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NFT: WTF Story from the Burbs...

trueblueinpw : 8/16/2019 12:51 am
Not sure why I feel compelled to post but I do.

Guy we know from youth sports, our kids have played sports, basketball, lacrosse, etc. all their lives, turns out heís been living a double life. This guy, who my wife and I always said was serial killer creepy, has been keeping a girlfriend for years in NJ. His wife is a C level big deal at a major corp in NYC while this guy has always been Mr Mom, and apparently seeing this other woman for years. When the wife went away on business, the husband would have the baby sitter / nanny stay with the two kids while he went to NJ to be with his gf. Which it turns out is how he gets caught b/c the nanny rats the guy out at her exit interview. (Wtf nanny and why didnít the kids tell?!)

So now the really creepy part.

This guy is caught. But he doesnít slither away like the snake he is, but rather, he moves into the basement of their house. So, the kids and the soon to be ex-wife are living upstairs while the philandering Mr Mom is in the basement plotting his an alimony case. This has been going on for four months now.

Like I say, no idea why I feel compelled to share with the board. But I do.

Seriously, wtf kind of low life do you have to be to do something like this to your own kids and wife of more than 15 years? I mean, I donít condone fooling around, but I get it. You get caught, itís splitsville and you move on. But why would anyone hurt their kids like that? Anyway... life is stranger than fiction sometimes.
Purely about the money I think  
jcn56 : 8/16/2019 1:08 am : link
Not well versed here but IIRC if he leaves he's giving up his claim to half the house, if not half the marital assets altogether.

Obviously doing some serious mental damage to his kids, but that ball was rolling when he started fooling around.
Maybe the wife wasn't giving him the gooch?  
fivehead : 8/16/2019 4:28 am : link
Gotta get it somewhere.
I mean if it was a stay at home mom  
ron mexico : 8/16/2019 5:02 am : link
Cheating, do you think she leaves the house?
leaving is considered abandonment  
AnnapolisMike : 8/16/2019 6:39 am : link
I think...so he really needs to stay.

Count me as so what...this kinda of shit happens all the time. He has to do what is best for him. We say the same thing if it was a stay at home mom.
Because they're selfish  
Eman11 : 8/16/2019 6:41 am : link
I was married to a selfish wife for 15 years and she was her main priority, not our kids and certainly not me. She only cared about what was best for her and everything else came second.

Sounds like this guy didn't give a shit about how this would affect his kids, and only cared about what he wanted as well.
You have no idea what that families dynamic really was  
BigBlue in Keys : 8/16/2019 7:15 am : link
Has the guy been a good dad anyways? Was the powerful, traveling mom ever getting some on the side too while away from her family? Does having sex with someone else cancel out all the good parenting he was doing? Is any of this our business? The guy isn't a serial killer, just sounds like a person who wasn't having his physical/emotional needs met but was still around for his family all the time. (I guess you can't say that to your wife while discussing the neighbors :) )

The POS of the situation to me is the babysitter. Had no problem taking all that money for years. She decides to be the one to break the family up.




RE: You have no idea what that families dynamic really was  
Zeke's Alibi : 8/16/2019 7:24 am : link
In comment 14531798 BigBlue in Keys said:
Quote:
Has the guy been a good dad anyways? Was the powerful, traveling mom ever getting some on the side too while away from her family? Does having sex with someone else cancel out all the good parenting he was doing? Is any of this our business? The guy isn't a serial killer, just sounds like a person who wasn't having his physical/emotional needs met but was still around for his family all the time. (I guess you can't say that to your wife while discussing the neighbors :) )

The POS of the situation to me is the babysitter. Had no problem taking all that money for years. She decides to be the one to break the family up.





Yeh let's clearly the blame the babysitter, probably living paycheck to paycheck to make ends meet for not coming clean sooner.
It wasn't a moral dilemma when she was  
BigBlue in Keys : 8/16/2019 7:34 am : link
taking the checks. But now she's out of a job and has to spill the beans?

Obviously, the nanny/babysitter  
Diver_Down : 8/16/2019 7:36 am : link
isn't hawt enough. She just wanted the D that he wasn't going to give her. The wife must be a pig also. The guy knows where his bread is buttered so he would have capitulated every now and then to satisfy his marital requirements if she wasn't.

Despite being the man of the house, he must be a pussy to retreat to the basement. He should have stayed upstairs.
I will echo Keys  
AnnapolisMike : 8/16/2019 7:36 am : link
Sounds like the guy was actually pretty involved in his kids lives, had a shitty marriage and got some of his needs taken care of on the side while still being around for the kids and the family. We have little idea what the dynamic was like in the marriage and the guy did not cut and run which is worse IMO.

It is easy to throw stones at people who are just trying to navigate difficult situations and unhappiness. Maybe the guy is a complete ass and the wife is a hard working saint. But I do not fault him for sticking around while the divorce works itself out. I would guess he is getting that advice from a lawyer.




RE: It wasn't a moral dilemma when she was  
ron mexico : 8/16/2019 7:36 am : link
In comment 14531813 BigBlue in Keys said:
Quote:
taking the checks. But now she's out of a job and has to spill the beans?


She is probably an au pair heading back home

Seems like oddly placed anger
RE: It wasn't a moral dilemma when she was  
Zeke's Alibi : 8/16/2019 7:46 am : link
In comment 14531813 BigBlue in Keys said:
Quote:
taking the checks. But now she's out of a job and has to spill the beans?


When the decision is to eat and pay rent most people put the moral dilemma thing on the backburner.
It's not anger.  
BigBlue in Keys : 8/16/2019 7:48 am : link
More just saying it's not just 100% vilify the dad. People's personal lives are very complicated.

But, he would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for that meddling babysitter!
RE: I will echo Keys  
Zeke's Alibi : 8/16/2019 7:52 am : link
In comment 14531816 AnnapolisMike said:
Quote:
Sounds like the guy was actually pretty involved in his kids lives, had a shitty marriage and got some of his needs taken care of on the side while still being around for the kids and the family. We have little idea what the dynamic was like in the marriage and the guy did not cut and run which is worse IMO.

It is easy to throw stones at people who are just trying to navigate difficult situations and unhappiness. Maybe the guy is a complete ass and the wife is a hard working saint. But I do not fault him for sticking around while the divorce works itself out. I would guess he is getting that advice from a lawyer.





Why the hell would he cut and run when he clearly has a fat alimony payment coming to him? Honestly, expecting these things not to happen when their is a such a financial power imbalance in a long term relationship would be even more shocking.
RE: RE: It wasn't a moral dilemma when she was  
BigBlue in Keys : 8/16/2019 7:59 am : link



When the decision is to eat and pay rent most people put the moral dilemma thing on the backburner. [/quote]

So money over morals is OK if you need the money?

And with that I'm out. It's a sad situation. Not one we're going to solve on BBI, especially without pictures of the wife and babysitter (assuming 19+!)
Sounds like a guy  
ron mexico : 8/16/2019 8:01 am : link
Speaking from experience
So  
Eli owns all : 8/16/2019 8:37 am : link
No guy is allowed to get alimony?
RE: RE: RE: It wasn't a moral dilemma when she was  
Zeke's Alibi : 8/16/2019 8:41 am : link
In comment 14531839 BigBlue in Keys said:
Quote:



When the decision is to eat and pay rent most people put the moral dilemma thing on the backburner.


So money over morals is OK if you need the money?

And with that I'm out. It's a sad situation. Not one we're going to solve on BBI, especially without pictures of the wife and babysitter (assuming 19+!) [/quote]

This isn't like letting child molestation occur. It was infidelity. There is a scale there.
I'd be interested in hearing  
Metnut : 8/16/2019 9:00 am : link
the husband's side of the story.
This shit happens every day...  
EricJ : 8/16/2019 9:14 am : link
but in reverse. Woman cheating on her husband and planning the alimony/divorce settlement.

Why is it creepy?

I know quite a few separated couples who still lived in the same home. Not only to help ease the kids into the idea of divorce but also for financial purposes.
the guy left his kids with the nanny  
oghwga : 8/16/2019 9:20 am : link
to go see his girlfriend. Kids are kids only once. Every second is precious.

Kids come first .

The guy is a dick.
And don't forget the law and lawyers....  
WideRight : 8/16/2019 9:25 am : link
Common sense says move on and get over it, but then the law details abdonement and the lawyers counsel that fighting for the kids gets you $$. So the lawyers get big bills and corporate mom and marital assets get drained.

The system is set up to get as much money into the law firms pockets as possible. I once asked a retired Judge why the courts allow this and he told me "Judges used to lawyers too you know...."

And the kids are pure collateral damage. Tough shit for them
Clearly his biggest mistake  
RobCarpenter : 8/16/2019 9:31 am : link
was not blasting the nanny in the butt. Probably why she ratted him out in the exit interview.
Wow  
Cap'n Bluebeard : 8/16/2019 9:43 am : link
Some really bad takes here based on complete assumptions.

"Sounds like he was a great dad"

He repeatedly abandoned his kids with a nanny to go bang his side piece. Sounds like his priority was getting his dick wet instead of spending time with his children. I would say that's the exact opposite of being a great dad, but that's just me.

"Sounds like he wasn't getting his needs met and had to get it somewhere else"

Yeah, because not having sex is the only reason people cheat on their spouses. Let's demonize the woman based on absolutely no evidence or knowledge of their relationship because it's apparently still 1923, women aren't horny, and men can't control their baser instincts so she obviously had to expect him to cheat since she obviously wasn't giving him free access to her vagina. In fact, the dude is probably a saint because the only times his wife probably let him have sex were to get her pregnant. Then I bet she gallivanted out of town on business and banged other dudes for fun.

"It's really the babysitter's fault for breaking up the family"

Yeah, she really shouldn't have taken that guys dick and forcibly inserted it into other women. The nerve!

This is a relationship nobody on the thread has any idea about except maybe the OP, who doesn't really say how well he actually knows this couple. The rush to excuse the actions of a man who apparently deserted his children seemingly regularly to be with another woman while simultaneously vilifying the woman is problematic at best.

Bluebeard nails it...  
x meadowlander : 8/16/2019 9:51 am : link
...not enough information to draw any conclusions, except to say, unless someone is being abused physically or mentally, it really isn't anyone else's business.

Their arrangement is to have him in the basement, to keep the family unit together - awkward, but I can see how that could make sense.
RE: the guy left his kids with the nanny  
jcn56 : 8/16/2019 10:01 am : link
In comment 14531908 oghwga said:
Quote:
to go see his girlfriend. Kids are kids only once. Every second is precious.

Kids come first .

The guy is a dick.


Bingo. This guy might be the nicest guy in the world, and it's possibly his wife is the complete opposite - but he let his kids end up collateral damage.
Another great reason to legalize prostitution  
Zeke's Alibi : 8/16/2019 10:10 am : link
.
this shit happens all the time.  
GMAN4LIFE : 8/16/2019 10:12 am : link
so many in the financial industry live double lives
RE: Another great reason to legalize prostitution  
x meadowlander : 8/16/2019 10:56 am : link
In comment 14531955 Zeke's Alibi said:
Quote:
.
ew. What?

I'm not happy at home, I'm gonna pay some skank to blow me - preferably one who has a dozen others in her mouth each day? Is that how this works?
There's really nothing that shocking in this story. Tale as old as  
Heisenberg : 8/16/2019 11:05 am : link
time.
RE: There's really nothing that shocking in this story. Tale as old as  
ron mexico : 8/16/2019 11:49 am : link
In comment 14532030 Heisenberg said:
Quote:
time.


the stay at home dad is the only slightly odd wrinkle
RE: You have no idea what that families dynamic really was  
Section331 : 8/16/2019 12:03 pm : link
In comment 14531798 BigBlue in Keys said:
Quote:


The POS of the situation to me is the babysitter. Had no problem taking all that money for years. She decides to be the one to break the family up.


She didn't cheat on his wife, he did. That is what broke up the marriage, not her spilling the beans. I understand that there may have been problems in the marriage, but finding a sidepiece and leaving your kids alone with the nanny isn't the answer. That is an indication he probably wasn't the greatest dad.
RE: RE: You have no idea what that families dynamic really was  
x meadowlander : 8/16/2019 12:07 pm : link
In comment 14532101 Section331 said:
Quote:
In comment 14531798 BigBlue in Keys said:


Quote:




The POS of the situation to me is the babysitter. Had no problem taking all that money for years. She decides to be the one to break the family up.




She didn't cheat on his wife, he did. That is what broke up the marriage, not her spilling the beans. I understand that there may have been problems in the marriage, but finding a sidepiece and leaving your kids alone with the nanny isn't the answer. That is an indication he probably wasn't the greatest dad.
Babysitter is the hero of the story.

Period.
is the wife hot?  
GMAN4LIFE : 8/16/2019 12:11 pm : link
just curious
I've seen stay at home parents  
Preacher : 8/16/2019 12:26 pm : link
not feel adequate as the breadwinner so they seek attention from someone else. I feel for the kids though...
RE: RE: There's really nothing that shocking in this story. Tale as old as  
schabadoo : 8/16/2019 12:49 pm : link
In comment 14532079 ron mexico said:
Quote:
In comment 14532030 Heisenberg said:


Quote:


time.



the stay at home dad is the only slightly odd wrinkle


Yeah I was waiting for the WTF moment. Separated/divorced/etc people cohabitate all the time, normally for $ reasons.
Wow...  
trueblueinpw : 8/16/2019 2:14 pm : link
Like, just for me, being a man, with pride and integrity pretty much the whole thing is wtf. If I were this guy Iíd at least have the decency to move out. You guy read the part about leaving the kids with the nanny, while the mom was away working, to go bang the girlfriend right? Thatís not a wtf?
RE: Wow...  
ron mexico : 8/16/2019 2:16 pm : link
In comment 14532234 trueblueinpw said:
Quote:
Like, just for me, being a man, with pride and integrity pretty much the whole thing is wtf. If I were this guy Iíd at least have the decency to move out. You guy read the part about leaving the kids with the nanny, while the mom was away working, to go bang the girlfriend right? Thatís not a wtf?


Isn't that the point of a nanny? To leave kids with them?

Would be worse if he brought the kids with him.
RE: is the wife hot?  
Diver_Down : 8/16/2019 2:19 pm : link
In comment 14532113 GMAN4LIFE said:
Quote:
just curious


Probably not or else the guy wouldn't be seeking someone else. She likely has ass-creep. It is when you sit on your ass for so long that the ass begins to defy gravity and creeps up their back. You can tell how long some women are trapped in corporate America by the degree of ass-creep. After 30 years, their ass is near their shoulder blades.
RE: There's really nothing that shocking in this story. Tale as old as  
UConn4523 : 8/16/2019 2:22 pm : link
In comment 14532030 Heisenberg said:
Quote:
time.


Same reaction. Not really sure what the shocking part of this either. Adult male cheated on wife, isn't this something that happens all the time? What are the divorce rates again and what's a one of the biggest reasons for getting divorced?

I'm actually shocked that this is shocking for some people.
Fly on the wall  
02/03/2008 : 8/16/2019 2:52 pm : link
Canít imagine the scene when the three of them were sitting there doing the exit interview and the babysitter dropped this. Hope the kids werenít home.
While this story doesn't surprise me, this guy is a dick.  
Chris684 : 8/16/2019 2:55 pm : link
The thought of leaving my children with a "nanny" to sneak out and carry on an affair at the expense of their mother repulses me.

Thankfully I'm not on this boat as I'm happily married, but once a woman carries your children and becomes mother to your children, it's a game changer in my mind. I always think how if shit ever hit the fan with us, it would be my responsibility to carry myself with great respect for her no matter how bad the circumstances for the children's sake.

Basically, if you think of the woman as your children's mother as opposed to just your wife you're probably less likely to do something like this and put everyone in a worse situation than you would have if there was some level of respect and/or communication.
Is part 2 of the story  
phil in arizona : 8/16/2019 6:08 pm : link
when OP asks the ex-wife to get dinner at the Outback Steakhouse?
RE: While this story doesn't surprise me, this guy is a dick.  
Les in TO : 8/16/2019 6:14 pm : link
In comment 14532265 Chris684 said:
Quote:
The thought of leaving my children with a "nanny" to sneak out and carry on an affair at the expense of their mother repulses me.

Thankfully I'm not on this boat as I'm happily married, but once a woman carries your children and becomes mother to your children, it's a game changer in my mind. I always think how if shit ever hit the fan with us, it would be my responsibility to carry myself with great respect for her no matter how bad the circumstances for the children's sake.

Basically, if you think of the woman as your children's mother as opposed to just your wife you're probably less likely to do something like this and put everyone in a worse situation than you would have if there was some level of respect and/or communication.
good response and I agree. No excuses for cheating.
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