A few years ago, an octogenarian in Grand Forks, North Dakota wrote a review about her local Olive Garden that opened, and she was met with a ton of online mockery and criticism for it. So Bourdain not only flew her out to NYC to have dinner at Le Bernadin, but published and wrote the forward to her book.
Bourdain was an awesome TV personality who opened a lot of people's eyes to other cultures and cuisines.
was a really interesting and thoughtful guy who did a lot (and likely took a lot of risks, went through a lot of discomforts) to show a lot of people what it's like in places we'll never go.
Anyone who calls this "selfish" really just doesn't understand depression and mental illness. I'm sorry.
I don't think you guys can comprehend how terrible depression can make you feel and how horrible life can seem to those suffering. You aren't capable of considering even the closest people in your life. It's easy on the outside to say "what a selfish prick! How could he leave a kid behind like that!"
It's just way, way off-target.
Sometimes the lows get so low that you just think the world would be a better place without you in it. It has nothing to do with being selfish. It's really fucking sad and I wish people would learn more about mental health and how it can affect people because comments like that are very ignorant.
Anyone who calls this "selfish" really just doesn't understand depression and mental illness. I'm sorry.
I don't think you guys can comprehend how terrible depression can make you feel and how horrible life can seem to those suffering. You aren't capable of considering even the closest people in your life. It's easy on the outside to say "what a selfish prick! How could he leave a kid behind like that!"
It's just way, way off-target.
Sometimes the lows get so low that you just think the world would be a better place without you in it. It has nothing to do with being selfish. It's really fucking sad and I wish people would learn more about mental health and how it can affect people because comments like that are very ignorant.
Anyone who calls this "selfish" really just doesn't understand depression and mental illness. I'm sorry.
I don't think you guys can comprehend how terrible depression can make you feel and how horrible life can seem to those suffering. You aren't capable of considering even the closest people in your life. It's easy on the outside to say "what a selfish prick! How could he leave a kid behind like that!"
It's just way, way off-target.
Sometimes the lows get so low that you just think the world would be a better place without you in it. It has nothing to do with being selfish. It's really fucking sad and I wish people would learn more about mental health and how it can affect people because comments like that are very ignorant.
+1
I deal with these issues. He was probably, like most of these "celebrity" suicides, bipolar which is a lot more than feeling blue and depressed. Unless you have experienced it, you probably cannot understand it. Which is not a bad thing or put down. I have a problem understanding how many people are now opioid addicts. Sometimes I think 'how hard can it be for these weak people to just quit' because I don't have that demon but I understand how the ridiculous mood swings can kill even the most successful, seemingly carefree celebrity.
is 100% on point. Altho I dont personally suffer from depression I have 2 daughters who have struggled with it and I have seen very dark things and had hopeless days on their behalf. On one very bad day they were fairing so poorly I considered taking the easy way out myself. Im personally in the process of getting over a kind of PTSD from it all. They are doing MUCH better now and so am I. What I have been thru has changed me dramatically I hope and believe for the good. All I can say is when it comes to this area, try not to judge but rather to validate. People are in terrible pain much of us cant understand. But we need to try.
Anthony Bourdain, by his own admission, was a famous author who used to be a chef, not a famous chef. I beg to differ. His knowledge of the food industry helped bring about greater awareness to our foodways, both locally, and globally. For that we are all indebted to some extent. Rest easy Chef.
seems like these cases get swept aside. There is a weird pattern of this going on in the last year.
Same here. Definitely can't just believe everything you read..
Sad though, Parts Unknown was a solid show at times, I actually liked it.
I have a tough time believing Anthony Bourdain , would hang himself..
He actually was a pretty sad man despite his riches and success and good looks, but people like that generally don't kill them selves..
Kate Spade is a whole different story.. that was no shocker. Anthony Bourdain though? Just terrible . I've battled with depression and anxiety and I understand the demons , but to be honest , money is usually the cure..
I think he was killed. But I'll accept that he killed himself for now , but if there's not a signed note, I'll be sketched
I suspect foul play in all these celebrity "suicides"
ArcadeSlumlord : 10:56 am : link : reply
seems like these cases get swept aside. There is a weird pattern of this going on in the last year.
this from the Spade thread:
if you or someone you know is struggling with depression/anxiety self harm and or sucidal ideations, please google Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). Its saving lives around the world and Ive seen it work with those closest to me. If you want to reach out to me about it my email is Fitguyues@yahoo.com.
Thank you. Very cool. Researching that new material
is 100% on point. Altho I dont personally suffer from depression I have 2 daughters who have struggled with it and I have seen very dark things and had hopeless days on their behalf. On one very bad day they were fairing so poorly I considered taking the easy way out myself. Im personally in the process of getting over a kind of PTSD from it all. They are doing MUCH better now and so am I. What I have been thru has changed me dramatically I hope and believe for the good. All I can say is when it comes to this area, try not to judge but rather to validate. People are in terrible pain much of us cant understand. But we need to try.
Happy to hear you and your daughters are both doing much better these days. Sometimes you can see a light at the end of the tunnel and get to a point of clarity, but feel terrified knowing you were so close to wanting a way out.
I've been there myself. And my closest friend took his own life overseas when he was just 25 years old. He confided in me about EVERYTHING and even that, he had sort of kept from me in a way where I just didn't know he had been suffering so badly. If I had known, I would have taken the next flight out to be with him and try to help him through it.
I blamed myself for a long time because as his best friend, I felt like I should have known or should have done more, but the truth is, there was just no way for me to have known and eventually, I had to let go of the guilt I was carrying for so long.
I still have my struggles, but I try to be proactive about it and keep myself above water as best as I can.
It just frustrates me to see how "taboo" mental illness still seems to be in some ways, and how far we still need to go.
A lot of people in this world feel like they just have nowhere to turn and like they'll just be brushed aside or told to "toughen up" or "deal with it" if they open up about their troubles.
No one should ever feel alone in this world, but sadly, many, many people do.
I'm a little torn on the idea people don't have anywhere to turn. due to mental illness, they may feel that way, but there are a lot of places to turn, whether it is to seek treatment from a doctor or a mental health professional.
The taboo stigma may make that step appear to be less desireable, but there are a lot of avenues for treatment.
Heck, a lot of people are on meds for depression or being bi-polar and there are countless stories about going off the meds and then tragedy strikes or being treated and still reaching the point from no return.
My Dad is bi-polar, and we know he has to stay on his meds. And he has periodic checkups to monitor the dosages he's taking.
I'm a little torn on the idea people don't have anywhere to turn. due to mental illness, they may feel that way, but there are a lot of places to turn, whether it is to seek treatment from a doctor or a mental health professional.
The taboo stigma may make that step appear to be less desireable, but there are a lot of avenues for treatment.
Heck, a lot of people are on meds for depression or being bi-polar and there are countless stories about going off the meds and then tragedy strikes or being treated and still reaching the point from no return.
My Dad is bi-polar, and we know he has to stay on his meds. And he has periodic checkups to monitor the dosages he's taking.
It's not that there aren't places to turn or avenues to take, it's that sometimes it can feel like there aren't.
It's not an easy thing for a lot of people to open up about or even admit at all. They go through day after day feeling like it's a sign of weakness for them to admit how terrible they feel or like other people have bigger problems so theirs don't matter. They feel guilty. Like they're burdening their loved ones by speaking up about it, and so oftentimes, they simply choose to suffer in silence.
A lot of people out there (hell, just look at this thread) think suicide is just some sort of selfish cop-out or that depression is some major exaggeration.
People who don't truly suffer tend to believe that depression is just being in a "bad mood," and it is so, SO much more than that.
Depression can drain the life out of someone. It can cause them to lose interest in everything. Even things they used to love. The world can become a very dark place and those who suffer can get to a point where they simply don't care what happens to them anymore because it hurts so much to face each day.
And in many cases, sometimes the people in our lives whom we believe are the strongest and most "together," can be the ones who are suffering the most.
All I'm trying to say is that calling acts like these "selfish" is nothing but a step backwards. That's not how we should be viewing this. It's wrong and not someone else's place to say.
fan of both of his shows. He seemed like he would have been a cool guy to hang out with. I love how he hated stuff that was too "touristy." It's exactly how my wife and I think when traveling.
I know the mental illness changes the perceptions of those afflicted. But it kind of becomes a Catch-22. It is tough to get people to get treatment who don't seek it out and forcing them to do so is often met with resistance.
Addiction/Alcoholism and depression do not go away. They get worse, until people get real help, or die. It doesn't matter if someone is a global success, or a homeless person.
Yes, there are a ton of options, but people bury their shame down real deeply and for many, their disease(s) convince them they are trapped and have no other option.
Poor man probably felt the weight of the world on his shoulders and saw no solution other than suicide.
I know the mental illness changes the perceptions of those afflicted. But it kind of becomes a Catch-22. It is tough to get people to get treatment who don't seek it out and forcing them to do so is often met with resistance.
Yup. Which is why I think awareness is just so important. No one should ever feel like they're weaker than everyone else because they're suffering.
I think the more people realize just how common depression and mental illness is, the easier it is for them to open up about it.
I've had a lot of issues with anxiety and depression since my late teens/early-20's, and I have always been very, very transparent about it with my friends and loved ones. I don't want sympathy or anyone to feel bad for me or pity me at all - it's not about that.
I just want them to understand why I am how I am sometimes. Because these things can often be misconstrued and misunderstood.
I like to be the person who has no shame and can speak up about their problems. I've had so many people come to me in private and say "hey man, I'm really glad you said that and opened up about how you've struggled - because Ive never been able to and a lot of people don't know how I really feel. I feel so much more comfortable knowing I'm not alone."
And really, that makes it worth it for me to be open and honest about my own struggles.
I am in a wayyyy better place now than I was 10 years ago. I was able to identify the fact that I simply couldn't fix my problems on my own, despite my prideful nature and never wanting to ask anyone for help or admit I can't do something myself.
But for a lot of people, they just don't know how to ask or admit that they need a hand. Just from personal experience, I'd never want anyone to feel that way.
...any idea what is being referenced in some of these vague twitter posts about this being karma for Bourdain (i.e. to suggest he deserved this result)? I'd heard he had substance issues in the past, but was there some particular controversy?
illness is illness. You wouldnt hide it if you had diabetes or cancer. Mental illness is NO different. Once ppl realize that seeking treatment becomes easier. One last point: shame is THE most toxic emotion imo. We all have dark thoughts at times. The key is to intercede, to use techniques like emotion regulation to find mindfulness before those thoughts become actions or worse, behaviors.
Many very successful people are driven significantly by their fears, anxieties and lack of self-esteem, to be "perfect." This behavior comes from the same place as the need to (sometimes/often) find temporary relief in substances like drugs and alcohol.
So it's really no surprise that many (as has been reported about Kate Spade, Bourdain and publicly acknowledged by many others like Robin Williams, survivors like Anthony Hopkins, Clapton and on and on) end up self-destructing, as their is only so long one can keep up the facade and find relief in substances. Almost all of these situations are linked and exacerbate depression, anxiety.
Add to that the pressures of the number of people dependent upon their success, keeping the public persona at high level and inability to abandon their deep-rooted, very-unhealthy coping mechanisms , and you get a recipe for disaster.
It's really not hard to see why celebrities and other very successful "on the outside" people self-destruct eventually.
I've had my own dark periods in life, more so than most people I'd guess. The psychology industry didn't do a single thing to ameliorate it. In fact, it made me worse. What I learned through personal experience is: the idea that happiness is the default human condition is a harmful and destructive one, as is the concept that unhappiness and misery marks a person as having something wrong with them. I came to accept that happiness is often a rare, elusive occurrence, to appreciate it for what it is and when it happens and realize that it is largely out of my control. I will be the first to admit that I am a poor student of Stoicism (being prone to rage as I am), but reading Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus and at least attempting to practice acceptance of the world as it is did more for me than years of therapy and medication.
I take a dim view of psychology as a practice for that reason.
People can find peace in different ways. What works for one person may not work for another.
I remember the first psychiatrist I went to when I was 20. It was a horrible experience. Her approach was awful and she was trying to target areas of my life that had no bearing on my mental wellness. All she wanted to do was send me out of there with a few bottles of pills.
Medication does help a lot of people, and in fact, I take a daily medication myself. But medication alone typically won't fix the problem on its own. It's the starting point you need to get yourself on a better path. Often a necessary one. But blaming someone for their life choices and telling them to just start taking medication isn't the way to go - and that's basically what that psychiatrist tried with me.
I think it's just important to be open-minded and remember that we can only walk in our own shoes; not anyone else's. Pain and suffering aren't always visible to others. In fact, I'd say it most commonly isn't.
Unless you know someone or have depression/anxiety you shouldn't Â
pass judgement. Its also horribly tough on your family to see someone you love be in so much pain and not be able to help them. Finding good therapists/psychiatrists is also very difficult, there aren't enough, many don't take new patients and many don't accept insurance.
He was asked if he were to cater a peace summit between POTUS and the leader of NK what would he serve and his answer was "Hemlock"
hope that explanation doesn't get the thread deleted, but no reason IMO for people to speculate or wonder why some people aren't weeping.
He had other disparaging comments about POTUS too.
The best thing he ever said in my experience was:
Quote:
"Vegetarians, and their Hezbollah-like splinter-faction, the vegans, are a persistent irritant to any chef worth a damn. To me, life without veal stock, pork fat, sausage, organ meat, demi-glace, or even stinky cheese is a life not worth living. Vegetarians are the enemy of everything good and decent in the human spirit, and an affront to all I stand for, the pure enjoyment of food. The body, these waterheads imagine, is a temple that should not be polluted by animal protein. It's healthier, they insist, though every vegetarian waiter I've worked with is brought down by any rumor of a cold. Oh, I'll accommodate them, I'll rummage around for something to feed them, for a 'vegetarian plate', if called on to do so. Fourteen dollars for a few slices of grilled eggplant and zucchini suits my food cost fine."
suicide for different reasons - some are due to mental illness, others due to a mind clouded with alcohol/illegal substances/prescription meds, and others to avoid an alternative of jail or a more painful deterioration or death. We don't know and may never know what caused AB to take his own life.
My wife called me this morning to let me know this. Plain and simple it SUCKS. I really enjoyed his work as a writer and show host the man had no filter and spoke the truth well maybe at times he thought it was the truth.
I was fortunate enough to meet him a few times though the years and was always a cool genuine guy that at least IMO anyone regardless of culture, political, religious beliefs could have a quality conversation with.
I will miss the guy. RIP
On other note I am a professional chef and these comments regarding never send anything back stuff is BS. Back in the day 70’s & 80’s yeah maybe but not now IMV. Any Chef worth the cost of the knife they use would not harm or taint someone’s food for sending it back. In fact all the ones I know including myself would be all over the cook like stink on shit to make sure the dish went out perfect the second time.
line was cliched. I can’t imagine that chefs have some underground fraternity dedicated to spitting in people’s food.
I don’t send stuff back simply because I don’t want to wait. Unless it’s the complete wrong order I’ll just take it and deal with it.
I don’t think it’s a cliche at all. People didn’t just read andomly come up with this stuff. I have asked several people that have worked in the restaurant industry over the years about this and almost unanimously they’ve replied something to the effect “yeah, I would not recommend sending food back”. They all have some horror stories of “someone they know” doing stupid shit. No thanks. Even if some or all were exaggerating, I’m not taking any chances. I’ll take my money back before waiting for my new and improved meal to come out.
It probably depends why you're sending the food back.
I think if they FUBAR what you ordered, you have the right to do that - and the people in the kitchen should realize that they fucked up and do the right thing. I'm talking like - not even close to what you ordered. Or something particularly off about the dish.
I'd never send back food for some ridiculously trivial reason, though. I can't stand people who do that.
line was cliched. I can’t imagine that chefs have some underground fraternity dedicated to spitting in people’s food.
I don’t send stuff back simply because I don’t want to wait. Unless it’s the complete wrong order I’ll just take it and deal with it.
well most restaurants don't have active chefs it's just a bunch of cooks, and the industry (generally speaking) is HEAVY into cocaine and other drugs, it's fast paced, high stress being in a busy restaurant kitchen.
I speak from experience (though clearly anecdotal) and I won't get into actual stories because I'm not proud of being complicit in it, but for even the very slight reasons customers food was "abused" regularly - and this wasn't an Olive Garden, it was what most people believe to be a high quality non-chain restaurant.
line was cliched. I can’t imagine that chefs have some underground fraternity dedicated to spitting in people’s food.
I don’t send stuff back simply because I don’t want to wait. Unless it’s the complete wrong order I’ll just take it and deal with it.
I'm sure it depends on the restaurant. Some upscale place? Nah, probably not a problem. Outback Steakhouse? Yeah, I'm not rolling the dice there.
I think the only time I can remember sending something back was when my wife and I both got steaks that were actually frozen in the center. It was at Outback Steakhouse.
One time I took a bite out of a chicken sandwich Â
and it was raw. That time I sent it back because there was no real other option. The waitress almost threw up when she saw how raw it was haha.
But as a general rule I won't send food back. If it is bad enough I just wont eat it. I have never refused to pay for a meal though, I just don't go back if it was that bad.
I worked in two restaurants when I was a teenager and when I was 20. One in town and one in the neighboring town and they were/are considered "classy".
Lol. It was night and day when you go behind that kitchen door and see what everything looks like behind those walls. I never was a huge fan of eating out anyway. My mother is a very good cook and a lot of the places (mainly expensive ones) people rave about - nothing special.
I did like the job when I was in high school though. So much fucking around because I knew I'd just be leaving when school started lol.
Thing is, how much is it worth to you to take that chance?
My dish would have to be REALLY awful for me to do so, and in that case I'd probably just not eat it and refuse to pay for it.
I already said I don’t send food back unless it’s sometbjng completely wrong like ordering a steak and getting fish. If I asked for it medium rare and it’s medium well I will deal with it. My reasoning is that I don’t want to wait any longer, followed by the chance someone fucks with my food.
Thing is, how much is it worth to you to take that chance?
My dish would have to be REALLY awful for me to do so, and in that case I'd probably just not eat it and refuse to pay for it.
I already said I don’t send food back unless it’s sometbjng completely wrong like ordering a steak and getting fish. If I asked for it medium rare and it’s medium well I will deal with it. My reasoning is that I don’t want to wait any longer, followed by the chance someone fucks with my food.
I bet it is rare for someone to mess with your food for sending back an obvious clear error. Where some people probably start doing things to return dishes is when it becomes subjective and poor reflection of their "skills".
Starting at 15,16 back in the early 1980s. Everyone worked in a kitchen of a restaurant, or waited tables.
I mean everyone almost. Very common.
Then, after work....dancing in nightclubs or watching live bands in nightclubs until 3 am 3 nights a week if not more.
Long Island was nightclubs - end to end.
Looking back, in some ways, it was horrible, once the edgy vibe wore off and the booze and drugs took their toll. And a world in which certain types of characters thrived in...you can imagine.
Before MTV, or any it's inception and before the internet, when there was still a huge staple of music - not played on the radio; Music Only found in clubs or on turntables, you felt as if you were carving out something new.
Rents were still cheap. Tribeca still had UN converted factory lofts. Empty. Frigging empty.
Cops were still allowed to give you a nice beat down.
People said that the 80s had greed. But that was a lifestyle option then, not a rule like now.
We had loose cash in our pockets and spent it all at night, each week. Why? I have no fucking idea.
A few years ago, an octogenarian in Grand Forks, North Dakota wrote a review about her local Olive Garden that opened, and she was met with a ton of online mockery and criticism for it. So Bourdain not only flew her out to NYC to have dinner at Le Bernadin, but published and wrote the forward to her book.
Bourdain was an awesome TV personality who opened a lot of people's eyes to other cultures and cuisines.
I don't think you guys can comprehend how terrible depression can make you feel and how horrible life can seem to those suffering. You aren't capable of considering even the closest people in your life. It's easy on the outside to say "what a selfish prick! How could he leave a kid behind like that!"
It's just way, way off-target.
Sometimes the lows get so low that you just think the world would be a better place without you in it. It has nothing to do with being selfish. It's really fucking sad and I wish people would learn more about mental health and how it can affect people because comments like that are very ignorant.
+1
Quote:
Anyone who calls this "selfish" really just doesn't understand depression and mental illness. I'm sorry.
I don't think you guys can comprehend how terrible depression can make you feel and how horrible life can seem to those suffering. You aren't capable of considering even the closest people in your life. It's easy on the outside to say "what a selfish prick! How could he leave a kid behind like that!"
It's just way, way off-target.
Sometimes the lows get so low that you just think the world would be a better place without you in it. It has nothing to do with being selfish. It's really fucking sad and I wish people would learn more about mental health and how it can affect people because comments like that are very ignorant.
+1
+2
Quote:
Anyone who calls this "selfish" really just doesn't understand depression and mental illness. I'm sorry.
I don't think you guys can comprehend how terrible depression can make you feel and how horrible life can seem to those suffering. You aren't capable of considering even the closest people in your life. It's easy on the outside to say "what a selfish prick! How could he leave a kid behind like that!"
It's just way, way off-target.
Sometimes the lows get so low that you just think the world would be a better place without you in it. It has nothing to do with being selfish. It's really fucking sad and I wish people would learn more about mental health and how it can affect people because comments like that are very ignorant.
+1
I deal with these issues. He was probably, like most of these "celebrity" suicides, bipolar which is a lot more than feeling blue and depressed. Unless you have experienced it, you probably cannot understand it. Which is not a bad thing or put down. I have a problem understanding how many people are now opioid addicts. Sometimes I think 'how hard can it be for these weak people to just quit' because I don't have that demon but I understand how the ridiculous mood swings can kill even the most successful, seemingly carefree celebrity.
Same here. Definitely can't just believe everything you read..
Sad though, Parts Unknown was a solid show at times, I actually liked it.
I have a tough time believing Anthony Bourdain , would hang himself..
He actually was a pretty sad man despite his riches and success and good looks, but people like that generally don't kill them selves..
Kate Spade is a whole different story.. that was no shocker. Anthony Bourdain though? Just terrible . I've battled with depression and anxiety and I understand the demons , but to be honest , money is usually the cure..
I think he was killed. But I'll accept that he killed himself for now , but if there's not a signed note, I'll be sketched
ArcadeSlumlord : 10:56 am : link : reply
seems like these cases get swept aside. There is a weird pattern of this going on in the last year.
if you or someone you know is struggling with depression/anxiety self harm and or sucidal ideations, please google Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). Its saving lives around the world and Ive seen it work with those closest to me. If you want to reach out to me about it my email is Fitguyues@yahoo.com.
Thank you. Very cool. Researching that new material
Conspiracies!!
Fucking idiots.
Happy to hear you and your daughters are both doing much better these days. Sometimes you can see a light at the end of the tunnel and get to a point of clarity, but feel terrified knowing you were so close to wanting a way out.
I've been there myself. And my closest friend took his own life overseas when he was just 25 years old. He confided in me about EVERYTHING and even that, he had sort of kept from me in a way where I just didn't know he had been suffering so badly. If I had known, I would have taken the next flight out to be with him and try to help him through it.
I blamed myself for a long time because as his best friend, I felt like I should have known or should have done more, but the truth is, there was just no way for me to have known and eventually, I had to let go of the guilt I was carrying for so long.
I still have my struggles, but I try to be proactive about it and keep myself above water as best as I can.
It just frustrates me to see how "taboo" mental illness still seems to be in some ways, and how far we still need to go.
A lot of people in this world feel like they just have nowhere to turn and like they'll just be brushed aside or told to "toughen up" or "deal with it" if they open up about their troubles.
No one should ever feel alone in this world, but sadly, many, many people do.
The taboo stigma may make that step appear to be less desireable, but there are a lot of avenues for treatment.
Heck, a lot of people are on meds for depression or being bi-polar and there are countless stories about going off the meds and then tragedy strikes or being treated and still reaching the point from no return.
My Dad is bi-polar, and we know he has to stay on his meds. And he has periodic checkups to monitor the dosages he's taking.
The taboo stigma may make that step appear to be less desireable, but there are a lot of avenues for treatment.
Heck, a lot of people are on meds for depression or being bi-polar and there are countless stories about going off the meds and then tragedy strikes or being treated and still reaching the point from no return.
My Dad is bi-polar, and we know he has to stay on his meds. And he has periodic checkups to monitor the dosages he's taking.
It's not that there aren't places to turn or avenues to take, it's that sometimes it can feel like there aren't.
It's not an easy thing for a lot of people to open up about or even admit at all. They go through day after day feeling like it's a sign of weakness for them to admit how terrible they feel or like other people have bigger problems so theirs don't matter. They feel guilty. Like they're burdening their loved ones by speaking up about it, and so oftentimes, they simply choose to suffer in silence.
A lot of people out there (hell, just look at this thread) think suicide is just some sort of selfish cop-out or that depression is some major exaggeration.
People who don't truly suffer tend to believe that depression is just being in a "bad mood," and it is so, SO much more than that.
Depression can drain the life out of someone. It can cause them to lose interest in everything. Even things they used to love. The world can become a very dark place and those who suffer can get to a point where they simply don't care what happens to them anymore because it hurts so much to face each day.
And in many cases, sometimes the people in our lives whom we believe are the strongest and most "together," can be the ones who are suffering the most.
All I'm trying to say is that calling acts like these "selfish" is nothing but a step backwards. That's not how we should be viewing this. It's wrong and not someone else's place to say.
Just my .02.
I know the mental illness changes the perceptions of those afflicted. But it kind of becomes a Catch-22. It is tough to get people to get treatment who don't seek it out and forcing them to do so is often met with resistance.
Yes, there are a ton of options, but people bury their shame down real deeply and for many, their disease(s) convince them they are trapped and have no other option.
Poor man probably felt the weight of the world on his shoulders and saw no solution other than suicide.
I know the mental illness changes the perceptions of those afflicted. But it kind of becomes a Catch-22. It is tough to get people to get treatment who don't seek it out and forcing them to do so is often met with resistance.
Yup. Which is why I think awareness is just so important. No one should ever feel like they're weaker than everyone else because they're suffering.
I think the more people realize just how common depression and mental illness is, the easier it is for them to open up about it.
I've had a lot of issues with anxiety and depression since my late teens/early-20's, and I have always been very, very transparent about it with my friends and loved ones. I don't want sympathy or anyone to feel bad for me or pity me at all - it's not about that.
I just want them to understand why I am how I am sometimes. Because these things can often be misconstrued and misunderstood.
I like to be the person who has no shame and can speak up about their problems. I've had so many people come to me in private and say "hey man, I'm really glad you said that and opened up about how you've struggled - because Ive never been able to and a lot of people don't know how I really feel. I feel so much more comfortable knowing I'm not alone."
And really, that makes it worth it for me to be open and honest about my own struggles.
I am in a wayyyy better place now than I was 10 years ago. I was able to identify the fact that I simply couldn't fix my problems on my own, despite my prideful nature and never wanting to ask anyone for help or admit I can't do something myself.
But for a lot of people, they just don't know how to ask or admit that they need a hand. Just from personal experience, I'd never want anyone to feel that way.
He made a joke about a cult leader.
Many very successful people are driven significantly by their fears, anxieties and lack of self-esteem, to be "perfect." This behavior comes from the same place as the need to (sometimes/often) find temporary relief in substances like drugs and alcohol.
So it's really no surprise that many (as has been reported about Kate Spade, Bourdain and publicly acknowledged by many others like Robin Williams, survivors like Anthony Hopkins, Clapton and on and on) end up self-destructing, as their is only so long one can keep up the facade and find relief in substances. Almost all of these situations are linked and exacerbate depression, anxiety.
Add to that the pressures of the number of people dependent upon their success, keeping the public persona at high level and inability to abandon their deep-rooted, very-unhealthy coping mechanisms , and you get a recipe for disaster.
It's really not hard to see why celebrities and other very successful "on the outside" people self-destruct eventually.
I take a dim view of psychology as a practice for that reason.
I remember the first psychiatrist I went to when I was 20. It was a horrible experience. Her approach was awful and she was trying to target areas of my life that had no bearing on my mental wellness. All she wanted to do was send me out of there with a few bottles of pills.
Medication does help a lot of people, and in fact, I take a daily medication myself. But medication alone typically won't fix the problem on its own. It's the starting point you need to get yourself on a better path. Often a necessary one. But blaming someone for their life choices and telling them to just start taking medication isn't the way to go - and that's basically what that psychiatrist tried with me.
I think it's just important to be open-minded and remember that we can only walk in our own shoes; not anyone else's. Pain and suffering aren't always visible to others. In fact, I'd say it most commonly isn't.
that's the reason for the karma tweets, etc.
He was asked if he were to cater a peace summit between POTUS and the leader of NK what would he serve and his answer was "Hemlock"
hope that explanation doesn't get the thread deleted, but no reason IMO for people to speculate or wonder why some people aren't weeping.
He had other disparaging comments about POTUS too.
The best thing he ever said in my experience was:
After dope initially ruined his chef career he was back at it, dishes here, regular line cook there, for a season... or a few weeks.
Ugh. Sucks. Really sucks.
For those who think he was a snob, not really. Because he kept his feet in the street and his nose in the night air.
He was right on that one. I NEVER send anything back.
I was fortunate enough to meet him a few times though the years and was always a cool genuine guy that at least IMO anyone regardless of culture, political, religious beliefs could have a quality conversation with.
I will miss the guy. RIP
On other note I am a professional chef and these comments regarding never send anything back stuff is BS. Back in the day 70’s & 80’s yeah maybe but not now IMV. Any Chef worth the cost of the knife they use would not harm or taint someone’s food for sending it back. In fact all the ones I know including myself would be all over the cook like stink on shit to make sure the dish went out perfect the second time.
I don’t send stuff back simply because I don’t want to wait. Unless it’s the complete wrong order I’ll just take it and deal with it.
I don’t send stuff back simply because I don’t want to wait. Unless it’s the complete wrong order I’ll just take it and deal with it.
I'm sure it depends on the restaurant. Some upscale place? Nah, probably not a problem. Outback Steakhouse? Yeah, I'm not rolling the dice there.
I don’t send stuff back simply because I don’t want to wait. Unless it’s the complete wrong order I’ll just take it and deal with it.
I don’t think it’s a cliche at all. People didn’t just read andomly come up with this stuff. I have asked several people that have worked in the restaurant industry over the years about this and almost unanimously they’ve replied something to the effect “yeah, I would not recommend sending food back”. They all have some horror stories of “someone they know” doing stupid shit. No thanks. Even if some or all were exaggerating, I’m not taking any chances. I’ll take my money back before waiting for my new and improved meal to come out.
Thing is, how much is it worth to you to take that chance?
My dish would have to be REALLY awful for me to do so, and in that case I'd probably just not eat it and refuse to pay for it.
I think if they FUBAR what you ordered, you have the right to do that - and the people in the kitchen should realize that they fucked up and do the right thing. I'm talking like - not even close to what you ordered. Or something particularly off about the dish.
I'd never send back food for some ridiculously trivial reason, though. I can't stand people who do that.
I don’t send stuff back simply because I don’t want to wait. Unless it’s the complete wrong order I’ll just take it and deal with it.
well most restaurants don't have active chefs it's just a bunch of cooks, and the industry (generally speaking) is HEAVY into cocaine and other drugs, it's fast paced, high stress being in a busy restaurant kitchen.
I speak from experience (though clearly anecdotal) and I won't get into actual stories because I'm not proud of being complicit in it, but for even the very slight reasons customers food was "abused" regularly - and this wasn't an Olive Garden, it was what most people believe to be a high quality non-chain restaurant.
Quote:
line was cliched. I can’t imagine that chefs have some underground fraternity dedicated to spitting in people’s food.
I don’t send stuff back simply because I don’t want to wait. Unless it’s the complete wrong order I’ll just take it and deal with it.
I'm sure it depends on the restaurant. Some upscale place? Nah, probably not a problem. Outback Steakhouse? Yeah, I'm not rolling the dice there.
I think the only time I can remember sending something back was when my wife and I both got steaks that were actually frozen in the center. It was at Outback Steakhouse.
But as a general rule I won't send food back. If it is bad enough I just wont eat it. I have never refused to pay for a meal though, I just don't go back if it was that bad.
Lol. It was night and day when you go behind that kitchen door and see what everything looks like behind those walls. I never was a huge fan of eating out anyway. My mother is a very good cook and a lot of the places (mainly expensive ones) people rave about - nothing special.
I did like the job when I was in high school though. So much fucking around because I knew I'd just be leaving when school started lol.
Quote:
it’s hardly an established regular practice.
Thing is, how much is it worth to you to take that chance?
My dish would have to be REALLY awful for me to do so, and in that case I'd probably just not eat it and refuse to pay for it.
I already said I don’t send food back unless it’s sometbjng completely wrong like ordering a steak and getting fish. If I asked for it medium rare and it’s medium well I will deal with it. My reasoning is that I don’t want to wait any longer, followed by the chance someone fucks with my food.
Quote:
In comment 13986973 UConn4523 said:
Quote:
it’s hardly an established regular practice.
Thing is, how much is it worth to you to take that chance?
My dish would have to be REALLY awful for me to do so, and in that case I'd probably just not eat it and refuse to pay for it.
I already said I don’t send food back unless it’s sometbjng completely wrong like ordering a steak and getting fish. If I asked for it medium rare and it’s medium well I will deal with it. My reasoning is that I don’t want to wait any longer, followed by the chance someone fucks with my food.
I bet it is rare for someone to mess with your food for sending back an obvious clear error. Where some people probably start doing things to return dishes is when it becomes subjective and poor reflection of their "skills".
I mean everyone almost. Very common.
Then, after work....dancing in nightclubs or watching live bands in nightclubs until 3 am 3 nights a week if not more.
Long Island was nightclubs - end to end.
Looking back, in some ways, it was horrible, once the edgy vibe wore off and the booze and drugs took their toll. And a world in which certain types of characters thrived in...you can imagine.
NYC, Cape Cod, places bourdain fell into, similar. Edgy. Music everywhere.
Before MTV, or any it's inception and before the internet, when there was still a huge staple of music - not played on the radio; Music Only found in clubs or on turntables, you felt as if you were carving out something new.
Rents were still cheap. Tribeca still had UN converted factory lofts. Empty. Frigging empty.
Cops were still allowed to give you a nice beat down.
People said that the 80s had greed. But that was a lifestyle option then, not a rule like now.
We had loose cash in our pockets and spent it all at night, each week. Why? I have no fucking idea.
I feel like I lost an old friend.