Had it rough last night dealing with a teen daughter whose emotions are all over the map. Hell, last night? Last year or so. Just occasional flare-ups, but man, when they happen. Damn.
Dropped her off at school. There was no talking in the car on the way. Then she just ... got out. Nothing. Trying to relax, stay calm, not let that bother me, but WOW, kids know how to hurt you. lol
Anyhow, I get to work and no fewer than 3 co-workers are talking about their nightmares at home. Coincidentally, they all have boys.
The one guy told his story: today is his youngest son's birthday (turns 14). His wife got up early to make a nice birthday breakfast. They eat, it's nice, and afterward the older son (almost 16) reaches across the table and snags his brother's phone, on which he'd been text away on (at 6:30 a.m.). No words spoken, the younger brother launched himself across the kitchen table and tackled the older brother back and out of the chair. They landed in a pile and THEN the mayhem was under way. The Dad said the worst part was that he wife was VERY upset by it all (he was laughing, but was also clearly still pissed off).
Next story up: Mom of 4 (yes 4) boys, the oldest being in 3rd grade. She's a country girl, and she and her husband are old-school. Basically, a policy of "you've got a problem with each other? deal with it and don't bother me or your father with your trivial crap" in their home. (Probably needed with 4 young boys.) She says last night she and her sons were visiting her mother's house, where a cousin (boy) was also visiting. Apparently a skirmish broke out and the 4-year-old cousin bit her eldest son on the back. That boy had been warned (over the weekend, by the grandmother) NOT to "deal with it" but instead to report the wrongdoing. So being a good kid, he went to his mother. Meanwhile, the gfrandmother is asking, and asking, and asking the young cousin why he bit the other kid. The grandmother couldn't get an answer so ... she made the young cousin kneel and "pray on why you were compelled to bite your cousin in the back." My co-worker said she asked her mother "what the hell you're doing," then took the young cousin (her nephew) into another room and "beat the hell out of him" (she said that meant spanking, for the biting) and told him the next time he bites his older cousin, she'll allow him to beat the hell out of him too.
Third co-worker is siting there, shaking his head, grinning. He's got three boys, ages 12, 9 and 6. He talked in general about the daily mayhem and how when they recently bought their new house, a requirement was a basement rec room sort of place where they could basically throw the boys and all their stuff and let them have at it. He then got his phone out and shared with us a brief video of his 3 sons basically beating the shit out of each other, with him laughing in the background while videotaping.
That guy, from a big family himself, laughed when he counted on 2 fingers the number of years I have "until she's at college," he said, referring to my daughter.
My son is a freshman in college and away at school for the first semester. I miss him. He was relatively easy, and being 18, while he and I have always been close, it's starting to feel a slight bit more like we're becoming friends, too. Of couirse, I still give him shit when I think he needs to hear it, but ... so much more smooth than with this girl of mine.
It's a struggle, man! You love your children, but there are moments in a day when you're just trying to get through, peace intact, and especially when you are suddenly outnumbered in the house (2 fenmales v. ME!).
Yes, this thread is a form of therapy. After work, my wife has a college class tonight, and after my daughter's swim practice, it's just me and her for nearly 4 hours. I'm thinking maybe a pizza ... possibly some scotch (lol) ... and almost certainly a retreat down into our basement with the big-screen, a nice recliner and a fluffy blanket. I'm fragile, dammit!
Pray for me.
:)
For my two boys, they have sensory processing disorders common among children on the autistic spectrum. While neither is diagnosed with Asperger's, both display behaviors and traits common among children who are on the spectrum (aversions to sensory inputs, weak fine motor skills, slightly weak gross motor skills, anxiety, difficulty in some social settings, etc.). It makes them each very difficult to deal with at times (violent tantrums, excessive screaming that lasts a long time, severe oppositional behavior, trouble self-regulating, trouble focusing, possible auditory processing disorders, etc.). Outside the home, they each have trouble finding their voice to advocate for themselves, which leads to other problems.
My daughter is now starting to display some of the sensory issues, like extreme aversion to noise and smells. She was recently evaluated and approved for speech therapy and some OT for some of the same motor skills. However, she is the one that is much better at using her voice and sticking up for herself. Oddly, I think I will have to worry about my daughter the least later in life.
As close as we have always been, losing my wife earlier this year has brought us that much closer. I truly cannot imagine my life without him. He has grown into a man I am very proud, and i don't miss an opportunity to tell him.
Beez, i can't offer any advice on raising a daughter, but as long as you are there when she needs you, and you let her know how much you care regardless of a decision might make you don't agree with, i can't imagine your relationship would suffer for it.
When did Ronnie become a strident, cocksucking douchebag?
Used to think he was a good dude.
But, besides the basic fundamental differences, we are the only ones amongst our close friends who have children with IEPs/special needs. It is difficult explaining to others what we experience and go through on a regular basis. When detailing an isolated incident, a lot of people brush it off as "that's boys" or "that's a 6 year old" or "he's becoming an adolescent". But, what they aren't getting is the tantrums, screaming, sensory overload, etc. are every day, last for extended periods, can derail the best laid plans, etc.
The most difficult part for us navigating when they need firmness or a rigid regimen versus when they simply need help calming their bodies. It is extremely difficult and constantly leaves us feeling as if we are failing them.
We decided that 3.5 is about perfect when it comes to age difference since it gave us enough time with our daughter alone and now gives us time with our son alone while our daughter is in school. With us planning for potential third one, we'll most likely stick with about 3.5 years of age difference.
When did Ronnie become a strident, cocksucking douchebag?
Used to think he was a good dude.
That was your first mistake...ever thinking I was a good dude. I've always been a strident douchebag...the whole cocksucking douchebag portion is relatveily new though...:)
So, I texted my daughter. Couple things about her swim team to update her on.
1. I turned in the poster I made for her (all the parents were asked by the coach to make a poster for their girl so they could hang them around the pool heading into sectional taper, etc). I made the poster myself. Most of the other kids' moms made theirs. One girl said her parents made her make her own poster. Not saying I'm perfect, or the poster is, either, but I felt pretty good about it.
2. Signed up (online team/parent signup program) for the pre-sectional prelim pasta party and chose to make a mozzarella chicken dinner for the group. Could have chosen to bring napkins or something on that level. But I like to cook, so ... did that.
And 3. Signed up for the breakfast/brunch the "day of" sectional finals to make a crock pot of chili (again, other options included napkins, or transporting leftovers to a family's house in the afternoon).
My daughter's text response: "OK."
+++
Queue up the Joe Pesci voice from Goodfellas ...
MOTHER FUCK ...
+++
Serenity now ... deep, cleansing breaths ... it's good to get this out of my system ... lol ...
... I'm choosing the positive today. So ... I'll try to stick with a better image and assume you're just having a shit day, or week.
I've seen good things.
My twins obviously same age, but they have a 5 year younger sibling. They seem to get along ok, but the twins do get sort of resentful of the baby-sitting responsibility we rarely impose on them.
I tried to squeeze those kids in as close as I could, but a couple miscarriages and some emotional scarring causing my wife not really eager to jump right back in and you take what god gives you (or at least I did) and I'm grateful for it.
... I'm choosing the positive today. So ... I'll try to stick with a better image and assume you're just having a shit day, or week.
I've seen good things.
Sorry...my attempt at snarky humor didn't work out in this thread full of group kumbayah.
I was totally not serious with my initial post...well, except for not wanting any of you guys or your spawns near my perfect children.
So, I texted my daughter. Couple things about her swim team to update her on.
1. I turned in the poster I made for her (all the parents were asked by the coach to make a poster for their girl so they could hang them around the pool heading into sectional taper, etc). I made the poster myself. Most of the other kids' moms made theirs. One girl said her parents made her make her own poster. Not saying I'm perfect, or the poster is, either, but I felt pretty good about it.
2. Signed up (online team/parent signup program) for the pre-sectional prelim pasta party and chose to make a mozzarella chicken dinner for the group. Could have chosen to bring napkins or something on that level. But I like to cook, so ... did that.
And 3. Signed up for the breakfast/brunch the "day of" sectional finals to make a crock pot of chili (again, other options included napkins, or transporting leftovers to a family's house in the afternoon).
My daughter's text response: "OK."
+++
Queue up the Joe Pesci voice from Goodfellas ...
MOTHER FUCK ...
+++
Serenity now ... deep, cleansing breaths ... it's good to get this out of my system ... lol ...
I take back every bad thing I ever said about you.
:)
+1
When did Ronnie become a strident, cocksucking douchebag?
Never met a Marine officer before, I take it?
But, besides the basic fundamental differences, we are the only ones amongst our close friends who have children with IEPs/special needs. It is difficult explaining to others what we experience and go through on a regular basis. When detailing an isolated incident, a lot of people brush it off as "that's boys" or "that's a 6 year old" or "he's becoming an adolescent". But, what they aren't getting is the tantrums, screaming, sensory overload, etc. are every day, last for extended periods, can derail the best laid plans, etc.
The most difficult part for us navigating when they need firmness or a rigid regimen versus when they simply need help calming their bodies. It is extremely difficult and constantly leaves us feeling as if we are failing them.
But, we recently had a positive experience at our niece's wedding. My wife's cousin, the next morning, came over to compliment us on not just the kids' behavior, but the way we parent them. She went on and on with detail about how attentive we are and how we raise them, etc. The way she was speaking, I got very choked up. It meant a lot to hear; more than I would have ever thought.
Try to roll with the punches and live for the moment.... it is over all so fast.
We have two adult children and son-in-law who are just wonderful, lovable people, in spite of our mistakes and flaws.
Still waiting on the grandchildren, though :)
I don't post AS MUCH as I once did, but I've never had a problem posting about some personal stuff, to the chagrin of some BBIers. Ha! (Suck it, bitches.)
There is indeed a Mrs. Beez. A very, very busy Mrs. Beez who's working FT, starting a new iteration of her career while also taking a college class for the first time in many years for necessary certification. She's all over being involved with the kids ... I just happen to stay a little more immersed with their sports endeavors.
About my girl appreciating the poster ... she liked it at first, then went a little bit haywire when I told her I would be adding a couple photos of her (one swimming, one diving). The girl is gorgeous (we are frequently told) but of course, she thinks NO photo of her looks good (despite the non-stop selfie-taking) lol ... so she told me I could NOT use any photos.
I had all but ditched the idea, when yesterday morning she had a brand new emotional meltdown, pissed my wife off beyond the usual, and essentially manipulated a situation with my wife to the point that my wife called ME at work and bitched at ME so ...
Yeah. I went ahead with the photos.
Ahhhh, life's little pleasures.
:)
Couple years ago my wife and I were away for an anniversary weekend. Quaint little inn with a restaurant, and we were a little nervous to be seated for dinner right behind a couple (maybe in their early 30s) with two very little ones - toddlers, so they were capable of getting up and walking around if they decided to.
Anyhow, those kids were so awesome the entire time that we ended up sending a bottle of wine to the couple's room that night with a note complimenting their kids' behavior. Never saw them again, but I can imagine it's a story for them to tell over the years, which was the hope.
Nothing better than when people compkiment your kids ... even when you know they have moments playing the roles of the spawns of Satan!!!
But the drama and the disrespect and mouth I can't fathom. Its horrible. There are days where I want to punch her in the face and she would deserve it clearly.
With the little lady, she loses her patience so quickly. I'm not trying to indulge her tantrums, but yelling more only makes her scream and cry and slam things around more. The only way to get her to calm down is to talk to her and take her mind off of whatever it is that set her off.
Quote:
... I'm choosing the positive today. So ... I'll try to stick with a better image and assume you're just having a shit day, or week.
I've seen good things.
Sorry...my attempt at snarky humor didn't work out in this thread full of group kumbayah.
I was totally not serious with my initial post...well, except for not wanting any of you guys or your spawns near my perfect children.
Hmmm...better keep your fire extinguisher handy there Beezer.
Neutered fucks tend to think this way
With the little lady, she loses her patience so quickly. I'm not trying to indulge her tantrums, but yelling more only makes her scream and cry and slam things around more. The only way to get her to calm down is to talk to her and take her mind off of whatever it is that set her off.
Same here regarding me babying the daughter, wife the son
+++
Queue up the Joe Pesci voice from Goodfellas ...
MOTHER FUCK ...
+++
Serenity now ... deep, cleansing breaths ... it's good to get this out of my system ... lol ...
You want your daughter to show her appreciation, right? Forget it. She's thinking of herself right now.
Your immediate reward is the satisfaction that you're doing everything you can do be a good father.
The appreciation comes much later when the examples you've set are seen in the adult your child has become.
*to be a good father*