Hey guys. Stuck between rock and hard place here. Just looking for advice. My daughter tried out for 6th grade volleyball but was cut from team this week along with 3 other girls. At 1st I told her that I was proud of her for giving 100% and trying as she has never played the sport before.
This morning I find out that the team kept a student that is in special ed. This student is handicapped and cant physically play as the other girls. Still, I think this is good for the team to keep her and let her play. Its 6th grade and she deserves to feel the part of the team. The problem I'm having, is my 12 yo doesn't look at it like this. She says it's not fair as she constantly outplayed this girl and deserved to make the team. Her and my wife want to contact school district which I want no part of doing.
How do you guys feel about this? Am I wrong for wanting to sit this one out? I say let it go, and let that poor girl enjoy herself, but then I have my own daughter beating herself up over this? I will not have anything to do with contacting the school over this.
Work hard, practice on her own and try again next year.
Is she interested in other sports? Local club Soccer or Basketball is probably starting up.
She missed a chance to help your daughter grow.
She missed a chance to help your daughter grow.
The other girl making the team anyway was my first thought as well. I'd try and explain that to my daughter and let her know she didn't take her spot.
What about the next to last girl who made the team or any others. Did your daughter out play them? If so she has a right to be bummed but if not, she should work on getting better and beat those girls out next year.
Agreed about the teaching lesson/growing part as well.
She missed a chance to help your daughter grow.
This hits the nail on the head. Life isn't fair sometimes, and the sooner you learn that the better. 6th grade certainly isn't too early.
Sports today is crazy competitive.
By 6th grade....kids are in clinic/summer leagues/camps etc...My recommendation and is to get her more ready for the next tryout sport etc.
She is not competing against the last spot on the team.....she is competing against the starters....
what is worse....is making the team and never playing.
My son always would miss the 5th/6th/7th basketball teams....the buddies that did make it....rarely played. I would find another league that he started and played a ton....today he is better then all his buddies and most of the "stars".
The key is finding leagues/teams that allow her to play.
that is the guidance your wife should be providing.
Instead of contacting school districts, she should be focusing on developing the skills that may help her next year (if she's passionate about the sport).
Jordan not making his HS Varsity Basketball team is a good one.
No good will come from your wife pushing the issue in this case
Work hard, practice on her own and try again next year.
Agree with this. The lesson in the unfairness of life isn't that your daughter didn't make the team. It is that she doesn't understand what compassion and respect is to another human being that would give anything to have life the way your daughter does. It seems like your daughter and wife both need to learn how to walk a mile in the other girls shoes.
1. Have your daughter speak with the coach and for them to identify how she can improve for next year. Just like you see a teacher if you struggled in a class you go to extra help.
2. She could also if she could help support the team in any way. At that age don't be surprised if another member quits or maybe gets injured and that may open up a opportunity if she is around the team.
In upstate NY, there are plenty of avenues for special needs children to participate without having to displace non special needs children.
Right or wrong, though, your family will look like ogres if you fight it. Teach your daughter how to play and try again next time. No matter what the sport is, if she's a beginner while others already know the game, she's going to get beat out unless there's low turnout.
When things dont go your way, you have two choices.....keep working hard and fighting for your spot, or give up and prove the coaches right.
I have a feeling you'll steer your daughter in the right direction
It's tough to be cut. If she loves volleyball, keep her playing somewhere. She has to improve and she won't keep up with the improvement of those on the team if she isn't playing. It's a rare person that toughs it out and comes back to tryout again the following year. More power to her if she does.
If it was more of a social thing than a love of volleyball, then help her find alternatives.
...my two cents, you are doing everything right. Hold your ground and just continue to be supportive of your daughter.
I get cuts when you're at a biggest district or it's a sport where you need to cut 25 people.
But 6th-grade volleyball? Man, 6th grade is when you still have no idea what some of the kids will eventually become.
Sure you have the naturals who you know are just going to always be there, but in 6th grade, there are still kids who haven't even thought about one sport or another, and who will be key contributors in high school. Just how it goes.
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Agree with anyone who posted: teach her perspective and encourage her to work her ass off to make the next available team.
Um...IMO, you need to get on the bus, or prepared to be run over by it.
"Family demands handicapped player be removed from 6th grade team". go viral. Because it will and it's not a good look.
Personally, dont ignore your daughters feelings. They are real. However, if you are capable of surviving the immediate drama this will be a real learning experience for her and your family. My daughter chose not to try out last year for the cheerleading squad as a freshman and regrets it immensely to this day. We had a difficult time with her last year emotionally as she was adjusting to this new high school. This year, so far so good, as a sophomore. The anger and emotions have subsided and she is starting to truly enjoy HS. So, I guess for some, time heals all wounds. The middle school grades are real difficult. Try to be the common sense parent if you can, but dont ignore your daughters feelings. These things hurt. Good Luck. 👍
This will be one of the best things that will happen to her if you play it smart. Failure is just another opportunity to create more success.
Sports are extracurricular. It's completely different than a class.
Personally, dont ignore your daughters feelings. They are real. However, if you are capable of surviving the immediate drama this will be a real learning experience for her and your family. My daughter chose not to try out last year for the cheerleading squad as a freshman and regrets it immensely to this day. We had a difficult time with her last year emotionally as she was adjusting to this new high school. This year, so far so good, as a sophomore. The anger and emotions have subsided and she is starting to truly enjoy HS. So, I guess for some, time heals all wounds. The middle school grades are real difficult. Try to be the common sense parent if you can, but dont ignore your daughters feelings. These things hurt. Good Luck. 👍
With all due respect, I don't think they will be tagged as "those kinds of parents" unjustifiably. You just don't go to the school board or administration for this kind of thing. yankeeslover's instinct are completely correct. This is a great teachable moment. My own 7th grade son is a long shot to make the 7th/8th grade soccer team because so many kids are trying out for it. It is what it is. Learn to deal with rejection, and use it as an opportunity to build grit.
They dont cut the weak students from algebra, but they do get a poor grade. Typically, algebra is a requirement. Students have to take it by law, rule or policy. If it is an elective, a student can elect to not take the course.
Interscholastic athletics are not required. It is a privilege to play sports and yes, students do have to try out and do get cut. Athletics are not clubs. Clubs are voluntary and everyone gets to participate.
This is an important lesson and in a few years your daughter will understand that. In the moment I am sure it is frustrating for her and your wife, but it will pass. Encourage her not to call the district.
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and professional perspective. Ive been an attorney for 25 years, more than half of that time as an education law attorney, the last 14 as in-house counsel for a large school district. I am no longer in that position and have transitioned back to the private sector. I am also the father of a 15 year old daughter who has had difficulty assimilating to a high school where she doesnt know anyone. Professionally, I would advise you not to complain to anyone at the school. The complaints will go largely unheeded and your family will unjustifiably be tagged as those types of parents. Many here have advised you of such. I had a front row seat countless times to this type of situation.
Personally, dont ignore your daughters feelings. They are real. However, if you are capable of surviving the immediate drama this will be a real learning experience for her and your family. My daughter chose not to try out last year for the cheerleading squad as a freshman and regrets it immensely to this day. We had a difficult time with her last year emotionally as she was adjusting to this new high school. This year, so far so good, as a sophomore. The anger and emotions have subsided and she is starting to truly enjoy HS. So, I guess for some, time heals all wounds. The middle school grades are real difficult. Try to be the common sense parent if you can, but dont ignore your daughters feelings. These things hurt. Good Luck. 👍
With all due respect, I don't think they will be tagged as "those kinds of parents" unjustifiably. You just don't go to the school board or administration for this kind of thing. yankeeslover's instinct are completely correct. This is a great teachable moment. My own 7th grade son is a long shot to make the 7th/8th grade soccer team because so many kids are trying out for it. It is what it is. Learn to deal with rejection, and use it as an opportunity to build grit.
Valid point. It may not be unjustified depending on the approach. Well put.
Of course a middle school team cuts kids. My son just started 6th grade. His school has over 1000 students. Are there supposed to be 100s of kids on the teams?
Kindness is the name of the game.
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Man youth sports sucks.
Of course a middle school team cuts kids. My son just started 6th grade. His school has over 1000 students. Are there supposed to be 100s of kids on the teams?
Kindness is the name of the game.
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In comment 14573917 RDJR said:
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a student can be denied a spot regardless of skill level. Do they cut the weak math students out of algebra?
They dont cut the weak students from algebra, but they do get a poor grade. Typically, algebra is a requirement. Students have to take it by law, rule or policy. If it is an elective, a student can elect to not take the course.
Interscholastic athletics are not required. It is a privilege to play sports and yes, students do have to try out and do get cut. Athletics are not clubs. Clubs are voluntary and everyone gets to participate.
Yes - if you're in 8th grade, only certain kids can take algebra. The others have to wait.
Multiple teams = multiple coaches. You want higher taxes?
Well played...LOL
That being said, does your town have a local youth volleyball program that your daughter can participate in? Where I live, we have a travel program where cuts are made and then everyone is part of the in-town league. If you just have a middle school program then they are free to make cuts or not make cuts based on the number of players the coach wants to carry.
Situation definitely sucks and if your daughter is serious about volleyball, perhaps there is another program she can join to improve her skills
Exactly. My kid won't make the school team I don't think, but he plays in the town's intramural league.
You should probably explain this to your daughter and wife as politely as possible. And just tell your daughter she should use this as motivation to practice and put herself in a better position to make the team next year.
In class, you dont try. You dont hope for an A. You do anything and everything to get an A. If you want an A, dont try to get a 90. Get high 90s to ensure it happens. Now if youre not an A student, so be it. You may have to just try harder than the kid sitting next to you. But if you want As, thats what you have to do. Now if youve done everything possible and got Bs. Im proud of you, and you should be proud that you did anything and everything to do your best. And accept the fact that in that one subject your just not an A student.
Same lesson carries on to youth sports. Be an a player. Whatever it takes. Your goal shouldnt be to MAKE the team. Or even to start. But to be the best player you can possibly be. You can only control your effort, so dont ever let someone have more desire or more effort than you. Thats the only thing you can control. Now if your skill or talent makes you a borderline cut, then there is politics. And you either play that game or not. But if you ever get cut, but tried your absolute best and left everything out there, again Im proud of you and you should be proud of yourself. No excuses, coach chose other players for whatever reason and wish them success.
Long winded, and not necessarily right or wrong.
In the case of taking a special ed kid for the last roster spot. Yeah, that kid may very well appreciate his role more than anyone. He may motivate his teammates. They may all rally around him. Not saying your wife would be a complainer but if shes already trying to talk to the school about getting cut, maybe coach thinks she will complain about your daughters playing time? Just a perspective from the coaches side, thats all
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a student can be denied a spot regardless of skill level. Do they cut the weak math students out of algebra?
Yes - if you're in 8th grade, only certain kids can take algebra. The others have to wait.
I don't know about your district but in mine if the kid is capable of taking it in 8th grade and wants to they do not deny anybody no matter how much extra it costs the district.