My oldest just started kindergarten and I was looking to see if anyone had some advice. She has a long day - starts at 8 and goes to after school which I pick up around 5:30. School only started a week ago so I know she’s getting adjusted to things but whenever I ask her what happened during her day, the only responses I get are “I don’t remember”.
When she was in daycare with a similar time period during the day, she was able to tell what was going on. I know that she is probably mentally fatigued because bedtime has been ramped up to 8 PM and could probably go earlier. I am going to have patience, obviously, as she gets adjusted, but just curious if anyone has been through a similar situation and if you have any wisdom to impart.
Those of you may recall I was also looking into the gps trackers but did not pull the trigger on any yet ( I also feel a lot more comfortable now that the routine has been established).
If it makes you feel any better, my 10- and 12-year old kids say the same thing.. :)
I will look and see if I can find it, but basically the premise was asking them less open ended questions than "how was your day" or "what did you do today" - it made sense to me.
My kids sound similar to yours and they didn't go to any after school programs.
If I find what I mentioned I'll post it, but you can try googling it too.
Share things that went on in your day and tell her something like let's see who did more things in their day and prompt her to try and top the number of things you remember. Obviously you could start out by only remembering 1-2 things to let her win and keep her interest.
Maybe let the winner of the week pick a Saturday morning outing or something like that.
Who did you play with today?
Tell me about lunch what did you eat?
you need to get her to recall a specific event and then start questioning about that event and then she'll start opening up. She will start to remember other details.
It could be nothing more than now that she is moving up to a bigger school her personality is one that doesn't care to rehash all the details of the day. I wouldn't be overly concerned, and I wouldn't pester her about it.
I do have to say that seems like a very long grind for a child that age. There was something to be said about the good old days of kindergarten being a half day, and part of that was quiet time on a blanket.
What did you do? Nothing.
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I've tried the detective approach. I looked at the schedule and tried asking relevant questions. I did not think to tell her some details about my day, that is a great suggestion.
What I did to today was, when we got home, took some time to play outside together. All of a sudden she started remembering some details. I got more details this evening than I have the past five days.
I figured it will continue to get better but tonight was great.
Thanks for the support everyone
I'm usually in a home 3x/week for about 4 months.
But everyone's already given you great advice. Since it's K, ask her if they have any pets, animals, or insects in the room to play with at school.
My older daughter missed K altogether, but my younger had a great K teacher that took the kids outdoors often (in California) and playing with all sorts of insects, spiders, rodents and other vermin. That teacher ran a way cool program for little ones.
Good luck!
Probably when double-income households became more prevalent.
I will look and see if I can find it, but basically the premise was asking them less open ended questions than "how was your day" or "what did you do today" - it made sense to me.
My kids sound similar to yours and they didn't go to any after school programs.
If I find what I mentioned I'll post it, but you can try googling it too.
Our daughter just started third grade and my son, pre-k. Trying to get anything out of them about what happened at school is always a struggle unless something so unusual happened that they want to tell us first out of excitement. And this is with two kids, who love to talk to us throughout the day about the most random things. School is just not one of those things they find exciting to talk about most of the time.
I would continue to just lightly ask how her days are going, asking about any new friends, subjects, etc. that she may be finding that interest her. Eventually she'll let you know things that she's excited about from school.
https://www.wtsp.com/article/news/education/back-to-school-dont-ask-your-kid-how-their-day-was-ask-these-questions-instead/67-583518421 - ( New Window )
And I know this is only tangentially related, but I also coach my youngest's hockey team. And this is true of a coach or a parent, but we used to get in the car after games (and even after some practices) and I'd immediately ask her about situations in the game and her reaction to them.
I didn't get a great response and then I saw a commercial on NHL Network called "the ride home" and in it they show a father just absolutely berating and almost harassing his son after a practice (wasn't even hockey, but I saw it on NHLN) and I had a revelation, holy shit that kid was me. And now I was becoming my father (full disclosure I was never mean or angry or critical like my dad or the dad in the commerical, but still probably had the same effect...)
So I was open about it and I told her i'm sorry and now the ride home we don't talk hockey *unless* she initiates it. Which I love. Sometimes she will ask me "dad, when that other kid lifts my stick going for the puck, how do I stop it?" or "shouldn't that have been a penalty" or "I wasn't shooting 5-hole even though I scored there, I fanned on my shot LOL" or whatever and other times she just watches Netflix and is quiet.
I have brought a lot of that same concept into my home for school and other things. I'm home most times when my kids get home because I work from home and at most they get a joke about school from me and I feel like it gives them an opening to tell me anything they feel like telling me and if I want to ask something specific it would be at a later time.
Below is the ride home commercial. Like I said only at best tangentially related to your topic and your child now at this age, but it really hit home for me. If you didn't grow up like this maybe it would never occur to you to act this way, but for some people I bet is subconscious
Link - ( New Window )
And I know this is only tangentially related, but I also coach my youngest's hockey team. And this is true of a coach or a parent, but we used to get in the car after games (and even after some practices) and I'd immediately ask her about situations in the game and her reaction to them.
I didn't get a great response and then I saw a commercial on NHL Network called "the ride home" and in it they show a father just absolutely berating and almost harassing his son after a practice (wasn't even hockey, but I saw it on NHLN) and I had a revelation, holy shit that kid was me. And now I was becoming my father (full disclosure I was never mean or angry or critical like my dad or the dad in the commerical, but still probably had the same effect...)
So I was open about it and I told her i'm sorry and now the ride home we don't talk hockey *unless* she initiates it. Which I love. Sometimes she will ask me "dad, when that other kid lifts my stick going for the puck, how do I stop it?" or "shouldn't that have been a penalty" or "I wasn't shooting 5-hole even though I scored there, I fanned on my shot LOL" or whatever and other times she just watches Netflix and is quiet.
I have brought a lot of that same concept into my home for school and other things. I'm home most times when my kids get home because I work from home and at most they get a joke about school from me and I feel like it gives them an opening to tell me anything they feel like telling me and if I want to ask something specific it would be at a later time.
Below is the ride home commercial. Like I said only at best tangentially related to your topic and your child now at this age, but it really hit home for me. If you didn't grow up like this maybe it would never occur to you to act this way, but for some people I bet is subconscious
Link - ( New Window )
Now, I'm vetting that with my younger son. I am overjoyed they share my love and passion for baseball. Now, if I can vet them to share the work ethic I had for the game.
First, it is reassuring to hear that this is a common problem.
I've tried some of the "better questions" strategies and she doesn't have the patience for those. She gives me the "I don't remember" or "I don't care" response.
I think pj's post about the ride home hits me pretty hard. I didn't think I was grilling her but upon reflection I realized that I ask her a lot of questions as soon as I see her. In my mind, I'm trying to find out what happened while its still fresh in her mind. But all she probably wants to do is just unwind in the car. I'm going to try and implement pj's rule about "you tell me when you want to tell me something"
As for the bedtime routine, this is what sucks. We get home at 6, then eat dinner, hang out for a bit, then it's time for bed. Bath time starts at 7ish with intent to get them in bed by 7:30/8 and this week both my girls (18 m/o and the kindergartner) have knocked out as soon as their head hits the pillow, so they're obviously exhausted.
I'm going to try to pick my kindergartner up early for a few days next week and today. Hopefully giving her a little time to unwind will help her overall.
What we learned and like most of the advice above, mix up the questions. We found that when you ask about who he played with that day or who was the line leader, he would open up. Switch it up and when they bring home drawings or arts/crafts, ask about what the other kids in his class made. We found when you ask about the different students (get to know their names!), they open up and talk more about their day.
Good luck!
Who did you play with today?
Tell me about lunch what did you eat?
you need to get her to recall a specific event and then start questioning about that event and then she'll start opening up. She will start to remember other details.
This.
"Warehouse" them for 9+ hours? They are in school for 6-6.5 of those hours...
Oh, forget it...
And GPS is overkill. When she's old enough for a phone, yeah, stick Life360 or something on it, but til then, just enjoy.
Most households have both parents working now - many of them adjust schedules so kids aren't in after-school-care long if at all.
My wife stayed home til' the last kid cleared Kindergarten, then we staggered schedules, kids would be in after school care til' I could pick them up around 4 - worked out nice, cause they'd get to play with classmates for an hour or so - double bonus cause my neighborhood had NO KIDS.