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NFT: Parenting advice for child cut from team

yankeeslover : 9/13/2019 7:25 am
Hey guys. Stuck between rock and hard place here. Just looking for advice. My daughter tried out for 6th grade volleyball but was cut from team this week along with 3 other girls. At 1st I told her that I was proud of her for giving 100% and trying as she has never played the sport before.
This morning I find out that the team kept a student that is in special ed. This student is handicapped and cant physically play as the other girls. Still, I think this is good for the team to keep her and let her play. Its 6th grade and she deserves to feel the part of the team. The problem I'm having, is my 12 yo doesn't look at it like this. She says it's not fair as she constantly outplayed this girl and deserved to make the team. Her and my wife want to contact school district which I want no part of doing.
How do you guys feel about this? Am I wrong for wanting to sit this one out? I say let it go, and let that poor girl enjoy herself, but then I have my own daughter beating herself up over this? I will not have anything to do with contacting the school over this.
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*bring more.  
Big Blue Blogger : 9/14/2019 11:19 am : link
Grrr... typo.
RE: That’s dumb  
give66 : 9/14/2019 11:21 am : link
In comment 14574810 Bill L said:
Quote:
Classes, including physics classes, get over-subscribed all the time. When you get to be college-age, and if you go, you’ll see that there’s just some classes you can’t take when you want them because there’s no space.

Yes happens all the time but ask yourself how the colleges pick who gets in those limited spaces? Do they let the students with the highest GPA in or they base it on seniority or need?
* SPIKE, not scissor.  
Big Blue Blogger : 9/14/2019 11:21 am : link
Clearly need more coffee. See you guys later.
4 year old handle starts posting for 1st time on one thread  
Diversify yo bonds : 9/14/2019 11:45 am : link
Obtuse, contrarian arguments

Everybody takes bait
What..  
FatMan in Charlotte : 9/14/2019 12:10 pm : link
paradox is there?
[/quote]Sorry if you cant wrap your head around the paradox I am pointing out.
If we have 100 physics students who are capable of passing we don't say well we will only take the top twenty students and the rest of you can go pound sand come back next year.
[/quote]

In sports, Trying hard and attending practices is "passing"? Nope.

Just because you study physics doesn't mean you automatically get to be in the physics classes of your choice, nor, even if you get a degree is physics are you guaranteed a job in the field of physics.

And your example falls flat on it's face in many levels. There are literally tens of thousands of students who have the credentials to get into a school of their choice, yet they aren't guaranteed acceptance, even to state-schools or to government-run academies.

This idea of equal participation for all didn't even happen in Communist or Socialist countries - why would it be in place here?

There's nothing to wrap a head around - it is simply moronic thinking.
I’m sure there were signs up all over school  
eli4life : 9/14/2019 1:14 pm : link
Papers sent home announcements made etc. about “tryouts “ for the volleyball team. That means not everyone is good enough to make the team. Sometimes that’s hard to accept as a parent.

What about the other girls that got cut? Why is your daughter more deserving than them? Not saying she is or isn’t better than them but just pointing out the sense of entitlement your wife is showing.

As far as the handicapped girl goes I agree with others her spot on the team has no bearing whatsoever on your daughter making the team or not. If say 10 kids make the team I’d bet she’ number 11(just an example not sure the rules for volleyball). There are rules and exemptions for handicapped student athletes so this child can participate without having to cut another deserving child.

Even if there isn’t any exemption I would explain to your daughter the experience for this child is worth exponentially more to the girl who has the deck stacked against her in life than someone who just wants to play and to be frank not good enough to make it. There’s a valuable lesson here for your daughter to learn
RE: RE: That’s dumb  
Bill L : 9/14/2019 2:35 pm : link
In comment 14574891 give66 said:
Quote:
In comment 14574810 Bill L said:


Quote:


Classes, including physics classes, get over-subscribed all the time. When you get to be college-age, and if you go, you’ll see that there’s just some classes you can’t take when you want them because there’s no space.


Yes happens all the time but ask yourself how the colleges pick who gets in those limited spaces? Do they let the students with the highest GPA in or they base it on seniority or need?


Whatever they use, it’s a metric. It’s not everyone gets in because they just want to...which was your original contention.

I gotta ask, when your high school drama club does Shakespeare, how many Juliet’s are there on stage in a performance?
RE: RE: RE: That’s dumb  
give66 : 9/14/2019 2:45 pm : link
In comment 14575028 Bill L said:
Quote:
In comment 14574891 give66 said:


Quote:


In comment 14574810 Bill L said:


Quote:


Classes, including physics classes, get over-subscribed all the time. When you get to be college-age, and if you go, you’ll see that there’s just some classes you can’t take when you want them because there’s no space.


Yes happens all the time but ask yourself how the colleges pick who gets in those limited spaces? Do they let the students with the highest GPA in or they base it on seniority or need?



Whatever they use, it’s a metric. It’s not everyone gets in because they just want to...which was your original contention.

I gotta ask, when your high school drama club does Shakespeare, how many Juliet’s are there on stage in a performance?

I'm not saying everyone gets to play Juliet or Quarterback but I don't think they cut kids from the drama club either like the football team.
RE: What..  
give66 : 9/14/2019 2:55 pm : link
In comment 14574927 FatMan in Charlotte said:
Quote:
paradox is there?
Sorry if you cant wrap your head around the paradox I am pointing out.
If we have 100 physics students who are capable of passing we don't say well we will only take the top twenty students and the rest of you can go pound sand come back next year.
[/quote]

In sports, Trying hard and attending practices is "passing"? Nope.

Just because you study physics doesn't mean you automatically get to be in the physics classes of your choice, nor, even if you get a degree is physics are you guaranteed a job in the field of physics.

And your example falls flat on it's face in many levels. There are literally tens of thousands of students who have the credentials to get into a school of their choice, yet they aren't guaranteed acceptance, even to state-schools or to government-run academies.

This idea of equal participation for all didn't even happen in Communist or Socialist countries - why would it be in place here?

There's nothing to wrap a head around - it is simply moronic thinking. [/quote]
We are not talking about the competitive job market or universities here. The OP's daughter was in public middle school. No reason the school shouldn't let everyone that is competent and will do the work play. Have an A and B team or junior varsity etc if it must be competitive.

good advice here  
AnnapolisMike : 9/14/2019 3:06 pm : link
school sports teams have limited spots and not everyone is going to make it if the interest is greater than the spots available. If she wants to play a sport look at local rec league where she will get playing time and everyone makes the team.

My daughter settled in on Field Hockey...flipped to goalie in rec leagues because she hated to run and made HS varsity her Sophmore year and starts as a Junior. She found her spot and practices hard.
Our children look to us to learn how to deal with adversity  
GiantJake : 9/14/2019 3:57 pm : link
Your wife is setting a very poor example. To let her believe that she is somehow being screwed by the system or the coach or the special needs child is just wrong. At some point, every child has to deal with getting cut or not being selected or not being invited or included. Teaching her that disappointment means someone is to blame and they need to be called out and/or punished is setting a dangerous precedent.
RE: Wait a minute...  
BlueLou'sBack : 9/15/2019 4:55 am : link
In comment 14574116 FatMan in Charlotte said:
Quote:
so if I'm diligent about studying brain surgery and attend every class and do all the assignments, I should automatically become a doctor and be allowed to operate?

Hey - I know who can be my first victim, um er patient!!


This post alone makes this thread kinda awesome.

The notion of giving FMiC a license to crack skulls and snip out gray matter... LOL

But come to think of it - considering some posters here - maybe that wouldn't be so bad?
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