Note the NFT.
Throughout the years I've started to ask myself this question more and more. I am the father of two little girls. I think being a parent changes your perspective on most things. I have found that as I have gotten older, I seem to have a more difficult time shaking the bad news that I come across, particularly when it involves children. For example, this morning I saw a headline that a three year old girl was killed in a mass stabbing incident at a birthday party in Boise. My heart starts breaking and I need to quickly move on and numb myself by looking at some asinine meme online to get a quick laugh and forget.
Regardless of your political affiliation, I think everyone can agree these feel like turbulent times in the world. When I see the latest headlines, I have developed a strong feeling of apathy that I feel has grown more recently. I used to get fired up about certain issues, felt passionately, etc., but more and more, I just can't get myself to care about certain things that are out of my control.
So how do you cope? I know I'm not the only one that gets affected by tragic headlines, but when you see something like that, how do you handle it?
FMiC. How do these things affect you? I'm not saying that I lock myself in the room and won't leave for days, but this shit stays with me for a while and really messes me up thinking about the tragic and evil things out there.
How do you handle it? Just read it and move on? If it doesn't bother you, any insight as to why? Do you not weight the gravity of what people go through?
I hug my kids every day (even the 16 year olds), show them as much love as I can while still being a parent not a friend, and try my best to instill values in them to make them good people and ideally provide for them a better life than I had.
(and to be honest I make mistakes as a parent all the time)
People can only control what they can control (maybe cliched, but true).
I hug my kids every day (even the 16 year olds), show them as much love as I can while still being a parent not a friend, and try my best to instill values in them to make them good people and ideally provide for them a better life than I had.
(and to be honest I make mistakes as a parent all the time)
People can only control what they can control (maybe cliched, but true).
Thanks pj - nice to see you responding. I do the same things with my girls. Really makes those nights where they wake you up much easier to deal with.
People generally delve into a good TV series or movies to avoid the horrid reality that we live in.
I would have died before letting that madman hurt that 3 year old, who's having her birthday party. WTF
GT
Funny, I started getting more into looking at photos of outer space and the Milky Way and things like that to try to keep things into perspective. I agree that it helps minimize some of the impact when you try and think how inconsequential all of this in the end.
I've recently gotten into fishing and enjoy doing that on Saturday mornings with my son. Its nice to disconnect from all the bullshit that gets shoved down our throats (especially on social media) and just enjoy some peace and quiet outside. Always makes me feel better.
Maybe fishing isn't your thing, but just find something to do that doesn't involve television or Facebook.
The other factor is I don’t read, watch, or listen to the news. Outside of some Francesca I don’t listen to anything. Maybe I’m less informed because of it, but I’d argue my quality of life has increased since I stopped following all the garbage.
It is tough enough with my own kids. My daughter just went to Disney with 3 friends. Drove from Charlotte. I kept texting asking how things are going, but I can't just be a nervous wreck the entire time. The alternative is to not let my kids live their lives.
Bad things can happen, and when they do - to my kids, I'll worry about it then. I don't have the time, energy or even care to worry about things I have no power over.
And I'll say this - part of the issue we have as a society today is people reading headlines and having severe reactions. It leads to a lot of hyper-exaggeration and knee-jerk responses based on nothing other than a report. Absolutely ridiculous.
I've recently gotten into fishing and enjoy doing that on Saturday mornings with my son. Its nice to disconnect from all the bullshit that gets shoved down our throats (especially on social media) and just enjoy some peace and quiet outside. Always makes me feel better.
Maybe fishing isn't your thing, but just find something to do that doesn't involve television or Facebook.
Yep I don't use Facebook (all BS), Twitter, or Instagram that youngsters are all into.
I hug my kids every day (even the 16 year olds), show them as much love as I can while still being a parent not a friend, and try my best to instill values in them to make them good people and ideally provide for them a better life than I had.
(and to be honest I make mistakes as a parent all the time)
People can only control what they can control (maybe cliched, but true).
pj, this is a great post. My boys are only 1 and 3 and I definitely look at the world differently now than I did say 5 or 6 years ago. I want to make sure I teach my sons value and provide for them the best that I can. That is really the only thing we can control. I do not envy parents with older children who start asking questions about what they see on the news. For now, I will enjoy the Thomas the Train episodes and Monster Jam re-runs we have on DVR.
Link - ( New Window )
Agree about this part. Social media is a huge driver behind this as well due to anonymous mob mentality.
Steve Pinker has been saying that for awhile, and yet overdose deaths are at all-time highs, increasing percentages of respondents are incredibly pessimistic about the future, and people rely on therapy and psychotropic drugs to combat a lack of perceived meaning in life.
People spend so much time buried in their phones scrolling endlessly through newsfeeds of other people's lives and ventures, etc. Sometimes you just need to forget about all of that and worry about nothing other than what's in front of you and what you're directly responsible for.
When bad shit happens though, notice how many more people are rallying together, attending vigils & doing good things. There are a lot.
Quote:
Gates just recently made some compelling arguments that the human condition has never been better, and continues to improve. Link - ( New Window )
Steve Pinker has been saying that for awhile, and yet overdose deaths are at all-time highs, increasing percentages of respondents are incredibly pessimistic about the future, and people rely on therapy and psychotropic drugs to combat a lack of perceived meaning in life.
There have been studies that show that negative news travels faster and farther in our increasingly connected world. That type of echo chamber has to be making our mental state worse than it should be.
I wish I had a son so I can do some fun boy stuff with him. Instead I get dancing and annoying pop music played in my house every day (Demi Lovato)
I wish I had a son so I can do some fun boy stuff with him. Instead I get dancing and annoying pop music played in my house every day (Demi Lovato)
If there was ever a question about which troll this could possibly be, I think we have an answer.
The only difference is we see all the awful shit reported immediately via the instant news cycle.
Watch less news. Spend less time on the internet and social media. Enjoy time with family and friends more. Exercise, get outside and enjoy nature. Call an old friend you haven’t talked to in a while. Try a new hobby or activity for the first time. Write a gratitude list. Smile and be nice to a stranger for no reason. Do something good even if you’re not going to get “caught”.
And for fucks sake stop whining about how miserable the state of affairs is on Facebook or wherever.
Or, continue to let all the negative news get you down, if you see fit. After all, our free will to make these choices in our lives is the single best thing about the human condition.
When bad shit happens though, notice how many more people are rallying together, attending vigils & doing good things. There are a lot.
This.
I do not understand anyone who watches talking head shows on cable news, any cable news channel. Absolute nonsense, there’s no way main lining that crap is good for anyone but millions watch. My suggestion is to just opt out entirely.
Frankly that goes for talking head sports debate shows too but that’s not really in focus here.
I have tried to deliberately really scale down my TV time. I only turn it on a few days a week now and 90% of those times is to watch live sports.
My entire adult life I was separated for 1/2 the year from my family, so I built a wall and isolated my feelings. I didn't cry or mourn the death of my parents or sister - just acknowledged it and moved on. I sometimes wonder if I have become cold hearted.
If you dwell on the misery in the world, you will become paralyzed and be unable to function. Acknowledge the evil and don't dwell on it, don't empathize with it, don't embrace it, move on. Horrible things happen thousands of times each day; refugees, sex trafficking, droughts and starvation.
Acknowledge the evil, celebrate the good. The Thai kids will be going home. The Chilean miners came home. The good of the world banded together to make these happen.
There is one other way I cope. When Newtown CT happened, it affected me deeply. I became a gun safety advocate and I've been actively fighting that battle ever since.
UES - mind some cliff notes on this?
I think my NOT having a Twitter or Facebook account helps me keep some perspective. And it makes it easier to remember that a horrible stabbing of multiple kids at a birthday party is not happening on every other block across the country. Fortunately it's an extremely rare event.
Agree completely with this. Nature in general has the same impact on me - the ocean doesn't care about politics, conflict, violence, etc. Native Americans seem to have an understanding of these things - I've gained a real appreciation in recent years of their wisdom.
I try to get involved in my community on issues that I believe are leading to the greatest social ills. More and more than means political involvement in elections etc.
I was sickened by what happened in Annapolis -- protecting journalists and a free press (regardless of the source of intimidation) has risen high on my agenda. NGOs devoted to these issues have moved up higher in my charitable giving.
Last Saturday I demonstrated outside the US Consulate voicing my concern on the border children-separation issue.
I think also focusing on what is good in your life is critical. For the last 34+ years my alarm (used to be my watch, now smartphone) rings at 10:01 which is the time my amazing daughter was born. No matter what crap might be going on, I am reminded how incredibly fortunate I am to have her in my life.
How do I cope? I stay busy. I have a great career in which I'm fully engaged, take care of the kids and ensure they are busy with regular activities/birthday parties, keep the spark in my marriage going by ensuring my wife and I have date nights, taking care of my physical health by eating well, exercising and sleeping, taking care of my spiritual side by volunteering, meditating, practicing yoga and parktaking in services during Jewish holidays, have a house that is in constant need of repair or maintenance, looking after my aging and increasingly infirm parents and ensure I keep my core friendships strong while developing new friends (especially with parents of our kids). I scan the newspaper headlines in the morning, but at night, I read lighter books or biographies , so I'm not at risk of losing sleep.
In short, I live my life.
Coping with troubling news - ( New Window )
Keeping the above in mind along with my heaps of Faith mean that there is very little coping I need to do...even when there are very direct "tragedies" in my own life.
Same goes with raising kids. My son has several "issues" at the moment, that if I focused on, would have me extremely pissed or upset. I choose to focus on the fact that he is a good kid, has a good heart and I enjoy spending time with him. It doesn't mean I don't try to correct the bad things, but I don't focus on the bad things.
just stay numb to it and look into your own self and being. thats how to cope. not like old times
a lot cold sick heartless humans now