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A Story of Giant Fandom, and Eli Manning

colin : 1/23/2020 10:40 am
This is a Facebook post I made that people enjoyed. I figured you guys may as well.

tl;dr Eli Manning retired and I'm bummed.

I've been a Giants fan since I knew what sports were. I can't really explain why football matters to me so much. I don't bet, I didn't play a sport past the age of 12, I never even played organized football. In fact, I went to try out for my high school team, had to bike to the first practice, and on the bike ride home I had an asthma attack, threw up, then proceeded to not be able to move for 3 days.

I grew up in CT, a state that lacks a pro football team, or an identity, so you followed the Patriots, Jets, or Giants (or Cowboys if you were a spineless frontrunner). When I was about 5, I was watching the Giants/Jets preseason game with my uncle and said, "I think I like the green team." My uncle replied, "IN THIS HOUSE WE'RE GIANTS FANS, DO YOU LIKE LIVING IN A HOUSE?!" Ya know, the way you talk to children. It's important to highlight, that this was not his house. In retrospect, thank God for a family of alcoholics, or I would have ended up following the Jets, which is a much worse kind of abuse.

I grew up a fan in the 90's. I got the pleasure of watching Kent Graham, Dave Brown, Danny Kannell, and Kerry Collins play QB for the Giants. It was brutal. I knew we needed help, so when I was 13, I signed up to a Giants online message board, because I thought that's how I was supposed to contact Wellington Mara, then owner of the Giants. I wrote, what turned out to be an open letter, simply addressed to "Mr. Giants Owner," attempting to convince him of my bulletproof plan to make Jesse Palmer the starting QB, and lead us to the promised land. Mr. Mara ended up ignoring my advice, Mr. Palmer ended up on the Bachelor, and the Giants ended up with Peyton Manning's little brother at QB.

Eli Manning became my favorite player to ever play the game. Yea, he looks like he’d star in a commercial that highlights the positives of CTE, and sometimes he played that way too, but he brought me the coolest moments I've ever had as a sports fan. I'll tell this one story, then you can all shit on me for caring about something.

In 2007 I was 19. I had a girlfriend that I wanted to marry, because I'm white trash, and that's what my genetics told me to do. While we dated, she said she liked football, but didn't have a favorite team, to which I said, "What about the Giants?" or "Sweet tits," or something convincing like that. She eventually wizened up and left me in September of that year, and I was heartbroken. She ended up dating someone new within 2 weeks, so, clearly she was heartbroken too. We all grieve differently.

The new guy? A Patriots fan. And she became a Patriots fan.

Now, if you're unfamiliar with the timeline, in September of 2007, the Patriots embarked on what would be the greatest regular season ever played. I was too young to have learned to block an ex on social media, so I remember that autumn to winter, watching her celebrate, posting the Patriots records, "10-0," "12-0," "16-0." I learned then, at that tender age, that I would never get into being cuckolded by a stronger man.

As most of you know, the Giants met the undefeated Patriots in the Super Bowl, and pulled off one of the greatest upsets in sports history. I'll never forget that final drive. I sat in a room full of Patriots fans, my heart racing after a bunch of shit I should not have talked, as Joe Buck called what would be the game winning play,
"Manning, lobs it, Burress, ALONE, TOUCHDOWN NEW YORK!"
And I stood up, threw my hands in the air, and said,
"I WON THE BREAK UP!"

So, #thankyoueli, you will always be my favorite Giant.

Sidenote: She totally won the break up.
what did you mean by this?  
cjac : 1/23/2020 10:52 am : link
Quote:
he looks like he’d star in a commercial that highlights the positives of CTE


i dont get it
Terrific. You Win BBI,  
clatterbuck : 1/23/2020 10:55 am : link
at least for today.
RE: what did you mean by this?  
colin : 1/23/2020 10:55 am : link
In comment 14790765 cjac said:
Quote:


Quote:


he looks like he’d star in a commercial that highlights the positives of CTE



i dont get it


Might have been a stretch, it felt less hacky/offensive than saying “he looks like he’s got an extra chromosome.”
Thanks for sharing  
Rudy5757 : 1/23/2020 10:57 am : link
You have a talent for story telling.

You won the break up.
RE: Terrific. You Win BBI,  
BlueLou'sBack : 1/23/2020 11:02 am : link
In comment 14790771 clatterbuck said:
Quote:
at least for today.


+1, great sense of humor, fine writing in the mode of "A Confederacy of Dunces".

But, re the chick that dumped you for the Pats fan...

Pics or GTFO.
Thanks guys  
colin : 1/23/2020 11:14 am : link
As far as pics go, unfortunately I don’t have any. It’s especially disappointing because she went through a weird body builder phase after me, which was basically icing on the cake.
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