Question and advice from all of you…
My cousin lives in Seattle and is 43. He is a lawyer and was part of the family law firm with his brother.
My cousin has a substance abuse problem. He has been on a bad bender for a long time. His older brother thought he was a liability in the courtroom and decided to let him go from the practice. They haven’t spoken for 3 months. Attempts to bring in an AA expert to him doesn’t work as he just rejects the idea that he has a problem. My aunt and uncle don’t know what to do as he is alone and has no family. They tried getting mad at him and such. No attempts work. He doesn’t talk to anyone and is just secluded in his home.
My family is all worried that he might hurt himself and who knows if its just alcohol.
My take is that I don’t think he will make any changes until everyone leaves him alone. Totally ignores him and just lets him go. It worked with my father when he was an alcoholic and might work with him. Of course its all different with everyone but I think he needs to hit rock bottom.
Any advice?
He needs to get to a place where he no longer wants what his drug of choice gives him.
He needs to get to a place where he no longer wants what his drug of choice gives him.
^^^^Spot on^^^^....What else can you do? Except let him know that family is always there. Beyond that, he's his own man and it's a free country
Maybe he was hoping someone that has been through it or better yet an expert himself might direct him towards some sources he otherwise wouldn't ever know about.
Like any decisions when you gather as much information from as many sources as you can it usually helps forming them.
Hey may be doing that as well, don't jump to conclusions. BBI, when people aren't being awful, is a tremendous resource.
My mother completely cut off her cousin who abused painkillers and was fired from several jobs for it. But, his parents still sheltered him and basically counteracted what my mother was trying to do. It ended up not really working. He's still an addict, still gets help from his mother, and my mother continues to remove him from her life.
Morale of the story, the whole family needs to be on board with the same treatment. If all of you are going to be part of an intervention, great. If all of your are going to cut ties until he gets help, great. But if just 1 person gives in, it can be a long long road.
ok i ask this. why say this? maybe I'm just trying to vent to ask you good people for some advice to approach this. Maybe someone is kind enough to lead me in the right direction.
why tell me that coming here and discussing with you guys is the wrong thing?
i live in jersey and he lives in seattle. its not simple and he isnt responding to no phone calls or texts from family.
So again, why bother calling me lazy? why not just offer kind advice.
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Think posting on a message board is the answer. You need expert advice. In fact I think posting on a message board shows a bit of laziness on your part. I don't mean any offense but their are resources your family could use. For starters, go sit in an AA meeting and tell people the situation.
ok i ask this. why say this? maybe I'm just trying to vent to ask you good people for some advice to approach this. Maybe someone is kind enough to lead me in the right direction.
why tell me that coming here and discussing with you guys is the wrong thing?
i live in jersey and he lives in seattle. its not simple and he isnt responding to no phone calls or texts from family.
So again, why bother calling me lazy? why not just offer kind advice.
Why? 'cause simo's gonna simo?
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In comment 13013707 Azzuri blue said:
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Think posting on a message board is the answer. You need expert advice. In fact I think posting on a message board shows a bit of laziness on your part. I don't mean any offense but their are resources your family could use. For starters, go sit in an AA meeting and tell people the situation.
ok i ask this. why say this? maybe I'm just trying to vent to ask you good people for some advice to approach this. Maybe someone is kind enough to lead me in the right direction.
why tell me that coming here and discussing with you guys is the wrong thing?
i live in jersey and he lives in seattle. its not simple and he isnt responding to no phone calls or texts from family.
So again, why bother calling me lazy? why not just offer kind advice.
Why? 'cause simo's gonna simo?
?
Yet another shitty thing posted by this asshole DUPE. BBI is a great resource for just about everything.
Best of luck GMAN. Having been through this myself I can tell you that often times you need to have the addict hit rock bottom before any real changes can be made. And those changes have to first start (if they're going to sustain and work) with the addict.
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In comment 13013730 GMAN4LIFE said:
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In comment 13013707 Azzuri blue said:
Quote:
Think posting on a message board is the answer. You need expert advice. In fact I think posting on a message board shows a bit of laziness on your part. I don't mean any offense but their are resources your family could use. For starters, go sit in an AA meeting and tell people the situation.
ok i ask this. why say this? maybe I'm just trying to vent to ask you good people for some advice to approach this. Maybe someone is kind enough to lead me in the right direction.
why tell me that coming here and discussing with you guys is the wrong thing?
i live in jersey and he lives in seattle. its not simple and he isnt responding to no phone calls or texts from family.
So again, why bother calling me lazy? why not just offer kind advice.
Why? 'cause simo's gonna simo?
?
A simo is a sad little being whose Mother didn't love him enough. He trolls this board and has been banned many times.
I woke up with a hangover one morning a couple of years ago. I had to sit on a panel at a conference at 8 AM and it was obvious I wasn't at my best. I decided to quit drinking and haven't had a drink since. I miss having a craft brew with a steak but I enjoy maintaining my streak of not drinking more.
yes and thats what my dad and i are getting at. He is in his 40s and needs to find the answer himself.
I mean who knows why he is doing this to himself. He has it all. Looks, job, career, family. He needs psycho therapy but first needs to get the substance out. Im not sure its just alcohol. Might be other stuff as well. But our hands are tied. We cant do it for him and we cant force him to do it.
sucks for the guy.
June 2016
1. It will cost several thousand dollars to hire a professional.
2. It will be most effective if multiple family and friends attend and take the advice given by the interventionist to prepare and what do say/do when it occurs.
Good luck.
The sad truth is you can't help anyone that's not willing to help themselves.
My fiancé's brother is an addict, has hurt himself repeatedly this past year with cutting, and despite all medical advice to go inpatient, he refuses and maintains there is no problem.
In contrast, my stepfather recognized he had a problem about 8 years ago, started going to AA with a great group of people, and hasn't had a drink since.
There's nothing easy about being a family member of an addict but you can't beat yourself up over any of it because the only thing the only person that can grab hold of the situation or ignore it, is the addict themselves. Family/friends can always offer help, and that offer should always be on the table. But beyond that, it is what it is until they decide to try and get better.
Washington LAP - ( New Window )
the biggest issue I've always seen is the fine line between helping someone and enabling them. Is the guy a functional addict? if so, that complicates things a lot. the basics remain the same, though, in the help department. don't do anything which isn't directly helping him to help himself. covering his rent, loaning him money, etc is simply enabling. but there are a lot of subtle enables. It can be as simple as have a beer around him at a family get together.
I don't subscribe to the rock bottom theory. it's bullshit. most addicts don't hit rock bottom. the more functional you are as an addict, the less likely it is you'll hit bottom. when you recognize there's a problem, and search to do something to negate that problem, you can change. recognition is difficult. change is even more difficult. the most important things are: don't enable in any way, constructively seek to help with recognition, constructively help with change without crossing into the enabling sphere.
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Think posting on a message board is the answer. You need expert advice. In fact I think posting on a message board shows a bit of laziness on your part. I don't mean any offense but their are resources your family could use. For starters, go sit in an AA meeting and tell people the situation.
ok i ask this. why say this? maybe I'm just trying to vent to ask you good people for some advice to approach this. Maybe someone is kind enough to lead me in the right direction.
why tell me that coming here and discussing with you guys is the wrong thing?
i live in jersey and he lives in seattle. its not simple and he isnt responding to no phone calls or texts from family.
So again, why bother calling me lazy? why not just offer kind advice.
Quote:
In comment 13013707 Azzuri blue said:
Quote:
Think posting on a message board is the answer. You need expert advice. In fact I think posting on a message board shows a bit of laziness on your part. I don't mean any offense but their are resources your family could use. For starters, go sit in an AA meeting and tell people the situation.
ok i ask this. why say this? maybe I'm just trying to vent to ask you good people for some advice to approach this. Maybe someone is kind enough to lead me in the right direction.
why tell me that coming here and discussing with you guys is the wrong thing?
i live in jersey and he lives in seattle. its not simple and he isnt responding to no phone calls or texts from family.
So again, why bother calling me lazy? why not just offer kind advice.
I dont know what to tell you. I'm being honest. I think you should sit in and aa meeting and ask them. I think it's odd to ask for this kinda advice on a football message board. I'm sorry but it's not a fantasy football trade. The best advice I can give is to seek expert help and put in the real work. If you came here to vent then that's fine but you asked for advice and I have my best. You can expect me to just tell you want you want to here. I wish you and him the best.
i get what you were saying but i was asking for advice. Your honest advice went to shit when you told me why am i asking here...
dude. Appreciate your take on this but you have my permission to not reply back here
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Do you realize you're offering advice while being an ass?
Im sorry it came off this way. I gave my two cents and I'll let you guys proceed. Gl to op and his cousin.
Perhaps someone can give you an intervention with your disease of multiple handles and obsessively trolling.
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In comment 13014041 AP in Halfmoon said:
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Do you realize you're offering advice while being an ass?
Im sorry it came off this way. I gave my two cents and I'll let you guys proceed. Gl to op and his cousin.
Perhaps someone can give you an intervention with your disease of multiple handles and obsessively trolling.
Link - ( New Window )
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In comment 13014049 Azzuri blue said:
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In comment 13014041 AP in Halfmoon said:
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Do you realize you're offering advice while being an ass?
Im sorry it came off this way. I gave my two cents and I'll let you guys proceed. Gl to op and his cousin.
Perhaps someone can give you an intervention with your disease of multiple handles and obsessively trolling.
the only one trolling here is you. Get a life loser. I gave honest and frankly the best advice anyone else here gave. Dupe.
You're the bestest troll. Just like your advice.
Back to the task at hand...
Back to the task at hand...
Eh...the mods have been notified as they requested previously. He'll be gone soon enough.
That is all that matters...getting them in. The most dug-in addict/alcoholic can often have a wake up call in rehab and find a new hope to do the work to turn their lives around. There is no way of telling, but it often does work or at least pushes the process forward enough.
And at least the loved ones will know that they tried should things end up in death or disappearance or whatever. There is always hope, but ones expectations need to be realistic and accepting of the lack of control over the situation.
Bump. Al-Anon was a big help to me.