The daughter of an old friend of ours is getting married on L.I. this coming weekend. How much is an appropriate gift these days for a retired couple flying to NY for the wedding, lol?
It should be what the guest can afford and they feel is appropriate. My wife and I got married at 25. Our wedding was cheap compared to most (especially nowadays), but even then we didn't make back what we spent. Alot of that was b/c our friends were just starting their careers (or their 2nd career) and didn't have that much to spend. Family was generous, but we also invited all my wife's cousins (13 cousins that were all < 20 years old at the time) so in no way did their parents gift cover their cost.
My wife it typically in charge of the gifts. We used to give a little over $200 and double that for especially close friends. Nowadays we usually give at least $300, but that is b/c we are in a good place in our lives and can afford to spend on the newlyweds. Of course, now many of those 13 cousins are getting married so it will be costly few years....
and kind of unrelated to the OP and the thread intent in general, but since others went there, I will too.
I have yet to meet the woman/young lady who dreamed of a wedding at the courthouse or a reception-less wedding.
I'm not suggesting spending beyond your means, and sure value is an important lesson, but many woman have dreamed of their wedding day since they were little girls.
so the thrifty wedding might be a good choice for some, for other people it's a once-in-a-lifetime day that should be memorable.
at least for me and it's exactly how I wanted it, my wife planned almost everything, and we paid for it ourselves and didn't go into debt for it and didn't care what people gave us as gifts.
My wife also dreamed of a beautiful wedding, but once she fell in love with me (broke college student) decided it really wasn't that important to her. We just wanted to be together, and the particulars of the wedding were just that - particulars.
and kind of unrelated to the OP and the thread intent in general, but since others went there, I will too.
I have yet to meet the woman/young lady who dreamed of a wedding at the courthouse or a reception-less wedding.
I'm not suggesting spending beyond your means, and sure value is an important lesson, but many woman have dreamed of their wedding day since they were little girls.
so the thrifty wedding might be a good choice for some, for other people it's a once-in-a-lifetime day that should be memorable.
at least for me and it's exactly how I wanted it, my wife planned almost everything, and we paid for it ourselves and didn't go into debt for it and didn't care what people gave us as gifts.
My wife also dreamed of a beautiful wedding, but once she fell in love with me (broke college student) decided it really wasn't that important to her. We just wanted to be together, and the particulars of the wedding were just that - particulars.
Well I would never have gotten married while in college, I just wasn't ready for that kind of commitment, but my wife expressed similar sentiments about spending money on our wedding when we did get married (late 20's).
that's what good women do, when they know you as a man aren't capable of doing something they make it seem unimportant, but it is and finding a way to make it work makes all the difference. My wife still looks at the album with our wedding pictures (17 years later), my kids look at it and I'm sure it helps them imagine their wedding day.
people still tell me that after all these years it was one of, if not the most, fun weddings they've ever been to.
I wouldn't take that day away from my wife for something like money.
but in your case it made sense you didn't spend money on your wedding and had just as good a time and you raised your kids not to either, if that's what you felt was important and values you wanted to instill in them.
Black tie weddings for example. You want everyone to rent tuxes so they can look the way you want at your wedding? Amazing to me.
And the monster wedding party weddings are tough too, where you've got 8 groomsmen and 8 bridesmaids shelling out all that extra money.
Our parents both contributed a little to our wedding. That was a gift, not a purchased right to invite whoever they wanted. My wife and I paid for the bulk. Opening the gifts is sometimes interesting and some give way less than cost and others more. But we kept our numbers down enough that we never had to question why we invited that person. We invited people that were important to us. People that we wanted to be in our lives.
And to the original poster who was flying in for the wedding, I totally take that into consideration and really appreciate the effort and cost that person makes to come to my special day regardless of the size of the gift.
To those who let their parents dominate their wedding day, I feel bad for you. You're adults. It's time to man up and take control of your life. I'm not saying be rude, and I'm not saying don't invite people your parents want to be there. But this is your wedding and your life. And your parents are treating you like kids. You need to let it be known you've grown up.
has nothing to do with the actual wedding. They weren't dreaming of the actual husband to be, or the life the two of them were going to live together. They were dreaming of a fantasy.
And Robbie wasn't getting beat up unfairly. he espoused an opinion of 'fork over the cost of the meal, or stay home', and then claimed over and over that he wasn't looking to recoup the costs. bellyached that he was forced to invite people his parents wanted (and oh, yeah, they paid for it), and then said fuck yeah, my kid should be invited, because I love being with them - you love him so much, stay home with him and stop forcing him on others. He said multiple times he just said yes to everything, then bellyached about the costs (which were paid for by his parents) and how he didn't get enough in return. IMO, he didn't get beat up enough. That isn't an alternative opinion. It's a spoiled viewpoint.
has nothing to do with the actual wedding. They weren't dreaming of the actual husband to be, or the life the two of them were going to live together. They were dreaming of a fantasy.
And Robbie wasn't getting beat up unfairly. he espoused an opinion of 'fork over the cost of the meal, or stay home', and then claimed over and over that he wasn't looking to recoup the costs. bellyached that he was forced to invite people his parents wanted (and oh, yeah, they paid for it), and then said fuck yeah, my kid should be invited, because I love being with them - you love him so much, stay home with him and stop forcing him on others. He said multiple times he just said yes to everything, then bellyached about the costs (which were paid for by his parents) and how he didn't get enough in return. IMO, he didn't get beat up enough. That isn't an alternative opinion. It's a spoiled viewpoint.
So what? who said they weren't? Not sure your point. I was responding to Dan in the Springs whose approach to wedding gift amounts was pretty much don't have wedding receptions and while all of us men might find that to be an awesome idea, I'm sure most women wouldn't be swept off their feet by the idea.
Bergen County Clerk office and invited no one ( other than 2 required witnesses). Got nothing.
You had to move quickly before the roofie wore off?
In 1986, my future in laws told us we had $10K to spend on the wedding. We took the cash and eloped, spent a week on the beach and applied the rest to the down payment on our first house.
We were living together for 2 years and didn't need anything
I lived in Queens/LI for 47 years and when I went to BAr/Bat Mitzvahs and weddings you usually checked with your friends and decided about what everyone thought appropriate. I assume that practice still exists, but I've been out of that loop for 20 years, so I thought I'd ask you all. In Utah, gifts were generally much smaller- $100 from a couple was considered to be among the better gifts. But most of the receptions were inexpensive- The couple would invite everyone in their church ward, have a long reception line and serve cake and punch. Some appetizers at the fancier ones. Spending $100K for a wedding, like one of my friends in NY did over 10 years ago, was reserved for the Romney's. And to the person who brought it up, staying home was not an option, though I'm hardly close to the bride. Her mom has been a friend for 50 years and assured me my genitals would be gone if I didn't come. Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed the lively discussion :) Can I get a sticky?
anyone dreaming about a wedding BEFORE they meet the future spouse isn't dreaming of a couple and a life together. They're dreaming of princess castles. That's the point. the dream has nothing to do with the future spouse, and misses the whole point of a wedding.
If that's her dream, fine. If her parents and some guy, any guy, is willing to go along with it, fine. If I get invited to this fantasy, fine. When they start putting expectations on my contribution to the fantasy, um, no.
I'm sure you could turn your $200 gift into $2000 worth of catered food.
Also, after reading all this it made me realize a wedding would be the perfect time to pass on some fake money. I think most of these bride and grooms tear open the envelopes and just make a pile of all the cash. They would never know who it came from, they might even just go ahead and spend it being none the wiser.
reminds me of my father's wedding. Mom had passed on and he remarried. the guy is loaded (and 80 at the time), so the kids had no intention of giving him cash. we bought them a nice gift.
He opened all the cards and piled up the cash, muttering the whole while about us cheapskates, counted up the whole stack, and grumbled. believe me, people like that know what you gave. they may not know which one you gave, but they know what and who. and if the feds pinch them for passing counterfeit, you're on the short list that they give up.
I'm sure you could turn your $200 gift into $2000 worth of catered food.
Also, after reading all this it made me realize a wedding would be the perfect time to pass on some fake money. I think most of these bride and grooms tear open the envelopes and just make a pile of all the cash. They would never know who it came from, they might even just go ahead and spend it being none the wiser.
I actually did that once (the catering), but was so cheap I didn't even pay the raw ingredients cost!
I made the offer to two old college friends that I would cater their wedding at a rented reception hall near their church in Sausalito CA as their wedding gift provided they covered the raw ingredients cost. I was chef in a prestigious Marin County restaurant at the time, where we made mMichelin starred level international (mostly Nouvelle French) food.
We didn't offer anything hot and not too much cold, either, but all things that could be served +/- at room temperature. I made everything at the restaurant after work for a few nights before the reception.
It was basically the things you'd find at a very upscale French Traiteur's shop. Meat and fish/seafood based terrines, home made gravlax from wild salmon, poached trout, raw and blanched veggies, composed salads, previosly chilled roast veal loins... Home made herbed mayonnaise and aioli and rouille sauces for dipping along with Dijon mustard for the meat pates.
Fresh fruit tarts on short pastry and profiteroles for dessert beside the wedding cake. Small affair, maybe 100-150 people total, but the cost was pretty high considering the kind of raw materials we used: really starred Michelin quality ingredients. Maybe we had a chafing dish to hold warm beurre blanc...
Before the affair my friends though my estimate of $500 for the food cost was high, but afterwards they couldn't thank me and my GF enough for the affair which everyone figured as a $40-50 / head job. At least 5 people asked my GF and I if we could cater their next affair that summer. But we didn't take any offers because it was just too much work.
It wouldn't be turning $200 into $2000 by waving a magic wand.
and reading this thread I'm really really glad. One of the benefits, I suppose, of avoiding having friends and avoiding relatives altogether.
It's somewhat distressing to see how venal the wedding "celebration" process is. But times are different.
My real question is...everyone is talking dollar amounts. Do people just give cash nowadays?
When we got married it was back in the day where people randomly bought gifts and we literally ended up with 4 silver-played tea services (still in the box), 3 wineglass sets (2 still in the box), and a ton of high ball/shot glass packages (never opened). If you gave cash (as a Caucasian) it was because you were too lazy to go shopping. Creativity in gift-giving caused much angst. It was different for my wife and me because most of our guests were ethnic Chinese, so "red envelopes" were the norm.
Then people moved onto registries, right? That actually made the most sense to me.
people in general these days get married much later in life and I think that changes up the approach, they just don't start out life like they did in past eras.
in the 70's for example, men were around 23 and women 21 when they got married.
In 2010 it is 28 and 26 respectively. 5 years is a lot different, even though that are other factors.
That's almost exactly right for my wife and I, we were married in 2009 at 28 and 27. We had lived together for 4 years by that time and accumulated most of the "living stuff" we needed.
Anyway, we still registered and some people did get us gifts off our registry, but it was at best 50/50 cash to gifts, maybe even 70/30 cash to gifts.
and in this day and age no one views cash as lazy, it's almost preferable IMO.
it's like the gift card craze (not for weddings, but in general), to me that used to be lazy, now people almost prefer them to a gift - especially at birthday parties and the holidays.
My youngest had her 8 year old birthday party last Sunday, we had 15 or so 8 year old kids at the house for a pool party, at least 10 of the 15 gave gift cards. and my youngest couldn't be more thrilled.
Registries are great now because you get bonus credit for a lot of the stores. Macy's absolutely crushes with their registry set up. You get to scan whatever you want, track and control the items purchased, and then they give you something like 10%/15% bonus in credit based on the total value of the items bought off of your registry. We got something like $200 credit to Macy's on top of all the gifts that were given.
They also let you exchange/upgrade any item with a 20% discount if it was on your registry (or something to that effect). I'm sure other stores have a similar set up but when it comes to needing stuff for the house, you can't beat the options and benefits of Macy's registry.
back in the day it was considered gauche to give a gift card or cash. the gift card was to soften the gaucheness, because it signaled that at least the giver knew where the receiver liked to shop. (if anyone wants to give me either, give me cash - don't tell me where to shop :)
I got so much useless stuff I didn't really want at my wedding. A wok? really? neither my wife or I ever went for Chinese food, but a friend thought it was a good idea. sold it at a garage sale. An electric can opener? I'm a minimalist and think an electric can opener is for lazy cads. sold it at the garage sale. A matching set of kimonos? because my wife and I were so much into the oriental thing? literally sold them off our backs when we wore them as a 'lark' on the lark street fest (you're old enough and from Albany, so you might remember when the LS fest was a happening event) and some other couple was admiring them.
nowadays, unless it's something special (that you know the couple will cherish as special) that you are making or buying for the couple, just give them cash.
people in general these days get married much later in life and I think that changes up the approach, they just don't start out life like they did in past eras.
in the 70's for example, men were around 23 and women 21 when they got married.
In 2010 it is 28 and 26 respectively. 5 years is a lot different, even though that are other factors.
That's almost exactly right for my wife and I, we were married in 2009 at 28 and 27. We had lived together for 4 years by that time and accumulated most of the "living stuff" we needed.
Anyway, we still registered and some people did get us gifts off our registry, but it was at best 50/50 cash to gifts, maybe even 70/30 cash to gifts.
and in this day and age no one views cash as lazy, it's almost preferable IMO.
it's like the gift card craze (not for weddings, but in general), to me that used to be lazy, now people almost prefer them to a gift - especially at birthday parties and the holidays.
My youngest had her 8 year old birthday party last Sunday, we had 15 or so 8 year old kids at the house for a pool party, at least 10 of the 15 gave gift cards. and my youngest couldn't be more thrilled.
Whoops, I was married in 1999 not 2009. I missed 10 years of marriage it's gone by so fast.
someone gave us a great set of kitchen knives. I got them in the divorce and still use them to this day 30 + years later. I don't know why I've never thought of giving knives as a gift until now, because it was a great gift. a good set of knives is almost literally worth their weight in gold. I've been asked to carve at peoples houses (talk about knowing someone - let's ask the guy with ultra shaky hands to do the carving, or even worse, flip the burgers on the grill) and it sucks to cut with a shitty knife.
I love knives. I actually wanted them as wedding gifts
and was going to ask my brother to give me a set of Henckels or Wustoffs. But my wife was dead set against it...had some kind of Chinese bad luck phobia about giving sharp pointy stuff as a present (there's some kind of wedding night joke in there). Other Chinese things for her, we had to run our wedding date though her dad in advance to make sure that the day number was not an unlucky day, we had to buy a house that did not face in an unlucky direction...some things really try your patience.
RE: I love knives. I actually wanted them as wedding gifts
and was going to ask my brother to give me a set of Henckels or Wustoffs. But my wife was dead set against it...had some kind of Chinese bad luck phobia about giving sharp pointy stuff as a present (there's some kind of wedding night joke in there). Other Chinese things for her, we had to run our wedding date though her dad in advance to make sure that the day number was not an unlucky day, we had to buy a house that did not face in an unlucky direction...some things really try your patience.
My brother in-law married a Chinese woman, I love holidays at their house, home made spring rolls, noodle dishes, authentic (as far as I know) Asian food.
anyway, he was telling about this thing he had to do where he had to "steal the bride" from her house and break in and negotiate for her. and her family "fought" him and he had to keep trying to get past them to where she was locked up and steal her. I forget what is was called and it was sort of staged seemed like paying homage to an old Chinese tradition.
Do you have any idea what I'm talking about?
RE: RE: I love knives. I actually wanted them as wedding gifts
and was going to ask my brother to give me a set of Henckels or Wustoffs. But my wife was dead set against it...had some kind of Chinese bad luck phobia about giving sharp pointy stuff as a present (there's some kind of wedding night joke in there). Other Chinese things for her, we had to run our wedding date though her dad in advance to make sure that the day number was not an unlucky day, we had to buy a house that did not face in an unlucky direction...some things really try your patience.
My brother in-law married a Chinese woman, I love holidays at their house, home made spring rolls, noodle dishes, authentic (as far as I know) Asian food.
anyway, he was telling about this thing he had to do where he had to "steal the bride" from her house and break in and negotiate for her. and her family "fought" him and he had to keep trying to get past them to where she was locked up and steal her. I forget what is was called and it was sort of staged seemed like paying homage to an old Chinese tradition.
Do you have any idea what I'm talking about?
Yes it s a game where the bridesmaids get to "torture" the groom and groomsmen in order to win the bride.
My wife it typically in charge of the gifts. We used to give a little over $200 and double that for especially close friends. Nowadays we usually give at least $300, but that is b/c we are in a good place in our lives and can afford to spend on the newlyweds. Of course, now many of those 13 cousins are getting married so it will be costly few years....
I have yet to meet the woman/young lady who dreamed of a wedding at the courthouse or a reception-less wedding.
I'm not suggesting spending beyond your means, and sure value is an important lesson, but many woman have dreamed of their wedding day since they were little girls.
so the thrifty wedding might be a good choice for some, for other people it's a once-in-a-lifetime day that should be memorable.
at least for me and it's exactly how I wanted it, my wife planned almost everything, and we paid for it ourselves and didn't go into debt for it and didn't care what people gave us as gifts.
My wife also dreamed of a beautiful wedding, but once she fell in love with me (broke college student) decided it really wasn't that important to her. We just wanted to be together, and the particulars of the wedding were just that - particulars.
Quote:
and kind of unrelated to the OP and the thread intent in general, but since others went there, I will too.
I have yet to meet the woman/young lady who dreamed of a wedding at the courthouse or a reception-less wedding.
I'm not suggesting spending beyond your means, and sure value is an important lesson, but many woman have dreamed of their wedding day since they were little girls.
so the thrifty wedding might be a good choice for some, for other people it's a once-in-a-lifetime day that should be memorable.
at least for me and it's exactly how I wanted it, my wife planned almost everything, and we paid for it ourselves and didn't go into debt for it and didn't care what people gave us as gifts.
My wife also dreamed of a beautiful wedding, but once she fell in love with me (broke college student) decided it really wasn't that important to her. We just wanted to be together, and the particulars of the wedding were just that - particulars.
Well I would never have gotten married while in college, I just wasn't ready for that kind of commitment, but my wife expressed similar sentiments about spending money on our wedding when we did get married (late 20's).
that's what good women do, when they know you as a man aren't capable of doing something they make it seem unimportant, but it is and finding a way to make it work makes all the difference. My wife still looks at the album with our wedding pictures (17 years later), my kids look at it and I'm sure it helps them imagine their wedding day.
people still tell me that after all these years it was one of, if not the most, fun weddings they've ever been to.
I wouldn't take that day away from my wife for something like money.
but in your case it made sense you didn't spend money on your wedding and had just as good a time and you raised your kids not to either, if that's what you felt was important and values you wanted to instill in them.
Clearly you didn't marry a Druish Princess...
And the monster wedding party weddings are tough too, where you've got 8 groomsmen and 8 bridesmaids shelling out all that extra money.
Our parents both contributed a little to our wedding. That was a gift, not a purchased right to invite whoever they wanted. My wife and I paid for the bulk. Opening the gifts is sometimes interesting and some give way less than cost and others more. But we kept our numbers down enough that we never had to question why we invited that person. We invited people that were important to us. People that we wanted to be in our lives.
And to the original poster who was flying in for the wedding, I totally take that into consideration and really appreciate the effort and cost that person makes to come to my special day regardless of the size of the gift.
To those who let their parents dominate their wedding day, I feel bad for you. You're adults. It's time to man up and take control of your life. I'm not saying be rude, and I'm not saying don't invite people your parents want to be there. But this is your wedding and your life. And your parents are treating you like kids. You need to let it be known you've grown up.
has nothing to do with the actual wedding. They weren't dreaming of the actual husband to be, or the life the two of them were going to live together. They were dreaming of a fantasy.
And Robbie wasn't getting beat up unfairly. he espoused an opinion of 'fork over the cost of the meal, or stay home', and then claimed over and over that he wasn't looking to recoup the costs. bellyached that he was forced to invite people his parents wanted (and oh, yeah, they paid for it), and then said fuck yeah, my kid should be invited, because I love being with them - you love him so much, stay home with him and stop forcing him on others. He said multiple times he just said yes to everything, then bellyached about the costs (which were paid for by his parents) and how he didn't get enough in return. IMO, he didn't get beat up enough. That isn't an alternative opinion. It's a spoiled viewpoint.
has nothing to do with the actual wedding. They weren't dreaming of the actual husband to be, or the life the two of them were going to live together. They were dreaming of a fantasy.
And Robbie wasn't getting beat up unfairly. he espoused an opinion of 'fork over the cost of the meal, or stay home', and then claimed over and over that he wasn't looking to recoup the costs. bellyached that he was forced to invite people his parents wanted (and oh, yeah, they paid for it), and then said fuck yeah, my kid should be invited, because I love being with them - you love him so much, stay home with him and stop forcing him on others. He said multiple times he just said yes to everything, then bellyached about the costs (which were paid for by his parents) and how he didn't get enough in return. IMO, he didn't get beat up enough. That isn't an alternative opinion. It's a spoiled viewpoint.
So what? who said they weren't? Not sure your point. I was responding to Dan in the Springs whose approach to wedding gift amounts was pretty much don't have wedding receptions and while all of us men might find that to be an awesome idea, I'm sure most women wouldn't be swept off their feet by the idea.
You had to move quickly before the roofie wore off?
In 1986, my future in laws told us we had $10K to spend on the wedding. We took the cash and eloped, spent a week on the beach and applied the rest to the down payment on our first house.
If that's her dream, fine. If her parents and some guy, any guy, is willing to go along with it, fine. If I get invited to this fantasy, fine. When they start putting expectations on my contribution to the fantasy, um, no.
Also, after reading all this it made me realize a wedding would be the perfect time to pass on some fake money. I think most of these bride and grooms tear open the envelopes and just make a pile of all the cash. They would never know who it came from, they might even just go ahead and spend it being none the wiser.
He opened all the cards and piled up the cash, muttering the whole while about us cheapskates, counted up the whole stack, and grumbled. believe me, people like that know what you gave. they may not know which one you gave, but they know what and who. and if the feds pinch them for passing counterfeit, you're on the short list that they give up.
suggest a Ramp/Wedge Combo package
fun for the whole family
Also, after reading all this it made me realize a wedding would be the perfect time to pass on some fake money. I think most of these bride and grooms tear open the envelopes and just make a pile of all the cash. They would never know who it came from, they might even just go ahead and spend it being none the wiser.
I actually did that once (the catering), but was so cheap I didn't even pay the raw ingredients cost!
I made the offer to two old college friends that I would cater their wedding at a rented reception hall near their church in Sausalito CA as their wedding gift provided they covered the raw ingredients cost. I was chef in a prestigious Marin County restaurant at the time, where we made mMichelin starred level international (mostly Nouvelle French) food.
We didn't offer anything hot and not too much cold, either, but all things that could be served +/- at room temperature. I made everything at the restaurant after work for a few nights before the reception.
It was basically the things you'd find at a very upscale French Traiteur's shop. Meat and fish/seafood based terrines, home made gravlax from wild salmon, poached trout, raw and blanched veggies, composed salads, previosly chilled roast veal loins... Home made herbed mayonnaise and aioli and rouille sauces for dipping along with Dijon mustard for the meat pates.
Fresh fruit tarts on short pastry and profiteroles for dessert beside the wedding cake. Small affair, maybe 100-150 people total, but the cost was pretty high considering the kind of raw materials we used: really starred Michelin quality ingredients. Maybe we had a chafing dish to hold warm beurre blanc...
Before the affair my friends though my estimate of $500 for the food cost was high, but afterwards they couldn't thank me and my GF enough for the affair which everyone figured as a $40-50 / head job. At least 5 people asked my GF and I if we could cater their next affair that summer. But we didn't take any offers because it was just too much work.
It's somewhat distressing to see how venal the wedding "celebration" process is. But times are different.
My real question is...everyone is talking dollar amounts. Do people just give cash nowadays?
When we got married it was back in the day where people randomly bought gifts and we literally ended up with 4 silver-played tea services (still in the box), 3 wineglass sets (2 still in the box), and a ton of high ball/shot glass packages (never opened). If you gave cash (as a Caucasian) it was because you were too lazy to go shopping. Creativity in gift-giving caused much angst. It was different for my wife and me because most of our guests were ethnic Chinese, so "red envelopes" were the norm.
Then people moved onto registries, right? That actually made the most sense to me.
But do you just give straight money nowadays?
in the 70's for example, men were around 23 and women 21 when they got married.
In 2010 it is 28 and 26 respectively. 5 years is a lot different, even though that are other factors.
That's almost exactly right for my wife and I, we were married in 2009 at 28 and 27. We had lived together for 4 years by that time and accumulated most of the "living stuff" we needed.
Anyway, we still registered and some people did get us gifts off our registry, but it was at best 50/50 cash to gifts, maybe even 70/30 cash to gifts.
and in this day and age no one views cash as lazy, it's almost preferable IMO.
it's like the gift card craze (not for weddings, but in general), to me that used to be lazy, now people almost prefer them to a gift - especially at birthday parties and the holidays.
My youngest had her 8 year old birthday party last Sunday, we had 15 or so 8 year old kids at the house for a pool party, at least 10 of the 15 gave gift cards. and my youngest couldn't be more thrilled.
Registries are great now because you get bonus credit for a lot of the stores. Macy's absolutely crushes with their registry set up. You get to scan whatever you want, track and control the items purchased, and then they give you something like 10%/15% bonus in credit based on the total value of the items bought off of your registry. We got something like $200 credit to Macy's on top of all the gifts that were given.
They also let you exchange/upgrade any item with a 20% discount if it was on your registry (or something to that effect). I'm sure other stores have a similar set up but when it comes to needing stuff for the house, you can't beat the options and benefits of Macy's registry.
I got so much useless stuff I didn't really want at my wedding. A wok? really? neither my wife or I ever went for Chinese food, but a friend thought it was a good idea. sold it at a garage sale. An electric can opener? I'm a minimalist and think an electric can opener is for lazy cads. sold it at the garage sale. A matching set of kimonos? because my wife and I were so much into the oriental thing? literally sold them off our backs when we wore them as a 'lark' on the lark street fest (you're old enough and from Albany, so you might remember when the LS fest was a happening event) and some other couple was admiring them.
nowadays, unless it's something special (that you know the couple will cherish as special) that you are making or buying for the couple, just give them cash.
in the 70's for example, men were around 23 and women 21 when they got married.
In 2010 it is 28 and 26 respectively. 5 years is a lot different, even though that are other factors.
That's almost exactly right for my wife and I, we were married in 2009 at 28 and 27. We had lived together for 4 years by that time and accumulated most of the "living stuff" we needed.
Anyway, we still registered and some people did get us gifts off our registry, but it was at best 50/50 cash to gifts, maybe even 70/30 cash to gifts.
and in this day and age no one views cash as lazy, it's almost preferable IMO.
it's like the gift card craze (not for weddings, but in general), to me that used to be lazy, now people almost prefer them to a gift - especially at birthday parties and the holidays.
My youngest had her 8 year old birthday party last Sunday, we had 15 or so 8 year old kids at the house for a pool party, at least 10 of the 15 gave gift cards. and my youngest couldn't be more thrilled.
Whoops, I was married in 1999 not 2009. I missed 10 years of marriage it's gone by so fast.
My brother in-law married a Chinese woman, I love holidays at their house, home made spring rolls, noodle dishes, authentic (as far as I know) Asian food.
anyway, he was telling about this thing he had to do where he had to "steal the bride" from her house and break in and negotiate for her. and her family "fought" him and he had to keep trying to get past them to where she was locked up and steal her. I forget what is was called and it was sort of staged seemed like paying homage to an old Chinese tradition.
Do you have any idea what I'm talking about?
Quote:
and was going to ask my brother to give me a set of Henckels or Wustoffs. But my wife was dead set against it...had some kind of Chinese bad luck phobia about giving sharp pointy stuff as a present (there's some kind of wedding night joke in there). Other Chinese things for her, we had to run our wedding date though her dad in advance to make sure that the day number was not an unlucky day, we had to buy a house that did not face in an unlucky direction...some things really try your patience.
My brother in-law married a Chinese woman, I love holidays at their house, home made spring rolls, noodle dishes, authentic (as far as I know) Asian food.
anyway, he was telling about this thing he had to do where he had to "steal the bride" from her house and break in and negotiate for her. and her family "fought" him and he had to keep trying to get past them to where she was locked up and steal her. I forget what is was called and it was sort of staged seemed like paying homage to an old Chinese tradition.
Do you have any idea what I'm talking about?
Yes it s a game where the bridesmaids get to "torture" the groom and groomsmen in order to win the bride.