The daughter of an old friend of ours is getting married on L.I. this coming weekend. How much is an appropriate gift these days for a retired couple flying to NY for the wedding, lol?
but the going rate for a wedding these days is more like $300 per couple and that's the "lower" end of the scale but appropriate for a friends daughter (as opposed to family).
$300 is generally seen as a nice gift, I think $200 would be light.
matches the cost per plate for the wedding. But if you're friend's daughter is a decent person then she'll likely appreciate whatever you're able to offer.
Vogue says $100-150.for an area like LI is acceptable Â
I am old enough to remember that the purpose of a wedding reception was to introduce the new couple to friends and family.
The GUESTS were the focus. After the dinner and toasts the couple were expected to slip out on their way to a honeymoon.
Gifts were just that, gifts; not the price of admission.
Of course if you were Italian, Mamma or Nonna had her table where she exchanged a gauze bag of pastries for "a little something" to help the couple get going. You threw in what you could afford. No one said anything if you bypassed that table; especially if YOU were newly wed.
take that into the equation. People inviting friends or relatives from out of town either want a decline with a small gift or a confirmed with a full gift, I think that's bullshit. Those that came out of town at our wedding gave smaller gifts and we were perfectly fine with it.
RE: Vogue says $100-150.for an area like LI is acceptable Â
No offense but $100 per person is cheap. That will not even cover the cost of the plate at a lot of places. The best thing to do is call up the place and find out what they charge per head and then plan accordingly. Saturday nights are the most expensive. Nights are more expensive than day weddings.
I recently just had my wedding at Land's End in Sayville which is a very nice place. It was about $150 per head before taxes and it ended up about $200 per head. I can say that is was easily the best cocktail hour I have ever been to. They had an insane amount of food.
We just went to a wedding last night that was fucking awful. There basically was no cocktail hour.
Imo, if you cannot at least cover the plate then you shouldn't go. Â
A wedding is nice and all but a big purpose of having a wedding is to help the couple get started off on the right foot not waste money on people coming to a party.
And that Vogue article makes absolutely no sense. Â
You cannot categorize Long Island into $100- $150 per head. There are some insane places to get married at on Long Island and there are some smaller venues. Like I said, Saturday nights are the most expensive with a small discount on Fridays and Sundays. Nights are more than days. Each month is different. September is supposedly becoming the highest priced month. Anything from Memorial Day to Labor Day will be expensive compared to October to April. Holidays you usually get a discount which is why you see a lot of people getting married on holidays like the 4th.
Like I said, the best thing to do is call up the place and find out what they charge per head with taxes. pj is about right with $300 per couple being on the lower end but acceptable for a couple flying in from Florida.
if someone is going to get married at a place that's $200 a head, I think it's wildly unrealistic to expect that in return from your guests, and not necessary. We got all sorts of gift ranges and we're just happy to get whatever people can afford.
When someone has a $100k wedding it should not be on the guests to cover those costs.
RE: Imo, if you cannot at least cover the plate then you shouldn't go. Â
A wedding is nice and all but a big purpose of having a wedding is to help the couple get started off on the right foot not waste money on people coming to a party.
That is such a ridiculous take. If you can't afford a big wedding have a small one. If you want to spend $50k on a wedding then the expectation shouldn't be that everyone forks over $300 to make sure you break even. i'm getting hitched next summer and I would be grateful if my good friends gave me $100. People spring for airfare, lodging, food, etc. Weddings have become such a racket.
And if i had a friend who got married witht he mindset of Â
if someone is going to get married at a place that's $200 a head, I think it's wildly unrealistic to expect that in return from your guests, and not necessary. We got all sorts of gift ranges and we're just happy to get whatever people can afford.
When someone has a $100k wedding it should not be on the guests to cover those costs.
Bingo. So incredibly self serving to NEED to have a lavish expensive wedding and expect your friends and family to underwrite your fairytale wedding
RE: And if i had a friend who got married witht he mindset of Â
'give me $300 or don't come' I'd gladly decline the invite and probably find a new friend
Agreed 100%. You shouldn't be inviting people for their money. You invite them because you want your closest friends and family to be there to share the moment. This isn't temple where only the ones who pay get a nice seat during Yom Kippur. If people can afford 500, I'm happy. But at my wedding, I had friends in grad school/med school and I was happy they attended (and 95% gave good gifts). I didn't send them an invoice for their plate if the gift was "less."
if someone is going to get married at a place that's $200 a head, I think it's wildly unrealistic to expect that in return from your guests, and not necessary. We got all sorts of gift ranges and we're just happy to get whatever people can afford.
When someone has a $100k wedding it should not be on the guests to cover those costs.
Did I say that? Way to put words in my mouth. I said if a person can't cover the plate then they probably shouldn't go. I didn't say I expected everybody to pay that plate. I am talking about the viewpoint of the person attending. Nice try though. I wasn't expecting people to pay for the DJ, flowers, photo booth, limo, wedding service, etc. However, people are eating the food. To me, common courtesy is to cover the plate. If I cannot do that then I am not going but I will give the couple a gift in the mail.
RE: RE: Imo, if you cannot at least cover the plate then you shouldn't go. Â
A wedding is nice and all but a big purpose of having a wedding is to help the couple get started off on the right foot not waste money on people coming to a party.
That is such a ridiculous take. If you can't afford a big wedding have a small one. If you want to spend $50k on a wedding then the expectation shouldn't be that everyone forks over $300 to make sure you break even. i'm getting hitched next summer and I would be grateful if my good friends gave me $100. People spring for airfare, lodging, food, etc. Weddings have become such a racket.
It isn't a ridiculous statement. It is difficult to start of a life on the right foot. Most people are still in debt from college. Most people will be in debt from their wedding. Weddings are fucking annoying imo. It has become a racket as you said. Different strokes for different folks. Imo, if it was up to me I would have kept my wedding small. However, when you come from certain families everybody has opinions especially the ones helping out. I got into multiple arguments with my father. His mentality is invite more people because that means more money. My take was I don't want half the people on the list because I don't even fucking know them. More people mean more expenses. In a perfect world none of that would matter but we don't live in a perfect world and some peopld are just invited for the gift. Sad but true.
RE: And if i had a friend who got married witht he mindset of Â
'give me $300 or don't come' I'd gladly decline the invite and probably find a new friend
Agreed 100%. You shouldn't be inviting people for their money. You invite them because you want your closest friends and family to be there to share the moment. This isn't temple where only the ones who pay get a nice seat during Yom Kippur. If people can afford 500, I'm happy. But at my wedding, I had friends in grad school/med school and I was happy they attended (and 95% gave good gifts). I didn't send them an invoice for their plate if the gift was "less."
if someone is going to get married at a place that's $200 a head, I think it's wildly unrealistic to expect that in return from your guests, and not necessary. We got all sorts of gift ranges and we're just happy to get whatever people can afford.
When someone has a $100k wedding it should not be on the guests to cover those costs.
Bingo. So incredibly self serving to NEED to have a lavish expensive wedding and expect your friends and family to underwrite your fairytale wedding
You are just fucking ridiculous. This couldn't be further from the truth.
I would never expect a minimun from anyone invited to my wedding. They were invited because they deserved their plate. Not because they can now afford it. Pay for a wedding you can afford. Not one your friends and family can pay you back for.
I would never expect a minimun from anyone invited to my wedding. They were invited because they deserved their plate. Not because they can now afford it. Pay for a wedding you can afford. Not one your friends and family can pay you back for.
Apparently, nobody can read. Did I say I expectes anybody to cover a plate at my wedding? No. As a guest, that is different. I always want to cover my plate and then some when I go to a wedding. I guess I am coming off bad because I like to cover the plate of food.
You have half and half on this topic. One, people say $100 per head is good. Others are saying that is too low and $150 is the minimum per person.
I posted that my wedding was $200 a head when tax was included because someone is posting a Vogue article saying $100- $150 per person for Long Island is good. I said that is ridiculous because you cannot categorize Long Island or any area like that. You dont do it by area you do it by venue. My point of showing the price was that there are places that cost well more than $100 per head.
Not once did I expect my guests to pay us $200 or more a person. I knew that wasn't realistic. I chose to have my wedding on a Friday night but then my dad got annoyed because he said most people work on a Friday. What he really meant was that he works on Friday. We changed the month as well. We never wanted it to be as expensive as it was but I did it to accommodate my father who was helping us out. I guess I am coming off bad because of that too.
It was what you feel comfortable with and can afford. I don't know where this notion came from that your gift has to cover the cost per plate. That is BS. You are a guest and you give a gift because you want to and can. It is none of your business what they spend per guest.
And, if they are paying for their own wedding and doing it on the cheap, you give less because they paid less?
You are flying in and I presume staying somewhere as well. IF you deem $200 what you can afford and feel comfortable with, that should be received as a lovely gift.
I would never expect a minimun from anyone invited to my wedding. They were invited because they deserved their plate. Not because they can now afford it. Pay for a wedding you can afford. Not one your friends and family can pay you back for.
Well said. If you can't afford the wedding, then don't throw it. The purpose of inviting guests is not to recoup the costs.
if someone is going to get married at a place that's $200 a head, I think it's wildly unrealistic to expect that in return from your guests, and not necessary. We got all sorts of gift ranges and we're just happy to get whatever people can afford.
When someone has a $100k wedding it should not be on the guests to cover those costs.
Did I say that? Way to put words in my mouth. I said if a person can't cover the plate then they probably shouldn't go. I didn't say I expected everybody to pay that plate. I am talking about the viewpoint of the person attending. Nice try though. I wasn't expecting people to pay for the DJ, flowers, photo booth, limo, wedding service, etc. However, people are eating the food. To me, common courtesy is to cover the plate. If I cannot do that then I am not going but I will give the couple a gift in the mail.
If that is how you feel then you shouldn't have invited them. You don't invite people to your wedding based on their ability to pay you back. You invite people you (or your parents) want to share the joyous occasion with.
It was what you feel comfortable with and can afford. I don't know where this notion came from that your gift has to cover the cost per plate. That is BS. You are a guest and you give a gift because you want to and can. It is none of your business what they spend per guest.
And, if they are paying for their own wedding and doing it on the cheap, you give less because they paid less?
You are flying in and I presume staying somewhere as well. IF you deem $200 what you can afford and feel comfortable with, that should be received as a lovely gift.
No, I wouldn't give less. This is the way I look at it. I have a minimum I give. If I know the wedding costs more then I will bump up the amount. If I eat at McDonald's and I eat and a nice steak restaurant I don't pretend that I will spend the same amount of money. I know I will spend more at that steak restaurant. Yes, everybody is entitled to give whatever gift they feel comfortable. However, I like to give more than they spent on the food that I will eat. If that is looked down upon then so be it.
People are taking what I am saying out of context. That is the way I was raised and all my close friends share the same outlook. I don't expect everybody to have the same outlook. As the groom I never expected that same mentality of others and was thankful for what I got as gifts. As an attemdee I look at it differently. I dont start our with a chunk of change amd take money out of the card during the wedding based on the venue. However, I will throw more money in if I know that it is being held at a place where it is more expensive.
I have a minimum of $150 for me or $300 if both me and my wife goes. She does the same. My buddy just got married and we gave more than that. I think the price changes on who the person is too. If it is a close friend or sibling then you would give more.
I would never expect a minimun from anyone invited to my wedding. They were invited because they deserved their plate. Not because they can now afford it. Pay for a wedding you can afford. Not one your friends and family can pay you back for.
Well said. If you can't afford the wedding, then don't throw it. The purpose of inviting guests is not to recoup the costs.
Holy shit. The only thing coming off bad is your English teachers.
Where did this notion that you should cover the cost of your plateq Â
come from? Seriously...you should call the place to find out the cost? That is garish and tactless.
Guests at your wedding should give you what they want, can afford, are comfortable with, etc. There are some people/cultures that don't even believe in giving cash. Some people with plenty of money will surprise by how little they give and some with nothing will surprise with their generosity and plenty that fall in the middle.
Our wedding was paid for by my wife's mom. This may old fashioned for the parents to pay, but that is also a factor and one that is none of the guests' business. The gift is to the couple because you care for them and want to help them out to get started in life.
if someone is going to get married at a place that's $200 a head, I think it's wildly unrealistic to expect that in return from your guests, and not necessary. We got all sorts of gift ranges and we're just happy to get whatever people can afford.
When someone has a $100k wedding it should not be on the guests to cover those costs.
Did I say that? Way to put words in my mouth. I said if a person can't cover the plate then they probably shouldn't go. I didn't say I expected everybody to pay that plate. I am talking about the viewpoint of the person attending. Nice try though. I wasn't expecting people to pay for the DJ, flowers, photo booth, limo, wedding service, etc. However, people are eating the food. To me, common courtesy is to cover the plate. If I cannot do that then I am not going but I will give the couple a gift in the mail.
If that is how you feel then you shouldn't have invited them. You don't invite people to your wedding based on their ability to pay you back. You invite people you (or your parents) want to share the joyous occasion with.
If only is was that simple. I agree that is how it should be. But that is not how things work out. This isn't a perfect world. Seek first to understand then to be understood.
RE: Where did this notion that you should cover the cost of your plateq Â
come from? Seriously...you should call the place to find out the cost? That is garish and tactless.
Guests at your wedding should give you what they want, can afford, are comfortable with, etc. There are some people/cultures that don't even believe in giving cash. Some people with plenty of money will surprise by how little they give and some with nothing will surprise with their generosity and plenty that fall in the middle.
Our wedding was paid for by my wife's mom. This may old fashioned for the parents to pay, but that is also a factor and one that is none of the guests' business. The gift is to the couple because you care for them and want to help them out to get started in life.
That is very nice that that was done for you. If only everybody's wedding was like that.
But I stated that because he is not from the area. He is asking us because he doesn't know. You aren't going to ask the bride/groom or his friend. So, if he really wants to know then that was my suggestion. Imo, just saying Long Island doesn't mean anything? Why bring that up then? Is that a factor tha goes into the gift? How is that any better than basing it off of the cost of the plate? Why do we leave tips based off of the price of a meal? People base one thing off of another. You can criticize one person's views because you have different views. I get it. I don't agree with it but I get it.
if someone is going to get married at a place that's $200 a head, I think it's wildly unrealistic to expect that in return from your guests, and not necessary. We got all sorts of gift ranges and we're just happy to get whatever people can afford.
When someone has a $100k wedding it should not be on the guests to cover those costs.
Did I say that? Way to put words in my mouth. I said if a person can't cover the plate then they probably shouldn't go. I didn't say I expected everybody to pay that plate. I am talking about the viewpoint of the person attending. Nice try though. I wasn't expecting people to pay for the DJ, flowers, photo booth, limo, wedding service, etc. However, people are eating the food. To me, common courtesy is to cover the plate. If I cannot do that then I am not going but I will give the couple a gift in the mail.
I didn't say you said anything, in fact, I didn't even respond to you.
I was the only one that brought up $200 per head amd I was the only one that mentioned covering the cost of a plate. Excuse me if you were not addressing me. It just appeared that way since I was the only one that mentioned those two things.
People are responding to me negatively for a couple of reasons which I think are being taken out of context. The only thing that I said that after rereading it came across wrong was not showing up to the wedding if you cannot cover the cost. That is just my belief and not necessarily one that everybody would follow. I just know the stresses that come along with paying for a wedding. Everybody talks about the wonderful celebration but that is short lived. There is a ton of stress that not everybody goes through but enough do with paying for the wedding and the last thing that I, personally, want to do is be a financial burden on them. Not everybody has to agree with my thinking and I can see that obviously not everybody does. I want that gift to cover more than my food. They are paying for me so I want to be responsible for what I eat and give them a little money on top of that to help get them started.
I know that post came out harsh so maybe this one comes out better.
if someone is going to get married at a place that's $200 a head, I think it's wildly unrealistic to expect that in return from your guests, and not necessary. We got all sorts of gift ranges and we're just happy to get whatever people can afford.
When someone has a $100k wedding it should not be on the guests to cover those costs.
Did I say that? Way to put words in my mouth. I said if a person can't cover the plate then they probably shouldn't go. I didn't say I expected everybody to pay that plate. I am talking about the viewpoint of the person attending. Nice try though. I wasn't expecting people to pay for the DJ, flowers, photo booth, limo, wedding service, etc. However, people are eating the food. To me, common courtesy is to cover the plate. If I cannot do that then I am not going but I will give the couple a gift in the mail.
If that is how you feel then you shouldn't have invited them. You don't invite people to your wedding based on their ability to pay you back. You invite people you (or your parents) want to share the joyous occasion with.
If only is was that simple. I agree that is how it should be. But that is not how things work out. This isn't a perfect world. Seek first to understand then to be understood.
IT is that simple. You invite people you want there, or who your parents want there. They are your guests and they give a gift based on what they are comfortable with, can afford, and think is appropriate. Period.
RE: Imo, if you cannot at least cover the plate then you shouldn't go. Â
A wedding is nice and all but a big purpose of having a wedding is to help the couple get started off on the right foot not waste money on people coming to a party.
if someone is going to get married at a place that's $200 a head, I think it's wildly unrealistic to expect that in return from your guests, and not necessary. We got all sorts of gift ranges and we're just happy to get whatever people can afford.
When someone has a $100k wedding it should not be on the guests to cover those costs.
Did I say that? Way to put words in my mouth. I said if a person can't cover the plate then they probably shouldn't go. I didn't say I expected everybody to pay that plate. I am talking about the viewpoint of the person attending. Nice try though. I wasn't expecting people to pay for the DJ, flowers, photo booth, limo, wedding service, etc. However, people are eating the food. To me, common courtesy is to cover the plate. If I cannot do that then I am not going but I will give the couple a gift in the mail.
If that is how you feel then you shouldn't have invited them. You don't invite people to your wedding based on their ability to pay you back. You invite people you (or your parents) want to share the joyous occasion with.
If only is was that simple. I agree that is how it should be. But that is not how things work out. This isn't a perfect world. Seek first to understand then to be understood.
IT is that simple. You invite people you want there, or who your parents want there. They are your guests and they give a gift based on what they are comfortable with, can afford, and think is appropriate. Period.
Oh, it is that simple? My list consisted over 330 people and about half of that was what my wife and I wanted. Try finding a place that holds a shitload of people. I had to not invite guests that I wanted so that my family could have people there that I didn't even know just to avoid the fighting that was occurring and to try and make it a memorable day. It is really enjoyable when others get involved. It is easy to say it is your wedding so what you say goes. Yry walking in someone else's shoes. Your sitiation does not pertain to everybody. Consider yourself lucky to be in the situation you are in but stop trying to pretend that everything is simple and all rainbows.
RE: RE: Imo, if you cannot at least cover the plate then you shouldn't go. Â
A wedding is nice and all but a big purpose of having a wedding is to help the couple get started off on the right foot not waste money on people coming to a party.
Huh?
Reread my post above to UConn.
RE: RE: Where did this notion that you should cover the cost of your plateq Â
come from? Seriously...you should call the place to find out the cost? That is garish and tactless.
Guests at your wedding should give you what they want, can afford, are comfortable with, etc. There are some people/cultures that don't even believe in giving cash. Some people with plenty of money will surprise by how little they give and some with nothing will surprise with their generosity and plenty that fall in the middle.
Our wedding was paid for by my wife's mom. This may old fashioned for the parents to pay, but that is also a factor and one that is none of the guests' business. The gift is to the couple because you care for them and want to help them out to get started in life.
That is very nice that that was done for you. If only everybody's wedding was like that.
It is amazing it was done for us. But, I wouldn't have expected anyone to give gifts differently if we paid for the wedding ourselves. Expectations are so often wrong anyway. As I said previously, there were people with a lot of money that gave next to nothing and people scraping by who gave a lot. There are people who canceled at the last minute and gave nothing. And on and on. People gave what they wanted, what they could, what made them happy, etc. It's not for you or anyone else to say what that number is.
I do agree with you that asking about LI isn't really helpful. It depends on a lot of factors what the "going rate" could/should be for a wedding.
come from? Seriously...you should call the place to find out the cost? That is garish and tactless.
Guests at your wedding should give you what they want, can afford, are comfortable with, etc. There are some people/cultures that don't even believe in giving cash. Some people with plenty of money will surprise by how little they give and some with nothing will surprise with their generosity and plenty that fall in the middle.
Our wedding was paid for by my wife's mom. This may old fashioned for the parents to pay, but that is also a factor and one that is none of the guests' business. The gift is to the couple because you care for them and want to help them out to get started in life.
That is very nice that that was done for you. If only everybody's wedding was like that.
It is amazing it was done for us. But, I wouldn't have expected anyone to give gifts differently if we paid for the wedding ourselves. Expectations are so often wrong anyway. As I said previously, there were people with a lot of money that gave next to nothing and people scraping by who gave a lot. There are people who canceled at the last minute and gave nothing. And on and on. People gave what they wanted, what they could, what made them happy, etc. It's not for you or anyone else to say what that number is.
I do agree with you that asking about LI isn't really helpful. It depends on a lot of factors what the "going rate" could/should be for a wedding.
100%. My dad wanted "his people" there to help us out. We didn't want them there. The majority of his people gave very little and my friends gave a lot. I talk to a lot of people and it is all over the place. You cannot say friends give more. You cannot say family members give more. Every group is different. Every person is different. Believe me, we wanted it done your way. But when you have type A personalities along with stubborn Italians it leads to more issues than anything else.
if someone is going to get married at a place that's $200 a head, I think it's wildly unrealistic to expect that in return from your guests, and not necessary. We got all sorts of gift ranges and we're just happy to get whatever people can afford.
When someone has a $100k wedding it should not be on the guests to cover those costs.
Did I say that? Way to put words in my mouth. I said if a person can't cover the plate then they probably shouldn't go. I didn't say I expected everybody to pay that plate. I am talking about the viewpoint of the person attending. Nice try though. I wasn't expecting people to pay for the DJ, flowers, photo booth, limo, wedding service, etc. However, people are eating the food. To me, common courtesy is to cover the plate. If I cannot do that then I am not going but I will give the couple a gift in the mail.
If that is how you feel then you shouldn't have invited them. You don't invite people to your wedding based on their ability to pay you back. You invite people you (or your parents) want to share the joyous occasion with.
If only is was that simple. I agree that is how it should be. But that is not how things work out. This isn't a perfect world. Seek first to understand then to be understood.
IT is that simple. You invite people you want there, or who your parents want there. They are your guests and they give a gift based on what they are comfortable with, can afford, and think is appropriate. Period.
Oh, it is that simple? My list consisted over 330 people and about half of that was what my wife and I wanted. Try finding a place that holds a shitload of people. I had to not invite guests that I wanted so that my family could have people there that I didn't even know just to avoid the fighting that was occurring and to try and make it a memorable day. It is really enjoyable when others get involved. It is easy to say it is your wedding so what you say goes. Yry walking in someone else's shoes. Your sitiation does not pertain to everybody. Consider yourself lucky to be in the situation you are in but stop trying to pretend that everything is simple and all rainbows.
I didn't say anyone else's situation is rainbows, easy, etc.
If you are paying, you make an affair you can afford. If you can't afford to have 330 people, then you don't invite them. We invited people we didn't know and had to leave off people because of budget, size of venue, etc. The point is, the people that were invited were invited because we or our parents wanted them there. That is what is simple. They are guests, not paying customers and not there for the hosts to recoup their money.
RE: RE: RE: RE: Where did this notion that you should cover the cost of your plateq Â
come from? Seriously...you should call the place to find out the cost? That is garish and tactless.
Guests at your wedding should give you what they want, can afford, are comfortable with, etc. There are some people/cultures that don't even believe in giving cash. Some people with plenty of money will surprise by how little they give and some with nothing will surprise with their generosity and plenty that fall in the middle.
Our wedding was paid for by my wife's mom. This may old fashioned for the parents to pay, but that is also a factor and one that is none of the guests' business. The gift is to the couple because you care for them and want to help them out to get started in life.
That is very nice that that was done for you. If only everybody's wedding was like that.
It is amazing it was done for us. But, I wouldn't have expected anyone to give gifts differently if we paid for the wedding ourselves. Expectations are so often wrong anyway. As I said previously, there were people with a lot of money that gave next to nothing and people scraping by who gave a lot. There are people who canceled at the last minute and gave nothing. And on and on. People gave what they wanted, what they could, what made them happy, etc. It's not for you or anyone else to say what that number is.
I do agree with you that asking about LI isn't really helpful. It depends on a lot of factors what the "going rate" could/should be for a wedding.
100%. My dad wanted "his people" there to help us out. We didn't want them there. The majority of his people gave very little and my friends gave a lot. I talk to a lot of people and it is all over the place. You cannot say friends give more. You cannot say family members give more. Every group is different. Every person is different. Believe me, we wanted it done your way. But when you have type A personalities along with stubborn Italians it leads to more issues than anything else.
To further add to this, when we were sending out invitations to the people my family wanted we had to hunt for their addresses. I kept asking for their information. It took forever to get. I kept asking how to spell their names. He couldn't even answer that. We sent out invitations with incorrect names on them. It was embarrassing and we never wanted that. Then we get responses like people couldn't go because one person was in jail and otherw were dead. No joke.
RE: RE: RE: RE: Where did this notion that you should cover the cost of your plateq Â
come from? Seriously...you should call the place to find out the cost? That is garish and tactless.
Guests at your wedding should give you what they want, can afford, are comfortable with, etc. There are some people/cultures that don't even believe in giving cash. Some people with plenty of money will surprise by how little they give and some with nothing will surprise with their generosity and plenty that fall in the middle.
Our wedding was paid for by my wife's mom. This may old fashioned for the parents to pay, but that is also a factor and one that is none of the guests' business. The gift is to the couple because you care for them and want to help them out to get started in life.
That is very nice that that was done for you. If only everybody's wedding was like that.
It is amazing it was done for us. But, I wouldn't have expected anyone to give gifts differently if we paid for the wedding ourselves. Expectations are so often wrong anyway. As I said previously, there were people with a lot of money that gave next to nothing and people scraping by who gave a lot. There are people who canceled at the last minute and gave nothing. And on and on. People gave what they wanted, what they could, what made them happy, etc. It's not for you or anyone else to say what that number is.
I do agree with you that asking about LI isn't really helpful. It depends on a lot of factors what the "going rate" could/should be for a wedding.
100%. My dad wanted "his people" there to help us out. We didn't want them there. The majority of his people gave very little and my friends gave a lot. I talk to a lot of people and it is all over the place. You cannot say friends give more. You cannot say family members give more. Every group is different. Every person is different. Believe me, we wanted it done your way. But when you have type A personalities along with stubborn Italians it leads to more issues than anything else.
On this I agree. Friends of my wife's parents that are loaded gave very little. A long time business associate of her late dad, who still had business dealings with the family canceled literally the day of. He is loaded and he sent nothing.
Others, who had little to give gave more than some of these people. And, everything in between. We had no expectations and I don't begrudge anyone, with one exception. The one guy who gave nothing I think was a cheap, miserable bastard. And, her mom had just gone to his son's wedding just a few months earlier, which I guess doesn't really matter either.
RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Where did this notion that you should cover the cost of your plateq Â
come from? Seriously...you should call the place to find out the cost? That is garish and tactless.
Guests at your wedding should give you what they want, can afford, are comfortable with, etc. There are some people/cultures that don't even believe in giving cash. Some people with plenty of money will surprise by how little they give and some with nothing will surprise with their generosity and plenty that fall in the middle.
Our wedding was paid for by my wife's mom. This may old fashioned for the parents to pay, but that is also a factor and one that is none of the guests' business. The gift is to the couple because you care for them and want to help them out to get started in life.
That is very nice that that was done for you. If only everybody's wedding was like that.
It is amazing it was done for us. But, I wouldn't have expected anyone to give gifts differently if we paid for the wedding ourselves. Expectations are so often wrong anyway. As I said previously, there were people with a lot of money that gave next to nothing and people scraping by who gave a lot. There are people who canceled at the last minute and gave nothing. And on and on. People gave what they wanted, what they could, what made them happy, etc. It's not for you or anyone else to say what that number is.
I do agree with you that asking about LI isn't really helpful. It depends on a lot of factors what the "going rate" could/should be for a wedding.
100%. My dad wanted "his people" there to help us out. We didn't want them there. The majority of his people gave very little and my friends gave a lot. I talk to a lot of people and it is all over the place. You cannot say friends give more. You cannot say family members give more. Every group is different. Every person is different. Believe me, we wanted it done your way. But when you have type A personalities along with stubborn Italians it leads to more issues than anything else.
To further add to this, when we were sending out invitations to the people my family wanted we had to hunt for their addresses. I kept asking for their information. It took forever to get. I kept asking how to spell their names. He couldn't even answer that. We sent out invitations with incorrect names on them. It was embarrassing and we never wanted that. Then we get responses like people couldn't go because one person was in jail and otherw were dead. No joke.
No doubt, that does suck. And you paid? Then you should have put your foot down.
if someone is going to get married at a place that's $200 a head, I think it's wildly unrealistic to expect that in return from your guests, and not necessary. We got all sorts of gift ranges and we're just happy to get whatever people can afford.
When someone has a $100k wedding it should not be on the guests to cover those costs.
Did I say that? Way to put words in my mouth. I said if a person can't cover the plate then they probably shouldn't go. I didn't say I expected everybody to pay that plate. I am talking about the viewpoint of the person attending. Nice try though. I wasn't expecting people to pay for the DJ, flowers, photo booth, limo, wedding service, etc. However, people are eating the food. To me, common courtesy is to cover the plate. If I cannot do that then I am not going but I will give the couple a gift in the mail.
If that is how you feel then you shouldn't have invited them. You don't invite people to your wedding based on their ability to pay you back. You invite people you (or your parents) want to share the joyous occasion with.
If only is was that simple. I agree that is how it should be. But that is not how things work out. This isn't a perfect world. Seek first to understand then to be understood.
IT is that simple. You invite people you want there, or who your parents want there. They are your guests and they give a gift based on what they are comfortable with, can afford, and think is appropriate. Period.
Oh, it is that simple? My list consisted over 330 people and about half of that was what my wife and I wanted. Try finding a place that holds a shitload of people. I had to not invite guests that I wanted so that my family could have people there that I didn't even know just to avoid the fighting that was occurring and to try and make it a memorable day. It is really enjoyable when others get involved. It is easy to say it is your wedding so what you say goes. Yry walking in someone else's shoes. Your sitiation does not pertain to everybody. Consider yourself lucky to be in the situation you are in but stop trying to pretend that everything is simple and all rainbows.
I didn't say anyone else's situation is rainbows, easy, etc.
If you are paying, you make an affair you can afford. If you can't afford to have 330 people, then you don't invite them. We invited people we didn't know and had to leave off people because of budget, size of venue, etc. The point is, the people that were invited were invited because we or our parents wanted them there. That is what is simple. They are guests, not paying customers and not there for the hosts to recoup their money.
Once again, I never said I wanted my wedding to recoup money. There are two different viewpoints that you aren't understanding. I have a different mentality as an attendee. You say just invite the people that your family wants, right? I keep saying it is not that simple. My brother got married awhile ago. My parents and his fiancé's parents were splitting the bill. My brother's side had at least twice as many guests as her side. They were supposed to split the money evenly. My brother didn't think it was fair. My dad threw in more money. Then his fiancé wanted a band and not a DJ. Her dad ran out of money and came to my dad asking to borrow money. Long story short is that there was a big argument. The two sides didn't really talk after that. It put a lot of strain on the marriage and eventually it ended.
I saw all this happen amd I wasn't going to let that happen. When things got tough for us with all the people being invited all costs went up. Centerpieces, invitations, flowers, plates of food, etc. My wife's family doesn't have a lot of money. My dad kept asking us how much are they throwing in. He says it was just to know how much he had to lay out. I told him it was none of his business and we aren't keeping track. That started a huge argument. My wife and I basically covered a good portion of her family to cover what my dad was putting in just to avoid issues so we didn't have any strain on our marriage amd especially when we started having kids. It worked but put a lot of stress on us financially.
Our wedding wasn't looked at as a way to make money but it isn't as simple as invite who you want amd who your family wants and find the perfect place. There were limited places we could look at based on the amount of people we were inviting. Thank God we had a lot of cancelations.
My wife's nephew got married and they spent a lot on the wedding. Her side has money. I have three kids who were invited. I'm supposed to give 750-1000 dollars to attend. I'm sorry I can't afford that plus the cloths, hotels, etc. Should I have said 'No, we can't attend? That is such bullshit.
I gave what we could. The couple being good people accepted it and thanked us.
When my wife and I were married, we paid for the wedding. We did NOT look at the gifts from a monetary standpoint.
If certain family members insist upon managing the guest list,. Â
$300 is generally seen as a nice gift, I think $200 would be light.
http://www.vogue.com/13415460/weddings-wedding-gift-buying-spending-giving-rules/
The GUESTS were the focus. After the dinner and toasts the couple were expected to slip out on their way to a honeymoon.
Gifts were just that, gifts; not the price of admission.
Of course if you were Italian, Mamma or Nonna had her table where she exchanged a gauze bag of pastries for "a little something" to help the couple get going. You threw in what you could afford. No one said anything if you bypassed that table; especially if YOU were newly wed.
http://www.vogue.com/13415460/weddings-wedding-gift-buying-spending-giving-rules/
No offense but $100 per person is cheap. That will not even cover the cost of the plate at a lot of places. The best thing to do is call up the place and find out what they charge per head and then plan accordingly. Saturday nights are the most expensive. Nights are more expensive than day weddings.
I recently just had my wedding at Land's End in Sayville which is a very nice place. It was about $150 per head before taxes and it ended up about $200 per head. I can say that is was easily the best cocktail hour I have ever been to. They had an insane amount of food.
We just went to a wedding last night that was fucking awful. There basically was no cocktail hour.
Like I said, the best thing to do is call up the place and find out what they charge per head with taxes. pj is about right with $300 per couple being on the lower end but acceptable for a couple flying in from Florida.
When someone has a $100k wedding it should not be on the guests to cover those costs.
That is such a ridiculous take. If you can't afford a big wedding have a small one. If you want to spend $50k on a wedding then the expectation shouldn't be that everyone forks over $300 to make sure you break even. i'm getting hitched next summer and I would be grateful if my good friends gave me $100. People spring for airfare, lodging, food, etc. Weddings have become such a racket.
When someone has a $100k wedding it should not be on the guests to cover those costs.
Bingo. So incredibly self serving to NEED to have a lavish expensive wedding and expect your friends and family to underwrite your fairytale wedding
Agreed 100%. You shouldn't be inviting people for their money. You invite them because you want your closest friends and family to be there to share the moment. This isn't temple where only the ones who pay get a nice seat during Yom Kippur. If people can afford 500, I'm happy. But at my wedding, I had friends in grad school/med school and I was happy they attended (and 95% gave good gifts). I didn't send them an invoice for their plate if the gift was "less."
When someone has a $100k wedding it should not be on the guests to cover those costs.
Did I say that? Way to put words in my mouth. I said if a person can't cover the plate then they probably shouldn't go. I didn't say I expected everybody to pay that plate. I am talking about the viewpoint of the person attending. Nice try though. I wasn't expecting people to pay for the DJ, flowers, photo booth, limo, wedding service, etc. However, people are eating the food. To me, common courtesy is to cover the plate. If I cannot do that then I am not going but I will give the couple a gift in the mail.
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A wedding is nice and all but a big purpose of having a wedding is to help the couple get started off on the right foot not waste money on people coming to a party.
That is such a ridiculous take. If you can't afford a big wedding have a small one. If you want to spend $50k on a wedding then the expectation shouldn't be that everyone forks over $300 to make sure you break even. i'm getting hitched next summer and I would be grateful if my good friends gave me $100. People spring for airfare, lodging, food, etc. Weddings have become such a racket.
It isn't a ridiculous statement. It is difficult to start of a life on the right foot. Most people are still in debt from college. Most people will be in debt from their wedding. Weddings are fucking annoying imo. It has become a racket as you said. Different strokes for different folks. Imo, if it was up to me I would have kept my wedding small. However, when you come from certain families everybody has opinions especially the ones helping out. I got into multiple arguments with my father. His mentality is invite more people because that means more money. My take was I don't want half the people on the list because I don't even fucking know them. More people mean more expenses. In a perfect world none of that would matter but we don't live in a perfect world and some peopld are just invited for the gift. Sad but true.
Once again, another misread post.
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'give me $300 or don't come' I'd gladly decline the invite and probably find a new friend
Agreed 100%. You shouldn't be inviting people for their money. You invite them because you want your closest friends and family to be there to share the moment. This isn't temple where only the ones who pay get a nice seat during Yom Kippur. If people can afford 500, I'm happy. But at my wedding, I had friends in grad school/med school and I was happy they attended (and 95% gave good gifts). I didn't send them an invoice for their plate if the gift was "less."
Agreed if we lived in a perfect world.
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if someone is going to get married at a place that's $200 a head, I think it's wildly unrealistic to expect that in return from your guests, and not necessary. We got all sorts of gift ranges and we're just happy to get whatever people can afford.
When someone has a $100k wedding it should not be on the guests to cover those costs.
Bingo. So incredibly self serving to NEED to have a lavish expensive wedding and expect your friends and family to underwrite your fairytale wedding
You are just fucking ridiculous. This couldn't be further from the truth.
I would never expect a minimun from anyone invited to my wedding. They were invited because they deserved their plate. Not because they can now afford it. Pay for a wedding you can afford. Not one your friends and family can pay you back for.
I would never expect a minimun from anyone invited to my wedding. They were invited because they deserved their plate. Not because they can now afford it. Pay for a wedding you can afford. Not one your friends and family can pay you back for.
Apparently, nobody can read. Did I say I expectes anybody to cover a plate at my wedding? No. As a guest, that is different. I always want to cover my plate and then some when I go to a wedding. I guess I am coming off bad because I like to cover the plate of food.
I posted that my wedding was $200 a head when tax was included because someone is posting a Vogue article saying $100- $150 per person for Long Island is good. I said that is ridiculous because you cannot categorize Long Island or any area like that. You dont do it by area you do it by venue. My point of showing the price was that there are places that cost well more than $100 per head.
Not once did I expect my guests to pay us $200 or more a person. I knew that wasn't realistic. I chose to have my wedding on a Friday night but then my dad got annoyed because he said most people work on a Friday. What he really meant was that he works on Friday. We changed the month as well. We never wanted it to be as expensive as it was but I did it to accommodate my father who was helping us out. I guess I am coming off bad because of that too.
And, if they are paying for their own wedding and doing it on the cheap, you give less because they paid less?
You are flying in and I presume staying somewhere as well. IF you deem $200 what you can afford and feel comfortable with, that should be received as a lovely gift.
I would never expect a minimun from anyone invited to my wedding. They were invited because they deserved their plate. Not because they can now afford it. Pay for a wedding you can afford. Not one your friends and family can pay you back for.
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if someone is going to get married at a place that's $200 a head, I think it's wildly unrealistic to expect that in return from your guests, and not necessary. We got all sorts of gift ranges and we're just happy to get whatever people can afford.
When someone has a $100k wedding it should not be on the guests to cover those costs.
Did I say that? Way to put words in my mouth. I said if a person can't cover the plate then they probably shouldn't go. I didn't say I expected everybody to pay that plate. I am talking about the viewpoint of the person attending. Nice try though. I wasn't expecting people to pay for the DJ, flowers, photo booth, limo, wedding service, etc. However, people are eating the food. To me, common courtesy is to cover the plate. If I cannot do that then I am not going but I will give the couple a gift in the mail.
And, if they are paying for their own wedding and doing it on the cheap, you give less because they paid less?
You are flying in and I presume staying somewhere as well. IF you deem $200 what you can afford and feel comfortable with, that should be received as a lovely gift.
No, I wouldn't give less. This is the way I look at it. I have a minimum I give. If I know the wedding costs more then I will bump up the amount. If I eat at McDonald's and I eat and a nice steak restaurant I don't pretend that I will spend the same amount of money. I know I will spend more at that steak restaurant. Yes, everybody is entitled to give whatever gift they feel comfortable. However, I like to give more than they spent on the food that I will eat. If that is looked down upon then so be it.
People are taking what I am saying out of context. That is the way I was raised and all my close friends share the same outlook. I don't expect everybody to have the same outlook. As the groom I never expected that same mentality of others and was thankful for what I got as gifts. As an attemdee I look at it differently. I dont start our with a chunk of change amd take money out of the card during the wedding based on the venue. However, I will throw more money in if I know that it is being held at a place where it is more expensive.
I have a minimum of $150 for me or $300 if both me and my wife goes. She does the same. My buddy just got married and we gave more than that. I think the price changes on who the person is too. If it is a close friend or sibling then you would give more.
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You sound pretty bad here.
I would never expect a minimun from anyone invited to my wedding. They were invited because they deserved their plate. Not because they can now afford it. Pay for a wedding you can afford. Not one your friends and family can pay you back for.
Well said. If you can't afford the wedding, then don't throw it. The purpose of inviting guests is not to recoup the costs.
Holy shit. The only thing coming off bad is your English teachers.
Guests at your wedding should give you what they want, can afford, are comfortable with, etc. There are some people/cultures that don't even believe in giving cash. Some people with plenty of money will surprise by how little they give and some with nothing will surprise with their generosity and plenty that fall in the middle.
Our wedding was paid for by my wife's mom. This may old fashioned for the parents to pay, but that is also a factor and one that is none of the guests' business. The gift is to the couple because you care for them and want to help them out to get started in life.
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In comment 13035957 UConn4523 said:
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if someone is going to get married at a place that's $200 a head, I think it's wildly unrealistic to expect that in return from your guests, and not necessary. We got all sorts of gift ranges and we're just happy to get whatever people can afford.
When someone has a $100k wedding it should not be on the guests to cover those costs.
Did I say that? Way to put words in my mouth. I said if a person can't cover the plate then they probably shouldn't go. I didn't say I expected everybody to pay that plate. I am talking about the viewpoint of the person attending. Nice try though. I wasn't expecting people to pay for the DJ, flowers, photo booth, limo, wedding service, etc. However, people are eating the food. To me, common courtesy is to cover the plate. If I cannot do that then I am not going but I will give the couple a gift in the mail.
If that is how you feel then you shouldn't have invited them. You don't invite people to your wedding based on their ability to pay you back. You invite people you (or your parents) want to share the joyous occasion with.
If only is was that simple. I agree that is how it should be. But that is not how things work out. This isn't a perfect world. Seek first to understand then to be understood.
Guests at your wedding should give you what they want, can afford, are comfortable with, etc. There are some people/cultures that don't even believe in giving cash. Some people with plenty of money will surprise by how little they give and some with nothing will surprise with their generosity and plenty that fall in the middle.
Our wedding was paid for by my wife's mom. This may old fashioned for the parents to pay, but that is also a factor and one that is none of the guests' business. The gift is to the couple because you care for them and want to help them out to get started in life.
That is very nice that that was done for you. If only everybody's wedding was like that.
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if someone is going to get married at a place that's $200 a head, I think it's wildly unrealistic to expect that in return from your guests, and not necessary. We got all sorts of gift ranges and we're just happy to get whatever people can afford.
When someone has a $100k wedding it should not be on the guests to cover those costs.
Did I say that? Way to put words in my mouth. I said if a person can't cover the plate then they probably shouldn't go. I didn't say I expected everybody to pay that plate. I am talking about the viewpoint of the person attending. Nice try though. I wasn't expecting people to pay for the DJ, flowers, photo booth, limo, wedding service, etc. However, people are eating the food. To me, common courtesy is to cover the plate. If I cannot do that then I am not going but I will give the couple a gift in the mail.
I didn't say you said anything, in fact, I didn't even respond to you.
People are responding to me negatively for a couple of reasons which I think are being taken out of context. The only thing that I said that after rereading it came across wrong was not showing up to the wedding if you cannot cover the cost. That is just my belief and not necessarily one that everybody would follow. I just know the stresses that come along with paying for a wedding. Everybody talks about the wonderful celebration but that is short lived. There is a ton of stress that not everybody goes through but enough do with paying for the wedding and the last thing that I, personally, want to do is be a financial burden on them. Not everybody has to agree with my thinking and I can see that obviously not everybody does. I want that gift to cover more than my food. They are paying for me so I want to be responsible for what I eat and give them a little money on top of that to help get them started.
I know that post came out harsh so maybe this one comes out better.
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In comment 13035987 robbieballs2003 said:
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In comment 13035957 UConn4523 said:
Quote:
if someone is going to get married at a place that's $200 a head, I think it's wildly unrealistic to expect that in return from your guests, and not necessary. We got all sorts of gift ranges and we're just happy to get whatever people can afford.
When someone has a $100k wedding it should not be on the guests to cover those costs.
Did I say that? Way to put words in my mouth. I said if a person can't cover the plate then they probably shouldn't go. I didn't say I expected everybody to pay that plate. I am talking about the viewpoint of the person attending. Nice try though. I wasn't expecting people to pay for the DJ, flowers, photo booth, limo, wedding service, etc. However, people are eating the food. To me, common courtesy is to cover the plate. If I cannot do that then I am not going but I will give the couple a gift in the mail.
If that is how you feel then you shouldn't have invited them. You don't invite people to your wedding based on their ability to pay you back. You invite people you (or your parents) want to share the joyous occasion with.
If only is was that simple. I agree that is how it should be. But that is not how things work out. This isn't a perfect world. Seek first to understand then to be understood.
Huh?
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In comment 13036028 Matt M. said:
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In comment 13035987 robbieballs2003 said:
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In comment 13035957 UConn4523 said:
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if someone is going to get married at a place that's $200 a head, I think it's wildly unrealistic to expect that in return from your guests, and not necessary. We got all sorts of gift ranges and we're just happy to get whatever people can afford.
When someone has a $100k wedding it should not be on the guests to cover those costs.
Did I say that? Way to put words in my mouth. I said if a person can't cover the plate then they probably shouldn't go. I didn't say I expected everybody to pay that plate. I am talking about the viewpoint of the person attending. Nice try though. I wasn't expecting people to pay for the DJ, flowers, photo booth, limo, wedding service, etc. However, people are eating the food. To me, common courtesy is to cover the plate. If I cannot do that then I am not going but I will give the couple a gift in the mail.
If that is how you feel then you shouldn't have invited them. You don't invite people to your wedding based on their ability to pay you back. You invite people you (or your parents) want to share the joyous occasion with.
If only is was that simple. I agree that is how it should be. But that is not how things work out. This isn't a perfect world. Seek first to understand then to be understood.
IT is that simple. You invite people you want there, or who your parents want there. They are your guests and they give a gift based on what they are comfortable with, can afford, and think is appropriate. Period.
Oh, it is that simple? My list consisted over 330 people and about half of that was what my wife and I wanted. Try finding a place that holds a shitload of people. I had to not invite guests that I wanted so that my family could have people there that I didn't even know just to avoid the fighting that was occurring and to try and make it a memorable day. It is really enjoyable when others get involved. It is easy to say it is your wedding so what you say goes. Yry walking in someone else's shoes. Your sitiation does not pertain to everybody. Consider yourself lucky to be in the situation you are in but stop trying to pretend that everything is simple and all rainbows.
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A wedding is nice and all but a big purpose of having a wedding is to help the couple get started off on the right foot not waste money on people coming to a party.
Huh?
Reread my post above to UConn.
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come from? Seriously...you should call the place to find out the cost? That is garish and tactless.
Guests at your wedding should give you what they want, can afford, are comfortable with, etc. There are some people/cultures that don't even believe in giving cash. Some people with plenty of money will surprise by how little they give and some with nothing will surprise with their generosity and plenty that fall in the middle.
Our wedding was paid for by my wife's mom. This may old fashioned for the parents to pay, but that is also a factor and one that is none of the guests' business. The gift is to the couple because you care for them and want to help them out to get started in life.
That is very nice that that was done for you. If only everybody's wedding was like that.
I do agree with you that asking about LI isn't really helpful. It depends on a lot of factors what the "going rate" could/should be for a wedding.
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In comment 13036033 Matt M. said:
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come from? Seriously...you should call the place to find out the cost? That is garish and tactless.
Guests at your wedding should give you what they want, can afford, are comfortable with, etc. There are some people/cultures that don't even believe in giving cash. Some people with plenty of money will surprise by how little they give and some with nothing will surprise with their generosity and plenty that fall in the middle.
Our wedding was paid for by my wife's mom. This may old fashioned for the parents to pay, but that is also a factor and one that is none of the guests' business. The gift is to the couple because you care for them and want to help them out to get started in life.
That is very nice that that was done for you. If only everybody's wedding was like that.
It is amazing it was done for us. But, I wouldn't have expected anyone to give gifts differently if we paid for the wedding ourselves. Expectations are so often wrong anyway. As I said previously, there were people with a lot of money that gave next to nothing and people scraping by who gave a lot. There are people who canceled at the last minute and gave nothing. And on and on. People gave what they wanted, what they could, what made them happy, etc. It's not for you or anyone else to say what that number is.
I do agree with you that asking about LI isn't really helpful. It depends on a lot of factors what the "going rate" could/should be for a wedding.
100%. My dad wanted "his people" there to help us out. We didn't want them there. The majority of his people gave very little and my friends gave a lot. I talk to a lot of people and it is all over the place. You cannot say friends give more. You cannot say family members give more. Every group is different. Every person is different. Believe me, we wanted it done your way. But when you have type A personalities along with stubborn Italians it leads to more issues than anything else.
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In comment 13036034 robbieballs2003 said:
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In comment 13036028 Matt M. said:
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In comment 13035987 robbieballs2003 said:
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In comment 13035957 UConn4523 said:
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if someone is going to get married at a place that's $200 a head, I think it's wildly unrealistic to expect that in return from your guests, and not necessary. We got all sorts of gift ranges and we're just happy to get whatever people can afford.
When someone has a $100k wedding it should not be on the guests to cover those costs.
Did I say that? Way to put words in my mouth. I said if a person can't cover the plate then they probably shouldn't go. I didn't say I expected everybody to pay that plate. I am talking about the viewpoint of the person attending. Nice try though. I wasn't expecting people to pay for the DJ, flowers, photo booth, limo, wedding service, etc. However, people are eating the food. To me, common courtesy is to cover the plate. If I cannot do that then I am not going but I will give the couple a gift in the mail.
If that is how you feel then you shouldn't have invited them. You don't invite people to your wedding based on their ability to pay you back. You invite people you (or your parents) want to share the joyous occasion with.
If only is was that simple. I agree that is how it should be. But that is not how things work out. This isn't a perfect world. Seek first to understand then to be understood.
IT is that simple. You invite people you want there, or who your parents want there. They are your guests and they give a gift based on what they are comfortable with, can afford, and think is appropriate. Period.
Oh, it is that simple? My list consisted over 330 people and about half of that was what my wife and I wanted. Try finding a place that holds a shitload of people. I had to not invite guests that I wanted so that my family could have people there that I didn't even know just to avoid the fighting that was occurring and to try and make it a memorable day. It is really enjoyable when others get involved. It is easy to say it is your wedding so what you say goes. Yry walking in someone else's shoes. Your sitiation does not pertain to everybody. Consider yourself lucky to be in the situation you are in but stop trying to pretend that everything is simple and all rainbows.
If you are paying, you make an affair you can afford. If you can't afford to have 330 people, then you don't invite them. We invited people we didn't know and had to leave off people because of budget, size of venue, etc. The point is, the people that were invited were invited because we or our parents wanted them there. That is what is simple. They are guests, not paying customers and not there for the hosts to recoup their money.
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In comment 13036035 robbieballs2003 said:
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In comment 13036033 Matt M. said:
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come from? Seriously...you should call the place to find out the cost? That is garish and tactless.
Guests at your wedding should give you what they want, can afford, are comfortable with, etc. There are some people/cultures that don't even believe in giving cash. Some people with plenty of money will surprise by how little they give and some with nothing will surprise with their generosity and plenty that fall in the middle.
Our wedding was paid for by my wife's mom. This may old fashioned for the parents to pay, but that is also a factor and one that is none of the guests' business. The gift is to the couple because you care for them and want to help them out to get started in life.
That is very nice that that was done for you. If only everybody's wedding was like that.
It is amazing it was done for us. But, I wouldn't have expected anyone to give gifts differently if we paid for the wedding ourselves. Expectations are so often wrong anyway. As I said previously, there were people with a lot of money that gave next to nothing and people scraping by who gave a lot. There are people who canceled at the last minute and gave nothing. And on and on. People gave what they wanted, what they could, what made them happy, etc. It's not for you or anyone else to say what that number is.
I do agree with you that asking about LI isn't really helpful. It depends on a lot of factors what the "going rate" could/should be for a wedding.
100%. My dad wanted "his people" there to help us out. We didn't want them there. The majority of his people gave very little and my friends gave a lot. I talk to a lot of people and it is all over the place. You cannot say friends give more. You cannot say family members give more. Every group is different. Every person is different. Believe me, we wanted it done your way. But when you have type A personalities along with stubborn Italians it leads to more issues than anything else.
To further add to this, when we were sending out invitations to the people my family wanted we had to hunt for their addresses. I kept asking for their information. It took forever to get. I kept asking how to spell their names. He couldn't even answer that. We sent out invitations with incorrect names on them. It was embarrassing and we never wanted that. Then we get responses like people couldn't go because one person was in jail and otherw were dead. No joke.
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In comment 13036035 robbieballs2003 said:
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In comment 13036033 Matt M. said:
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come from? Seriously...you should call the place to find out the cost? That is garish and tactless.
Guests at your wedding should give you what they want, can afford, are comfortable with, etc. There are some people/cultures that don't even believe in giving cash. Some people with plenty of money will surprise by how little they give and some with nothing will surprise with their generosity and plenty that fall in the middle.
Our wedding was paid for by my wife's mom. This may old fashioned for the parents to pay, but that is also a factor and one that is none of the guests' business. The gift is to the couple because you care for them and want to help them out to get started in life.
That is very nice that that was done for you. If only everybody's wedding was like that.
It is amazing it was done for us. But, I wouldn't have expected anyone to give gifts differently if we paid for the wedding ourselves. Expectations are so often wrong anyway. As I said previously, there were people with a lot of money that gave next to nothing and people scraping by who gave a lot. There are people who canceled at the last minute and gave nothing. And on and on. People gave what they wanted, what they could, what made them happy, etc. It's not for you or anyone else to say what that number is.
I do agree with you that asking about LI isn't really helpful. It depends on a lot of factors what the "going rate" could/should be for a wedding.
100%. My dad wanted "his people" there to help us out. We didn't want them there. The majority of his people gave very little and my friends gave a lot. I talk to a lot of people and it is all over the place. You cannot say friends give more. You cannot say family members give more. Every group is different. Every person is different. Believe me, we wanted it done your way. But when you have type A personalities along with stubborn Italians it leads to more issues than anything else.
Others, who had little to give gave more than some of these people. And, everything in between. We had no expectations and I don't begrudge anyone, with one exception. The one guy who gave nothing I think was a cheap, miserable bastard. And, her mom had just gone to his son's wedding just a few months earlier, which I guess doesn't really matter either.
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In comment 13036060 Matt M. said:
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In comment 13036035 robbieballs2003 said:
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In comment 13036033 Matt M. said:
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come from? Seriously...you should call the place to find out the cost? That is garish and tactless.
Guests at your wedding should give you what they want, can afford, are comfortable with, etc. There are some people/cultures that don't even believe in giving cash. Some people with plenty of money will surprise by how little they give and some with nothing will surprise with their generosity and plenty that fall in the middle.
Our wedding was paid for by my wife's mom. This may old fashioned for the parents to pay, but that is also a factor and one that is none of the guests' business. The gift is to the couple because you care for them and want to help them out to get started in life.
That is very nice that that was done for you. If only everybody's wedding was like that.
It is amazing it was done for us. But, I wouldn't have expected anyone to give gifts differently if we paid for the wedding ourselves. Expectations are so often wrong anyway. As I said previously, there were people with a lot of money that gave next to nothing and people scraping by who gave a lot. There are people who canceled at the last minute and gave nothing. And on and on. People gave what they wanted, what they could, what made them happy, etc. It's not for you or anyone else to say what that number is.
I do agree with you that asking about LI isn't really helpful. It depends on a lot of factors what the "going rate" could/should be for a wedding.
100%. My dad wanted "his people" there to help us out. We didn't want them there. The majority of his people gave very little and my friends gave a lot. I talk to a lot of people and it is all over the place. You cannot say friends give more. You cannot say family members give more. Every group is different. Every person is different. Believe me, we wanted it done your way. But when you have type A personalities along with stubborn Italians it leads to more issues than anything else.
To further add to this, when we were sending out invitations to the people my family wanted we had to hunt for their addresses. I kept asking for their information. It took forever to get. I kept asking how to spell their names. He couldn't even answer that. We sent out invitations with incorrect names on them. It was embarrassing and we never wanted that. Then we get responses like people couldn't go because one person was in jail and otherw were dead. No joke.
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In comment 13036051 Matt M. said:
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In comment 13036034 robbieballs2003 said:
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In comment 13036028 Matt M. said:
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In comment 13035987 robbieballs2003 said:
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In comment 13035957 UConn4523 said:
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if someone is going to get married at a place that's $200 a head, I think it's wildly unrealistic to expect that in return from your guests, and not necessary. We got all sorts of gift ranges and we're just happy to get whatever people can afford.
When someone has a $100k wedding it should not be on the guests to cover those costs.
Did I say that? Way to put words in my mouth. I said if a person can't cover the plate then they probably shouldn't go. I didn't say I expected everybody to pay that plate. I am talking about the viewpoint of the person attending. Nice try though. I wasn't expecting people to pay for the DJ, flowers, photo booth, limo, wedding service, etc. However, people are eating the food. To me, common courtesy is to cover the plate. If I cannot do that then I am not going but I will give the couple a gift in the mail.
If that is how you feel then you shouldn't have invited them. You don't invite people to your wedding based on their ability to pay you back. You invite people you (or your parents) want to share the joyous occasion with.
If only is was that simple. I agree that is how it should be. But that is not how things work out. This isn't a perfect world. Seek first to understand then to be understood.
IT is that simple. You invite people you want there, or who your parents want there. They are your guests and they give a gift based on what they are comfortable with, can afford, and think is appropriate. Period.
Oh, it is that simple? My list consisted over 330 people and about half of that was what my wife and I wanted. Try finding a place that holds a shitload of people. I had to not invite guests that I wanted so that my family could have people there that I didn't even know just to avoid the fighting that was occurring and to try and make it a memorable day. It is really enjoyable when others get involved. It is easy to say it is your wedding so what you say goes. Yry walking in someone else's shoes. Your sitiation does not pertain to everybody. Consider yourself lucky to be in the situation you are in but stop trying to pretend that everything is simple and all rainbows.
I didn't say anyone else's situation is rainbows, easy, etc.
If you are paying, you make an affair you can afford. If you can't afford to have 330 people, then you don't invite them. We invited people we didn't know and had to leave off people because of budget, size of venue, etc. The point is, the people that were invited were invited because we or our parents wanted them there. That is what is simple. They are guests, not paying customers and not there for the hosts to recoup their money.
Once again, I never said I wanted my wedding to recoup money. There are two different viewpoints that you aren't understanding. I have a different mentality as an attendee. You say just invite the people that your family wants, right? I keep saying it is not that simple. My brother got married awhile ago. My parents and his fiancé's parents were splitting the bill. My brother's side had at least twice as many guests as her side. They were supposed to split the money evenly. My brother didn't think it was fair. My dad threw in more money. Then his fiancé wanted a band and not a DJ. Her dad ran out of money and came to my dad asking to borrow money. Long story short is that there was a big argument. The two sides didn't really talk after that. It put a lot of strain on the marriage and eventually it ended.
I saw all this happen amd I wasn't going to let that happen. When things got tough for us with all the people being invited all costs went up. Centerpieces, invitations, flowers, plates of food, etc. My wife's family doesn't have a lot of money. My dad kept asking us how much are they throwing in. He says it was just to know how much he had to lay out. I told him it was none of his business and we aren't keeping track. That started a huge argument. My wife and I basically covered a good portion of her family to cover what my dad was putting in just to avoid issues so we didn't have any strain on our marriage amd especially when we started having kids. It worked but put a lot of stress on us financially.
Our wedding wasn't looked at as a way to make money but it isn't as simple as invite who you want amd who your family wants and find the perfect place. There were limited places we could look at based on the amount of people we were inviting. Thank God we had a lot of cancelations.
I gave what we could. The couple being good people accepted it and thanked us.
When my wife and I were married, we paid for the wedding. We did NOT look at the gifts from a monetary standpoint.