Good Afternoon all,
So my son (15) is friends with a girl at school 17. She is having some relationship issues with her family ( step mom and bio. father ) at home. Apparently, they want her out of the house when she turns 18 next July. The issue is that she isn't done with high school yet. She only starts her senior year when she turns 18. She tells us that basically they only provide a place to live and food to eat. Basic minimums. They want nothing to do with her. She has no communication with the outside world except for her time at school. While she is at home she is basically stuck in her room. No phone, no computer, no way to communicate. Not sure if that is abandonment, but it's pretty close and she says it's very hard on her emotionally. She hates coming home from school. She has siblings but they are only half-sisters, but apparently, they get everything and she is the redheaded sheep.
Now at school, my understanding is that she is a good kid. She is not a troublemaker, gets good grades, and is active in the band and marching band. I know there are 3 sides to every story here but this story sorta just breaks my heart. She seems like a really good kid. Both my son and my daughter adore her. My wife has had some very in-depth talks with her before she got her phone taken away ( apparently it was taken away because her parents found out she was talking with her Biological mom and that's a no no). She has a past apparently, in which she was abused. Not sure if it was in the previous relationship with her mom, or with her current parents. Might be a bit of both from what I can gather. So she has a troubled past that I think gives her some mental stress. I am not a doctor, however.
So my son wants to know if in fact she is kicked out at 18 could she come to stay with us? Now my wife and I have experience with this as we did take in a 19-year-old years ago who was a friend of the family, but she had a car, and a job and just needed something affordable to get ahead. We were able to provide that for her and then she moved on. This girl has NOTHING. They haven't allowed her to learn how to drive. She has no job, no car, no money, no medical insurance, nothing, and she is telling us that when she turns 18 she basically gets what she has on and a backpack and that is it. Regardless she needs to get out according to them.
So what do I do? She doesn't want to go to any authorities or councilors because she is afraid about what will happen at home. I don't agree with that but I certainly can't force her to do that. She feels its best to just wait until she turns 18 and then go from there, but really she has nowhere to go unless someone willingly opens the doors to her. I want to help her, but something just isn't sitting well with me about the situation. So what do you all think? Any advice would be awesome. I am looking to seek other professional advice, but i don't want to get to far into the weeds with this. Thanks for the help.
The only red flag might be your son. Is he interested in her? Could a relationship develop there? Cause then it might become problematic for a lot of reasons.
EVV Indiana? Damn I used to fly in and out of there all the time with the commuters out of CVG back in the early 2000s. The casino boat still there?
This right here.. if you have the means...
support the kid how your judgment says to but you probably got it right when you said there are three sides to every story.
and also, always do the right thing.
However, look at every side of this before making the decision.
She is not a "family member", so would she have medical insurance at 18? If not, what if she gets badly injured or gets really sick. Are you prepared to pay for her care?
Also, would you have to tell your home insurance carrier you have this new person living there? What if she accidentally causes damage to the house or worse; while learning to drive she hits someone and injures them badly.
I hate to be a damp towel on your good heart, but think about all the ramifications of this before deciding.
yes, all valid points about medical and car insurance for sure. Yes, I certainly have considered those situations. She would have to get a job, and she would need to work out her own situations going forward, but I certainly would cover my "butt" on those ends, but yes very sound advice there. She would have to be on our insurance to start out to at least learn how to drive, but eventually she would need her own.
I think if you do that you’ll know the right choice
My point is, I would look the parents in the eye and ask them directly before I took her in. It might not be the easiest thing to do but that’s what I’d do. You’ll know soon enough what you should do if you speak with them.
I wish you well with it all
Took my sister in law and moved her out of state to finish H.S. when she got kicked out. It was nightmare but kept her off the streets. She still turned out to be an A hole.
Took in a friend of the family when his mom got married a 2nd time and basically left him and moved to Florida. We kept him at our home through 3 years of college. Good kid, married and has 1 kid and another on the way.
It really depends on you and your ability to deal with the person and their impact on the rest of the family. You may be the one that creates stability in their life... or not.
Good luck!
One thing that's curious, in my experience participating in band often comes at a cost to parents. Maybe her involvement comes at no cost. But that's something to confirm. That could be a clue on how draconian the parents are being.
The situation might feel and her perception could be a dire. Which might be less so from an adult perspective.
Involving yourself in another family's business without knowing all the facts, could create more problems than solutions.
Allow me to say this, she had to be one of the most toxic people I've ever met in my life. Everything was an exhausting mind game or power move with her.
Again, I feel bad for her and all of that but trauma doesn't excuse you from toxic behavior. I don't know, if it were me, I wouldn't want take anyone in my house, especially teenager who went through what she is going through. Let someone else step up to the plate.