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NFT: Serious question: How do you cope?

tbonfig : 7/3/2018 11:07 am
Note the NFT.

Throughout the years I've started to ask myself this question more and more. I am the father of two little girls. I think being a parent changes your perspective on most things. I have found that as I have gotten older, I seem to have a more difficult time shaking the bad news that I come across, particularly when it involves children. For example, this morning I saw a headline that a three year old girl was killed in a mass stabbing incident at a birthday party in Boise. My heart starts breaking and I need to quickly move on and numb myself by looking at some asinine meme online to get a quick laugh and forget.

Regardless of your political affiliation, I think everyone can agree these feel like turbulent times in the world. When I see the latest headlines, I have developed a strong feeling of apathy that I feel has grown more recently. I used to get fired up about certain issues, felt passionately, etc., but more and more, I just can't get myself to care about certain things that are out of my control.

So how do you cope? I know I'm not the only one that gets affected by tragic headlines, but when you see something like that, how do you handle it?
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And then there are the words of wisdom  
Jay in Toronto : 7/3/2018 1:29 pm : link
imparted by non-other than Dr Ruth.


Coping with troubling news - ( New Window )
You won't find it in the headlines  
SeanLandeta : 7/3/2018 1:31 pm : link
but there are exponentially more good people and happenings in the world than there are bad. The times may seem horrible, but just think about history for a moment and you'll realize that there has almost always been great turbulence in any era - sometimes seemingly more than today - sometimes seemingly less. We are biased toward the present though and typically overinflate the current issues.

Keeping the above in mind along with my heaps of Faith mean that there is very little coping I need to do...even when there are very direct "tragedies" in my own life.
Don't watch tv  
chiro56 : 7/3/2018 1:36 pm : link
Except sports. Most of what your told really is not "news".local tragedy is programmed fear. Your being read to from a script. Walk away.
Unfortunately, in today’s society,  
Simms11 : 7/3/2018 1:39 pm : link
we have access to news at a blink of an eye. Additionally, we also see far more incidents and news from around the world too. It’s very easy to get caught up in it all. I’ve learned over the years that you can’t worry about things you can’t control. Obviously, the more significant the event the greater the coverage as well. News is depressing. When was the last time you really heard good news reported?! I do sympathize with families, but I don’t let it control my life either.
Don't focus on the negative  
Eli Wilson : 7/3/2018 1:44 pm : link
A pastor I listen to has a real good message about not focusing on the negative. It doesn't mean you bury your head in the sand, but choose to spend your mental energy focused on the good in your life.

Same goes with raising kids. My son has several "issues" at the moment, that if I focused on, would have me extremely pissed or upset. I choose to focus on the fact that he is a good kid, has a good heart and I enjoy spending time with him. It doesn't mean I don't try to correct the bad things, but I don't focus on the bad things.
grown numb to the world and humans  
micky : 7/3/2018 1:51 pm : link
none these days are good. As you can see every day in the headlines..new world

just stay numb to it and look into your own self and being. thats how to cope. not like old times

a lot cold sick heartless humans now
...  
Motley Two : 7/3/2018 1:57 pm : link
Faith in God and  
MadMax : 7/3/2018 2:03 pm : link
adhering to Biblical principles.
This stuff does not even bother me...  
EricJ : 7/3/2018 2:05 pm : link
and I have two kids. I suppose I have seen too much and lived through too much to let the horrible things described in the opening post get to me.
also if you are really struggling  
oghwga : 7/3/2018 2:14 pm : link
it could be the onset of depression or a depressive episode. If you can't "shake it off" easily then think about seeking outside help.
RE: also if you are really struggling  
tbonfig : 7/3/2018 2:19 pm : link
In comment 14005732 oghwga said:
Quote:
it could be the onset of depression or a depressive episode. If you can't "shake it off" easily then think about seeking outside help.


This is a great message as well. Not applicable to me, I can move on from things, but I just find it affecting me differently than when I was in my 20s.
I cope by counting my blessings...  
Dan in the Springs : 7/3/2018 2:24 pm : link
things I am thankful for. Gratitude is an underappreciated value in our society, and being actively grateful can do a lot to help you cope. By this I mean consistently spending a portion of your time focusing on the things you are grateful for.
Life is too short to worry about things that you cannot control...  
EricJ : 7/3/2018 2:31 pm : link
things that happen to strangers and even politics. People spending hours per day getting all worked up over something they can choose to ignore. Enjoy your life while you can...
Honestly, I don't have the emotional reaction you're describing  
adamg : 7/3/2018 2:33 pm : link
Maybe it's because I'm still in my 20s. But I think generationally, things have changed to where younger people are more inured to tragedy. Looking at the news and seeing young kids describing how they aren't surprised to be victims of a school shooting is shocking to me in a sense and yet expected in a way. News travels fast and bad news travels faster. We seem to live in an age of continuous suffering. There's always a place you can look and see that has it much worse off than you do and you can see that 'worse off' in great detail.

In some ways, I wish I had more compassion, in others, maybe that's just untenable with the sheer quantity of shit that's out there. I don't know. It might be an odd way of looking at it, but I think it's a good thing that you can feel so much empathy for these people you don't know. Despite your pain, I think you're in a good place.
There are  
Pascal4554 : 7/3/2018 2:34 pm : link
times when I have cut back on my media consumption the past couple of years. Too much negative news. For me exercise and meditation have both been beneficial, but it is an ongoing process. I don't have all the answers.

One coach I had years ago told me that "everything in moderation" was the key to life. I thought he was just being a wimpy old guy at the time. His advice is starting to seem incredibly wise though over the years.

I think we should try to do what we can to help for the causes that are important to us. Try to stay centered. Don't think we should pretend that bad stuff doesn't happen, but at the same time not be completely consumed by all the negative news and bad stuff to the point of paralysis. So yeah... balance and moderation, acceptance of what you can and cannot control, meditation and or exercise, prioritize what is important to you... That is all I got.
I stopped listening to cable news  
gtt350 : 7/3/2018 2:37 pm : link
who needs the aggrevation and frustration from these spewing bobblehead idiots.
I read the paper and that's about it
live your life and do the things you enjoy
RE: RE: also if you are really struggling  
mrvax : 7/3/2018 2:39 pm : link
In comment 14005736 tbonfig said:
Quote:
In comment 14005732 oghwga said:


Quote:


it could be the onset of depression or a depressive episode. If you can't "shake it off" easily then think about seeking outside help.



This is a great message as well. Not applicable to me, I can move on from things, but I just find it affecting me differently than when I was in my 20s.


Pretty sure that most people, as they mature develop more empathy for others.
Very easily.  
Dave in Hoboken : 7/3/2018 2:49 pm : link
I've never been a big news watcher, and I watch even less of it now; as in none. I also very easily ignore news type stuff on the internet, as well. Just don't click on it. And if you somehow do see it when you're online, just x out of it, and move on. Having hobbies and different things you're interested in make it very easy for me to completely avoid the news and any news outlet whether it be on TV or the internet. That doesn't even take into consideration having a family to take care of and friends. So, it's not even an issue for me. I don't even have time for the news even if I wanted to watch it. It means pretty much nothing to me.
Stop watching the news if it bothers you that much  
giant24 : 7/3/2018 3:35 pm : link
Remember if it "bleeds it leads" and with the 24/7 news cycle we are bombarded everyday with bad news, news 20 years ago you would never have heard and it would never have affected you.

Also not to get too political, the main stream media needs to make it seem like the world is going to come to an end when the opposite party they like is in power. This is especially true with mid term elections coming up.

We are living in the safest, most technologically advanced era where our standard of living is higher than kings were in past centuries. Stop letting the negative news negatively influence you.
I agree with this  
Mark from Jersey : 7/3/2018 3:54 pm : link
Quote:
I seem to have a more difficult time shaking the bad news that I come across, particularly when it involves children.


Ever since I had a child I feel this way.
RE: Stop watching the news if it bothers you that much  
mrvax : 7/3/2018 3:55 pm : link
In comment 14005825 giant24 said:
Quote:
Remember if it "bleeds it leads" and with the 24/7 news cycle we are bombarded everyday with bad news, news 20 years ago you would never have heard and it would never have affected you.

Also not to get too political, the main stream media needs to make it seem like the world is going to come to an end when the opposite party they like is in power. This is especially true with mid term elections coming up.

We are living in the safest, most technologically advanced era where our standard of living is higher than kings were in past centuries. Stop letting the negative news negatively influence you.



Good points. One question I've had is 'are more people committing serious crimes than ever before?' or is it that criminal investigation has gotten so much better over time? I suspect it's the latter with computer programs, databases, DNA, cameras, etc.
RE: RE: Stop watching the news if it bothers you that much  
EricJ : 7/3/2018 4:08 pm : link
In comment 14005853 mrvax said:
Quote:
One question I've had is 'are more people committing serious crimes than ever before?' or is it that criminal investigation has gotten so much better over time? I suspect it's the latter with computer programs, databases, DNA, cameras, etc.


I think you have two things going on...
1. More people exist today (than before) who suck and who do not value human life.
2 Whenever someone shits in the wrong place we know about it. Rewind a few decades and if the incident did not make it to YOUR local newspaper, then you did not know it even happened.

Just think about that for a minute, your daily news was whatever could fit in the confines of a few pages of newspaper OR what could be reported in a 30 minute news session. Versus today when the volumes and avenues are endless.
RE: Stop watching the news if it bothers you that much  
mrvax : 7/3/2018 4:22 pm : link
In comment 14005871 EricJ said:
Quote:

1. More people exist today (than before) who suck and who do not value human life.


What could explain this? De-sensitization? Declining morals? Drugs? More stressful society? Interesting topic.
Meditation , exercise, cigs, jerking it etc  
DennyInDenville : 7/3/2018 4:29 pm : link
But really, good weed. That's all I need in addition to the basics, essentials and all the things we take for granted at times

Life can be hard , smoke weed. It's one of gods gifts to man ya know..and one of the few things in life you can overdue and not really pay the costs on the body
How do I cope?  
Jim in Fairfax : 7/3/2018 5:00 pm : link
I don’t. Life sucks.
...  
christian : 7/3/2018 5:13 pm : link
Ignoring the world at large is sadly the goal for other nefarious actors. The key is to be informed on a number of issues by a number of sources. There are great actions by great people everyday -- be inspired by that. There are terrible actions by terrible people everyday -- be cautioned by that. There are tragic outcomes by forces no one can control everyday -- be humbled by that.

Live your life by your principles, control what you can, concede what you cannot. It's a complicated universe and complicated world. But on its best days somehow it's amazing. And that is worth it.
...  
T in NJ : 7/3/2018 5:18 pm : link
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
RE: ...  
DennyInDenville : 7/3/2018 5:20 pm : link
In comment 14005949 christian said:
Quote:
Ignoring the world at large is sadly the goal for other nefarious actors. The key is to be informed on a number of issues by a number of sources. There are great actions by great people everyday -- be inspired by that. There are terrible actions by terrible people everyday -- be cautioned by that. There are tragic outcomes by forces no one can control everyday -- be humbled by that.

Live your life by your principles, control what you can, concede what you cannot. It's a complicated universe and complicated world. But on its best days somehow it's amazing. And that is worth it.

Beautiful.
RE: ...  
Jay in Toronto : 7/3/2018 5:20 pm : link
In comment 14005952 T in NJ said:
Quote:
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.


Let's hear it for courage!!!
Cause it's a bittersweet symphony this life.  
jcp56 : 7/3/2018 5:45 pm : link
Trying to make ends meet, trying to find some money then you die.

News and the internet are big time sucks. "Click bait" works because it plays on your emotions. I try to focus on "actionable" information. Is the information useful? Are you going to act on it and make a better decision because of it? If not, unplug and read a book, or watch a series, or better yet, CREATE something instead of being a consumer. PARTICIPATE in sports instead of being a spectator. Life is better if we play some time away from screens (including smart phones).
Looks like most here  
Jay in Toronto : 7/3/2018 5:48 pm : link
feel this is the problem.


From today's New Yorker web site - ( New Window )
Caption didn't link over  
Jay in Toronto : 7/3/2018 5:49 pm : link


"“Here’s your problem—it looks like you’re paying attention to what’s going on.”"
I use one of these...  
Ryan : 7/3/2018 7:01 pm : link
...on my jigsaw. Pretty easy once you get used to it.

Coping Foot
Weed...  
Chris in Philly : 7/3/2018 8:15 pm : link
.
The ability to empathize  
steve in ky : 7/3/2018 8:42 pm : link
with others is a good quality for a person to have but taking it beyond that so that general sad news about strangers affects you to where you have trouble coping with it is not healthy IMO.
The murder rate is actually hugely down from 30 years ago  
Vanzetti : 7/3/2018 10:33 pm : link
So the US and particularly NYC is way, way safer than it was in the past. I remember when I was growing up in the 80s kids were constantly being killed as collateral damage in gang shootouts.

But that was mostly in “bad” neighborhoods, which you could avoid unles you were poor and had to live there. These recent school shootings are in the suburbs and often in relatively affluent areas. So, it seems shocking to people who were insulated from violence in the past. Even MS-13 coming to Brentwood and Huntington. Those used to be just middle class suburbs. Now they are gang ridden. But it’s not like there were not gangs in the past. They were just in the city. As gentrification pushes people out, the violence is coming to formerly safe neighborhoods.

Bed Stuy used to be a byword for out of control violence. Now its filled with cafes and millennials on skateboards. So compare Bed Stuy then and now, and its Disney compared to what it used to be. So really we are not living in a more violent world: terrorism, school shootings and social media just make it seem that way.

So the way to cope  
Vanzetti : 7/3/2018 10:39 pm : link
Is to be rational, look at facts and try not to give into emotion and fear. Easier said than done obviously. But the chances of your child getting injured in a school shooting are minuscule. Much more likely that they will be hit by a driver who is texting.
"a three year old girl was killed in a mass stabbing incident"  
short lease : 7/4/2018 5:05 am : link

I doubt the headline had anything to do with Politics .... but, I know what you are saying.

I am not sure how old you are but, I would bet people who were old enough to know better probably thought the 60's
(starting with Kennedy's assignation in '63 - to about '69 certainly after the year 1968) was the end of this country.

And then, every one (WARNING - broad brush stroke coming ...) .... started to smoke a little pot, started practicing
Eastern philosophy religions, and moved out into the country to live on a farm and doing yoga.

Was it Einstein who said - "For every action in the universe the is an equal and opposite reaction".

I am not sure if the current period we are going through right now is a "equal an opposite reaction" from a previous period ...
or this period is a setup for an equal an opposite reaction to come (OR BOTH?) .... I see a period like the 70's coming up soon enough though.
Everything is going to get mellow and it will affect everything - music, literature, and cinema ..... is my guess.

I can't remember another time in this country since the 60's that this country seems so divided - the Football season cannot get here soon enough.

(I don't know).
I do think Joey's take is the way to go  
gidiefor : Mod : 7/4/2018 7:58 am : link
I am so grateful for my loving family, for a great circle of friends, for good food and good wine and for my beautiful home surrounded by the great landscape of the Rondout Valley - that is the center of my Universe.
In 1994 my two boys were 4 and 1  
Earl the goat : 7/4/2018 8:13 am : link
In October of that year there were the Susan Smith murders when she drowned her two boys
The youngest boy looked just liked my youngest son at the time and they were the same ages
I cried for days about this senseless tragedy
Couldn’t go to work and couldn’t cope with it
Finally I spoke to my rabbi Not that he could make sense about the tragedy but he steered me in the right direction

Everybody copes and handles things in their own way
The Giants and BBI help me cope, although lately the Giants have  
Marty in Albany : 7/4/2018 10:58 am : link
been falling down on the job.
Watching too much  
Rick5 : 7/4/2018 1:26 pm : link
of that stuff can lead to a distorted perspective. I guess I am always cognizant of the fact that for every "bad" story there are far more examples of people going through day-to-day life with nothing bad happening. That's the norm.
Agree with Greg  
Moondawg : 7/4/2018 2:30 pm : link
I try not to listen anymore to those stories. They hurt too much one I had kids.

One need not be plugged in to everything all the time (as Rick says right above). I'm a fan of Lao Tzu; for him an important part of life is "emptying our minds and filling our bellies". Social media, etc, and constant news tends to fill the mind, but with what?

And it's not hiding from things to ignore constant bad news. We all know that we will die soon and so will everyone we love. Human life is largely suffering. Not new info.
Ah  
ThatLimerickGuy : 7/4/2018 9:10 pm : link
Mods are deleting comments today I see. Carry on. The usual suspects continue to operate with impunity. Tough guys want to pile on a guy going through an obvious rough time for posting this thread and then run to the mods when their douchery is called out. As my cousin Vinny says..."Big f'in surprise."
I'm late to this thread  
Bill in UT : 7/4/2018 9:25 pm : link
and haven't read all the the posts. I would only say in general that there are evil people in this world and we can never prevent all of them from doing bad things, no matter what laws we have. And that public policy should never be legislated out of emotion. Anyone looking for Utopia is destined to a life of disappointment or madness.
Or as the saying goes  
Bill in UT : 7/4/2018 9:27 pm : link
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. ~ Reinhold Niebuhr .
RE: Ah  
Earl the goat : 7/4/2018 11:15 pm : link
In comment 14006649 ThatLimerickGuy said:
Quote:
Mods are deleting comments today I see. Carry on. The usual suspects continue to operate with impunity. Tough guys want to pile on a guy going through an obvious rough time for posting this thread and then run to the mods when their douchery is called out. As my cousin Vinny says..."Big f'in surprise."


You got to be referring to FMIC
Things haven't changed  
Csonka : 7/5/2018 9:47 am : link
There are bad things happening to people every second of the day all over the world. And there always, ALWAYS, have been.

The fact that you may have access to more bad stories via TV and internet doesn't mean they weren't there before. Maybe you were blissfully ignorant.

This will sound cold but if you're such a bleeding heart that every non-related tragedy in the world upsets you, you need to re-evaluate or you'll be miserable all the time.

Showing compassion is great ... save it for those you know.
RE: Ah  
tbonfig : 7/5/2018 10:40 am : link
In comment 14006649 ThatLimerickGuy said:
Quote:
Mods are deleting comments today I see. Carry on. The usual suspects continue to operate with impunity. Tough guys want to pile on a guy going through an obvious rough time for posting this thread and then run to the mods when their douchery is called out. As my cousin Vinny says..."Big f'in surprise."


Ha - really? What did I miss other than FMiC's initial post early on? Honestly, I wasn't offended by it, but it did some off a little aggressive for an internet post. Then again, tone is difficult to perceive when typing, so who knows what was intended.

Were there more?
RE: RE: Ah  
ThatLimerickGuy : 7/5/2018 1:55 pm : link
In comment 14006683 Earl the goat said:
Quote:
In comment 14006649 ThatLimerickGuy said:


Quote:


Mods are deleting comments today I see. Carry on. The usual suspects continue to operate with impunity. Tough guys want to pile on a guy going through an obvious rough time for posting this thread and then run to the mods when their douchery is called out. As my cousin Vinny says..."Big f'in surprise."



You got to be referring to FMIC


No comment.
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