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| Obviously, you know what happened next: the football public cried out in anger, demanded justice for poor idiot Eli, and McAdoo saw his career come to abrupt end. And not only was Eli reinstated as the starter, but the Giants have now gone ahead and, in a wild overcorrection, frantically rebuilt the roster AROUND HIM, as if last season never happened. When Old Yeller is dying, you take him out behind the shed, man! You don’t prop his lifeless corpse up on the couch and tell the kids it’s fine! |
The stadium looks like a fucking shipping container in a swamp and has more stairs than a MC Escher painting.
Giants- Hold my beer (takes CB Sam Beal in supplemental draft, who injures himself two weeks later and is now out for the season.)
No, he's a Vikings fan. He even says so in this very article.
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I feel like his heart wasn't quite in this one. Overall, the WYTS series is hilarious though, the one on Cleveland yesterday was epic.
No, he's a Vikings fan. He even says so in this very article.
He's a Vikes fan first and foremost, but he also likes the Giants.
58 years of nothing.
Two - His rant should be directed at the cowboys
Every year they are going to win Super Bowl, just ask their fans.
Every year jerry & the wipers fuck it up.
The line about Odell's dick is perfect!
I know you’re tired of Odell takes but my man just got caught ordering cocaine pizza...
From the comments section:
Eric should ask for royalties.
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I’m gonna confess here that I’ll miss the Ben McAdoo Giants. I’ll miss the way McAdoo found a way to say the exact wrong thing at virtually every press conference. I’ll miss him looking, at all times, like an auto mechanic you cannot trust. I’ll miss him using one formation for an entire season. I’ll miss him reliably calling a fade route to the ninth-string tight end three times in a row from the opponent’s one-yard line. I’ll miss his hair!
From the comments section:
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Every time I see them run some bullshit dive up the middle for no gain on a 3rd and 9, I want to slam my dick in a car door.
I'm laughing so hard i'm crying. I hate those passes with 1 yard to go, and he does look like a crooked mechanic
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In comment 14025957 DieHard said:
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I feel like his heart wasn't quite in this one. Overall, the WYTS series is hilarious though, the one on Cleveland yesterday was epic.
No, he's a Vikings fan. He even says so in this very article.
He's a Vikes fan first and foremost, but he also likes the Giants.
Magary grew up in Connecticut, which at the time was still strongly Giants country. Even though he's not an avowed Giants fan, I don't think he's a Giants hater. W/r/t the Giants, his snark is coming from a pretty credible knowledge base, which explains why it's usually spot-on.
Anybody growing up in the 70s in or around NY became a fan of some other team because the Giants sucked so bad! Most notably Dallas, but Minnesota was pretty good in those days too. Who knows, he may have lived there or had some affiliation with that team.
I’m wondering how much he scalped the Eagles last year?! Does he also shit on the Vikes?
A quick internet search found a column where he says Minnesota is where he lived for most of his childhood.
POPS ONCE TOLD ME WITH AN INFUCKINGEXPRESSABLY SAD SERIOUSNESS “I WONT REST IN PEACE UNTIL THE LIONS WIN A SUPER BOWL. I MAY BE DEAD WHEN IT HAPPENS BUT WHEN THEY WIN ONE I’LL KNOW.” SERIOUSLY HE TOLD ME THAT SHIT ONCE. AND THATS WHY I WILL DESPISE MATT MILLEN UNTIL MY DYING BREATH. MATT MILLEN STOLE EIGHT YEARS FROM MY FATHER. EIGHT LONG YEARS. AND IF I EVER SEE THAT EMIL MUZZ LOOKING MOTHERFUCKER I’M GONNA COLLECT THAT DEBT TO THE FUCKING SECOND
FUCKING LIONS. A TEAM SO FUCKING SHITTY THAT IT MADE AN ARMY FIRST LIEUTENANT SAY FUCK IT I QUIT. WE LEVERAGE LEAGUE LEADERS INTO LOSING SEASONS AND ALLTIME GREATS INTO TOTAL MEDIOCRITY. WE REFLECT OUR CITY’S DYSFUNCTION MISMANAGEMENT MISERY AND PIGHEADED STUPIDITY LIKE A FUCKING MIRROR AND WE ALWAYS KID OURSELVES THAT IT’S SOMEHOW GETTING BETTER. SQUEAKY FROMME WASNT AS DELUDED AS WE ARE
THIS IS A TEAM WITH A CULTURE SO FUCKED UP THAT ONE OF THE BEST OFFENSIVE LINEMEN IN OUR TEAM HISTORY PROUDLY DECLARED THAT HE REPEATEDLY LET HIS QB GET DEMOLISHED BECAUSE HE DIDNT LIKE THE GUY. AND THIS WAS BACK WHEN WE ACTUALLY MADE THE FUCKING PLAYOFFS ON A REGULAR BASIS IF YOUR IMAGINATION CAN CONJURE SUCH A CIRCUMSTANCE. THAT’S OUR LIONS: EVEN WHEN THEYRE FLAILING ON THE CUSP OF GREATNESS THEY STILL FIND TIME TO BACKBITE AND FUMBLEFUCK AROUND. WHATEVER IT TAKES TO FUCK UP AND LET EVERYBODY DOWN.
DRAFT PICKS BURNED LIKE AUTUMN LEAVES. CHARLES ROGERS CAPS HIS 12-GAME PROFESSIONAL CAREER BY THREATENING TO MURDER HIS MOTHER AND PASSING OUT IN HIS BOOTH AT ON THE BORDER IN NOVI LIKE A FUCKING WINO. MIKE WILLIAMS SPENDS TWO YEARS FATTING AROUND IN DETROIT BEFORE GETTING FOLDED INTO A DOGSHIT TRADE WITH OAKLAND THAT ILLUSTRATED THE CONCEPT OF SUNK COST BETTER THAN ANY ECONOMICS TEXTBOOK EVER FUCKING COULD.
AND ALL THE WHILE WERE DICKING AROUND WITH THESE LOSERS ANDRE JOHNSON AND DEMARCUS WARE ARE DOWN IN TEXAS RACKING UP ALLPRO HONORS LIKE REGGIE ROGERS RACKS UP VEHICULAR HOMICIDES AND BEN ROETHLISBERGER IS THE ALL-SEEING ALL-RAPING RINGBEARING FOOTBALL GOD OF YINZERLAND. THE MIND REELS
EVEN THE GOOD PICKS ARE WASTED IN THAT SPECIAL DETROIT WAY. MATTHEW STAFFORD? SURE THE FUCKING GUY LOOKS LIKE HE SHOULD BE OUT LOOKING FOR ONE EYED WILLIE’S TREASURE BUT THE FACT IS HE’S THE FIRST LIONS QUARTERBACK IN DECADES THATS WORTH A BENT DICK AND YET SOMEHOW AFTER FOUR YEARS IN THE LEAGUE AND A COUPLE SEASONS OF MONSTER STATS AND A PLAYOFF APPEARANCE HIS CAREER HIGHLIGHT REMAINS THAT TIME IN HIS ROOKIE YEAR WHEN HE PEELED HIMSELF OFF THE FIELD TO GET THE WIN IN A SHOOTOUT WITH BRADY FUCKING QUINN OF ALL FUCKING CLIPBOARD STANDS. IT WAS A FEAT OF HEROISM SO BOLD AND SO MEANINGLESS IT WAS LIKE RUNNING INTO A BURNING BUILDING TO SAVE A GOLDFISH. WE WENT 2-14 THAT YEAR AND WE STILL TALK ABOUT THAT GAME LIKE IT WAS OUR PERSONAL FUCKING SEA OF HANDS.
COACHES COME TO DETROIT TO FUCKING DIE AND OFTEN RIGHTLY SO. THAT FUCKING IMBECILE MARTY MORNHINWEG FOR INSTANCE. FUCKING GUY WINNING THE COIN TOSS THEN STUPEFUCKINGFYINGLY GIVING THE MOTHERFUCKING BALL TO THE MOTHERFUCKING FUCKING BEARS WHO OF COURSE PROMPTLY SCORE. HE SHOULDVE BEEN COURT-MARTIALED AND EXECUTED RIGHT THEN AND FUCKING THERE. EITHER THEN OR THAT TIME HE MADE SOME BIG PRODUCTION OF ROARING OUT OF PRACTICE ON HIS HARLEY LIKE HE WAS CLAY FUCKING MORROW AND NOT SOME OVERPROMOTED DIPSHIT WITH NO BUSINESS WHATSOEVER MANNING THE CAPTAINS WHEEL. I CAN SCARCELY DREAM UP A MORE FITTING HELL FOR AN ASSHOLE LIKE THAT THAN BEING TASKED WITH UNTANGLING THE LOW RENT QUARTERBACK CLUSTERFUCK IN THE JETS CAMP
THEN IT WAS STEVE MARIUCCI. THE MITT ROMNEY OF NFL COACHES. THAT BLAND WEATHERMAN VENEER OF COMPETENCE WITH THE UNMISTAKABLE AIR OF A MAN WHO WOULD RATHER BE ANYFUCKINGPLACE ELSE. DUDE ONLY CAME TO DETROIT AS A FAVOR TO HIS FAT STUPID FRIEND WHO WAS TOO FUCKING DUMB TO TAKE CARE OF THINGS HIMSELF. KINDA LIKE NED STARK. TURNED OUT ABOUT THE SAME WAY FOR HIM TOO
AFTER THAT WAS MARINELLI BRINGING THE KIND OF DARK ARITHMETIC THAT TRANSFORMS 6-2 TO 7-9 TO 0-16. NOW ITS COACH SCHWARTZ SWIRLING DOWN THE DRAIN. HE TAKES HIS FASHION CUES FROM THE DOG WHISPERER AND ALL HE THINKS ABOUT ON GAMEDAY IS WHETHER HE SHOULD LISTEN TO BILLY SQUIER OR THE FUCKING SCORPIONS. BUT AT LEAST HIS HEART’S IN IT. AND THAT PASSIONS GONNA SERVE HIM WELL IN A YEAR AFTER HES SCORED THAT PLUM ASSISTANT DEFENSIVE COORDINATOR GIG WITH THE JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS.
THESE ARE THE DETROIT FUCKING LIONS WERE TALKING ABOUT. EVEN IF IT’S THE BEST CASE SCENARIO EVEN IF MY EVERY LAST FUCKING ROCKHARD REGULAR SEASON FANTASY COMES TRUE IN THE END SOMEHOW THEY WILL UNDO IT ALL.
BECAUSE WHEN IT COMES TO THE DETROIT LIONS THERE IS NO FAIRY TALE. ITS ALL JUST A BIG JERKOFF. A SADISTIC FUCKING TORTURE GAME PUT ON FOR THE AMUSEMENT OF MILLIONAIRES WITH MISTER RICTUS HIMSELF WILLIAM CLAY FUCKING FORD SENIOR PULLING THE STRINGS. HA HA MADE YA CARE!
58 years of nothing.
Two - His rant should be directed at the cowboys
Every year they are going to win Super Bowl, just ask their fans.
Every year jerry & the wipers fuck it up.
Did you want him to refer to Eli as "The Almighty One?"
People do know this column is for entertainment purposes only, correct?
And people who don’t typically read this need to understand I actually think he normally goes easy on the giants and he absolutely destroys the redskins and cowboys every year.
It comedy relax.
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This writer is a classless shithead
lighten up, Francis
He's a whiny baby. I wouldn't count on him lightening up.