My kids' mom and I have been divorced for about eight years. We are very good friends and an excellent parenting team. She has a live in BF who I like and so do my kids. I have a serious GF as well. I have remained very close with her parents. They are wonderful people whom I love like family. I've known them 20 years.
My ex father in law was perfectly healthy last week. Had a series of small strokes and is being taken off life support tonight. I've told my boys. I am devastated.
I just don't know my place at the funeral. I'm not family but I am. I'm sure my ex is going to want her BF at her side which makes sense. But what about my kids ( they are 16 year old twins)? I'm Sure my ex will comfort my kids as will her BF but what if they want to be with me? I don't "belong" sitting with the family.
Anyone go through this situation?
I agree. Let her know you don't want to intrude, but loved her dad and want to be there to honor him and to be there for the kids.
you loved like family. That's your reason for being there first and foremost.
It gets deeper with the different relationships going on but that's all secondary.
Stay alert, polite and try to be helpful.
Sorry for your loss.
If your relationship with your ex and her mom are as close as you believe, there is no reason to think your presence will be unwanted.
Be supportive and you will know if it is time to leave.
Sorry for your loss.
All in all, it is a crappy situation but do what you feel is right. Obviously, you seem to have a great relationship where you both have put your kids first. This should be no different.
I never doubted me being welcomed at the funeral. Heck her parents took my GF and I to a ball game this summer. I guess I'm just so concerned about my kids and her. We're not married but we do love each other like family. I haven't seen any other part of her family since the divorce. Even though her and I are close. I'm still nervous. Not that I won't be accepted, I just am.
I think you'll know what to do when you're there. She'll appreciate it.
You don't have to worry about playing a role or anything like that. You have good enough reason to pay your respects and you're just trying to do the right thing. I can't see why anyone would see it any other way.
I'd argue it looks bad if you don't go.