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Why Your Team Sucks: Redskins Edition

English Alaister : 8/12/2019 11:53 am
I feel like this one wrote itself.
Redskins suck - ( New Window )
I love this take  
RobCarpenter : 8/12/2019 12:15 pm : link
Quote:


The biggest problem now is the white boy West Potomac High School junior wearing gas station Oakleys, fueled on his first belts of Pinnacle vodka, forcing cheers upon you. He leaps to his feet at 8:43 in the second quarter and runs up and down the aisle, screaming “Here we go Redskins, here we go!” You can recreate the same sad sound at home by turning on your vacuum cleaner and yelling into the hose. After four or five tries with no victims, he gives up and flips off the section. There’s not even a response to that. This future-Supreme Court justice might decide your life one day.

The Skins march into the tunnel at halftime to boos. An equal number of cheers greet the visitors as they enter their own tunnel. You start talking to the guy next to you about local beers in Raleigh-Durham. In the distance, someone vomits into his girlfriend’s souvenir cup.

By the end of the game, you’re looking around at all the red netting over the once-occupied seats than Dan took away to keep up the sellout lie. You see the ruins of glory never attained, the spoils of loss. A breeze hits your face. The leaves are about to change. Trent Williams hyperextends his knee digging through our Serta™ football turf and stubs his toe on the right engine from Air Florida Flight 90. The crowd makes the sound of a lawnmower that munched its last blade. Eventually the game ends and you don’t even look at the scoreboard.

On your way out, you see West Potomac High School Junior. He’s still got the glasses on, but his eyes are closed. His arms are crossed and he’s passed out, waaaaay out. There’s a big wet spot in the crotch of his pants and no one, not even his friends, are claiming him as their own.

I could have saved  
TrueBlue56 : 8/12/2019 12:21 pm : link
The reporter time to write all that and he could have summed it up with two words....Ereck Flowers
RE: I could have saved  
Fred in Atlanta : 8/12/2019 12:28 pm : link
In comment 14527555 TrueBlue56 said:
Quote:
The reporter time to write all that and he could have summed it up with two words....Ereck Flowers

I would add one more word Ereck Flowers Starter.
Favorite part  
Boatie Warrant : 8/12/2019 12:46 pm : link
"If Williams gets traded, his potential replacements are Donald Penn and—and I swear they really did this—historic Giants draft bust Ereck Flowers. Everything this team does serves as proof that former GM Scot McCloughan was the LEAST drunk person in charge of things."
The best comment  
dep026 : 8/12/2019 1:02 pm : link
Was the YouTube results one. Holy shit, classic.
RE: The best comment  
RobCarpenter : 8/12/2019 1:15 pm : link
In comment 14527634 dep026 said:
Quote:
Was the YouTube results one. Holy shit, classic.


I checked just now and if you put in "Redskins QB" the fourth result is "Redskins QB headbutt wall"
RE: RE: The best comment  
TrueBlue56 : 8/12/2019 1:59 pm : link
In comment 14527669 RobCarpenter said:
Quote:
In comment 14527634 dep026 said:


Quote:


Was the YouTube results one. Holy shit, classic.



I checked just now and if you put in "Redskins QB" the fourth result is "Redskins QB headbutt wall"


That is still one of the strangest and funniest things I have seen watching a football game
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