Tommy: You can get a good look at a butcher's ass by sticking your head up there. But, wouldn't you rather to take his word for it?
Mr. Brady, Customer: [confused] What? I'm failing to make the connection here.
Tommy: No, I mean is, you can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking your head up a butcher's ass... No, wait. It's gotta be your bull.
Richard: Wow.
Marty, find out where the police are going to be taking him. Send over a bottle of bubbly with a bucket of ice and a card. Have it say, "Tough break, get drunk on me. Use the bucket to ice down your marbles, Yours, Z."
Because they know all they sold ya was a guaranteed piece of shit. That's all it is, isn't it? Hey, if you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed, I will. I got spare time. But for now, for your customer's sake, for your daughter's sake, ya might wanna think about buying a quality product from me.
Okay, I'll buy from you.
-Now, if you're going to say I didn't use the right kind, you're wrong. I used 10w30. Besides, motor oil has nothing to do with this accident.
True, but it's kind of hard to latch the hood properly WHEN YOU DON'T TAKE THE CAN OUT, YOU NO-SELLING WASTE OF SPACE!!!!
If I wanted a kiss I would have called your mother.
How do you know the guaranteed fairy isn't some crazy glue sniffer. He sneaks into your house once and that's all it takes. Next thing you know, there is money missing off your dresser and your daughter is knocked up. I have seen it a hundred times.
-Oh, sure, it was some other fat guy with a tiny head.
I have a tiny head?
If I wanted a kiss I would have called your mother.
How do you know the guaranteed fairy isn't some crazy glue sniffer. He sneaks into your house once and that's all it takes. Next thing you know, there is money missing off your dresser and your daughter is knocked up. I have seen it a hundred times.
"BUILDING MODEL AIRPLANES, she says. Well, we're not buyin' it...."
LMAO
The funny thing is that I "think" I made this same thread like 6 months ago, but it didn't hit me until after I posted this thread.
As Bennett in Commando said to Matrix "You're getting old John, your getting old"
What were you doing??
😄
Richard: Nope, nothing. I thought I hit you on the shoulder.
Tommy: My shoulder doesn't hurt very much, but my face does.
[points to huge bruised area on his face]
Tommy: Right here. Not here or here so much. Right here.
Richard: Nope. Ship shape! Waitress, can I get that shrimp cocktail I saw in the glass case?
Helen: Yep. And you, what can I get
[pauses and looks at Tommy's face]
Helen: Jesus, what happened to your face?
Tommy: I knew it!