Note the NFT.
Throughout the years I've started to ask myself this question more and more. I am the father of two little girls. I think being a parent changes your perspective on most things. I have found that as I have gotten older, I seem to have a more difficult time shaking the bad news that I come across, particularly when it involves children. For example, this morning I saw a headline that a three year old girl was killed in a mass stabbing incident at a birthday party in Boise. My heart starts breaking and I need to quickly move on and numb myself by looking at some asinine meme online to get a quick laugh and forget.
Regardless of your political affiliation, I think everyone can agree these feel like turbulent times in the world. When I see the latest headlines, I have developed a strong feeling of apathy that I feel has grown more recently. I used to get fired up about certain issues, felt passionately, etc., but more and more, I just can't get myself to care about certain things that are out of my control.
So how do you cope? I know I'm not the only one that gets affected by tragic headlines, but when you see something like that, how do you handle it?
FMiC. How do these things affect you? I'm not saying that I lock myself in the room and won't leave for days, but this shit stays with me for a while and really messes me up thinking about the tragic and evil things out there.
How do you handle it? Just read it and move on? If it doesn't bother you, any insight as to why? Do you not weight the gravity of what people go through?
I hug my kids every day (even the 16 year olds), show them as much love as I can while still being a parent not a friend, and try my best to instill values in them to make them good people and ideally provide for them a better life than I had.
(and to be honest I make mistakes as a parent all the time)
People can only control what they can control (maybe cliched, but true).
I hug my kids every day (even the 16 year olds), show them as much love as I can while still being a parent not a friend, and try my best to instill values in them to make them good people and ideally provide for them a better life than I had.
(and to be honest I make mistakes as a parent all the time)
People can only control what they can control (maybe cliched, but true).
Thanks pj - nice to see you responding. I do the same things with my girls. Really makes those nights where they wake you up much easier to deal with.
People generally delve into a good TV series or movies to avoid the horrid reality that we live in.
I would have died before letting that madman hurt that 3 year old, who's having her birthday party. WTF
GT
Funny, I started getting more into looking at photos of outer space and the Milky Way and things like that to try to keep things into perspective. I agree that it helps minimize some of the impact when you try and think how inconsequential all of this in the end.
I've recently gotten into fishing and enjoy doing that on Saturday mornings with my son. Its nice to disconnect from all the bullshit that gets shoved down our throats (especially on social media) and just enjoy some peace and quiet outside. Always makes me feel better.
Maybe fishing isn't your thing, but just find something to do that doesn't involve television or Facebook.
The other factor is I don’t read, watch, or listen to the news. Outside of some Francesca I don’t listen to anything. Maybe I’m less informed because of it, but I’d argue my quality of life has increased since I stopped following all the garbage.
It is tough enough with my own kids. My daughter just went to Disney with 3 friends. Drove from Charlotte. I kept texting asking how things are going, but I can't just be a nervous wreck the entire time. The alternative is to not let my kids live their lives.
Bad things can happen, and when they do - to my kids, I'll worry about it then. I don't have the time, energy or even care to worry about things I have no power over.
And I'll say this - part of the issue we have as a society today is people reading headlines and having severe reactions. It leads to a lot of hyper-exaggeration and knee-jerk responses based on nothing other than a report. Absolutely ridiculous.
I've recently gotten into fishing and enjoy doing that on Saturday mornings with my son. Its nice to disconnect from all the bullshit that gets shoved down our throats (especially on social media) and just enjoy some peace and quiet outside. Always makes me feel better.
Maybe fishing isn't your thing, but just find something to do that doesn't involve television or Facebook.
Yep I don't use Facebook (all BS), Twitter, or Instagram that youngsters are all into.
I hug my kids every day (even the 16 year olds), show them as much love as I can while still being a parent not a friend, and try my best to instill values in them to make them good people and ideally provide for them a better life than I had.
(and to be honest I make mistakes as a parent all the time)
People can only control what they can control (maybe cliched, but true).
pj, this is a great post. My boys are only 1 and 3 and I definitely look at the world differently now than I did say 5 or 6 years ago. I want to make sure I teach my sons value and provide for them the best that I can. That is really the only thing we can control. I do not envy parents with older children who start asking questions about what they see on the news. For now, I will enjoy the Thomas the Train episodes and Monster Jam re-runs we have on DVR.
Link - ( New Window )
Agree about this part. Social media is a huge driver behind this as well due to anonymous mob mentality.
Steve Pinker has been saying that for awhile, and yet overdose deaths are at all-time highs, increasing percentages of respondents are incredibly pessimistic about the future, and people rely on therapy and psychotropic drugs to combat a lack of perceived meaning in life.
People spend so much time buried in their phones scrolling endlessly through newsfeeds of other people's lives and ventures, etc. Sometimes you just need to forget about all of that and worry about nothing other than what's in front of you and what you're directly responsible for.
When bad shit happens though, notice how many more people are rallying together, attending vigils & doing good things. There are a lot.
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Gates just recently made some compelling arguments that the human condition has never been better, and continues to improve. Link - ( New Window )
Steve Pinker has been saying that for awhile, and yet overdose deaths are at all-time highs, increasing percentages of respondents are incredibly pessimistic about the future, and people rely on therapy and psychotropic drugs to combat a lack of perceived meaning in life.
There have been studies that show that negative news travels faster and farther in our increasingly connected world. That type of echo chamber has to be making our mental state worse than it should be.
I wish I had a son so I can do some fun boy stuff with him. Instead I get dancing and annoying pop music played in my house every day (Demi Lovato)
I wish I had a son so I can do some fun boy stuff with him. Instead I get dancing and annoying pop music played in my house every day (Demi Lovato)
If there was ever a question about which troll this could possibly be, I think we have an answer.
The only difference is we see all the awful shit reported immediately via the instant news cycle.
Watch less news. Spend less time on the internet and social media. Enjoy time with family and friends more. Exercise, get outside and enjoy nature. Call an old friend you haven’t talked to in a while. Try a new hobby or activity for the first time. Write a gratitude list. Smile and be nice to a stranger for no reason. Do something good even if you’re not going to get “caught”.
And for fucks sake stop whining about how miserable the state of affairs is on Facebook or wherever.
Or, continue to let all the negative news get you down, if you see fit. After all, our free will to make these choices in our lives is the single best thing about the human condition.
When bad shit happens though, notice how many more people are rallying together, attending vigils & doing good things. There are a lot.
This.
I do not understand anyone who watches talking head shows on cable news, any cable news channel. Absolute nonsense, there’s no way main lining that crap is good for anyone but millions watch. My suggestion is to just opt out entirely.
Frankly that goes for talking head sports debate shows too but that’s not really in focus here.
I have tried to deliberately really scale down my TV time. I only turn it on a few days a week now and 90% of those times is to watch live sports.
My entire adult life I was separated for 1/2 the year from my family, so I built a wall and isolated my feelings. I didn't cry or mourn the death of my parents or sister - just acknowledged it and moved on. I sometimes wonder if I have become cold hearted.
If you dwell on the misery in the world, you will become paralyzed and be unable to function. Acknowledge the evil and don't dwell on it, don't empathize with it, don't embrace it, move on. Horrible things happen thousands of times each day; refugees, sex trafficking, droughts and starvation.
Acknowledge the evil, celebrate the good. The Thai kids will be going home. The Chilean miners came home. The good of the world banded together to make these happen.
There is one other way I cope. When Newtown CT happened, it affected me deeply. I became a gun safety advocate and I've been actively fighting that battle ever since.
UES - mind some cliff notes on this?
I think my NOT having a Twitter or Facebook account helps me keep some perspective. And it makes it easier to remember that a horrible stabbing of multiple kids at a birthday party is not happening on every other block across the country. Fortunately it's an extremely rare event.
Agree completely with this. Nature in general has the same impact on me - the ocean doesn't care about politics, conflict, violence, etc. Native Americans seem to have an understanding of these things - I've gained a real appreciation in recent years of their wisdom.
I try to get involved in my community on issues that I believe are leading to the greatest social ills. More and more than means political involvement in elections etc.
I was sickened by what happened in Annapolis -- protecting journalists and a free press (regardless of the source of intimidation) has risen high on my agenda. NGOs devoted to these issues have moved up higher in my charitable giving.
Last Saturday I demonstrated outside the US Consulate voicing my concern on the border children-separation issue.
I think also focusing on what is good in your life is critical. For the last 34+ years my alarm (used to be my watch, now smartphone) rings at 10:01 which is the time my amazing daughter was born. No matter what crap might be going on, I am reminded how incredibly fortunate I am to have her in my life.
How do I cope? I stay busy. I have a great career in which I'm fully engaged, take care of the kids and ensure they are busy with regular activities/birthday parties, keep the spark in my marriage going by ensuring my wife and I have date nights, taking care of my physical health by eating well, exercising and sleeping, taking care of my spiritual side by volunteering, meditating, practicing yoga and parktaking in services during Jewish holidays, have a house that is in constant need of repair or maintenance, looking after my aging and increasingly infirm parents and ensure I keep my core friendships strong while developing new friends (especially with parents of our kids). I scan the newspaper headlines in the morning, but at night, I read lighter books or biographies , so I'm not at risk of losing sleep.
In short, I live my life.
Coping with troubling news - ( New Window )
Keeping the above in mind along with my heaps of Faith mean that there is very little coping I need to do...even when there are very direct "tragedies" in my own life.
Same goes with raising kids. My son has several "issues" at the moment, that if I focused on, would have me extremely pissed or upset. I choose to focus on the fact that he is a good kid, has a good heart and I enjoy spending time with him. It doesn't mean I don't try to correct the bad things, but I don't focus on the bad things.
just stay numb to it and look into your own self and being. thats how to cope. not like old times
a lot cold sick heartless humans now
This is a great message as well. Not applicable to me, I can move on from things, but I just find it affecting me differently than when I was in my 20s.
In some ways, I wish I had more compassion, in others, maybe that's just untenable with the sheer quantity of shit that's out there. I don't know. It might be an odd way of looking at it, but I think it's a good thing that you can feel so much empathy for these people you don't know. Despite your pain, I think you're in a good place.
One coach I had years ago told me that "everything in moderation" was the key to life. I thought he was just being a wimpy old guy at the time. His advice is starting to seem incredibly wise though over the years.
I think we should try to do what we can to help for the causes that are important to us. Try to stay centered. Don't think we should pretend that bad stuff doesn't happen, but at the same time not be completely consumed by all the negative news and bad stuff to the point of paralysis. So yeah... balance and moderation, acceptance of what you can and cannot control, meditation and or exercise, prioritize what is important to you... That is all I got.
I read the paper and that's about it
live your life and do the things you enjoy
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it could be the onset of depression or a depressive episode. If you can't "shake it off" easily then think about seeking outside help.
This is a great message as well. Not applicable to me, I can move on from things, but I just find it affecting me differently than when I was in my 20s.
Pretty sure that most people, as they mature develop more empathy for others.
Also not to get too political, the main stream media needs to make it seem like the world is going to come to an end when the opposite party they like is in power. This is especially true with mid term elections coming up.
We are living in the safest, most technologically advanced era where our standard of living is higher than kings were in past centuries. Stop letting the negative news negatively influence you.
Ever since I had a child I feel this way.
Also not to get too political, the main stream media needs to make it seem like the world is going to come to an end when the opposite party they like is in power. This is especially true with mid term elections coming up.
We are living in the safest, most technologically advanced era where our standard of living is higher than kings were in past centuries. Stop letting the negative news negatively influence you.
Good points. One question I've had is 'are more people committing serious crimes than ever before?' or is it that criminal investigation has gotten so much better over time? I suspect it's the latter with computer programs, databases, DNA, cameras, etc.
I think you have two things going on...
1. More people exist today (than before) who suck and who do not value human life.
2 Whenever someone shits in the wrong place we know about it. Rewind a few decades and if the incident did not make it to YOUR local newspaper, then you did not know it even happened.
Just think about that for a minute, your daily news was whatever could fit in the confines of a few pages of newspaper OR what could be reported in a 30 minute news session. Versus today when the volumes and avenues are endless.
1. More people exist today (than before) who suck and who do not value human life.
What could explain this? De-sensitization? Declining morals? Drugs? More stressful society? Interesting topic.
Life can be hard , smoke weed. It's one of gods gifts to man ya know..and one of the few things in life you can overdue and not really pay the costs on the body
Live your life by your principles, control what you can, concede what you cannot. It's a complicated universe and complicated world. But on its best days somehow it's amazing. And that is worth it.
Live your life by your principles, control what you can, concede what you cannot. It's a complicated universe and complicated world. But on its best days somehow it's amazing. And that is worth it.
Beautiful.
Let's hear it for courage!!!
News and the internet are big time sucks. "Click bait" works because it plays on your emotions. I try to focus on "actionable" information. Is the information useful? Are you going to act on it and make a better decision because of it? If not, unplug and read a book, or watch a series, or better yet, CREATE something instead of being a consumer. PARTICIPATE in sports instead of being a spectator. Life is better if we play some time away from screens (including smart phones).
From today's New Yorker web site - ( New Window )
"“Here’s your problem—it looks like you’re paying attention to what’s going on.”"
Coping Foot
But that was mostly in “bad” neighborhoods, which you could avoid unles you were poor and had to live there. These recent school shootings are in the suburbs and often in relatively affluent areas. So, it seems shocking to people who were insulated from violence in the past. Even MS-13 coming to Brentwood and Huntington. Those used to be just middle class suburbs. Now they are gang ridden. But it’s not like there were not gangs in the past. They were just in the city. As gentrification pushes people out, the violence is coming to formerly safe neighborhoods.
Bed Stuy used to be a byword for out of control violence. Now its filled with cafes and millennials on skateboards. So compare Bed Stuy then and now, and its Disney compared to what it used to be. So really we are not living in a more violent world: terrorism, school shootings and social media just make it seem that way.
I doubt the headline had anything to do with Politics .... but, I know what you are saying.
I am not sure how old you are but, I would bet people who were old enough to know better probably thought the 60's
(starting with Kennedy's assignation in '63 - to about '69 certainly after the year 1968) was the end of this country.
And then, every one (WARNING - broad brush stroke coming ...) .... started to smoke a little pot, started practicing
Eastern philosophy religions, and moved out into the country to live on a farm and doing yoga.
Was it Einstein who said - "For every action in the universe the is an equal and opposite reaction".
I am not sure if the current period we are going through right now is a "equal an opposite reaction" from a previous period ...
or this period is a setup for an equal an opposite reaction to come (OR BOTH?) .... I see a period like the 70's coming up soon enough though.
Everything is going to get mellow and it will affect everything - music, literature, and cinema ..... is my guess.
I can't remember another time in this country since the 60's that this country seems so divided - the Football season cannot get here soon enough.
(I don't know).
The youngest boy looked just liked my youngest son at the time and they were the same ages
I cried for days about this senseless tragedy
Couldn’t go to work and couldn’t cope with it
Finally I spoke to my rabbi Not that he could make sense about the tragedy but he steered me in the right direction
Everybody copes and handles things in their own way
One need not be plugged in to everything all the time (as Rick says right above). I'm a fan of Lao Tzu; for him an important part of life is "emptying our minds and filling our bellies". Social media, etc, and constant news tends to fill the mind, but with what?
And it's not hiding from things to ignore constant bad news. We all know that we will die soon and so will everyone we love. Human life is largely suffering. Not new info.
You got to be referring to FMIC
The fact that you may have access to more bad stories via TV and internet doesn't mean they weren't there before. Maybe you were blissfully ignorant.
This will sound cold but if you're such a bleeding heart that every non-related tragedy in the world upsets you, you need to re-evaluate or you'll be miserable all the time.
Showing compassion is great ... save it for those you know.
Ha - really? What did I miss other than FMiC's initial post early on? Honestly, I wasn't offended by it, but it did some off a little aggressive for an internet post. Then again, tone is difficult to perceive when typing, so who knows what was intended.
Were there more?
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Mods are deleting comments today I see. Carry on. The usual suspects continue to operate with impunity. Tough guys want to pile on a guy going through an obvious rough time for posting this thread and then run to the mods when their douchery is called out. As my cousin Vinny says..."Big f'in surprise."
You got to be referring to FMIC
No comment.