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NFT: Breaking up with what you thought was the love of your life

DennyInDenville : 4/15/2018 1:01 pm
Hey all sorry for the troll like thread or whatever feel free to flame away..

TLDRs suck sooo basically

& gt;Together 5 years
& gt;Loved her and still love her very much
About 1 year ago she started therapy to deal with past trauma
& gt;Past year + she's been nasty at times, lacks energy, zero sexual appetite
& gt;I've expressed my needs etc etc about 5 months ago and a few times since then
& gt;No positive results from my exrpessions (yes I know very weak of me to express my feelings to a woman, I understand this was a massive mistake)
& gt;We do not live together. We live in the same town though.

Now I would have broken up sooner, but up until a year ago I was about to put a ring on her without any second thought. We have some amazing memories together but unfortunately I realized these are just memories and in the past 13-14 months I have just 2-3 good memories with her and they all took place on lavish vacations..

Now I'm a mess. Getting zero sex, and can't help but think she's gotta be getting it elsewhere despite zero evidence. Makes me wanna have sex with skinny blonde whores (my infedility goto in past relationships)to satisfy my needs but I don't because I'm a loyal guy who thought I had real love.

Either way cheating or not cheating and let's just assume not , I'm not happy.

Bbi , I break up with this girl right? Based off what I provided ?

Or do I keep fighting a bit longer and suck it up, real great love has a cost at times and I need to be patient and let her heal more in therapy and hope for the best, maybe give her two more months?

Try for a yes or no based off what's provided , bbi is a bad place for this, but I figured some of my haters could laugh at my pain and I'd like the wholesome masculine gritty BBi opinion over the softball men's health and huffington post relationship answers

Also blasting in the butt seems off the table

Flame away at my sad current self. I'm normally a super happy guy, just caught up in potential high grade Thottery robbing me and sapping me of a lot of positive energy lately
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was worry you were breaking up  
madgiantscow009 : 4/15/2018 5:57 pm : link
with the NY Giants.
Here is the move, Ready?  
GiantJake : 4/15/2018 6:04 pm : link
First, you need to put your big boy pants on. Second, you tell her in the nicest way possible that you hope she can somehow find happiness and that you wish only the best for her. Third, say goodbye and walk the fuck out. Go find your happiness. Cut it clean. It won't be easy, but you need to stop wondering if it is over. I don't know you or your girlfriend, but I can tell you's over. Treat her like you would treat any old friend. No booty calls, no texting, no hour long phone calls. Go have a good life.
Wait... they banned the crazy Albanian?  
SHO'NUFF : 4/15/2018 6:19 pm : link
Not sure if serious  
Joey in VA : 4/15/2018 6:35 pm : link
But if so, get out, and get out now. You can't fix her, only she can fix her and it doesn't sound like you are worth her time to her. Now, I won't opine on what I think of her, you care about her, but I was married to someone with similar signs and I didn't get out in time. I spent 10 years trying to "fix" it, she's broken you are not. You can't fix her and you will go absolutely insane trying.

She's NOT the love of your life, you will have several most likely. Find the one who makes you smile, the one who lets you be you and the one who loves being with you because she can't get enough of you. She doesn't want intimacy, it's not because of you it's because she was most likely abused as a child. She's not coming around to be in a normal relationship so either accept that your life will suck or find a woman worth your time. Life is short, live yours and find your true mate, your other half. She is out there, just be patient.
Make a clean break  
AnnapolisMike : 4/15/2018 7:07 pm : link
Check in after 30 days if you want to. But this sounds like a situation you need to be done with.

Get out now....  
Reb8thVA : 4/15/2018 7:34 pm : link
It seems like she decided the relationship was over a year ago. There s absolutely nothing you can do to fix the situation because it all seems to be in her dead. Donít do anything that would make you lose your self respect. It might hurt now but losing your self respect will hurt more over the long term.
it is my absolute belief  
UESBLUE : 4/15/2018 7:43 pm : link
that in every life there are 3 or 4 great loves. You will find another even tho it may not feel that way today.
Small commentary to this strong advice  
V.I.G. : 4/15/2018 7:48 pm : link
First, you need to put your big boy pants on. Second, you tell her in the nicest way possible that you hope she can somehow find happiness and that you wish only the best for her. Third, say goodbye and walk the fuck out. Go find your happiness. Cut it clean. It won't be easy, but you need to stop wondering if it is over. I don't know you or your girlfriend, but I can tell you's over. Treat her like you would treat any old friend. No booty calls, no texting, no hour long phone calls. Go have a good life.

Relationships only get tougher, or more precisely, the amount of outside stuff that add stresses only increase with time. If youíre here now, GTFO.

Your at a peak for sex right now, take that as gospel. So if youíre not getting enough now then, GTFO

All the guilt and remorse you are feeling will melt away the moment you are consistently spraying seed in someone else. GTFO.

Block the cell, take a road trip, swipe left, swipe right.
So is the problem that you're not getting laid?  
exiled : 4/16/2018 12:02 am : link
That seems to be your central issue. Frankly, it doesn't seem like you're the right guy for her. She's dealing with what seems to be some sort of significant childhood trauma, and you're freaking out about not getting enough sex. And, incidentally, I don't know her, but most women I know who are going through an emotional crisis aren't "getting it somewhere." The last thing they're interested in is sex.

None of us have any window into your relationship. Do you have any friends who are women? Talk to them about it. The guys here on BBI are giving you terrible advice.

Csonka : 4/16/2018 9:34 am : link
Sorry man, I know it's tough. Once you're married, you've got to work at it if things aren't great. It shouldn't be work before that.
if it's not working now  
Dr. D : 4/16/2018 9:37 am : link
it's NOT going to get better.

Marriage is hard. It can be worth it, with the right one, but a nightmare with the wrong one. If you have kids, it gets even harder.

Breaking up is hard to do, but better now than after more years of misery.

I saw major red flags before my first marriage, but she was very pretty, smart (academic-wise) and we had some good times so I went through with it. Big mistake. Fortunately, we didn't have kids.

I've now been with my 2nd and final wife (also very pretty, smart (academic and all around, etc.) for 18 years and have 2 kids. There were no red flags before we tied the knot. Much better.
it's hard  
Les in TO : 4/16/2018 9:42 am : link
sometimes to be the bearer of bad news, which is why a lot of millennial guys apparently break up with someone by ghosting them or texting, but it sounds like she has aissues, you are miserable , so rather than cheat and risk both getting yourself and your current partner an STD, have a face to face with her, say it's not working for you anymore and wish her well.

there's no such thing as a love of your life. while it may seem like that in the moment, there are lots of fish in the sea.
RE: Also, there is some really bad advice on this post...  
Gatorade Dunk : 4/16/2018 9:50 am : link
In comment 13915104 John in No Cal said:
Sorry you are dealing w/ this. It sounds much more complex than anyone here can help with so I'd recommend trying to coordinate some time w some professionals for both of you. Hang in there. It can get better -or- it can also get worse but prep for both.

No need to worry about the quality of advice - it's not a real situation. Denny likes to create scenarios for attention and discussion.
Pics or  
dep026 : 4/16/2018 10:32 am : link

Come on BBI.
Zero evidence?  
JonC : 4/16/2018 10:41 am : link
She's not giving it to you, she's getting it somewhere else. It all sounds like she's trying to give you passive-aggressive hints it's over, and you're not grasping it. From what you offered, I'm not seeing any reason to give her benefit of the doubt.

Move on ... and no that does not mean start more shitty threads here to distract yourself, spare us.
Sounds like you already made up your mind...  
x meadowlander : 4/16/2018 11:04 am : link
...and from the sound of it, it's already over.
RE: 3 years ago I was facing scary things  
HoodieGelo : 4/16/2018 11:12 am : link
In comment 13914854 DennyInDenville said:
I lost nearly all my money, everything. Even freedoms. She easily could have dumped me

She rose up in that moment and helped carry me thru it emotionally.

I feel like I've held onto that to tightly and firmly and is the hardest part about her to let go ...

The wrong Love sucks guys. Bless all you happily married or commited men and women.

Just got around to reading this thread, so I apologize if this is irrelevant at this point but...maybe her helping you through that time of your life was exactly the reason she was in your life. I believe everybody is in your life for a reason. I just went through a hard breakup myself, so I'll sound like a hypocrite if I try to give you advice but that is just some food for thought.
Sorry you are going through this  
Snacks : 4/16/2018 1:20 pm : link
Don't ignore what your gut is telling you about her.

I've learned (the hard way) to listen to my internal feelings regarding someone I care about who is showing signs that they want out.

If she has not expressed any desire for sex with you for a year I think that speaks volumes.

Hope you heal quickly if it turns out to be the end.
What a bunch of freaking suckers.  
Keith : 4/16/2018 1:31 pm : link
Sometimes I hear about scams and I wonder...what kind of idiot would fall for this? Now I know, the kind of idiot that posts on bbi. Suckers.
I am curious about how old you are  
Don in DC : 4/16/2018 1:34 pm : link
but it doesn't matter for the advice.

Life is long and marriage lasts for fucking ever, so my advice is simple. If you are having these problems before you live together, let alone before you are married and have kids, that is your signal to head for the fucking hills.

Because life only gets harder from here. Bail out. Now.

You will find other loves. She might too, but that's not the point. You gotta look out for yourself first at this stage, because once you are married with kids, you have to look out for THEM first.

Once you have broken up, cut off all contact -- ALL CONTACT -- for at least six months, if not longer. You gotta give it time for your lives to move on and to break the scripts. If you want to try to be friends after that, fine. But you have to break all contact for a while first.

Good luck.
Hey Don, I just heard that your  
Keith : 4/16/2018 1:35 pm : link
nephew was arrested and needs 10k to be bailed out of jail. He can't talk, but he asked me to give you the wiring instructions. Cool?
Hey Keith  
Don in DC : 4/16/2018 1:36 pm : link
Sure, give me your bank account number and I will wire you the money.
is this John Cena?  
GMAN4LIFE : 4/16/2018 1:38 pm : link
RE: Denny went fishing today  
UConn4523 : 4/16/2018 1:40 pm : link
In comment 13914903 UConn4523 said:
and caught a whole bunch of whales

Looks like a 2 day excursion, the fish are really biting, canít turn back now.
Keith : 4/16/2018 1:41 pm : link
Don hehe  
idiotsavant : 4/16/2018 2:32 pm : link
'Life is long and marriage lasts for FUCKING ever'

Vent son, vent!

I'm still wondering about the blind hookers.

Also. Hint was : grammer people, grammer!
Don hehe  
idiotsavant : 4/16/2018 2:36 pm : link
Mid type at 4/15 1:57 I realised he was pulling our chains. Just kept rolling w it.
RE: RE: Denny went fishing today  
figgy2989 : 4/16/2018 2:40 pm : link
In comment 13916052 UConn4523 said:
In comment 13914903 UConn4523 said:


and caught a whole bunch of whales

Looks like a 2 day excursion, the fish are really biting, canít turn back now.

Clap...clap. Well done UConn
I mean this is the same guy who would claim to buy drugs wholesale  
figgy2989 : 4/16/2018 2:42 pm : link
From China, then take the proceeds and invest in Bitcoins that were today worth ďmillionsĒ but he got stoned and forgot where he stores them.

*stored them  
figgy2989 : 4/16/2018 2:44 pm : link
Lots of spot-on advice.  
Beezer : 4/16/2018 2:45 pm : link
Don at 1:34 p.m. nails it, for my money. Joey's experience, as well, should be absorbed seriously.

I dated a LOT of women from my teens to about 30, Once upon a time, Beez had game. lol It was the unintentionally best thing I ever did for myself, waiting to get married as long as I did (I was 32, she was 30, first marriage for both, no kids for either).

While I dated some really good and fun people and had a handful of longer-term relationships (a couple 2-year stints, one for 3.5 years), and under slightly different circumstances could have ended up with a couple of them, I dated many more dysfunctional or flat-out fucked up people who I did, indeed, try to help/fix. Never works!

Thank God things worked out and I met Mrs. Beez. She's female so she's by definition nuts lol ... but she's easily the least crazy woman I have ever been with. Great looking, fun most of the time lol, smart, a great mom. And other than her constant clutter and teacher paperwork piles, I've never felt compelled to fix a thing about her.

I'm fortunate in that I have the benefit of perspective.

If you're still on the 20s side of 30, you're fine. Even 30-plus, lots of people out there you won't need to fix too terribly much.

It's true everyone has baggage, no matter how old they are. But it's also true, some come with a single carry-on while many pay extra for super-sized luggage.

End this relationship and move to the next chapter. Thank BBI and it's collective experience later. In the meantime, read a bit about co-dependency and see if you see yourself anywhere in what you read. Might be helpful.
I had to do this with the Knicks and Rangers  
arniefez : 4/16/2018 2:45 pm : link
it's never easy.
This awesome thread just wasn't complete without  
Keith : 4/16/2018 2:58 pm : link
Beez to talk about his life and his life experiences.
GiantFilthy : 4/16/2018 3:05 pm : link
1. Somebody is putting her stank on his hangy down.
2. Lemme know when she is officially single. I'm gonna move on her like a bitch.
3. None of this is real.
RE: This awesome thread just wasn't complete without  
Beezer : 4/16/2018 3:15 pm : link
In comment 13916182 Keith said:
Beez to talk about his life and his life experiences.

lol It's moments like this, on a 2-page thread where folks are talking about their experiences and giving advice, when my true fans show themselves.
I suggest  
Mike in Marin : 4/16/2018 3:50 pm : link
you write her a long letter, not necessarily with the intent on giving it to her. Get brutally honest without being cruel and without any intent on manipulating through debate tactics. Tell her how you feel.

Find someone who you trust, who is mature and a solid (married?) relationship guy. Ask them to read it. When done, after edits, consider giving it to her. Do not be angry, mean or dishonest. Try and put yourself in a loving and compassionate place.

If you do not want to ask her about going into counseling (which is really necessary if you want to save the relationship, most likely) you may want to see someone yourself. This will help you figure out what you really want and what you are willing to do. This will help you better articulate and communicate, even if your GF doesn't change a bit.

Good luck !
Just out of curiosity  
Don in DC : 4/16/2018 4:14 pm : link
how do you guys know that this is fake? I don't follow the BBI dramas as a general rule, so I missed it.
RE: Just out of curiosity  
adamg : 4/16/2018 4:19 pm : link
In comment 13916302 Don in DC said:
how do you guys know that this is fake? I don't follow the BBI dramas as a general rule, so I missed it.
because it's Denny
idiotsavant : 4/16/2018 6:51 pm : link
If, as you so claim; 'fake'...doesn't that mean that Dennys blind, midget hookers would, in theory, be fake also?

What The Shit?
Mike in Marin : 4/16/2018 6:51 pm : link
You're no Tim in Mystic...that's for sure.
Bavaro_the_Mafioso : 4/16/2018 8:21 pm : link
antidepressants are killing her sex drive.

You wont win this battle. Get her to a better place and realize you dont want her raising your kids.
RE: Sounds like you already made up your mind...  
Gatorade Dunk : 4/16/2018 9:23 pm : link
In comment 13915793 x meadowlander said:
...and from the sound of it, it's already over.

It doesn't have to be. The fake poster might very well have a change of heart about his fake girlfriend.
Route 9 : 4/16/2018 10:17 pm : link
"Fake fake fake, who would fall for this?"

but the care factor here certainly is... real
in no order  
RasputinPrime : 4/16/2018 10:22 pm : link
1. Never cheat or act against your conscience - especially where it is difficult.

2. go big, go direct and don't look back. If it is meant to survive it will bloom and if not, you'll know with greater certainty and clarity.

Good luck.
Gatorade Dunk : 4/16/2018 10:29 pm : link
In comment 13916855 Route 9 said:
"Fake fake fake, who would fall for this?"

but the care factor here certainly is... real

Two things you seem to care about: my career and defending trolls on BBI.
Alright so she admitted to abusing me on purpose  
DennyInDenville : 4/16/2018 11:05 pm : link
Said I was controlling. I admitted I'm controlling because I get no ass and I'm insecure in our relationship

She said that my controlling ways make her fall out of love with her

All bullshit Thottery or crazyness that I couldn't handle and win

We broke up in a text and she said she's gonna block my number

To be 100% I don't think she was cheating... but she was verbally abusive and I wasn't happy.

Hears to hoping she doesn't try to ruin my life somehow now.

I was classy as I could have been.

Thanks everyone, I will reply to many of you individually tomorrow .

This thread helped my balls shake off the soy and tell her I'm mad and won't stand for this degenerate shit.

I feel so sad I could die, but also my chest doesn't feel empty, it feels like a weight came off it.(literally) (no really literally I've had chest pains)

Crazy stuff guys.

These hoes ain't loyal. I feel like a cuck, but it happens .

Time to work on my mind, body, and soul the next week then back to working on my checking account and getting new pussy eventually ...

Fellas, I regret ending this (it was actually mutual kinda) but I think I seriously did the right thing instead of "trying harder"

Those who said I gave up to much power were right and when you give up power you start to use more control when your a dude who gets anxious.

Fuck my life right now...

I'm sure in a couple weeks I'll look back and be like this was good.

Hopefully I heal fast and remain strong. This really feels like cap

Our anniversary would have been this weekend too
Bill2 thank you for your advice  
DennyInDenville : 4/16/2018 11:10 pm : link
I think you were right. I'm just to weak and damaged to try that much harderZ

Maybe I fucked up. Maybe I should have been patient

Maybe I should apologize .

Goodness this self questioning is beginning already
Route 9 : 4/16/2018 11:17 pm : link
Calm down, hero, lol. You openly talk about your history working for the NFL on a football site, people are going to be curious and ask. I meant nothing wrong by it, I swear. You seem to know a lot, hell, maybe you were an offensive line coach?

Yes, I am defending the guy because oh gee I dont know, this thread has almost 100 posts and everyone calls him stupid. Don't act as if you dont have some sort of concealed interest in his "moronic" posts.
As Keith would say:  
Bill2 : 4/16/2018 11:21 pm : link
Women think I'm tasty, but they always tryin' to waste me
And make me burn the candle right down,
But baby, I don't need no jewels in my crown.
'Cause all you wimmins is low down gamblers,
Cheatin' like I don't know how,
But baby, there's fever in the funk house now.
This low down bitchin' got my poor feet a itchin',
Don't you know you know the duece is still wild.

Always in a hurry, I never stop to worry,
Don't you see the time flashin' by.
Honey, got no money,
I'm all sixes and sevens and nines.
Say now baby, I'm the rank outsider,
You can be my partner in crime.

Oh, my, my, my, I'm the lone crap shooter,
Playin' the field ev'ry night.
But baby, I can't stay,
You got to roll me and call me the tumblin' dice
So what exactly is "a cuck" ?  
Route 9 : 4/16/2018 11:22 pm : link
By BBI defintion
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