sibling to suffer living in foster home or other though situation when the parent themselves were negligence and will definitely have learned their lessons from this...
All this is based on the fact that the parent forgot and did not do this intentionally.
The issue shouldn't be the punishment or sentencing. However, this should be considered a crime. Arguing over what punishment fits the crime is different but this is a crime.
Thats what I am getting to.. you can call it crime but then don't put the parent in jail for life for something like this.. if truly an accident then small punishment/community service should suffice..
I think you need to ensure these cases still lead to criminal charges to ensure general deterrence. It is unacceptable that babies die in such a horrific manner (the one referred to in the article as the "worst case" of infant hypothermia" may have been the saddest thing I'ver ever read, and I've heard some really brutal ones from the holocaust, 9/11 and other atrocities. Rather than punishment assuming the facts are that the parent was a great loving parent who for a variety of reasons "forgot" and they are truly broken and filled with grief, putting them in jail is not going to accomplish any rehabilitation. obviously, if they were drunk, on drugs, consistently neglectful, or otherwise culpable then lock them up and throw away the key.
Are you comparing falling asleep at the wheel to leaving a child in a car for 9 hours?
No. I don't want to weigh in on this specific case. I just want folks to be aware that our pre-conceived notions are sometimes flawed or missing information. JesseS' 3:25 post says it better. BTW: hope you are doing well.
I don't fault people for being absentminded or not as careful as me because I am a type A personality. I do not forget, leave thing behind or make careless decisions like crossing 3 lanes with my child in the car because I'm tired. If your tired take a taxi. When I buckle my child into her car seat. I yank on that thing 5 times before I get into the driver seat. Some of these things are easily avoidable by taking proper measures. I'm just shaking my head and cringing at all the things I've read on here
Years ago when I was about 18, my cousin fell asleep after an 80 hour work week while driving home at 3:00am from work. He hit a pole and got most of his teeth knocked out. I thought to myself, "How the hell could a person fall asleep at the wheel? What a dumbass! He cudda, shudda, etc."
Fast forward 20 years. I was driving 50 miles home after a long shift at 1:00 am on the LIE. I was tired but nothing unusual. Somehow a bolt of adrenaline shot through me. I realized that while driving carefully with my eyes wide open that I had entered dreamland. Maybe divine providence saved me (and possibly others) from a horrific accident.
Moral: Things do not always happen as we think of them! It takes several events all lined up the wrong way to fall asleep at the wheel or leave a child unattended in a car. Since it's never happened to you, you may think that the parent is a neglectful prick and needs to be hung.
Just try to believe that if everything lines up wrong, it can and will happen to you and I pray it doesn't.
IMO, each case like this must be carefully looked at to determine if a crime was committed. Sure, if a parent lazily leaves a kid in the car in hot weather and the child dies, it's a crime. Those are rare cases thankfully.
Yes, you are responsible for your kids' safety. If you don't think you can handle it or it is too much of a burden, consider not having kids?
Yes, you are responsible for your kids' safety. If you don't think you can handle it or it is too much of a burden, consider not having kids?
Obviously you don't realize that till you've had the kid.. and unfortunately there is no redo button to fix that..
On a serious note... there is a serious problem with a lot of people wanting punishment.. we already are the most punishing country in the developed world.. excessively Punishing a parent who accidentally killed their child and is already suffering isn't going to make our society any better or stop the next accident from happening..
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alligators, hot cars.
Yes, you are responsible for your kids' safety. If you don't think you can handle it or it is too much of a burden, consider not having kids?
Obviously you don't realize that till you've had the kid.. and unfortunately there is no redo button to fix that..
On a serious note... there is a serious problem with a lot of people wanting punishment.. we already are the most punishing country in the developed world.. excessively Punishing a parent who accidentally killed their child and is already suffering isn't going to make our society any better or stop the next accident from happening..
Over-punishing drug addicts or pot smokers/sellers is a good area to start though.
Bill Simmons wrote a truly great article once about his dog that had just died, and he told as story of how his toddler ran out the front door once and into the street and his dogs literally saved the kids life by standing in front of him so that a driver saw the dog and stopped instead of hitting the kid. He had a great line there that I always remembered: "Everyone with kids knows that you have to catch a few dumb breaks along the way."
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In comment 13006552 Randy in CT said:
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alligators, hot cars.
Yes, you are responsible for your kids' safety. If you don't think you can handle it or it is too much of a burden, consider not having kids?
Obviously you don't realize that till you've had the kid.. and unfortunately there is no redo button to fix that..
On a serious note... there is a serious problem with a lot of people wanting punishment.. we already are the most punishing country in the developed world.. excessively Punishing a parent who accidentally killed their child and is already suffering isn't going to make our society any better or stop the next accident from happening..
Not punishing people who are criminally negligent certainly isn't the answer.
Over-punishing drug addicts or pot smokers/sellers is a good area to start though.
I don't know what you mean by criminally negligent.. but read the story right below your post, should he be punished? or does it only matter if that hurt someone..
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In comment 13006622 chuckydee9 said:
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In comment 13006552 Randy in CT said:
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alligators, hot cars.
Yes, you are responsible for your kids' safety. If you don't think you can handle it or it is too much of a burden, consider not having kids?
Obviously you don't realize that till you've had the kid.. and unfortunately there is no redo button to fix that..
On a serious note... there is a serious problem with a lot of people wanting punishment.. we already are the most punishing country in the developed world.. excessively Punishing a parent who accidentally killed their child and is already suffering isn't going to make our society any better or stop the next accident from happening..
Not punishing people who are criminally negligent certainly isn't the answer.
Over-punishing drug addicts or pot smokers/sellers is a good area to start though.
I don't know what you mean by criminally negligent.. but read the story right below your post, should he be punished? or does it only matter if that hurt someone..
No, that's not considered criminal negligence.
Context matters.
So well put and evident by this thread
I thinks it's a crime, but not necessarily one that requires jail time. It depends greatly on circumstances.
People's brains play tricks. If one can completely screw up an eyewitness identification while being 100% sure of it, one can also believe that the baby was taken elsewhere, while leaving it it the car.
Probably most deserve some jail time, but not all. And the emotional torture most of such people suffer is massively high.
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Apparantly, I've underestimated the extent to which some people will rationalize bad parenting.
So well put and evident by this thread
I am not rationalizing bad parenting.. but many here simply want vengeance for a child that is not there or even alive and have no problem punishing siblings of the child or the other parent... also punishing someone that did this accidentally won't stop the next loving parent from making accident..
For those that want to punish a parent for accidentally killing a child.. do you ever speed or go above speed limit?
Maybe car seats should have a cage made to withstand the impact of emergency air balloons.
But to answer the question: I think it is a crime but the punishment should be community service where you go around to schools and warn parents about child safety. That would benefit society and probably make the person feel a bit that their child had not died in vain. Jail time makes no sense
This sounds like a reasonable solution.
There was even a mythbusters that confirmed the dangerous part of it.
Sounds about right. We just had a new baby, and haven't been sleeping, and was afraid by the end of a long drive (in the middle of the day!) that I'd doze off behind the wheel yesterday... I'll be cutting back on that kind of thing for a few weeks.
For those that want to punish a parent for accidentally killing a child.. do you ever speed or go above speed limit?
I do, yeah. Then I get punished for it.
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chuckydee9 : 7:48 am : link : reply
For those that want to punish a parent for accidentally killing a child.. do you ever speed or go above speed limit?
I do, yeah. Then I get punished for it.
Now you get in an accident going at 75 on Turnpike.. Should you be criminally negligant and face jail time incase someone dies or is hurt badly... You aren't drunk.. its just an accident..
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chuckydee9 : 7:48 am : link : reply
For those that want to punish a parent for accidentally killing a child.. do you ever speed or go above speed limit?
I do, yeah. Then I get punished for it.
Now you get in an accident going at 75 on Turnpike.. Should you be criminally negligant and face jail time incase someone dies or is hurt badly... You aren't drunk.. its just an accident..
that depends. Were you texting, weaving in and out of traffic, cutting off traffic etc...? Going a few miles over the speed limit doesn't usually make one criminally negligent in itself as driving in that manner alone doesn't usually cause the accident (assuming you're going with the flow of traffic).
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chuckydee9 : 7:48 am : link : reply
For those that want to punish a parent for accidentally killing a child.. do you ever speed or go above speed limit?
I do, yeah. Then I get punished for it.
Now you get in an accident going at 75 on Turnpike.. Should you be criminally negligant and face jail time incase someone dies or is hurt badly... You aren't drunk.. its just an accident..
I'm pretty sure you could be charged with vehicular manslaughter. Judgement would be required to decide whether you should be punished depending on the egregiousness of your actions.
"Sure, I locked my car in the kid all day and he croaked but look how bad I feel!!!! Why should I be punished further??"
Nut up and be responsible you fucking fucks.
"Sure, I locked my car in the kid all day and he croaked but look how bad I feel!!!! Why should I be punished further??"
Nut up and be responsible you fucking fucks.
Gorilla thing is different because that hurt a third party.. She should have to pay for damages for that but to put her in jail for losing her child does no good... Also I am not saying leave your kid out there on purpose or be negligent.. but accidents do happen..
Most marriages wouldn't survive, and the guilt and depression would be nearly infinite. Plus there are very often other children to consider.
In a case of pure negligence and/or a brain-freeze, who does a jail sentence make feel better? Posters on a message board?
"Sure, I locked my car in the kid all day and he croaked but look how bad I feel!!!! Why should I be punished further??"
Nut up and be responsible you fucking fucks.
Actually I think it's closer to the truth to say that as a society (and likely here on BBI as well) that we've become a bunch of sanctimonious assholes.
I think it's very fair to say that kids are FAR safer now than they were even a generation ago, and this generation of parents puts way more effort into raising kids than our parents did. You don't think kids were getting locked in cars in the 70's? It sure as hell happened but we didn't have the internet back then to prove how superior we all are to those shitty parents.
Some keep looking at the parent as the victim here, for their loss--There was a victim--a kid who was looking to their parent to take care of them and they failed as miserably as possible.
BTW, that kind of "accident" doesn't happen. What's going on with the individual, mentally, that tucked away somewhere in their brain, that they "forget" to get their kid out of the "oven" (car).
Some keep looking at the parent as the victim here, for their loss--There was a victim--a kid who was looking to their parent to take care of them and they failed as miserably as possible.
BTW, that kind of "accident" doesn't happen. What's going on with the individual, mentally, that tucked away somewhere in their brain, that they "forget" to get their kid out of the "oven" (car).
that being said, I do belive that in the Harrison case and the balfour case, they were legitimate accidents. they were distracted, sleep deprived, stressed and were taken out of their comfort zone to the point where they simply assumed that they had taken the step they always do of dropping their kids off at daycare. there is an excellent interview with a neurologist in the article I linked that explains the "perfect storm" of factors that can impact and overwhlem the brains of these parents. there were no drugs, no alcohol and no proof of malice or psychosis involved.