NFT: Seeking feedback on parent social media issue

The parent contacting your son is way out of line.

and tell them to stop communicating with your child.

but I don't see where you can do much about it. Unless you want to force your son into something, like restricting his access, etc.

Weird situation

In comment 14016663 Rocky369 said:

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and tell them to stop communicating with your child.

Don't you think Eric's son is gonna freak out at that?

politely contact the other parent through social media and ask that they please stop contacting your son. If you can, save all correspondence already sent to him for your records.

but do it in a non confrontational way. Find out what the issue is, see if you can help and gently suggest she not contact your son directly. Hers is odd behavior to say the least but going off on her wont help the problem, and could exacerbate it further.

contacting your son is really freaking odd.

I'd tell her to knock it off.

Also, social media sucks.

But my parents would have went over to the persons house immediately. They wouldn't be trying to please me. Eric has to do what is right for his family and if he feels that is the right thing to do then he should do it. Kids aren't supposed to like everything their parents do. They have different values and outlooks on things. I think Eric was right to tell his son not to get involved. And if the other parent felt the need to drag his son into something she should have asked Eric or his wife first.

teenage drama?

That mom shouldn't be messaging a 15 year old kid. That's weird. But clearly she doesn't have normal boundaries since she's trying to talk to your son to fix her kid's friend drama.

I wouldn't confront the parent at this point unless the messaging continues or changes in nature. She's not gonna get that she's crossed the line so it's gonna be parent drama the minute you jump in. I'd make sure I'm ready for that drama and until the messaging gets weirder or more involved, it doesn't sound worth it.

Tell me why we're better for it, again?

via your son's account and ask for pics. Further advice will depend on whether she is hot or not.

in real terms explain what your fears and concerns are regarding the situation. Explaing why there is something creepy with the situation may not be easy but arm him with all the tools he needs to make the proper decision on how to handle the situation. Let him make the decision in how to proceed from a place where he will continue to keep you in tune to whats going on with the situation.

You need to look out for him but also prepare him to handle things like this on his own. By the time he hits college a situation like this would occur without you even having any idea the particulars or parties involved and he will be making similar decisions without any guidence.

That said monitor the situation and be ready to take over comand if needed. I truley hope this is a something that turns into one of those super proud dad moments when your kid does the right thing and you feel like he has acctually been hearing you his whole life.

DO it in person.

We all know how things get twisted or taken out of context, etc, when discussing issues in text format.

It's already sensitive, and the other parent is already triggered enough (and stupid enough) to think it's ok to 'meddle' in a teen relationship via social media.

Juggling nitroglycerin there!

If possible, face to face discussion, if not, phone call is still better.

of the mom, not to alarm you, but the song Stacy's Mom, just keeps playing in my head when I read this thread.


seriously, I don't know how out of line it is, at 15 the mom probably feels like if she sees your son she talks to him, so why not text him or message him on social media. that how kids act today.

I do think I'd say something to the parent that you think it's probably best that if she has something she'd like to address you prefer she does it through you and your wife not directly with your son on social media, but I don't think it's a major issue - unless it's a Stacey's Mom thing.

In comment 14016669 I Love Clams Casino said:

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In comment 14016663 Rocky369 said: Quote: and tell them to stop communicating with your child. Don't you think Eric's son is gonna freak out at that?

My kid, Eric's kid - I couldn't give two shits. Why are you sending private messages to a child? This is not Subway.

But you will only get more drama. Remember this is a woman meddling in teen girl drama.

In comment 14016723 larryflower37 said:

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But you will only get more drama. Remember this is a woman meddling in teen girl drama.

Yeah, the risk of contacting her is that you will escalate the drama. She may drag her husband into it. I think your son ignoring her is the best option though it is easier said than done. Tell him to hang tough and just don't respond.

In comment 14016727 bluepepper said:

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In comment 14016723 larryflower37 said: Quote: But you will only get more drama. Remember this is a woman meddling in teen girl drama. Yeah, the risk of contacting her is that you will escalate the drama. She may drag her husband into it. I think your son ignoring her is the best option though it is easier said than done. Tell him to hang tough and just don't respond.

This is probably the best advice.

If so, fist bump your boy and let him do his thang!!

If not, you have the right idea to tell them to stop. I would personally tell her to stop messaging your son as you don't think it's appropriate and makes you and your wife uneasy. Your kid's feelings are moot. He will get over it and one day understand "Eric the Hard Ass" acts out of love and concern of his safety and well-being.

Is right on. It should be elevated to a command.

The mother involved sounds concerned about her daughter's situation with some other girl, but not with your son. The latter would be fair game, but the former is not. So, once your son accepts your advice, which he should, and obeys, that ought to be the end of it.

If the mother of the girl pursues your son further about this, by any means, it then might be time for you to intervene further in some way. But not now and not yet. You have to nail down your son's behavior with and about that mother first.

Women ruin everything. They create the drama when men just dont get involved for the most part.

I would...
1. Not let your wife get involved. I do not know her but adding another woman to this situation would be worse.
2. Probably don't message the girl's mother. It could make things difficult for your son and his relationship with the girl.
3. Suggest having your son just ignore the FB messages from the mother AFTER he just tells her one time that he does not want to be involved in this anymore and will not respond to anymore messages about it. Let the kid handle his own business. Part of growing up.

In comment 14016663 Rocky369 said:

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and tell them to stop communicating with your child.

This.

I wouldn't contact a kid directly even if I was good friends with the parents. It's way out of line.

social media and helicopter parenting! While creepy, this is probably not all that uncommon these days. The mother is probably just trying to "help" and might have too much time on her hands. I agree with other posters that if you contact her, do it in a calm manner, express your concerns, and let her explain her motivation. Also, talk to your son and get his thoughts while also expressing said concerns about the situation. Then you can decide what to do.

The advice you gave him was good advice - leave it at that. He's 15, he's old enough to ignore her and stay out of it. Tell him to give you a heads up if she persists and keeps bothering him and then you can tell her to knock it off.

This type of shit happens all too often. One of the girls in my daughter's clique stopped hanging out with them, and her mother was after both my daughter and my wife to get them to sit down and resolve whatever issues there are. If you want to make a matter between teenage girls worse, just find yourself a middle aged woman, like throwing gasoline on a fire.

I would not directly confront the mom unless I knew her personally, but I would reiterate to your son that nothing good will come to him from either trying to be the mediator in a drama that isn't his business OR taking to a friend's mom on social media. if he values his relationship with his girlfriend ,he should take that advice to heart. you can say that you would never start chatting with one of his friends or girlfriend on social media and it is weird for her to be contacting you.

I would also ride close herd on this one and if the friend's mom starts harassing, intimidating or threatening your son or doing anything else that is even more inappropriate than it already is for her to be contacting him, then I would intervene.

I use Facebook because I have a hobby and a passion that is not all that common and I don't know anyone personally to share it with. I don't know anyone personally that I am friends with. They don't know my family either. That is the best way to use that in my opinion.

the drama...

Now the friend of the girl is trying to pull my son into this. I keep telling him, "Be Switzerland... don't get involved."

In comment 14016785 jcn56 said:

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The advice you gave him was good advice - leave it at that. He's 15, he's old enough to ignore her and stay out of it. Tell him to give you a heads up if she persists and keeps bothering him and then you can tell her to knock it off. This type of shit happens all too often. One of the girls in my daughter's clique stopped hanging out with them, and her mother was after both my daughter and my wife to get them to sit down and resolve whatever issues there are. If you want to make a matter between teenage girls worse, just find yourself a middle aged woman, like throwing gasoline on a fire.

LOL

social media on this one. I'm sure it would have also been relatively easy for creepmom to start sending text messages or emails to Eric's son. the fact that she chose the medium of facebook messenger is not the issue. it's the sending of the messages itself that is the problem.

and instincts are spot on. But your son is 15 and doesn't see things the way you do. Plus if it's his FIRST gf that's really going to cloud his judgement.

If you do contact the mom, make sure you tell her not to inform any of the kids involved that you have reached out to her. Be polite as possible. This woman could throw a wrench in the whole thing if you come accross angry or impolite. And that could really lead to your son being angry with you.

In comment 14016804 Les in TO said:

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social media on this one. I'm sure it would have also been relatively easy for creepmom to start sending text messages or emails to Eric's son. the fact that she chose the medium of facebook messenger is not the issue. it's the sending of the messages itself that is the problem.

Both of those things kind of fall in the social media/tech world. But those mediums are a little more difficult to obtain the information for then simply having your life on display with FB/IG/TWIT.

and to just stay out of it. Two teenage girls and a mom trying to fix something over social media? There is no way that goes well. The bomb is going off soon, so best you and your son be as far away as possible when it does.

What happened to letting 15 year old kids solve their own social issues? Unless someone is being ganged up on or harassed, let them learn conflict resolution by doing it themselves.

a 15 year old to know how to deal with this type of scenario but I've learned as an adult a good strategy for handling situations where people want to pull you into the middle of their drama. If you value your personal relationships with the people involved, act like you understand and care (even if you don't) but also stay out of it. (Like, "Yeah that sucks, I would help if I could but this is between you guys.") If you completely dismiss it, the drama can just turn on you.

If you don't care about the people involved, just tell them to eff off.

as fathers care about their sons.

It may very well be that this mother's actions are misguided. You say she is trying to deal with the relationship between two teenage girls. Trying to untangle the relationship makes dealing with quantum entanglement seem simple.

I would try to explain to your son what you think may be going on, but I would do nothing unless he asks you to. Otherwise, you will get the blame for anything that bad that happens [like "ruining his life"] and any good will be "in spite of what you did."

Good luck.

In comment 14016814 bradshaw44 said:

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In comment 14016804 Les in TO said: Quote: social media on this one. I'm sure it would have also been relatively easy for creepmom to start sending text messages or emails to Eric's son. the fact that she chose the medium of facebook messenger is not the issue. it's the sending of the messages itself that is the problem. Both of those things kind of fall in the social media/tech world. But those mediums are a little more difficult to obtain the information for then simply having your life on display with FB/IG/TWIT.

email addresses and phone numbers are only marginally more difficult to obtain and you can also adjust the privacy sections on social media sites to limit who contacts you, sees what you post.

discussing her daughter’s friend drama with her (Mom), or in getting involved in her daughter’s friendship issues, Let him handle it.

In comment 14016699 Dankbeerman said:

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in real terms explain what your fears and concerns are regarding the situation. Explaing why there is something creepy with the situation may not be easy but arm him with all the tools he needs to make the proper decision on how to handle the situation. Let him make the decision in how to proceed from a place where he will continue to keep you in tune to whats going on with the situation. You need to look out for him but also prepare him to handle things like this on his own. By the time he hits college a situation like this would occur without you even having any idea the particulars or parties involved and he will be making similar decisions without any guidence. That said monitor the situation and be ready to take over comand if needed. I truley hope this is a something that turns into one of those super proud dad moments when your kid does the right thing and you feel like he has acctually been hearing you his whole life.

Great advice.

Also, without knowing what the drama is, I wouldn't be so quick to judge the mother. There's a fine line between helicoptering and protecting your child from something truly dangerous. With the opiod crisis, suicides, school violence... I'd rather a parent err on this side then the other.

If it truly is just teenage drama, then dankman's advice is spot on.

Show her this post

If they know and communicate directly with your son, you should know and communicate directly with them. I'd set up a very informal meeting. Take your cues on your next steps based on that interaction, not your son's.

In comment 14016792 Eric from BBI said:

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the drama... Now the friend of the girl is trying to pull my son into this. I keep telling him, "Be Switzerland... don't get involved."

Sounds to me like the friend has feelings for your son and is jealous of her friend. Typical high school. The mom should be contacting the friend's mom, not you. Let the 4 females figure it out.

No need to go see her in person. That IMO is an over reaction and would only create it's own drama, and likley embarrass you son in the end.

Just pick up the phone and call her. Tell her you aren't comfortable having a grown woman that is a stranger to your family interacting with your teenage son in that way. She will be embarrassed and get the point rather quickly is my guess.

definitely childish though. She's trying to fix her daughter's friendship by getting intel from your son. Resourceful, yet inappropriate. Not sure I'd tell him to ignore the messages. Maybe explain why she's not taking the best approach and convince him to tell her she should be talking with her daughter and not him. Give him an opportunity to do the right thing instead of demanding something. If he's a good kid he might surprise you...

In comment 14016663 Rocky369 said:

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and tell them to stop communicating with your child.

um, no way.

but that damage is done. Justbhave an honest discussion about it with your son and move on. If it persists or becomes a regular occurrence I’d take action but for now I’d probably let it rest. You’ve gotta think of the fallout in confronting the parent which can and will include your son. Avoid that until it becomes the last resort.

Social me sucks.

I don't do it at all, save for Twitter which I just use to follow news outlets (and there, mostly for sports).

But this isn't really due to social media. This kind of interference would have happened before, just would have required a telephone call or grabbing the kid as he went to visit his girlfriend. This type of parental overstepping of bounds has been going on since people have been banging rocks together for fire.

sounds like it is all a symptom of social media madness. The lines of what people think is acceptable behavior becomes very blurred on social media. It sounds super creepy but I imagine the Mother is just a fucking moron, I think her heart might be in the right place but she isn’t thinking her actions through. Private contact like that with a minor is totally inappropriate and unacceptable, no matter the intention. Would you invite a 15 year old girl somewhere to have a private conversation? No matter the intentions it’s stupid.

I don't think you should be involved, except by talking to your son about how he'd like to handle it. You might decide to ignore the mom, or issue a sentence like, "Thank you for your input, I'd prefer to stay out of this and let them resolve their issues."

But in general, it should come from him, and if he is seeking guidance from you, then congratulations on having a 15 year old that is communicating with you about such things.

Any action you take actually getting involved will be taken by your son as you mistrusting his ability to handle the situation. Tread carefully. Tell him your opinion, let him know you’re available/willing/ready to do anything he needs. Otherwise, I’d say stay out of it.

how being a mystery works well with women, and let the ladies work it out on their end, no need to be involved. Grin.

In comment 14016908 DonQuixote said:

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I don't think you should be involved, except by talking to your son about how he'd like to handle it. You might decide to ignore the mom, or issue a sentence like, "Thank you for your input, I'd prefer to stay out of this and let them resolve their issues." But in general, it should come from him, and if he is seeking guidance from you, then congratulations on having a 15 year old that is communicating with you about such things.

I would absolutely agree if it were only between his son and his peers. But when a strange grown women interjects herself into a child's life I think an adult should speak with her. Why put that all back on the child?