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NFT: What's the closest YOU'VE come to sexual harassment ...

Beezer : 12/12/2017 9:16 am
... in the workplace?

I've always been fortunate enough to work with very cool, realistic women in the handful of jobs I've held after college. I've always had a significant other along the way, and the one time I dated a co-worker, she was in a different department and we worked different shifts, so even if there was a temptation to be flirty at work, the opportunity was never there, so no worries.

I do recall a couple women I worked with when I was 32-25 age range. They were both older and my wife and I became solid friends with them and their husbands (they were at our wedding, we did Christmas parties in the same circle, that sort of thing.) And the closest it ever got was us joking one day about how we all WISHED someone would sexually harass us ... and how that might be nice for a change.

Obviously, an opportunity for jokes here. But curious if folks here have witnessed it, been in the middle (receiving, of course, since no BBIer would ever stoop) ... that sorta thing.

(((Someone rush to the obligatory MP photo, to get it out of the way.)))
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RE: RE: RE: RE: A 30 yr old neighbor when I was 22 and in the Navy  
montanagiant : 12/12/2017 10:50 am : link
In comment 13737037 section125 said:
Quote:
In comment 13737009 Modus Operandi said:


Quote:


In comment 13737005 BrettNYG10 said:


Quote:


In comment 13736972 montanagiant said:


Quote:


We had a party and She came on to me I banged her and I liked it.

My sexual harassment story



I'm so sorry you had to suffer like this.



I call BS. Montana is land locked. No chance in hell they have a Navy.



They call it a Navy, but is just a herd of reindeer.

We actually use Sheep. Here we are doing some invasion training
RE: christmas parties are notorious for these incidents...  
Del Shofner : 12/12/2017 10:57 am : link
In comment 13736846 GMAN4LIFE said:
Quote:
many get fired from the aftermath of these.


I met my wife at the firm's Christmas party when we worked at the same firm. Definitely a "notorious incident" in my life, but it worked out OK! That was 1978.

Other than that, maybe one Christmas party at my firm, many, many years ago in the '80s ... we had some crazy ones.
When I was 16, I was joking around with a waitress at the restaurant  
Heisenberg : 12/12/2017 11:00 am : link
where I cooked. I grabbed her ass. I had seen other guys do similar stuff in the kitchen. She let me know immediately that I had gone too far, chewed me out on the spot. I took my verbal drubbing and learned my lesson right there.
I am a straight guy  
NDMedics : 12/12/2017 11:24 am : link
bartending in a gay bar in the West Village in the mid-late 80's. It was called Kelly's, sexually harassed every minute I was in there, and got a glimpse of what it must be like for women every waking minute of there lives. Anyway I made bank there!!!!
Harassment vs Hostile Work Environment  
Bernie : 12/12/2017 11:30 am : link
Harassment by definition can only occur between a manager and a subordinate while a hostile work environment can occur among all employees regardless of position or title.

I bring this up because in my early days, I worked with groups of 25-35 year old's who commonly worked 100+ hour work weeks. As a result, there was plenty of flirting, hooking up and comments between both sexes. Back then, nobody thought twice about this behavior because it was generally the result of people spending the majority of their waking hours together. Today, those same behaviors would be considered hostile (even if consensual) and cost people their jobs.
RE: RE: A 30 yr old neighbor when I was 22 and in the Navy  
Cap'n Bluebeard : 12/12/2017 11:51 am : link
In comment 13737005 BrettNYG10 said:
Quote:
In comment 13736972 montanagiant said:


Quote:


We had a party and She came on to me I banged her and I liked it.

My sexual harassment story




I'm so sorry you she had to suffer like this.
When I was younger  
UESBLUE : 12/12/2017 11:56 am : link
I worked for an old queen who made a lot of flirtatious remarks. So not much really. Separately , as Ive said on here before, literally every woman in my family/life has been either sexually harassed, abused or assaulted. And you will be amazed what you hear in your life when you make it safe for those you love to "come out."
I would think locking Molly in the basement is at least  
gtt350 : 12/12/2017 12:02 pm : link
harrassment
When I was going to school, twice I had  
GiantsUA : 12/12/2017 12:05 pm : link
women break into my room in the middle of the night, both were bat shit crazy and I did not want anything to do with them.

There were plenty of women at Oneonta State to choose from and these two were not my type.

Anyway, I thought if the situation was reversed and I broke into a coed's room in the middle of the night I would be leaving in cuffs.

Twice.  
old man : 12/12/2017 12:13 pm : link
50+ years ago, when I worked F/T for 1 year in a factory to help pay for first year of college, an older female employee
with very big, lungs,openly would rub close to me, and my eyes would drop, then she would make a comment or two openly..and so much so the other people would just smile and laugh, including the male co-owners. It was rather embarrassing, since I was in a no win situation. Fortunately I was offered additional duty outside the office, and only had to be there the first hour and last hour of the workday.
About 10 years ago I was the 3rd day of training my new staff member I made what was actually an anti-harrassment comment that included the phrase 'unless I go crazy and ask you to sit on my lap'. She only heard or wanted to hear the last 4 words apparently. The next day I had 3 meetings having to defend myself before a Suspension hearing the next day. I avoided the suspension, and warned our employer to be careful with her as she may be troubling. I apologized to the young lady for what I may have misstated or what she may have misheard and that I shouldn't have even used that example. We worked OK together for a couple of years but I had to he very careful with my words, even when SHE would talk about any workplace romantic situation. She turned out being a troubled, and troubling employee who spent the last 2 years on paid stress leave.
The problem nowadays is How do you even APPROACH any, ANY, comment, with/about an attractive coworker, workplace romance or situation, a beautiful entertainer, a workplace visitor without using a word, even ' beautiful', handsome' 'sexy', or any other word that may 'offend' a hearer and gets you called up to the big office?
There IS harassment, then there is Perceived harrassment.
Glad I'm now retired or I'd be afraid to say Good Morning for fear of offending someone somehow.
there were countless times of quick  
gtt350 : 12/12/2017 12:22 pm : link
makeout sessions in the startwells and fire exit. Corporate America is filled with sexual tension. thank god i'm retired. I've had scenerios that all guys would envy.
stairwells  
gtt350 : 12/12/2017 12:22 pm : link
.
RE: RE: RE: A 30 yr old neighbor when I was 22 and in the Navy  
montanagiant : 12/12/2017 12:26 pm : link
In comment 13737263 Cap'n Bluebeard said:
Quote:
In comment 13737005 BrettNYG10 said:


Quote:


In comment 13736972 montanagiant said:


Quote:


We had a party and She came on to me I banged her and I liked it.

My sexual harassment story





I'm so sorry you she had to suffer like this.

It was my first older woman so believe me she did not suffer "long" at all
RE: Never  
allstarjim : 12/12/2017 12:30 pm : link
In comment 13736927 trueblueinpw said:
Quote:
Never been close either way. Just not my thing. Never been accused of anything like that either. Its annoying that theres so many people who defend this kind of deviant behavior by suggesting its common. I think there are a minority of men that do these sorts of things but Im not really sure why theyve always gotten away with it. Women have a very low status in our world.


It is common and saying so isn't defending it. And acknowledging that women do it too isn't defending it nor is it diminishing the value of the claims that some women have. I have female friends that have had to quit jobs because of sexual harassment, for example, and worse than that. That is terrible, and I'm glad that it is becoming more acceptable to confront these issues. However, I also am aware of acquaintances that were falsely accused of rape. There should be some standard so which no one, regardless of gender, has to suffer serious legal or professional consequences due to unfounded allegations while protecting people from slimebags like Harvey Weinstein.
1996 Basic Training in Ft Jackson  
dreadedrummer : 12/12/2017 12:53 pm : link
We were a mixed company of male and female soldiers. One day they took all the guys in my platoon and started asking everyone what they knew about two Drill Sgt's from the other platoon (as far as I know nobody knew anything). Turns out they were bringing many of the girls from both our platoon and their platoon into their office at night. They were paying one guy to take fire guard on those nights and act as a lookout for them.

More than forty girls complained about it to the company commander, those two DS were arrested, and the lookout guy was taken out of training pending investigation into his role. Our DS told us to expect them to spend a long time locked up.
Closest?  
The_Boss : 12/12/2017 1:32 pm : link
Was joking with a female co-worker in Jersey. Asked her if I wash my cak, would she suck it?...well the punch line is when she says NO!, Id call her a dirty cak sucker. Never quite got that far and a month or 2 later, I had a better paying job in Westchester.
I went to real basic training  
allstarjim : 12/12/2017 1:39 pm : link
In Ft. Benning, not Relaxin' Jackson 😏, but when I went to AIT in 2000 at Ft Gordon I definitely saw one soldier in our company getting picked up on the weekend by a Drill Sergeant. I suspected the XO was hooking up with one of the females as well. There were lots of rumors and strange things you would see that was outside of the norm. To my knowledge nobody got busted, however.
During my break as a bouncer at the double deuce  
pjcas18 : 12/12/2017 1:40 pm : link
I nailed one of the waitresses in the supply closet.

I told Dalton I was on my break, and he said stay on it.

Not sure if that qualifies, but I was having sex and he harassed me.
RE: During my break as a bouncer at the double deuce  
GMAN4LIFE : 12/12/2017 1:55 pm : link
In comment 13737539 pjcas18 said:
Quote:
I nailed one of the waitresses in the supply closet.

I told Dalton I was on my break, and he said stay on it.

Not sure if that qualifies, but I was having sex and he harassed me.

lmAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
RE: I would think locking Molly in the basement is at least  
Beezer : 12/12/2017 2:03 pm : link
In comment 13737305 gtt350 said:
Quote:
harrassment


There's the dead horse! lol
RE: During my break as a bouncer at the double deuce  
Beezer : 12/12/2017 2:12 pm : link
In comment 13737539 pjcas18 said:
Quote:
I nailed one of the waitresses in the supply closet.

I told Dalton I was on my break, and he said stay on it.

Not sure if that qualifies, but I was having sex and he harassed me.


You probably won't believe this. But the girl in that scene? The blonde who says "ohhh Steve" as Dalton walks in? Then puts her hand over her mouth? She's actually a friend of my wife and I. lol She also appeared in a Playboy around that time frame, in one of those "Girls of the ________ (whatever college region, I can't remember)" She was NOT a girl of that college region, fwiw.
RE: RE: During my break as a bouncer at the double deuce  
pjcas18 : 12/12/2017 2:16 pm : link
In comment 13737602 Beezer said:
Quote:
In comment 13737539 pjcas18 said:


Quote:


I nailed one of the waitresses in the supply closet.

I told Dalton I was on my break, and he said stay on it.

Not sure if that qualifies, but I was having sex and he harassed me.



You probably won't believe this. But the girl in that scene? The blonde who says "ohhh Steve" as Dalton walks in? Then puts her hand over her mouth? She's actually a friend of my wife and I. lol She also appeared in a Playboy around that time frame, in one of those "Girls of the ________ (whatever college region, I can't remember)" She was NOT a girl of that college region, fwiw.


I believe you Beez.

That story is more amazing than the time Michael Jackson came over your house to use the bathroom and more amazing than the time you saved those old people from the nursing home fire....
lol ...  
Beezer : 12/12/2017 2:19 pm : link
well ... it's actually true. Her name is Dawn Ciccone. I'd say look it up but ... probably nothing to look up. lol
The truth is... there are male predators out there that hit  
baadbill : 12/12/2017 2:33 pm : link
on every female that comes within their orbit... I don't know what percentage of males they represent, but they are prevalent enough that you can be sure your mom, sister, wife, and daughters have come across them on a fairly regular basis.

These guys have no filter. They think sex is a game and women are the playthings. They are aggressive and will say anything to any woman at any time in any setting. They get into a woman's personal space. They lay hands on them without hesitation. They do this with the expectation they will be shot down. The continue and press forward until they are told "no". Some women - especially women who were abused as young girls - have real difficulty with sexual confrontation and can't say "stop" easily - their only recourse is to get away before it goes too far. They are easy targets for sexual predators (if you are unfortunate enough to know a victim of child sexual abuse who is now an adult, you will learn that they likely lived a life of being abused multiple times by different men ... the women think they attract them - the truth is different ... the predators hit on everyone ... the difference being the abused women are more likely to become victims than others)

Sorry for throwing cold water ... but this is a chilling thread to read ... I know a bit about it ... my wife of 35 years was a victim ... her 65+ grandfather lived her and her 8 siblings and had sex with her regularly starting when she was 7 ... like most girls, she kept quiet ... I was the first person she ever told ... when she was 45 ... it was one of the most traumatic experiences in my life ... she was in a fetal position, her arms around her belly, sobbing, for hours as her story slowly came out (btw, she didn't tell me ... I guessed ... a long story for another day) ...

I subsequently read LOTS about the subject ... went to counseling with her ... I have 4 daughters and I made sure they learned everything possible about the subject ... what I learned is that 1/3rd of all females in the United States have experienced SEVERE SEXUAL ABUSE before the age of 18 ... and that those statistics have remained pretty static in studies going back 100 years

And the impact is incredibly traumatic ... my wife, for example, while sexually abused ... was really much more emotionally abused ... this was her grandfather ... someone the rest of the family revered ... someone that she was told loved her ... but he treated her like a sex toy ... and dealing with the reality that her grandfather would treat her that way ... that she wasn't worthy of his love ... is much worse than the sex

Ok ... enough ... I can't go on ... even though it is all much much worse than I have had the ability to describe in this (relatively) short post

RE: RE: Went on some work rewards trips in Cancun  
BigBlueDownTheShore : 12/12/2017 2:40 pm : link
In comment 13736868 baadbill said:
Quote:
In comment 13736855 BigBlueDownTheShore said:


Quote:


everyone got hammered at the all inclusive resorts.

Every year someone would get fired, for cheating on their spouses with other employees while on this strip. The last one I was on 3 people were canned upon arriving home.



Were they fired for having sex with co-employees? Or were they fired solely because they had sex while married to someone else?


They got fired because it was a complete shit show. One guy was banging another coworker and got hammered and confessed his love for her to her husband at a club. Meanwhile the same guy's wife was on the trip as well. They were all blacked out.

The second couple worked in the corporate office, and this guy was on the trip with his wife, and I don't know if this was going on before hand or not, but ended up having sex with the head of HR on the trip. The CEO canned them as well. The whole company knew what was going on.

If it was a little more hush hush I don't think anyone high up would have known and it wouldn't have been an issue, but he also didn't like that these people were married and doing this stuff as well.
My wife shares an office with a guy who is a total  
oghwga : 12/12/2017 2:47 pm : link
Pain in the ass. Noisy, eats at his desk, constantly talking or browsing Reddit. He rarely wears pants and is constantly making inappropriate comments.

He is no longer allowed in the office if she's on a zoom or web conference.

Granted, my wife and I both work from home but she is really clamping down.
RE: My wife shares an office with a guy who is a total  
Elisthebest : 12/12/2017 2:49 pm : link
In comment 13737678 oghwga said:
Quote:
Pain in the ass. Noisy, eats at his desk, constantly talking or browsing Reddit. He rarely wears pants and is constantly making inappropriate comments.

He is no longer allowed in the office if she's on a zoom or web conference.

Granted, my wife and I both work from home but she is really clamping down.

He "rarely wears pants" ?????
RE: RE: My wife shares an office with a guy who is a total  
Modus Operandi : 12/12/2017 2:50 pm : link
In comment 13737682 Elisthebest said:
Quote:
In comment 13737678 oghwga said:


Quote:


Pain in the ass. Noisy, eats at his desk, constantly talking or browsing Reddit. He rarely wears pants and is constantly making inappropriate comments.

He is no longer allowed in the office if she's on a zoom or web conference.

Granted, my wife and I both work from home but she is really clamping down.


He "rarely wears pants" ?????


He's talking about himself.
Outside of restaurant jobs where its so endemic  
Nitro : 12/12/2017 2:51 pm : link
that they're basically orgies with food occasionally served on the side, I slept with a girl at my job a few years ago who was junior to me but in a different department. Worked out fine, probably helped that it was a situation where I didn't really pursue (took a long time to come to fruition) and there wasn't that conflict of interest. We had an opportunity on a work trip and took it. We met up a few times after, but both decided it was best we not pursue anything serious as we both worked there. We both still work there and things are fine, so in that regard I'm lucky.

Likely wouldn't do it again as it's not worth the risk, and likely would have not done it in the first place, but she is very attractive so at the time I can't really blame myself in hindsight - I'm human. Thankfully I correctly judged it to be okay. I think there's more latitude when everyone is still at the 'party and drink' age, but wouldn't assume that to be the case. I have sympathy for both sides of the coin on this topic.

RE: RE: My wife shares an office with a guy who is a total  
Beezer : 12/12/2017 2:56 pm : link
In comment 13737682 Elisthebest said:
Quote:
In comment 13737678 oghwga said:


Quote:


Pain in the ass. Noisy, eats at his desk, constantly talking or browsing Reddit. He rarely wears pants and is constantly making inappropriate comments.

He is no longer allowed in the office if she's on a zoom or web conference.

Granted, my wife and I both work from home but she is really clamping down.


He "rarely wears pants" ?????


Dude!

bahahahahahaha
As an attorney, employment law was part of my caseload  
Marty in Albany : 12/12/2017 3:09 pm : link
There is a lot of sexual harassment that does not see the light of day, because it is not directly related to physical sex, or actual physical contact, but results in the skewed everyday roles of men and women in the workplace.

There is a great deal of ignorance among men of what constitutes sexual harassment. Many otherwise intelligent men do not perceive the effect on women of the stupid things that they say and do.

Sensitivity to, and respect for the feelings of female subordinates is something that does not come naturally to everyone. It needs to be taught.

The times they are a-changing.

As an attorney, employment law was part of my caseload  
Marty in Albany : 12/12/2017 3:10 pm : link
There is a lot of sexual harassment that does not see the light of day, because it is not directly related to physical sex, or actual physical contact, but results in the skewed everyday roles of men and women in the workplace.

There is a great deal of ignorance among men of what constitutes sexual harassment. Many otherwise intelligent men do not perceive the effect on women of the stupid things that they say and do.

Sensitivity to, and respect for the feelings of female subordinates is something that does not come naturally to everyone. It needs to be taught.

The times they are a-changing.

Sorry for the double post.  
Marty in Albany : 12/12/2017 3:11 pm : link
.
RE: RE: I would think locking Molly in the basement is at least  
gtt350 : 12/12/2017 3:14 pm : link
In comment 13737583 Beezer said:
Quote:
In comment 13737305 gtt350 said:


Quote:


I'm sorry Beez, that thread was an all time favorite. I'll stop


harrassment



There's the dead horse! lol
You should work retail  
Route 9 : 12/12/2017 3:36 pm : link
A lot of the fly-by-night young ladies who work there will put out to basically anyone, especially the ones that work overnight. Oops.
Marty in Albany  
Route 9 : 12/12/2017 3:37 pm : link
Care to explain further or provide some examples there? Just a bit curious...
closest i got was leg brushing mine on their way to a seat  
Banks : 12/12/2017 3:43 pm : link
my company takes that very seriously
RE: lol ...  
montanagiant : 12/12/2017 3:49 pm : link
In comment 13737618 Beezer said:
Quote:
well ... it's actually true. Her name is Dawn Ciccone. I'd say look it up but ... probably nothing to look up. lol

This her Beez?
I was accused 14 years ago  
WideRight : 12/12/2017 4:01 pm : link
My secretary got fired for not playing nice in the secretarial pool, and on the way out made a whole bunch of false accusations.

Legal had to investigate and I was cleared. But it was pretty F'd up, and if the same thing happened today, I could easily see an even bigger headache, or worse.

I wonder how many of BBIers  
YAJ2112 : 12/12/2017 4:07 pm : link
have sexually harassed female BBIers offline. I'd guess quite a lot.
RE: I would think locking Molly in the basement is at least  
BMac : 12/12/2017 4:20 pm : link
In comment 13737305 gtt350 said:
Quote:
harrassment


Out of the fire; into the Pan.
Beez you went and gone and did it again  
Route 9 : 12/12/2017 4:46 pm : link
Ya silly bastard
one more thing  
UESBLUE : 12/12/2017 4:46 pm : link
when my 20 yr old daughter was date raped the hardest thing ive ever had to do was NOT going after the guy (i didnt know him). She asked me not to and I knew if I did it would make all of our lives even more difficult
I almost shook hands with a sitting US president  
Sarcastic Sam : 12/12/2017 6:09 pm : link
when he came to speak at my college's graduation in 1998.

I had Purell, just in case.
I've had many unwanted advances over the years...  
Dan in the Springs : 12/12/2017 6:26 pm : link
I know it's not my looks that make women comfortable hitting on me - but my friendly, outgoing personality and ability to make people feel comfortable and open with me.

It's obvious that the current spotlight is on men as sexual predators, but I promise there are many women, maybe just as many who do the same.

In a role as a regional banking exec I spent a lot of time visiting banking centers, taking banking teams to dinner maybe 3-4 nights a week, sometimes more.

First time through I was hit on by someone at maybe 80% of these dinners. Occasionally it was a younger employee on the teller line, but the most consistent were the middle-aged, long-time bankers. Most of the top-producers were big time flirts and very comfortable exuding sexiness.

One story in particular I'll share because it was kind of funny. Over several meetings this lady about 10 years older than me was getting kind of flirty with me, just a little bit. My strategy with her to that point was to acknowledge her with a smile/chuckle and move on to safety. Anyway, she starts talking to me as I'm distracted by someone else, so I'm not really listening to her, just smiling, nodding and saying like "really?". At some point she slaps me on the arm and says "isn't that crazy?". I don't know what she's talking about exactly, so I just kind of go "wow... yeah". Then I start paying attention. She goes on talking about a sexual episode and I realize she's talking about something between her and me. Turns out she's telling me about a dream she'd had the night before about the two of us in the sack. YIKES! Had to be real careful around her after that.

Since I've moved on to teaching I've noticed that in this profession there are fewer professional flirts than in banking. However, I've had groups of women hit on me at conferences I've been to. Only one woman from my district has hit on me though - she was a substitute in our building one day. Later turned out to be an acquaintance of my wife. She hasn't been back to my school since, but I've run into her a time or two and it's still a bit awkward.
RE: I almost shook hands with a sitting US president  
Route 9 : 12/12/2017 8:03 pm : link
In comment 13738030 Sarcastic Sam said:
Quote:
when he came to speak at my college's graduation in 1998.

I had Purell, just in case.


Nope
RE: RE: RE: I would think locking Molly in the basement is at least  
Beezer : 12/12/2017 10:38 pm : link
In comment 13737721 gtt350 said:
Quote:
In comment 13737583 Beezer said:


Quote:


In comment 13737305 gtt350 said:


Quote:


I'm sorry Beez, that thread was an all time favorite. I'll stop


harrassment



There's the dead horse! lol



No worries. lol. If you have fun with it, thats all that matters.
RE: RE: lol ...  
Beezer : 12/12/2017 10:39 pm : link
In comment 13737793 montanagiant said:
Quote:
In comment 13737618 Beezer said:


Quote:


well ... it's actually true. Her name is Dawn Ciccone. I'd say look it up but ... probably nothing to look up. lol


This her Beez?


It is not.

Similar look. But no. 😂
Had a gayish 2nd fiddle at a previous job  
Dunedin81 : 12/12/2017 10:51 pm : link
I used to walk into his office with file folders to hold in front of my crotch because I didn't like him staring at it. Would say uncomfortable things. Made jokes about me losing my job that, while ostensibly not related to the other nonsense, we're disconcerting as a father of 3 with one on the way (now 4). Loved my boss at that job, hated her deputy. But I had him by sixty pounds so there was no component of physical fear to it, which would have made it inestimably worse.
Okay -- I know this is going to get me  
gidiefor : Mod : 12/13/2017 12:18 pm : link
some flack, but after Shampoo came out, when I was 23, I went to hairdressing school on 5th Avenue where I was hit on regularly by a plethora of fellow students and teachers at the school. It was embarrassing, uncomfortable and definitely unwanted and I had a hard time dealing with it. I can imagine what it's like in the workplace especially coming from a boss - where the person has the power to make decisions about your career.

For my second wife, I married a co-worker. We are now in our 22nd year of bliss. She made the first move and we probably wouldn't have hooked up if she hadn't. I just think it is more likely than not that awkward and inappropriate situations arise out of making sexual advances or references to sex in the workplace.
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