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NFT: Corporate jargon

jc in c-ville : 3/8/2018 3:15 pm
There has been threads on these before and I thought I would add one that made my skin crawl after a conference call led by a project manager who is leading.

Does anyone have anything they would like to bubble to the surface.

That was brutal.

I start my 10 day vacation tonight so perhaps I'm just being cynical.
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LOL  
2cents : 3/8/2018 4:07 pm : link
i would be lying if i said i wasn't sitting at my cube grinning like an idiot right now.

also makes me think of how unbearable life must have been when people actually took this same faux pride in their every day vocab. yikes.
What about the overuse of acronyms?  
Pete in MD : 3/8/2018 4:07 pm : link
I'm waiting for the day when entire meetings are conducted using just letters. It's not too far off.
I'll ping you when we find out  
Matt M. : 3/8/2018 4:07 pm : link
So...the answer is you don't have the information I am looking for.
Let's take this offline  
Matt M. : 3/8/2018 4:09 pm : link
WTF? We are not online. We are in a face to face meeting. If it is a discussion that requires an official decision, plan, etc. then it should be "online".
RE: What about the overuse of acronyms?  
2cents : 3/8/2018 4:11 pm : link
In comment 13855444 Pete in MD said:
Quote:
I'm waiting for the day when entire meetings are conducted using just letters. It's not too far off.


yes wfh is just entirely too difficult to spell out.

RE: Sorry I was on mute,  
Ron from Ninerland : 3/8/2018 4:23 pm : link
In comment 13855408 Pete in MD said:
Quote:
As I was saying, we are really going to need to break down the silos and synergize to be able to get to the low-hanging fruit here and move the needle. That is, of course, if we have the bandwidth to take a deep dive and get granular. Let's circle back on this next week, I have a hard stop at the top of the hour. Joe, I'd like to pick your brain about something but we can take that off-line.
Tech industry I presume ?
this feature is table stakes  
Les in TO : 3/8/2018 4:24 pm : link
let's unpack that issue
let's not boil the ocean
What about when your boss says  
slickwilly : 3/8/2018 4:36 pm : link
we need to schedule some time to discuss blah blah blah. Get on my calendar. Yet they don't have a secretary and I'm talking to you in your fucking office. How about you put a fucking meeting on the calendar now asshole instead of me throwing out random times to get on your fucking calendar.
That program is being sunset  
Gap92 : 3/8/2018 4:37 pm : link
in a few months.
The only possible appropriate response to...  
BMac : 3/8/2018 4:40 pm : link
..."Does anyone have anything they would like to bubble to the surface," is a loud and juicy fart, followed by a smugly satisfied expression.
RE:  
BillKo : 3/8/2018 4:44 pm : link
In comment 13855364 BrettNYG10 said:
Quote:
"Good morning"

"How are you"

Drives me insane.


It's funny, "how are you?" is used as a salutation with no response required.

I make sure when some says "how are you?" I respond with an actual answer!
RE: RE:  
mfsd : 3/8/2018 4:49 pm : link
In comment 13855489 BillKo said:
Quote:
In comment 13855364 BrettNYG10 said:


Quote:


"Good morning"

"How are you"

Drives me insane.



It's funny, "how are you?" is used as a salutation with no response required.

I make sure when some says "how are you?" I respond with an actual answer!


I confess, a growing pet peeve of mine is the obnoxiously canned "living the dream!" reply some give when asked how they are
RE: That program is being sunset  
Pete in MD : 3/8/2018 4:55 pm : link
In comment 13855478 Gap92 said:
Quote:
in a few months.

Does their contract include evergreen language? (Another metaphor from nature.)
next time you get a  
UESBLUE : 3/8/2018 4:56 pm : link
"Howre you?" in the office, tell them with a straight face "Well actually I just found out today I have 6 months to live."
One expression  
mrvax : 3/8/2018 4:58 pm : link
I first heard in the late 70's and hated it then and it's still used is "Let's touch base."
We write grants with Aims  
Bill L : 3/8/2018 5:02 pm : link
And they are Objectives/Goals/etc that I can understand. Until a year or two ago and only when admin got way too involved in my stuff, I had never ever in my life heard the word “Deliverables”. Now St all stupid things like Deliverables and Root Cause and things that create distance between us and what we are actually trying to accomplish.
My favorite  
lawguy9801 : 3/8/2018 5:08 pm : link
is using acronyms and shorthand while talking to people who don't know what the flying fuck you're talking about.

I always aim to speak actual, you know, English, especially to people who aren't immersed in what I do every day.
RE: Let's take this offline  
Les in TO : 3/8/2018 5:10 pm : link
In comment 13855449 Matt M. said:
Quote:
WTF? We are not online. We are in a face to face meeting. If it is a discussion that requires an official decision, plan, etc. then it should be "online".
I usually hear "taking it offline" in the context of having a separate offshoot conversation that doesn't require approval of the larger team. for example, maybe the pricing of a new product or service only needs to be discussed between finance and sales and not the broader group of attendees.
I want you to ahead  
antdog24 : 3/8/2018 5:13 pm : link
and bear hug this issue to completion. Who the fuck says that?!
At the end of the day...  
bw in dc : 3/8/2018 5:19 pm : link
a lot of these are low hanging fruit.

We need to be more buttoned-up so we can seamlessly crosswalk into that space with our partners.
RE: RE: That program is being sunset  
pjcas18 : 3/8/2018 5:22 pm : link
In comment 13855502 Pete in MD said:
Quote:
In comment 13855478 Gap92 said:


Quote:


in a few months.


Does their contract include evergreen language? (Another metaphor from nature.)


You probably know this but evergreen is not really corporate jargon, it's legalese and it means a clause in a contract that describes the term or how a contract renews (or terminates).

if your contract has evergreen language in it then it very possibly renews automatically unless the termination language from the evergreen clause is executed.

it did come from nature, but it's use isn't as awful as some of these phrases, it means the contract stays alive aka remains "ever green"

We use evergreen clauses all the time. or we try to if our customers procurement/legal allows then it prevents us from having to negotiate a new services agreement every year (or other period).
oldies but goodies  
gtt350 : 3/8/2018 6:17 pm : link
low hanging fruit
we need to get a consensus
(aside, did you see Jill today she's wearing the red dress)
Millenials....  
Giant John : 3/8/2018 6:21 pm : link
Oh that’s so awesome! Just makes me want to puke on their shoes.
Some of these are great  
MetsAreBack : 3/8/2018 6:53 pm : link

Sorry, i'd have been here earlier to opine but I've been Off The Grid today and this subject hadn't previously been On My Radar. While I think generally We're On the Same Page here, I'm still trying to Connect the Dots in some areas however, and what I'm not seeing unfortunately is enough Thinking Outside the Box.

Rather than Reinvent the Wheel, what I'd like to do if its ok with you, is to get the Ball Rolling Here by Leveraging some of the thoughts you all have put together above and Revert or Circle Back to you later with some initial low hanging fruit ideas.... from there we can organize a touch point to Brainstorm and Idea Shower some thoughts, Benchmark them against some prior analysis, and come up with a Real Game-Changer.

How does this sound? I think its a Win-Win for the group -- while I'd love to take credit, the're no "i" in Team (though there is a Me - HA!). Ok, I'm off to the Drawing Board.
To be honest,  
Pete in MD : 3/8/2018 7:35 pm : link
I think this thread really has legs but going forward we need to get our ducks in a row and leverage our assets so we can raise the bar and be best in breed.
I can't stand  
Jay in Toronto : 3/8/2018 8:20 pm : link
"Take away"
someone should  
pjcas18 : 3/8/2018 8:22 pm : link
create a deck with all these
Two people in the past two weeks..  
FatMan in Charlotte : 3/8/2018 8:31 pm : link
verbed this phrase up:

"We need to social media advocate it".

It's almost like it is on somebody's whiteboard
'Just mayonnaise it across your other projects'....  
Gregorio : 3/8/2018 8:37 pm : link
this happens a lot in my company, to report time to a category you have no allocation to.
RE: Two people in the past two weeks..  
bw in dc : 3/8/2018 8:39 pm : link
In comment 13855712 FatMan in Charlotte said:
Quote:
verbed this phrase up:

"We need to social media advocate it".

It's almost like it is on somebody's whiteboard


You have my permission to punch them in the f-ckin face.

Please.
the one that is annoying  
mdc1 : 3/8/2018 8:47 pm : link
is the term. "we need to pivot on this..."

RE: I’m also sick  
mdc1 : 3/8/2018 8:48 pm : link
In comment 13855396 Reb8thVA said:
Quote:
Of big data


ha ha most are actually small data, unless you really are. not much in between.
"That was my aha moment."  
Capt. Don : 3/8/2018 9:37 pm : link
Fuck. You.
One of the..  
FatMan in Charlotte : 3/8/2018 10:00 pm : link
executives says "just for shit and giggles" whenever he wants to take a closer look at something. And I just keep thinking to myself that it isn't for shit and giggles - it is because he really wants to see an analysis.

So just fucking say it!
yeah get some skin in the game  
gtt350 : 3/8/2018 10:25 pm : link
.
What can we do  
old man : 3/9/2018 1:03 am : link
if we're caught in the cross hairs of a Six Sigma?
We get  
old man : 3/9/2018 1:06 am : link
only one bite of the apple on this, folks.
I've been away from corporate jargon for a long time, but as for  
Marty in Albany : 3/9/2018 3:26 am : link
football/BBI jargon I hate calling a player "instinctual" rather than "instinctive."

Instinctual is not trite, but it is a goddamn ugly word that I don't even like using in this post and should never be used again for anything by anybody.
"That's a game changer"...  
M.S. : 3/9/2018 7:12 am : link

..."We've assembled the A- team."

RE: What can we do  
mfsd : 3/9/2018 7:19 am : link
In comment 13855806 old man said:
Quote:
if we're caught in the cross hairs of a Six Sigma?


Haha love it. At my last company, we had a management guy who would often preface something he’d say in meetings by telling us all “Now, I’m a six sigma guy...”.

We all knew what six sigma is, but never figured out what that had to do with anything he was saying.

People couldn’t resist discreet snide side comments...as in, maybe he got his black belt and we’ll really get something done today!
I recall when executive at my GE  
ATL_Giants : 3/9/2018 7:52 am : link
starting using fucking yachting terms to describe situations. I don't think it was intentional, but it emphasized the 'haves' and 'have-not's.
"it is what it is."  
Capt. Don : 3/9/2018 8:03 am : link
is said by people who have no idea "what it is."
“We need to be more agile...”  
trueblueinpw : 3/9/2018 9:30 am : link
“Agility” is all the rage these days in corporate America. Every corporate “team leader” or boss or whatever we’re called is demanding that everything be “agile”. I am expert in project management and I think agile is great and has a place in any project mangers tool kit.

But I don’t think most people demanding “corporate agility” know the origins of agile, I’m darn near certain most don’t understand the principles and practice of agile. What I think most C suite denizens think is “agile” is being able to successfully deliver programs, products, project or services in an unstructured and constantly changing environment. As if removing decision gates and swim lanes and “asking the customer what they want” is going to make everything magically work. It’s a great idea but there really isn’t any one single structure of organization and thought which delivers magical corporate results. Again, don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge proponent of agile concepts. But it’s skilled, caring and cared for professionals that make agile work; “agility” in itself is no panacea and good managers successful with agile tools would almost certainly be just as successful with waterfall tools or Six Sigma or Lean Sigma or TQM or ISO or PMBoK or ITIL or “process management” or “big data driven decisions” or “predictive analytics” or whatever corporate trend is currently en vogue.
I have customers tell me often  
pjcas18 : 3/9/2018 9:43 am : link
they're "an agile shop" or "an SDLC shop" and we need to propose our project with that in mind.

Ok, we're configuring cloud-based software, not writing code or developing apps, but you want sprints and scrums or the phases of software development. LOL, sure. I'll propose it.

some of them are so rigid and ignorant they'll eliminate any proposal that doesn't take into consideration their indoctrination or adopted discipline.
RE: Similar  
BestFeature : 3/9/2018 9:59 am : link
In comment 13855376 lugnut said:
Quote:
"We are going to surface some issues."

Let's socialize that idea.

Ping me.




Socialize drives me crazy. Why not just say "discuss"? It's so unnecessary.
LMAO. These threads are great.  
NYG07 : 3/9/2018 10:04 am : link
I have so much disdain for corporate life. I hate how people tell you the mood they are in based on what day of the week it is.

"How are you?" "Eh, not bad for a Monday"

"Happy Friday!!!"
this thread  
Jim in Forest Hills : 3/9/2018 10:16 am : link
is hilarious.
When I get myself in a bind.....  
BillKo : 3/9/2018 10:18 am : link
.....I'll say "let's table this for the future!"


HA!
Agile methodology  
bluepepper : 3/9/2018 10:37 am : link
at least as far as software development is an improvement on the old way of doing things but man it's larded with a lot of pretentious BS.

My favorite was sizing a project. Not small-medium-large or or 1-10 or whatever normal people would come up with but Fibonacci numbers! LOL. Every now and then a newbie would throw out an 11 or 15 and the "scrum master" (not moderator) would either tell them that's not a good number or just adjust it to 13 to the newbie's befuddlement.
RE: I have customers tell me often  
trueblueinpw : 3/9/2018 10:38 am : link
In comment 13855976 pjcas18 said:
Quote:
they're "an agile shop" or "an SDLC shop" and we need to propose our project with that in mind.

Ok, we're configuring cloud-based software, not writing code or developing apps, but you want sprints and scrums or the phases of software development. LOL, sure. I'll propose it.

some of them are so rigid and ignorant they'll eliminate any proposal that doesn't take into consideration their indoctrination or adopted discipline.


Exactly! No meetings, they’re so ineffective, but let’s have a daily stand up. Ok. And no progress reports allowed, but I do want to see a burndown chart. Mk.

Now that I think about it, I’m reminded how a few years ago everyone was organizing themselves into a “matrix environment”.
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