Archived Thread

NFT: Advice Needed

Reb8thVA : 10/12/2018 4:09 pm

I’m sure many people here may have experienced a situation like the one I am dealing with now and I was hoping maybe someone could provide some good advice on how to address the situation.

I had a work friend, more like a mentor, that I was very close to. He had a reputation for being a prick but if he liked you he was very good to you. About 5 years ago he went to work for a different agency but we are still in the same bussiness and kept in touch. About a year and a half ago, he stopped taking my calls or whe I did reach him he was very short with me to the point of being rude. At first I thought it was “Bob being Bob” but it became apparent I must have did something to wrong him. Today, I actually saw him at a conference. After the conference, I tried to speak to him. I asked him what I did to make him angry and told him that I missed his friendship. He snapped back at me and in a cryptic passive aggressive way implied he was no longer angry but had no interest in resuming our friendship. He wouldn’t say what I did and quickly walked away.

It’s eating me up inside because I considered him a close friend, probably closer than he thought of me and I really miss the friendship. I know I might have done something wrong but I don’t know what because he won’t tell me. I would do almost anything to fix the situation if I knew the problem. I’m 51 and I feel like a teenager but this is really bothering me. I know that this may just be one of those situations that can’t be fixed but I feel pretty bad right now.

Any advice?

If he was a true friend Â

UESBLUE : 10/12/2018 4:14 pm : link

hed come clean with you. Sounds like hes got some issues he just doesnt want to share that also could have nothing to do with you. Its hurtful behavior on his part but you dont have a lot of options if youve already tried to broach it

Sounds odd Â

Anakim : 10/12/2018 4:23 pm : link

Was he let go or did he leave on his own volition? If it was the former, perhaps he's upset that you didn't stand up for him or follow him out the door?

Regardless, if it's bothering you so much, I would write him an email telling him what you just told us. That you really value you his friendship and you would like to clear the air and try to reconcile.

I know you won't like this response Â

pjcas18 : 10/12/2018 4:48 pm : link

but you made a couple efforts it sounds like to reach out to him and you point blank asked him about what caused the "break up" and he showed no interest in telling your or in mending fences, I'd move on.

life is too short to get caught up with passive aggressive douche bags that don't deserve your attention.

of course, it's natural for you to want someone you respect and looked up to to feel the same about you, but at some point it's no longer worth your time or effort to figure out what you did to force this curmudgeon to not value your friendship anymore.

move on and don't look back, look forward.

At 51 Â

Gman11 : 10/12/2018 4:50 pm : link

I was at a point that if someone doesn't want to associate with me, no big deal. I'll move on. Really, is it worth the trouble?

Walk away and don't give it another thought. Â

FatHeadTommy : 10/12/2018 4:50 pm : link

Even if you were to get an explanation from this guy, one that was coherent and logical if he has one, the relationship is fractured and will never be what it was.

My advice would be to find someone you could befriend and mentor and try to build a new friendship with someone younger than you who you can respect and admire. He'll gain from your knowledge and experience and you'll gain from a younger, maybe hungrier perspective. Win Win

I’d pursue him until you get an answer. Â

Boy Cord : 10/12/2018 5:00 pm : link

Hell, after reading your post it’s bugging me and I want to know what happened.

Sounds like your his competitor Â

BigBlueDownTheShore : 10/12/2018 5:08 pm : link

Now.

Reb I had the same thing happen to me with a close friend Â

Larry in Pencilvania : 10/12/2018 5:15 pm : link

when I got laid off in 2010. I had a good friend I went to work for at his internet start up. Turns out he was screwing around with customers' payments for work he wasn't intending on doing. He was using their money to fund his business. Customers were calling me left and right because they couldn't reach him via phone or email on the status of their projects. Hell he stopped responding to my calls and emails. Then one day I get an email that my services are no longer needed. I never heard from him again and I don't care to

I wouldn't give it a second thought and just write him off Â

Greg from LI : 10/12/2018 5:17 pm : link

But I'm a misanthrope who generally dislikes people, so YMMV.

RE: I wouldn't give it a second thought and just write him off Â

Reb8thVA : 10/12/2018 5:19 pm : link

In comment 14125414 Greg from LI said:

Quote:

But I'm a misanthrope who generally dislikes people, so YMMV.

Thanks Greg. That did make me laugh.

RE: At 51 Â

kinard : 10/12/2018 5:21 pm : link

In comment 14125346 Gman11 said:

Quote:

I was at a point that if someone doesn't want to associate with me, no big deal. I'll move on. Really, is it worth the trouble?

Bingo. At 51, life is way too short to worry about what others are thinking about (I don't mean that in a rude way).
Guy sounds like a bit of an asshole anyway

I wouldn’t bother Â

JerrysKids : 10/13/2018 5:50 am : link

Getting upset he seems like a dick.

Reb, move on Â

section125 : 10/13/2018 6:40 am : link

and let it go. He may very well be the prick that people talked about and just does not need you as a friend anymore. It may be he just cannot say it to you.

Just tell yourself ok, and dismiss him from your mind.

He seems very petty and vindictive. Â

short lease : 10/14/2018 6:05 pm : link

He seems like he would be very easily replaceable by quality folks.

I get what you are saying about not understanding what went on (it would bother me to) but, if he doesn't even want to explain to you what you did . ... wtf? He might be blaming you for something that somebody else did - if he doesn't even want to discuss it and get to the bottom of it - he is not worth your worry.