for display only
Big Blue Interactive The Corner Forum  
Back to the Corner

Archived Thread

NFT: Corporate jargon

jc in c-ville : 3/8/2018 3:15 pm
There has been threads on these before and I thought I would add one that made my skin crawl after a conference call led by a project manager who is leading.

Does anyone have anything they would like to bubble to the surface.

That was brutal.

I start my 10 day vacation tonight so perhaps I'm just being cynical.
Pages: 1 2 | Show All |  Next>>
"Hello"  
BrettNYG10 : 3/8/2018 3:24 pm : link
"Good morning"

"How are you"

Drives me insane.
Stake holder -  
section125 : 3/8/2018 3:25 pm : link
WTF.

Buzz words made my skin crawl too.
I work for the federal government  
Reb8thVA : 3/8/2018 3:31 pm : link
I love when government managers try to use corporate jargon to sound authoritative and they end up looking like an ass because the phrases and terms don’t always apply to our situations
I don't think there's much worse  
Beezer : 3/8/2018 3:31 pm : link
at work than a 24-year-old know-it-all jargon-ing you to death.
Similar  
lugnut : 3/8/2018 3:31 pm : link
"We are going to surface some issues."

Let's socialize that idea.

Ping me.



Oh yes, and uh ...  
Beezer : 3/8/2018 3:32 pm : link
Get the fuck off my lawn!
Don't know if it fits "corporate jargon"  
Beezer : 3/8/2018 3:33 pm : link
but in a meeting today someone said we should "talk that around." I wanted to throw a coffee mug at her. Then I remembered it's National Women's Day. So I threw the mug. Hit her in the forehead.
stakeholder  
pjcas18 : 3/8/2018 3:33 pm : link
really isn't a buzzword or jargon, it actually has a legitimate business meeting and has been used for decades.


"let's take the  
Allen in CNJ : 3/8/2018 3:34 pm : link
time to unpack this content."

Education has plenty too :)
RE: stakeholder  
pjcas18 : 3/8/2018 3:34 pm : link
In comment 13855380 pjcas18 said:
Quote:
really isn't a buzzword or jargon, it actually has a legitimate business meeting and has been used for decades.



*meaning
Belts and suspenders  
larryflower37 : 3/8/2018 3:34 pm : link
Can't eat an elephant in one bite.
Low Hanging fruit
Mission critical

I could go for an hour. Drives me crazy.
Socialize  
Reb8thVA : 3/8/2018 3:34 pm : link
Yeah tha is one I hate the most right now.

I had a manager once who turned the word matrix into a verb.

He said we had to matrix things down. I looked at my friend. He looked at me and we were not like WTF does that mean
Let’s table that..  
Sean : 3/8/2018 3:36 pm : link
Let’s level set..

Let’s circle back.
let's circle back  
mfsd : 3/8/2018 3:36 pm : link
then we can drill down and get granular
What we need is  
Daniel in MI : 3/8/2018 3:38 pm : link
Total quality management and quality circles to maximize our synergy in cross-functional teams. We'll also use management by walking around. Lets implement a matrix organization, to disaggregate decision making to the lowest level. We'll use data mining to identify a six sigma solution. Hopefully we can shorten cycle time and generate downstream revenue via the long tail. Then we can be more customer-facing, while creating a center for excellence for the internal customer.

And please, don't forget the new cover sheet on the TPM reports.
I also enjoy when an organization that's been around for decades  
Beezer : 3/8/2018 3:39 pm : link
suddenly adopts a "strategic plan." (And everything is about tenets of that strategic plan ... I mean, you can't go to the fucking restroom without it relating to the goddamn strategic plan.)

Oh. You were flying blind for 30 years? Glad you finally got some damn direction.
I’m also sick  
Reb8thVA : 3/8/2018 3:39 pm : link
Of big data
RE: stakeholder  
section125 : 3/8/2018 3:39 pm : link
In comment 13855380 pjcas18 said:
Quote:
really isn't a buzzword or jargon, it actually has a legitimate business meeting and has been used for decades.



didn't know it was around that long, but I only heard it with in the last 8 to 10 years and it still sucks.

Some of those posted ones just sound like bad English.
RE: I also enjoy when an organization that's been around for decades  
Reb8thVA : 3/8/2018 3:40 pm : link
In comment 13855395 Beezer said:
Quote:
suddenly adopts a "strategic plan." (And everything is about tenets of that strategic plan ... I mean, you can't go to the fucking restroom without it relating to the goddamn strategic plan.)

Oh. You were flying blind for 30 years? Glad you finally got some damn direction.


LMAO
At least to "table" something  
Beezer : 3/8/2018 3:40 pm : link
is from Parliamentary procedure.

I also like  
Beezer : 3/8/2018 3:41 pm : link
"data management."
Because before we actually had a clue what to do  
Beezer : 3/8/2018 3:42 pm : link
with all this fucking data, it was useless. Now that we have a data management plan? Holy shit, we're cruising right along!
We should run this thread  
English Alaister : 3/8/2018 3:44 pm : link
Up the flagpole and see who salutes.
Sorry I was on mute,  
Pete in MD : 3/8/2018 3:46 pm : link
As I was saying, we are really going to need to break down the silos and synergize to be able to get to the low-hanging fruit here and move the needle. That is, of course, if we have the bandwidth to take a deep dive and get granular. Let's circle back on this next week, I have a hard stop at the top of the hour. Joe, I'd like to pick your brain about something but we can take that off-line.
"Backmapping" started in education, I think.  
Beezer : 3/8/2018 3:46 pm : link
Now folks have started to try to apply it to anything, at any time.

I remember when it was called "research."
RE: Sorry I was on mute,  
mfsd : 3/8/2018 3:48 pm : link
In comment 13855408 Pete in MD said:
Quote:
As I was saying, we are really going to need to break down the silos and synergize to be able to get to the low-hanging fruit here and move the needle. That is, of course, if we have the bandwidth to take a deep dive and get granular. Let's circle back on this next week, I have a hard stop at the top of the hour. Joe, I'd like to pick your brain about something but we can take that off-line.


Haha, perfect. I love the "hard stop". I sometimes feel compelled to lie about having a hard stop at 3 or whenever, bc everyone else has a hard stop and they might wonder why I don't
I sometimes have to employ a hard stop  
Beezer : 3/8/2018 3:50 pm : link
to whatever I'm doing to take a crap. Some things won't wait.

And while we're on "the workplace," anyone else work with someone who refuses to shit at work? How exactly is that done? I have to shit, I have to shit. That's that.
RE: Sorry I was on mute,  
larryflower37 : 3/8/2018 3:52 pm : link
In comment 13855408 Pete in MD said:
Quote:
As I was saying, we are really going to need to break down the silos and synergize to be able to get to the low-hanging fruit here and move the needle. That is, of course, if we have the bandwidth to take a deep dive and get granular. Let's circle back on this next week, I have a hard stop at the top of the hour. Joe, I'd like to pick your brain about something but we can take that off-line.


+1
Every conference call ever
The best is when you get an executive in the room and they say things  
pjcas18 : 3/8/2018 3:55 pm : link
like:

"Come on people it's not like we're trying to turn around the Queen Mary here"

"this isn't a boil the ocean project"

"you can't put 9 women in a room and get a baby in a month"

right now our biggest overused/wrongly used phrase is Design Thinking. It's a good tool, but it's gets thrown in to or suggested for conversations and topics when it has no application.
RE: The best is when you get an executive in the room and they say things  
mfsd : 3/8/2018 3:57 pm : link
In comment 13855426 pjcas18 said:
Quote:
like:

"Come on people it's not like we're trying to turn around the Queen Mary here"

"this isn't a boil the ocean project"

"you can't put 9 women in a room and get a baby in a month"

right now our biggest overused/wrongly used phrase is Design Thinking. It's a good tool, but it's gets thrown in to or suggested for conversations and topics when it has no application.


classic. I've noticed multiple execs feel compelled to preface things by saying "this is an art and a science", as if that helps us understand it better.
An hour meeting ends X amount of time early...  
jc in c-ville : 3/8/2018 3:58 pm : link
I'm going to go ahead and give you X amount of time back.
We're not trying to solve world hunger here.  
YAJ2112 : 3/8/2018 4:00 pm : link
Not at the table Carlos.
RE: Sorry I was on mute,  
section125 : 3/8/2018 4:00 pm : link
In comment 13855408 Pete in MD said:
Quote:
As I was saying, we are really going to need to break down the silos and synergize to be able to get to the low-hanging fruit here and move the needle. That is, of course, if we have the bandwidth to take a deep dive and get granular. Let's circle back on this next week, I have a hard stop at the top of the hour. Joe, I'd like to pick your brain about something but we can take that off-line.


Beautiful.
"From  
giantsfan44ab : 3/8/2018 4:01 pm : link
soup to nuts"
LOL  
2cents : 3/8/2018 4:07 pm : link
i would be lying if i said i wasn't sitting at my cube grinning like an idiot right now.

also makes me think of how unbearable life must have been when people actually took this same faux pride in their every day vocab. yikes.
What about the overuse of acronyms?  
Pete in MD : 3/8/2018 4:07 pm : link
I'm waiting for the day when entire meetings are conducted using just letters. It's not too far off.
I'll ping you when we find out  
Matt M. : 3/8/2018 4:07 pm : link
So...the answer is you don't have the information I am looking for.
Let's take this offline  
Matt M. : 3/8/2018 4:09 pm : link
WTF? We are not online. We are in a face to face meeting. If it is a discussion that requires an official decision, plan, etc. then it should be "online".
RE: What about the overuse of acronyms?  
2cents : 3/8/2018 4:11 pm : link
In comment 13855444 Pete in MD said:
Quote:
I'm waiting for the day when entire meetings are conducted using just letters. It's not too far off.


yes wfh is just entirely too difficult to spell out.

RE: Sorry I was on mute,  
Ron from Ninerland : 3/8/2018 4:23 pm : link
In comment 13855408 Pete in MD said:
Quote:
As I was saying, we are really going to need to break down the silos and synergize to be able to get to the low-hanging fruit here and move the needle. That is, of course, if we have the bandwidth to take a deep dive and get granular. Let's circle back on this next week, I have a hard stop at the top of the hour. Joe, I'd like to pick your brain about something but we can take that off-line.
Tech industry I presume ?
this feature is table stakes  
Les in TO : 3/8/2018 4:24 pm : link
let's unpack that issue
let's not boil the ocean
What about when your boss says  
slickwilly : 3/8/2018 4:36 pm : link
we need to schedule some time to discuss blah blah blah. Get on my calendar. Yet they don't have a secretary and I'm talking to you in your fucking office. How about you put a fucking meeting on the calendar now asshole instead of me throwing out random times to get on your fucking calendar.
That program is being sunset  
Gap92 : 3/8/2018 4:37 pm : link
in a few months.
The only possible appropriate response to...  
BMac : 3/8/2018 4:40 pm : link
..."Does anyone have anything they would like to bubble to the surface," is a loud and juicy fart, followed by a smugly satisfied expression.
RE:  
BillKo : 3/8/2018 4:44 pm : link
In comment 13855364 BrettNYG10 said:
Quote:
"Good morning"

"How are you"

Drives me insane.


It's funny, "how are you?" is used as a salutation with no response required.

I make sure when some says "how are you?" I respond with an actual answer!
RE: RE:  
mfsd : 3/8/2018 4:49 pm : link
In comment 13855489 BillKo said:
Quote:
In comment 13855364 BrettNYG10 said:


Quote:


"Good morning"

"How are you"

Drives me insane.



It's funny, "how are you?" is used as a salutation with no response required.

I make sure when some says "how are you?" I respond with an actual answer!


I confess, a growing pet peeve of mine is the obnoxiously canned "living the dream!" reply some give when asked how they are
RE: That program is being sunset  
Pete in MD : 3/8/2018 4:55 pm : link
In comment 13855478 Gap92 said:
Quote:
in a few months.

Does their contract include evergreen language? (Another metaphor from nature.)
next time you get a  
UESBLUE : 3/8/2018 4:56 pm : link
"Howre you?" in the office, tell them with a straight face "Well actually I just found out today I have 6 months to live."
One expression  
mrvax : 3/8/2018 4:58 pm : link
I first heard in the late 70's and hated it then and it's still used is "Let's touch base."
We write grants with Aims  
Bill L : 3/8/2018 5:02 pm : link
And they are Objectives/Goals/etc that I can understand. Until a year or two ago and only when admin got way too involved in my stuff, I had never ever in my life heard the word “Deliverables”. Now St all stupid things like Deliverables and Root Cause and things that create distance between us and what we are actually trying to accomplish.
Pages: 1 2 | Show All |  Next>>
Back to the Corner