Great post by Del, allowing folks to be creative and vent at the same time. I’m not much of a poet, so crude limericks come to me more easily.
A reminder:
A limerick is a humorous poem consisting of five lines. The first, second, and fifth lines must have seven to ten syllables while rhyming and having the same verbal rhythm. The third and fourth lines only have to have five to seven syllables, and have to rhyme with each other and have the same rhythm. |
I’ll get it started, expecting to be easily and repeated bested by the creative BBI crowd:
There once was a coach named Ben
Who some thought a leader of men
But he behaved as a dick
With his hairdo quite slick
Of his firing it was never if rather when
who came to teach Eli to Play
he made him throw faster
then came to disaster
when taking him out for a day
His offense went limp
He became Eli's pimp
Now his keycard is no longer blue
mrvax : 11:29 am : link : reply
There once was a coach named McAdoo.
All he could do was suspend you.
He tried to be slick
'twas merely a dick
and ended up having to eat poo
Just look at the way that I groom.
11 and 5 earned a pass,
But throw Eli out on his ass -
My coaching career is now doomed.
He was gonna get fired, but when?
He benched the QB
He's gone, and we see
Everyone on Sunday wearing 10
But they gave him the job,
Now he runs from the mob,
And we wait for a new coach one day.
But they gave him the job,
Now he runs from the mob,
And we wait for a new coach one day.
He came across like a big jerk
He slicked back his hair
Never was fair
Not long after his key card didn't work
There once was a GM named Reese
Of his peers, he dreamed of the big fleece
But instead of finding blockers
He struck out (say his knockers)
Through his line rushers were as crap through geese
He thought he was smart
when he had Geno Smith start
but in the end he's just an arrogant prick
Won a couple of titles with them
But he failed in the draft
And neglected his craft
And he's looking for work once again
OK, slight cheat on the last rhyme, but it's close enough!
If I could Id drop a huge steamer on your face
Unless of course Reese stood in your place
You were both useless pieces of crap
And I hope you both get the clap
It turned out to be just obscene
Now unemployed with nothing to do
He can now join Rodgers in the midwest gay club scene
;-)
Yet his offense could not produce a scare
He forgot his gatorade inside and cried,
When trying his key card resulted in "access denied"
Did I do that one right?
If I could Id drop a huge steamer on your face
Unless of course Reese stood in your place
You were both useless pieces of crap
And I hope you both get the clap
Not in the rules of what a limerick is, however, rhyming McAdoo with poo was really great. i'm sorry I didnt think of it.
When a record of 11 and 5
Proved to be a lot of jive
And now he's havin' bags to pack
Damnit. How about this?
Coach McAdoo arrived with new, slicked back hair,
Yet his offense could not produce a scare
He forgot his gatorade inside and cried,
When trying his key card resulted in "access denied"
In his oversized suit, he resembled a giant misshapen pear
It turned out to be just obscene
Now unemployed with nothing to do
He can now join Rodgers in the midwest gay club scene
;-)
how is it possible that you screwed that up?
Mac promised to make Eli better--
be he can't even buy a good sweater
he blustered and stumbled
While team simply crumbled
we all know we could do so much better.
...
Here's one more.
They promised the roads would be fairer
With Coughlin in the rear-view mirror.
But mac couldn't come through-
and the fans staged a coup.
Let's all cherish the "Geno Smith era"
Tom Coughlin he did screw
He survived lots of losses
And lousy draft choices
But couldn't survive McAdoo
Who found a right guard named Jerry
The offense was dismal
It came to a fizzle
And fans were left feeling sorry
So in Geno came
The boos, how they rained
And now their season ain't worth a nickel.
With a penis so small he could tuck it
Top o' the morning to ya Ben
we thought with big sheet he would win
when his O was exposed
emperor had no clothes
Returned to the Giants has Zen
There was a coach not from ‘Ol Nantuck
Who promised his teams wouldn’t suck
Though happy his name included “do”
Our high hopes we soon bid adieu
Now with Spags we hope for better luck
Who designed an offense that was very shitty.
He thought being a coach was why he was born
With that greasy hair and a mustache for porn.
In the end tho getting canned wasn't a pity.
When Ben got hired it wasn't a shock
Management tabbed him to lead the Big Blue flock.
He burst on the scene sporting a large suit of blue
Many ugly failures later it was clear to those who knew
Ben had to go because he really sucked the cock.
whose coach was too fond of hair grease
he thought it was slick
instead of a brick
till mortally wounded they ceased
Whose drafts looked like the droppings of geese.
Year after year he defended his pick
When all he did was look like a prick
Mercifully yesterday his responsibilities cease.
Eli sat down
Mr Mara he frowned
and Mac he just got fisted.
And his porn stache didn't go over too well
Transformed into slick
That couldn't coach a lick
And on that fat face he fell
Whose hair he did gel and then dry blow
Cliche's in one hand
On Rodgers he'd stand
His methods and models
now banned so
To coach a team whose fans showed no pity
He spoke heavy-handed
But on his ass he so landed
Now the fanatics no longer feel shitty
Yet our O-line made us wanna puke
No run and no pass
The QB's on his ass
To the tape Mac goes back to look
New heartbreaks with every new week
Big Blue made losing unique
Finding new ways
of blowing key plays
and ruining historic streaks
No sportscaster who is alive
predicted from 'leven and 5
we'd go 2 and 9
they thought we'd be fine
but Mac turned out to be jive
So now the dumpster's on fire
At coach we need a new hire
it's a shame to say
it's better this way
But Eli, don't choose to retire!
But this year they suck ass
Ben McAdoo is trash
Perhaps they'll rehire Gilbride Kevin
His hair was slicked
Seemed like a prick
Now he'll never come back
Instead of being upstanding
He blamed Eli Mannning
And now his tenure did end.
Instead of being upstanding
He blamed Eli Mannning
And now his tenure did end.
Nicely done.
Bad running game, another sign
For Ben and Reese the cost
For this season that's lost
Their jobs after Eli rode the pine
A genius, so smart, so bold,
Intead we got Beavis,
Now jobless and keyless,
No longer head of household.
That received the fans' total derision -
If Eli must sit
Why would Geno be it?
The result was a contract rescission.
But his schemes were too easy to bork
He blamed it on Manning
Which ended up fanning
The torches and got him the pitchfork
Fans fears, he hoped to assuage,
With hair not quite matte,
suit of fine wharf rat,
Offense, fresh from the Bronze Age.
His hair was full of goo,
He walked around with such a big list
Benched Eli, and everyone was pissed!
Now all he has is his slicked back hair,
No job, no team, but don't despair
He's still getting paid, so he'll be able to buy that shit
he puts in his hair.
Installed an offense that couldn't execute
When we went two and ten
It wasn't looking good Ben
That's why Mara gave you the boot