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NFT: Question for you all on my housing dilemma

GMAN4LIFE : 9/13/2017 9:56 am
Question for you all.

Here is my dilemma, a couple of months ago i post a question of either fixing my home( creating a big kitchen and building up to the second floor) or moving to a new home. Well let me add some stuff to it.

The dilemma is this. My daughter has mild Adhd. My wife doesn’t particularly care for the public schools where we live. Its just “ok”. The town she would like to move to has house that are in the 500k but some still need work. Our home has a mortgage of 255k and only doesn’t give us an extra bathroom and bigger kitchen) The schools in the town she wants to move to is great but then the High School isn’t great either.


Im pushing more for keeping the money for private schools for my two girls after the 6th grade and fixing our current home. Yes that would mean overvaluing our house for the area we live in but I don’t plan on moving from the area.


What are your thoughts and please ask if you need more info to make a comment on this.
Happy wife  
superspynyg : 9/13/2017 10:58 am : link
Happy life. I think that If your wife wants to move then move. The education in k-8 is very important especially for a child with ADHD.
RE: Happy wife  
GMAN4LIFE : 9/13/2017 11:27 am : link
In comment 13597125 superspynyg said:
Quote:
Happy life. I think that If your wife wants to move then move. The education in k-8 is very important especially for a child with ADHD.


true.. i was thinking possibly just putting her in a private school that is good for this. Montclair Kimberly academy being one of them.
anyone else care to help?  
GMAN4LIFE : 9/13/2017 12:49 pm : link
.
To some degree  
jpennyva : 9/13/2017 2:28 pm : link
It's the devil you know v. the devil you don't. School systems can change, improve/get worse and it sounds like you have a known quantity where you are and that you like the private school option where you are. If your mortgage is manageable where you are now and the private school tuition would also be manageable, the nice thing about upgrading your current house is 1) you don't have to move (a HUGE plus in my book), 2) it sounds like you would have to do work on a new house anyway, 3) you can do the upgrades on your current house on any time frame you want and in any order you want. It sounds like you know you want to stay but are looking for additional rationale to get your wife on board with staying as well. You note that the high school where your wife wants to move isn't fantastic (unless I misunderstood that part) so would you be looking to move again when your kids reach high school age? Do you like the other elements of where you live now (neighborhood, community)? Are there other reasons your wife would prefer to move? Would moving change any other elements of your quality of life, such as increasing or decreasing commute times (this can REALLY be a huge factor, depending on where you live so not to be taken lightly). In reading your post, I think you already lay out a pretty good argument for staying. And while I generally like the "happy wife, happy life" philosophy (since I am the wife!), of course this isn't just about what your wife wants but what would be best for the entire family. Just my $0.02 since you asked. Good luck!
Looks like you have done some homework on private schools in your area  
Watson : 9/13/2017 2:33 pm : link
You mention one school that's good with ADHD but is the teaching philosophy and curriculum also a match? What about your other daughter or do you not mind splitting them up?

Speaking from my own experience, private schools are terrific and defiantly worth it if they match the child's needs and interests. For my son & nephew it was great. For two nieces not so much. One attended a highly touted private k-8th which ended up being a total failure. It turned out their method of teaching reading didn't match how my niece learned. Much to my sister's surprise, a reading Tutor recommends the public school. The tutor was right.

Not sure this helps. Good Luck.

How old is your daughter?  
jcn56 : 9/13/2017 2:48 pm : link
Personally - not a fan of paying high taxes on RE with the main advantage being the school system and then going to a private school. Seems like you're paying twice.

Not sure what your taxes are - but if they're up there, you might want to consider whether it makes sense to pay for both.
RE: To some degree  
GMAN4LIFE : 9/13/2017 4:30 pm : link
In comment 13597497 jpennyva said:
Quote:
It's the devil you know v. the devil you don't. School systems can change, improve/get worse and it sounds like you have a known quantity where you are and that you like the private school option where you are. If your mortgage is manageable where you are now and the private school tuition would also be manageable, the nice thing about upgrading your current house is 1) you don't have to move (a HUGE plus in my book), 2) it sounds like you would have to do work on a new house anyway, 3) you can do the upgrades on your current house on any time frame you want and in any order you want. It sounds like you know you want to stay but are looking for additional rationale to get your wife on board with staying as well. You note that the high school where your wife wants to move isn't fantastic (unless I misunderstood that part) so would you be looking to move again when your kids reach high school age? Do you like the other elements of where you live now (neighborhood, community)? Are there other reasons your wife would prefer to move? Would moving change any other elements of your quality of life, such as increasing or decreasing commute times (this can REALLY be a huge factor, depending on where you live so not to be taken lightly). In reading your post, I think you already lay out a pretty good argument for staying. And while I generally like the "happy wife, happy life" philosophy (since I am the wife!), of course this isn't just about what your wife wants but what would be best for the entire family. Just my $0.02 since you asked. Good luck!


the plan would have been to move to the area(Rutherford) but the homes there(especially the house we want) its gonna be well above the 500k range. Reason being, i have everything i want except the kitchen and extra bath.

one kid is 7 and the other 4. I would want them both going to the same school. I wouldnt break them apart.

Yes if we went to rutherford, the elementary schools are great but high school is one my wife wouldnt want them to go to. So with that, it almost means we will be paying anyways with a much bigger mortgage. Thats my dilemma.

Plus the biggest plus that i forgot to mention is, my kids activities. They have a ton of after school things they are enrolled in. And we literally live a block away from my parents and my sister who help out immensely. If we move, it will be more stress for my wife to handle the picking up and dropping off of them. I work in the city so for me there would be a benefit but for my wife it would be hell and a shit load more stress.
RE: Looks like you have done some homework on private schools in your area  
GMAN4LIFE : 9/13/2017 4:31 pm : link
In comment 13597513 Watson said:
Quote:
You mention one school that's good with ADHD but is the teaching philosophy and curriculum also a match? What about your other daughter or do you not mind splitting them up?

Speaking from my own experience, private schools are terrific and defiantly worth it if they match the child's needs and interests. For my son & nephew it was great. For two nieces not so much. One attended a highly touted private k-8th which ended up being a total failure. It turned out their method of teaching reading didn't match how my niece learned. Much to my sister's surprise, a reading Tutor recommends the public school. The tutor was right.

Not sure this helps. Good Luck.


i dont want to split the kids up and i would want to keep them the same.
RE: How old is your daughter?  
GMAN4LIFE : 9/13/2017 4:33 pm : link
In comment 13597544 jcn56 said:
Quote:
Personally - not a fan of paying high taxes on RE with the main advantage being the school system and then going to a private school. Seems like you're paying twice.

Not sure what your taxes are - but if they're up there, you might want to consider whether it makes sense to pay for both.



Thats what scares me. I don't want to move to another town and then still have to pay for private high school. Might as well fix the home we have and pay for private school already. Rather invest in schooling than in a house. Especially one that only isnt giving us 2 things.

G MAN....you have provided your own answer:  
Phil in Joisey : 9/13/2017 6:15 pm : link
" my wife it would be hell and a shit load more stress."

GAME / SET / MATCH
RE: RE: To some degree  
DennyInDenville : 9/13/2017 6:22 pm : link
In comment 13597765 GMAN4LIFE said:
Quote:
In comment 13597497 jpennyva said:


Quote:


It's the devil you know v. the devil you don't. School systems can change, improve/get worse and it sounds like you have a known quantity where you are and that you like the private school option where you are. If your mortgage is manageable where you are now and the private school tuition would also be manageable, the nice thing about upgrading your current house is 1) you don't have to move (a HUGE plus in my book), 2) it sounds like you would have to do work on a new house anyway, 3) you can do the upgrades on your current house on any time frame you want and in any order you want. It sounds like you know you want to stay but are looking for additional rationale to get your wife on board with staying as well. You note that the high school where your wife wants to move isn't fantastic (unless I misunderstood that part) so would you be looking to move again when your kids reach high school age? Do you like the other elements of where you live now (neighborhood, community)? Are there other reasons your wife would prefer to move? Would moving change any other elements of your quality of life, such as increasing or decreasing commute times (this can REALLY be a huge factor, depending on where you live so not to be taken lightly). In reading your post, I think you already lay out a pretty good argument for staying. And while I generally like the "happy wife, happy life" philosophy (since I am the wife!), of course this isn't just about what your wife wants but what would be best for the entire family. Just my $0.02 since you asked. Good luck!



the plan would have been to move to the area(Rutherford) but the homes there(especially the house we want) its gonna be well above the 500k range. Reason being, i have everything i want except the kitchen and extra bath.

one kid is 7 and the other 4. I would want them both going to the same school. I wouldnt break them apart.

Yes if we went to rutherford, the elementary schools are great but high school is one my wife wouldnt want them to go to. So with that, it almost means we will be paying anyways with a much bigger mortgage. Thats my dilemma.

Plus the biggest plus that i forgot to mention is, my kids activities. They have a ton of after school things they are enrolled in. And we literally live a block away from my parents and my sister who help out immensely. If we move, it will be more stress for my wife to handle the picking up and dropping off of them. I work in the city so for me there would be a benefit but for my wife it would be hell and a shit load more stress.

Maybe, maybe the wife wants to get more then a block away from the parents and sister?

It's out there, but some women have a problem with that.

I'm probly wrong, but when I read your story, for some reason it stood out that it could be a hidden reason she wants to move OR the main reason you want to stay.

Sure, happy wife happy life  
UConn4523 : 9/13/2017 6:26 pm : link
but I don't think that's a blanket reason for everything.

I'm not big into private school for many reasons but I also think people make way too big a deal about a public school being bad. Not sure how bad you are talking but I doubt it's horrible. There are some good some bad schools in my area and I wouldn't just pick private school to please my wife - here's more to school than it's ranking.
I'd ..  
FatMan in Charlotte : 9/13/2017 6:32 pm : link
just put a strobe light in every room and be done with it.
"No wife, happier life"  
Route 9 : 9/13/2017 8:59 pm : link
...
RE: Sure, happy wife happy life  
Watson : 9/14/2017 12:28 am : link
In comment 13597952 UConn4523 said:
Quote:
but I don't think that's a blanket reason for everything.

I'm not big into private school for many reasons but I also think people make way too big a deal about a public school being bad. Not sure how bad you are talking but I doubt it's horrible. There are some good some bad schools in my area and I wouldn't just pick private school to please my wife - here's more to school than it's ranking.


UConn, I mostly agree with you and, as noted above, I am one who sent a son to a private boarding school and don't regret it. It was a fantastic way for my son to do High School. Public Schools do get a bad rap. It seems to be fashionable these days. It's why I specifically cited the experience of a niece. I should have mentioned within a year at the local public school, her reading was up to grade level and never struggled again. She was happier; what a surprise.

I'm not going to get into private vs public. But, unless the public school system is truly bad or your child has special issues/interests/talents that the public school can't accommodate, investing in a private school may not be worth $$$.

Gman - to reiterate my original suggestion, thoroughly investigate the private school's teaching philosophy and curriculum. What do they offer that's special. Do you see the school's total environment a far better fit for both of your children than that offered by the public. You may not find an appreciable difference or quite possible the opposite.

Good luck with your conundrum with house, school, and your wife's wishes.



RE: RE: RE: To some degree  
GMAN4LIFE : 9/14/2017 9:53 am : link
In comment 13597943 DennyInDenville said:
Quote:
In comment 13597765 GMAN4LIFE said:


Quote:


In comment 13597497 jpennyva said:


Quote:


It's the devil you know v. the devil you don't. School systems can change, improve/get worse and it sounds like you have a known quantity where you are and that you like the private school option where you are. If your mortgage is manageable where you are now and the private school tuition would also be manageable, the nice thing about upgrading your current house is 1) you don't have to move (a HUGE plus in my book), 2) it sounds like you would have to do work on a new house anyway, 3) you can do the upgrades on your current house on any time frame you want and in any order you want. It sounds like you know you want to stay but are looking for additional rationale to get your wife on board with staying as well. You note that the high school where your wife wants to move isn't fantastic (unless I misunderstood that part) so would you be looking to move again when your kids reach high school age? Do you like the other elements of where you live now (neighborhood, community)? Are there other reasons your wife would prefer to move? Would moving change any other elements of your quality of life, such as increasing or decreasing commute times (this can REALLY be a huge factor, depending on where you live so not to be taken lightly). In reading your post, I think you already lay out a pretty good argument for staying. And while I generally like the "happy wife, happy life" philosophy (since I am the wife!), of course this isn't just about what your wife wants but what would be best for the entire family. Just my $0.02 since you asked. Good luck!



the plan would have been to move to the area(Rutherford) but the homes there(especially the house we want) its gonna be well above the 500k range. Reason being, i have everything i want except the kitchen and extra bath.

one kid is 7 and the other 4. I would want them both going to the same school. I wouldnt break them apart.

Yes if we went to rutherford, the elementary schools are great but high school is one my wife wouldnt want them to go to. So with that, it almost means we will be paying anyways with a much bigger mortgage. Thats my dilemma.

Plus the biggest plus that i forgot to mention is, my kids activities. They have a ton of after school things they are enrolled in. And we literally live a block away from my parents and my sister who help out immensely. If we move, it will be more stress for my wife to handle the picking up and dropping off of them. I work in the city so for me there would be a benefit but for my wife it would be hell and a shit load more stress.


Maybe, maybe the wife wants to get more then a block away from the parents and sister?

It's out there, but some women have a problem with that.

I'm probly wrong, but when I read your story, for some reason it stood out that it could be a hidden reason she wants to move OR the main reason you want to stay.



if that were the case, i wouldnt have moved there. And she doesnt say anything as she has to rely on my family to help with the kids with her crazy work schedule.
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