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NFT: Breaking up with what you thought was the love of your life

DennyInDenville : 4/15/2018 1:01 pm
Hey all sorry for the troll like thread or whatever feel free to flame away..

TLDRs suck sooo basically

& gt;Together 5 years
& gt;Loved her and still love her very much
About 1 year ago she started therapy to deal with past trauma
& gt;Past year + she's been nasty at times, lacks energy, zero sexual appetite
& gt;I've expressed my needs etc etc about 5 months ago and a few times since then
& gt;No positive results from my exrpessions (yes I know very weak of me to express my feelings to a woman, I understand this was a massive mistake)
& gt;We do not live together. We live in the same town though.

Now I would have broken up sooner, but up until a year ago I was about to put a ring on her without any second thought. We have some amazing memories together but unfortunately I realized these are just memories and in the past 13-14 months I have just 2-3 good memories with her and they all took place on lavish vacations..

Now I'm a mess. Getting zero sex, and can't help but think she's gotta be getting it elsewhere despite zero evidence. Makes me wanna have sex with skinny blonde whores (my infedility goto in past relationships)to satisfy my needs but I don't because I'm a loyal guy who thought I had real love.

Either way cheating or not cheating and let's just assume not , I'm not happy.



Bbi , I break up with this girl right? Based off what I provided ?

Or do I keep fighting a bit longer and suck it up, real great love has a cost at times and I need to be patient and let her heal more in therapy and hope for the best, maybe give her two more months?

Try for a yes or no based off what's provided , bbi is a bad place for this, but I figured some of my haters could laugh at my pain and I'd like the wholesome masculine gritty BBi opinion over the softball men's health and huffington post relationship answers

Also blasting in the butt seems off the table

Flame away at my sad current self. I'm normally a super happy guy, just caught up in potential high grade Thottery robbing me and sapping me of a lot of positive energy lately
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...  
SFGFNCGiantsFan : 4/15/2018 1:04 pm : link
This should be good (pops open a brew.)
Have you thought of  
Doomster : 4/15/2018 1:07 pm : link
trying to go to therapy/counseling together?
Where's B in ALB when you need him?  
adamg : 4/15/2018 1:08 pm : link
He deserves reinstatement for this thread alone.
RE: Have you thought of  
DennyInDenville : 4/15/2018 1:09 pm : link
In comment 13914808 Doomster said:
Quote:
trying to go to therapy/counseling together?

yes I have considered it, although I've been reluctant to express such an interest to be honest. I'm sure I could make that happen if it's worth salvaging.

I just don't want to end up being that foolish guy that ignored the obvious signs. I guess im checking to see how normal this is before I scorch earth with her.
Doomster  
BigBlueinDE : 4/15/2018 1:10 pm : link
brings up a good point. Additionally, maybe as a precursor, try to have a civilized, thoughtful discussion with her and if she fails to respond then I think you will have the answer.
seriously...  
CardinalX : 4/15/2018 1:13 pm : link
is this where you want to get your advise?
Bring in a guy  
spike : 4/15/2018 1:14 pm : link
To get her interested
RE: Doomster  
DennyInDenville : 4/15/2018 1:16 pm : link
In comment 13914817 BigBlueinDE said:
Quote:
brings up a good point. Additionally, maybe as a precursor, try to have a civilized, thoughtful discussion with her and if she fails to respond then I think you will have the answer.

One thing I will say I recently (1.5 months ago) tried in a very loving and positive way proposed we goto niagra falls for the next upcoming weekend , I offered to get a rental car and hotel room near the falls thinking it could rekindle atleast the sexual aspect of things and she balked at it saying it was expensive and she flat out didn't want to . That hurt my heart, and made me start to seriously doubt us
Glad you clarified that blasting her in the butt was off the table.  
TheManUpstairs : 4/15/2018 1:18 pm : link
You don't live together; most of the job is done. It sounds like the relationship is dead, and nobody's taken it out back and hit it with a shovel yet.
RE: seriously...  
DennyInDenville : 4/15/2018 1:19 pm : link
In comment 13914822 CardinalX said:
Quote:
is this where you want to get your advise?

I already regret it. Lol.

Sorry fam I might have to pull the plug on this thread if I get a lot of Spike like answers (they are certainly welcome tho, I advocate brutal honesty like Spikes. Maybe he's right and we do need another guy , but that's where I draw the line and exit the relationship if that's the case but sometimes the things that scare you most you just don't want to hear.

A google search with my dirty cookies for (gf won't have sex) turns up some naughty naughty video material . Dirty for the soul
OK, let me tell you the truth  
Stan in LA : 4/15/2018 1:19 pm : link
Once they leave, they're gone for good. Time to move on. Try to stay friends and understand what she may be going through. Many, if not most times, it's not personal.
RE: Glad you clarified that blasting her in the butt was off the table.  
DennyInDenville : 4/15/2018 1:20 pm : link
In comment 13914832 TheManUpstairs said:
Quote:
You don't live together; most of the job is done. It sounds like the relationship is dead, and nobody's taken it out back and hit it with a shovel yet.

Sadly I concur.

I guess bbi was my last hope of something talking me
Out of it . Desperate but I know this place wouldn't let me down for cold hard truth
RE: OK, let me tell you the truth  
DennyInDenville : 4/15/2018 1:21 pm : link
In comment 13914835 Stan in LA said:
Quote:
Once they leave, they're gone for good. Time to move on. Try to stay friends and understand what she may be going through. Many, if not most times, it's not personal.

Stan, your dead on.

Break up with her  
Milton : 4/15/2018 1:27 pm : link
If she accepts it without a fight and without a lot of tears and phone calls, then it was never meant to be (and you're probably right about another guy). If breaking up with her turns into a big emotional ordeal, chances are it won't be long before the two of you are back together again. And the second time around will tell you whether or not it is meant to be.
3 years ago I was facing scary things  
DennyInDenville : 4/15/2018 1:28 pm : link
I lost nearly all my money, everything. Even freedoms. She easily could have dumped me

She rose up in that moment and helped carry me thru it emotionally.

I feel like I've held onto that to tightly and firmly and is the hardest part about her to let go ...

The wrong Love sucks guys. Bless all you happily married or commited men and women.
Kind of hard to give advise  
mdthedream : 4/15/2018 1:29 pm : link
when we have no idea what the past Trauma is? Communication is huge and if your not getting any feed back there is no way it will work. You might feel she is the one but does she?
RE: Break up with her  
DennyInDenville : 4/15/2018 1:30 pm : link
In comment 13914851 Milton said:
Quote:
If she accepts it without a fight and without a lot of tears and phone calls, then it was never meant to be (and you're probably right about another guy). If breaking up with her turns into a big emotional ordeal, chances are it won't be long before the two of you are back together again. And the second time around will tell you whether or not it is meant to be.

Interesting advice Milton!

Very different and bold, I actually really appreciate this tid bit. Will definitely at the very least impact how I end it (won't scorch earth)

I think that theory isn't fool proof, but I like how it fits my situation pretty well. Thank you for that creative perspective
I'm sorry to say that it's time to move on  
Jay on the Island : 4/15/2018 1:31 pm : link
If I was in your position I would have one final conversation with her. Let it all out in a respectful manner but be brutally honest. If she blows up on you try to calm her down and then you will have your answer.

I hate to say it but if you aren't having sex I think your suspicions are right. She is most likely getting it elsewhere. Her nasty attitude towards you could be her projecting her guilt and an attempt to have you end the relationship so she doesn't have to.
RE: I'm sorry to say that it's time to move on  
DennyInDenville : 4/15/2018 1:35 pm : link
In comment 13914859 Jay on the Island said:
Quote:
If I was in your position I would have one final conversation with her. Let it all out in a respectful manner but be brutally honest. If she blows up on you try to calm her down and then you will have your answer.

I hate to say it but if you aren't having sex I think your suspicions are right. She is most likely getting it elsewhere. Her nasty attitude towards you could be her projecting her guilt and an attempt to have you end the relationship so she doesn't have to.

damn, that's really spot on. Really fits how I feel and what I think.
I don’t know  
Tim in Capital City : 4/15/2018 1:41 pm : link
that I’d jump to the conclusion that she’s cheating on you. Is she on Prozac or some other ssri? A potential side effect of a lot of anti depressants can be a decreased sex drive.
If  
Phatbrew : 4/15/2018 1:42 pm : link
She is getting therapy then she is trying to get better, so there is that. If she’s on meds they could b adversely affecting her libido n if the therapy is for bad past sexual experiences, that could b a major factor too. Depression also greatly reduces libido, as well. I second the couples therapy n b patient if she really was the one...
By chance...  
figgy2989 : 4/15/2018 1:46 pm : link
Is your girlfriend’s name Mary Jane?
Word of advice:  
Route 9 : 4/15/2018 1:47 pm : link
Have sex with the skinny blonde whores
RE: I don’t know  
DennyInDenville : 4/15/2018 1:49 pm : link
In comment 13914870 Tim in Capital City said:
Quote:
that I’d jump to the conclusion that she’s cheating on you. Is she on Prozac or some other ssri? A potential side effect of a lot of anti depressants can be a decreased sex drive.

Was on an SSRI for a couple years, stopped taking the SSRI about 6 months after starting therapy so she's been off the SSRI for atleast 6-8 months as far as I know. I feel like such a fool! It's okay though, it's good to diagnose this type of thing and break up if appropriate rather then let them use me and my positive energy to rely on for life
how old are the both of you?  
CMicks3110 : 4/15/2018 1:53 pm : link
.
Nothing wrong  
old man : 4/15/2018 1:55 pm : link
With expressing your feelings. Unfortunately, she's going through some/ too many of her own to care about yours.
I like Doomsters idea, but I doubt she will feel comfortable revealing all of her traumas that started hitting home a year ago. Even if she shared them with you already, I'm pretty sure she held back the one(s) that affect her/would affect youthe most(abuse,sexual assault, marriages not lasting and a fear of a failing one).
Part of me wants you to stay with her in hopes she will give full disclosure of do a couples therapy so you can get that disclosure then you can make a decision based on all info.
B ut if you put it All on the table, and she is meh or worse, her issues may be long term and worse than you may imagine, it's better to avoid a mistake, than make one.
You're in a tough spot: love and loyalty and a likely challenging future vs. some period of selfquestioning, hurt,pain.
I hope you both get through it well.
Denny  
idiotsavant : 4/15/2018 1:57 pm : link
Regardless of: do you stay or do you go, you clearly need to grow the fuck up.

If you do stay, and claim you love her, show her some fucking compassion - for her suffering.

But go. Your not in love.

Spend some time alone and your blind hookers
sorry for your loss  
gm7b5 : 4/15/2018 1:57 pm : link
on to the next one that youll be writing about in three years
Typo  
idiotsavant : 4/15/2018 2:00 pm : link
Blond hookers not blind ones.

But blind hookers are a thing.

Probably.
RE: Denny  
ThatLimerickGuy : 4/15/2018 2:01 pm : link
In comment 13914885 idiotsavant said:
Quote:
Regardless of: do you stay or do you go, you clearly need to grow the fuck up.

If you do stay, and claim you love her, show her some fucking compassion - for her suffering.

But go. Your not in love.

Spend some time alone and your blind hookers


This is my favorite post on this thread so far.

Not only is he going through a tough time trying to hold this together HE is an asshole for even having a discussion about what to do?

IdiotSavant - you have a serious case of White Knight syndrome on this one.

I mean  
idiotsavant : 4/15/2018 2:03 pm : link
Not that I have any knowledge of blind hookers.


I don't.

None.
Nor midget hookers  
idiotsavant : 4/15/2018 2:05 pm : link
I don't even know if that exists.

Never really thought about it.
Denny  
Bill2 : 4/15/2018 2:06 pm : link
The one thing not on this thread and not seemingly under consideration by you is actually the easiest, fastest, simplest and most likely to work solution path
Masterbation...  
idiotsavant : 4/15/2018 2:07 pm : link
Obviously
.........  
CoughlinHandsonHips : 4/15/2018 2:10 pm : link
Dang, sucks man.

It happened to me. Was with a girl I thought was the one. She wound up leaving her job and moving states to be with me. Didn't work out.

We both wound up finding other people, and years later have our own families. So it worked out.

I've also seen other couples break up, and overtime find each other again and are now married with families.

It sounds like she's got some funked up wiring, and to her credit is trying to figure it out. Until she figures it out, she won't have much to offer you. It's as simple as that. And there's no time table on it. If you decide to stick with it, it could be days, weeks, months, years....


RE: RE: Denny  
Route 9 : 4/15/2018 2:10 pm : link
In comment 13914889 ThatLimerickGuy said:
Quote:
In comment 13914885 idiotsavant said:


Quote:


Regardless of: do you stay or do you go, you clearly need to grow the fuck up.

If you do stay, and claim you love her, show her some fucking compassion - for her suffering.

But go. Your not in love.

Spend some time alone and your blind hookers



This is my favorite post on this thread so far.

Not only is he going through a tough time trying to hold this together HE is an asshole for even having a discussion about what to do?

IdiotSavant - you have a serious case of White Knight syndrome on this one.


He could be a professional Quora writer
.  
Bill2 : 4/15/2018 2:11 pm : link
Don't talk to us.

or anyone

Talk to her. Today

1) tell her you don't want her to have anything short of the best

2) ask her to make the choice/path/plan she believes will bring her the best available life for her. Give her three days and agree to check in with each other

3) Move on unless she convinces you by actions ( not words) that it will work

4) Always remember:

A) Listen to and trust what children actually say

B) Trust what adults actually do

Denny went fishing today  
UConn4523 : 4/15/2018 2:12 pm : link
and caught a whole bunch of whales
And C.  
idiotsavant : 4/15/2018 2:14 pm : link
Don't look for blind midget hookers on the internet.

It's a rabbit hole.
Uconn  
idiotsavant : 4/15/2018 2:16 pm : link
I shook the hook mid post
Evaluate yourself and see if you gave your share in the r/s  
DC Gmen Fan : 4/15/2018 2:17 pm : link
if you truly believe so go out and have fun meeting women until you find the next right one.
RE: Evaluate yourself and see if you gave your share in the r/s  
DC Gmen Fan : 4/15/2018 2:18 pm : link
In comment 13914907 DC Gmen Fan said:
Quote:
if you truly believe so go out and have fun meeting women until you find the next right one.


I mean if it ends up not working out go out and meet other women.
RE: Where's B in ALB when you need him?  
Boy Cord : 4/15/2018 2:29 pm : link
In comment 13914811 adamg said:
Quote:
He deserves reinstatement for this thread alone.


Wait. What happened to B?
B in ALB couldn't control his temper  
Route 9 : 4/15/2018 2:32 pm : link
or whatever
I'll give it to you straight...  
KingBlue : 4/15/2018 3:40 pm : link
If she doesn't want to be in your company... then fuck her!

Get rid of her... She is replaceable.
And once again Bill2 knocks it out of the park  
Lurts : 4/15/2018 5:36 pm : link
.
hmm  
PaulBlakeTSU : 4/15/2018 5:43 pm : link
Quote:
Makes me wanna have sex with skinny blonde whores (my infedility goto in past relationships)to satisfy my needs but I don't because I'm a loyal guy who thought I had real love.
For the record...  
John in No Cal : 4/15/2018 5:46 pm : link
it's advice...not advise.

Grammar Police Out
Also, there is some really bad advice on this post...  
John in No Cal : 4/15/2018 5:50 pm : link
Sorry you are dealing w/ this. It sounds much more complex than anyone here can help with so I'd recommend trying to coordinate some time w some professionals for both of you. Hang in there. It can get better -or- it can also get worse but prep for both.
Most importantly  
viggie : 4/15/2018 5:52 pm : link
Does she have good thumbs ?
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