So yesterday at work, I get a call from my wife hysterical. My 5 y/o son was dropped off from his bus with the back of his head split open and bleeding everywhere from a laceration, clothes soaked in blood. Another 5 year old who has a history of being an asshole, tackled my son, and drove his head hard enough into the bus floor to cut it open. My son had to have 3 staples placed to stop the bleeding.
This bully kid has a history of being violent, and apparently the bus driver decided to seat my non violent calm son next to this kid thinking he would cause less trouble. They have assigned seats, and my kid normally sits no where close to this kid. Bus driver also acted like it was nothing, a just slapped a tissue on my kids head and continue with the drop offs as usual.
So today, my wife talks the principal who is blowing this off as an accident and not even disciplining the kid who assaulted my kid. She sat my kid and bully together and made them say it was accident and he is sorry. She is putting words in my kids mouth, because my kid was clearly saying the other kid tackled him intentionally.
This is in the Roslyn school district of Long Island, and I'm not paying a shitload of school taxes to have my 5 y/o kid's head split open on the bus. I would have stayed in Brooklyn if I wanted my kids beaten up. I'm not a litigious guy (I hate lawyers), but the school is blowing us off as a a nothing incident.
Need advice on what to do. I want to beat the shit out of the other kid's parents, but they won't even tell us the full name and contact info the bully kid.
I'm not sure what the options are here. Speaking to the Board of Ed is an option, but if your LI board is anything like my Board here in CT, it's likely a waste of time.
I hope your little dude feels better and is separated from the bully kid from here on out.
Young children are far more resilient than we are so hang in there. I have two children younger than him so I can understand how you're feeling.
I'm not sure what you can do but I'd sure as hell look into finding out who is most responsible between the school, bus driver/bus company, kids parents, but again I don't know if there's a way.
All the best to your son.
Can't say I can give the correct course of action, but I would certainly consult legal opinions if the school is blowing this off as a non-issue.
I would contact a lawyer for sure. The school is failing to protect your son. This kid is getting away with this kind of behavior, what's it going to take before they take this shit seriously? Some kid to be maimed for life or worse?
If need you a little cash to cover the hospital bill, you could probably get it, but it wouldn't cover your lawyer's bill.
The bully kid has identified himself as a problem child, and the school will know this and transition him to a "special learnig" pathway within a few years.
1) know what outcome you want in advance. You will quickly get frustrated and angry getting blown off and lose focus of the outcome - this is guaranteed to happen. So know your goal in advance, the outcome you and your wife want
2) know why you are being blown off. Two reasons, they’re kids and this stuff is common. Not to you, but to the school system. Secondly, they want it swept under the rug because they know it can quickly become a big freakin deal if they let it...
Best of luck, expect the frustrations, and once again hope the little guy is ok
(1) The School itself
(2) The Principal
(3) The Bus Driver
Schools must do everything in their power to prevent Bullying incidents. From what you're saying, they did the bare minimum.
Its just a matter of justice.
I feel like the principal is just trying to sweep it under the rug like nothing happened and the bully kid gets away with it.
I can't even talk to the parents since its protected info they won't disclose. I would love to settle it the old school way with the father.
This is WILDLY unfortunate what happened to your son and the bully kid...things will catch up to him.
that being said they are young boys and shit happens. the school really isnt going to do much of anything. IF anything, you would need the bus driver to witness it and say to the school the bully 100% meant to hurt your son...different story. the likely story is the kid was just being a jackass and tackled your son not trying to hurt him intentionally but just being a jackass little kid.
IF the driver attests that he intentionally tried to hurt your son, the school can suspend or expell the student.
as for you wanting retaliation, i understand and it makes sense, but beating his parents doesnt solve much of anything as you will surely be charged yourself and your son will be left with staples and a father in jail lol
the best way to combat this? teach your kids it is not appropriate but also teach your kids to defend themselves. not much your son could have done here to defend himself so i think this as mentioned is just an unfortunate, unpreventable event. there will always be bullies...teach your son how to box.
sorry this happened to your boy
A lot of people don't like going that route, and I get it; just giving you what little bit I know.
All we know is the kids 1st name. They won't give us any other info. The kid is not in any of classes of my kid, they just take the same bus.
Hope he's feeling better!
I will escalate to the superintendent, but I get the feeling nothing will a happen.
I also have a feeling that because I am asian, they are blowing us off since asians aren't suppose to make a ruckus. But if the want us to make ruckus, I'm willing to play.
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Something seems a bit off about this story...
All we know is the kids 1st name. They won't give us any other info. The kid is not in any of classes of my kid, they just take the same bus.
When the bus drops your kid off, your wife goes on the bus and tells your son to point out the kid who did it. Your wife asks the kid for his first and last name.
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Something seems a bit off about this story...
All we know is the kids 1st name. They won't give us any other info. The kid is not in any of classes of my kid, they just take the same bus.
Do some simple detective work. Follow the school bus, see where he gets on or off the bus, then get to that bus stop really early stake out the area and see what house he comes out of.
then beat the hell out of that 5-year old bully and his parents.
seriously though if you want to find out who he is it's not hard.
but most importantly, the only advice I will offer is I would not involve the press or get loud about this until (if at all) you calm down and do some minor checking on the incident.
I had a school incident that had me in my car racing to the kindergarten to beat the hell out of the kindergarten gym teacher until my wife got through to me that we didn't quite have the whole story.
I have learned a lot over the years and as important as our children are to us, restraint and patience are strong and critical virtues in child raising. Children take emotional cues from parents. Think of that with how you act during this.
And pursue whatever you want, I am offering no advice on the next steps, that's up to you.
If not, they really get sued. I am in Jersey but I am sure the process is similar, if not the same, in new york.
HIB = Harassment, Intimidation, and Bullying.
Death threats. Violence. Hit lists. Police do jack crap, saying the school police have to handle it. School does nothing because they don't want it to reflect poorly on the school. Kids are back at school. No punishment, minimal at best. Nothing happens.
Then something really bad happens and everyone scratches their heads.
Not saying your son isn't telling the truth, just that different people see different things.
If its confirmed, I would set in person meetings with the principal and the superintendent, WHOEVER will take the meeting.
Make sure you note that you need an IN PERSON meeting and that you will not accept an email or phone call.
Bring pictures and medical reports to the meeting, any corroborating info you have found and lay your cards out on the table.
They don't want the in person meeting to start, especially knowing you are coming in hot.
You should get an appropriate response.
I would, however, take issue with the way the bus driver didn't immediately react to it as an emergency. That's within the scope of being a responsible parent. I'd probably go to the superintendent based on that alone.
You absolutely could sue the school for the medical expenses by the way. I'm surprised they aren't more worried about you doing that. I remember I slipped on ice when I was 10 and broke my front teeth and it happened on school property. The freaking principal was in the nurse's office accompanying me until my mom got there and even called my house later to make sure I was okay. It was obvious they were trying to stay on our good side to avoid a lawsuit lol. Of course my parents didn't blame the school for it and had no inclination to sue the school, they understood that shit happens and it wasn't the school's fault. But in this instance since the school is being shitty about it I would absolutely think about going down that road.
My suggestion would be to tell your son to sit elsewhere on the bus. Send him with a note from you and your wife that you don't want him sitting with a kid who has been violent. If the driver makes him sit there, call the principal.
Believe me, I understand the desire to find the kid's dad and kick the crap out of him. I am a father and have had similar reactions. But I am (slowly) learning that really never is the best answer.
I hope your boy is doing better and this is behind both of you.
This is the way. Go back and see the principal. Follow up with calling the school superintendent's office and say you are dissatisfied with the principal's action. Demand your son never sits near the other kid or ask for the other kid to be removed from the bus for the month or you will seek legal remedies. I also think the school board is liable for your cost for the injury so submit it with the reason.
The bus driver is a $15/hr jockey - hard to blame them when driving on that part of LI is a nightmare. I guess they don't have monitors on the buses on LI?
In your case, be the squeaky wheel. Make everyone who's anyone in that district aware of who this kid is and what they did to your child. Once this kid's on their radar and acts up again, they will be more inclined to intervene
I'm being funny. But, seriously, just because someone says there is a history doesn't mean it is so. You have to prove it and all this father can do is point to this one incident hence him not even knowing who the other kid is. So, who is responsible to show the history? The school? Good luck with that. If this kid wasn't in trouble for this incident I het the school also didn't document a lot of other incidents as well. At that point it just becomes this one incident.
True Detective - Bully - ( New Window )
I will escalate to the superintendent, but I get the feeling nothing will a happen.
I also have a feeling that because I am asian, they are blowing us off since asians aren't suppose to make a ruckus. But if the want us to make ruckus, I'm willing to play.
You don't actually want to sue. You want to scare the district into taking more aggressive measures to ensure your kid's safety. The way to do that (again at least when I lived in Roslyn) is to make it seem like you are willing to lose money to make a point. IE, talk to a lawyer that would be willing to detail out the steps that they will take if x,y,z isn't done to protect your kid. Do you have a family member or friend who's a lawyer by chance?
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He said this kid has a history of bullying.
I'm being funny. But, seriously, just because someone says there is a history doesn't mean it is so. You have to prove it and all this father can do is point to this one incident hence him not even knowing who the other kid is. So, who is responsible to show the history? The school? Good luck with that. If this kid wasn't in trouble for this incident I het the school also didn't document a lot of other incidents as well. At that point it just becomes this one incident.
Understood. I'm only going by what he said from the beginning.
Sounds to me that the already has been a tacit admission to bullying. If the OP is correct, the bus driver sat his son near the aggressor specifically because he thought it would head off abusive behavior. You can't do that without some prior knowledge or experience.
...
I also have a feeling that because I am asian, they are blowing us off since asians aren't suppose to make a ruckus. But if the want us to make ruckus, I'm willing to play.
Now this part gives me flashbacks to being in grade school. I thought we had evolved.
My point is that if this kid was injured and had to go to the hospital to get staples that is something that 100% should be documented and reimbursed for since this happened under their watch. Now, that is just the financial aspect of it. As an administrator, this has to be documented and not just filed under an accident.
I'm sorry, I accidentally pushed someone in front of a car. It is okay though because it was an accident. Intent doesn't really matter. It is the outcome. Any administrator that is trying to downplay this is an asshole.
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A one time incident does not constitute bullying. It is almost always something that happens repeatedly. So, if you want to file this under HIB you are going to have to show that which you obviously do not have. On the other hand, if you can show that this other kid has a history then that may hold more weight. The problem is you really cannot do that. Someone else will have to do that for you and when you are dealing with 5 year olds I don't think they'll take that as seriously as they should.
Sounds to me that the already has been a tacit admission to bullying. If the OP is correct, the bus driver sat his son near the aggressor specifically because he thought it would head off abusive behavior. You can't do that without some prior knowledge or experience.
Being aggressive doesn't mean bullying. Yes, there could be. I'm saying that in order to call it bullying you have to show repeated behavior. Maybe that is the case and most likely is. But it could also be something stupid like a 5 year old just being very energetic by not sitting down, yelling, etc. We don't know the full story.
1) know what outcome you want in advance. You will quickly get frustrated and angry getting blown off and lose focus of the outcome - this is guaranteed to happen. So know your goal in advance, the outcome you and your wife want
2) know why you are being blown off. Two reasons, they’re kids and this stuff is common. Not to you, but to the school system. Secondly, they want it swept under the rug because they know it can quickly become a big freakin deal if they let it...
Best of luck, expect the frustrations, and once again hope the little guy is ok
Exactly right.
Assess both of these and you will know what to do next.
Is that going too far? I don't give a damn. You don't mess with my kid, period.
My sense is that they are doing everything to deflect any hint of litigation. I would try to find a non-lawyer professional dealing with bullying etc to try to get the school (and hopefully the other family) to acknowledge there is a problem and work it through in that way before you go seek legal redress.
What are you really after?
Is that going too far? I don't give a damn. You don't mess with my kid, period.
The parents didn't mess with penkap's kid. Their kid was the cause.
Is that going too far? I don't give a damn. You don't mess with my kid, period.
I'd probably do that but when you think about it you totally fuck yourself. The other parents can say you are harassing them. Then you are now the problem.
I'm an asshole when I have to be but is it too much to ask for that family to apologize to you? I mean, if my son was the one that caused the injury I would take my son's ass over to that house and make him apologize right away and see if there is anything I can do to help alleviate the situation. Does that happen anymore? Fuck no. Nobody takes accountability for their actions anymore.
My friend's family has a bus company for over 60 years and his bus streams and records data. It's not uncommon when an event to occur to assign a monitor to a bus and have a child assigned to another pickup location.
Hope this helps in some way.
I would also get a lawyer.
Thats how the new me would handle it.
The old me would have reacted in a way that would have made them call the police on me.
Curious how your wife's convo with the principal went... I know how my wife's convo would have went... it would not have been pretty, and there would be zero percent chance this got 'pushed to the side'.
I'm sorry this happened to you.
I guess I would just scream bloody murder up the chain of command. But unless there is a documented history of this kid creating issues on the bus this one is going to get passed off as an isolated incident as it should be.
You need to be very business-like with School Leadership with regards to all future bus rides/interactions of your child with that child. Indicate to the Principal that it is the school's responsibility to do everything they can to ensure they do not cross paths again in any direct fashion.
I would go over to the kids house and have a conversation with the parents adult to adult and try and clear it up from there
Most normal parents would make sure their son never bullies again
These ass clown only know one language...liability. It's the only thing that will move them to action.
I will escalate to the superintendent, but I get the feeling nothing will a happen.
I also have a feeling that because I am asian, they are blowing us off since asians aren't suppose to make a ruckus. But if the want us to make ruckus, I'm willing to play.
Dude, get the media involved. I'm infuriated just reading this. The principal is a schmuck. He/She is clearly trying to sweep this under the rug.
Regarding cameras, principal claims video just shows the aisle. Bus company claims there is no video. Seems fishy to so I will demand to see the video myself. Bus has no monitor, but today my wife says they added a monitor...
These ass clown only know one language...liability. It's the only thing that will move them to action.
Good point about liability. That is the only language they understand.
- Do you want to be compensated for your son's pain/suffering/bills?
- Do you want the other kid punished?
- Do you want intervention so the other kid doesn't do this again?
- Do you want the bus driver to be held accountable for what happened?
- Some combination of the above?
If the sequence of events are as you suspect, your son was assaulted. The best next course of action is to call your local police precinct and get in contact with the school resource department or similar.
The school bus very likely has cameras. That is a good place to start for an objective look at what happened.
Every next step you take against any party will greatly be aided by a police report.
And if nothing more needs to be done, at the very least the authorities having a chat with the bully's parents is a good step.
Having said all that, I'm sorry that your little boy went through all that. There are never any easy answers. I do think, that in some respects, the faster you get through all of it, the less traumatic for your son, but, I'm certainly no expert.
But the offending child's parents were very ashamed, concerned and apologetic.
And the kindergarten teacher was very involved in the follow up and resolution to the conflict.
The school's and bus company and driver's disinterest in your son's welfare is shocking.
if they acted negligently, maybe grossly, i'd be even more pissed at them and want accountability as seen by discipline of people and consequences, including monetary.
pull the thread. get satisfaction. you deserve it.
You are entitled to a copy of the incident report. The report should tell you how to file a claim, because the school district is required to file an incident report to their insurance company whenever a child is injured.
This is straight from the horses mouth, because my wife was the President of our school board when we lived on Long Island.
This is straight from the horses mouth, because my wife was the President of our school board when we lived on Long Island.
Thanks! Very helpful advice. Will definitely do that. I want to do everything possible to avoid lawyers unless they force our hand.
Someone mentioned going to the press/media. Do your son a favor and don't go down that road. That would only embarrass him and make him a bigger target for mocking from other kids.
This has to be tough, seeing your child hurt or mistreated is a tough thing for any parent. Good luck with it.
But the offending child's parents were very ashamed, concerned and apologetic.
And the kindergarten teacher was very involved in the follow up and resolution to the conflict.
The school's and bus company and driver's disinterest in your son's welfare is shocking.
Why is that concerning? No administrator should ever give out someone else's information. Imagine something happened after the fact like as was stated above by going to their house and something happened. The administrator would be in serious shit.
I am not sure a lawyer would be needed unless something else comes out of this, like the bus driver did this out of malice...... Yeah I don't think so on the last part...
Best of luck and I really hope this resolves quickly, and your son heals up quickly.
Also, maybe BJJ/Grappling classes would be cool, he will appreciate it in a few years and he will get build some confidence after being shoved like this on a moving bus and losing balance. Just speaking from experience when I was younger, I had a similar experience of being bullied on a bus when I was in 5 in the Half Hollow Hills school district....
What kind of fucked up society is that, in an exclusive neighborhood?
I thank G-d my daughter's incident occurred in a town with an educational system that valued truth and conflict resolution over ass covering.
My suggestion would be to tell your son to sit elsewhere on the bus. Send him with a note from you and your wife that you don't want him sitting with a kid who has been violent. If the driver makes him sit there, call the principal.
Believe me, I understand the desire to find the kid's dad and kick the crap out of him. I am a father and have had similar reactions. But I am (slowly) learning that really never is the best answer.
I hope your boy is doing better and this is behind both of you.
This is great advice.
Otherwise, move on. And consider teaching your son some basic self defense so your son can put an end to the bullying if he has no other options.
The more you get involved the worse it might get for your son.
Trust me, I grew up in an era where I fought all the time (and personally enjoyed it). As an asian kid growing in Brooklyn and Queens, I can't count how many times I was called Bruce Lee or go back to china. Kids are dumbasses that age. Settling in the school yard was the only way I knew, even my mom told me to fight and don't bother her.
I teach both my 5y/o and 7/o to fight back, but they keep telling me they are afraid of getting in trouble with the teachers since its suppose to be zero tolerance these days. I tell them they will never get in trouble with me if they fight, hell, I will even reward them with a video game if know they fought back. But despite all this zero tolerance PC bullshit, my kid is getting shafting so the school can minimize their liability. I'm personally talking to the Principal today.
The bus driver assigned your son to sit next to this bully. Why? Was it a change? What caused the change? What is the climate on the bus? Is it typically a raucous bus ride or is it typically tranquil? Ask your son if this child has a history on this bus of causing problems. I still would like to know why your son was asked to sit next to him and on that particular day; he was injured by this child.
Second, tissue paper to the cut and let's resume the regular stops??????
This is crazy. If a five year boy had an apparent head injury with blood, the first thing should be a call to 911 and pulling out a first aid kit to staunch the bleeding until the ambulance arrives.
Also, the bus driver should have parent contact numbers and the next call should have been to you or your wife.
This was handled extremely poorly by the bus driver.
I know this isn't primary to your issue, but what about the other kids on the bus who witnessed this and all the blood? What about their parents when the child went home and explained about the drama on the bus that day?
I know the school principal and board should be more involved, but if the bus company is a private entity hired by the school, then complaints should be made against that totally inexperienced bus driver.
That person should never drive a school bus again.
Even at that age, when our son was being physically bullied by a known violent kid, I met with the principal and informed him he has to do his job and I do mine. I have instructed my son to defend himself. Every hear we requested not to be in that kid's class. When my son finally did pop him in nose in defence, I told the Principal, "oh well"
What kind of fucked up society is that, in an exclusive neighborhood?
I thank G-d my daughter's incident occurred in a town with an educational system that valued truth and conflict resolution over ass covering.
One is completely different than the other. I think we both agree this principal sucks and handled this wrong. However, you never discuss other students to students or parents. I don't understand why that is an issue. If you child was involved in an incident as the one doing the act you think it is right for an administrator to give out your child's information to someone else that could retaliate on their own terms? Sorry. That is stupid. If it is that bad of an incident then file a police report.
I'm not sure what the options are here. Speaking to the Board of Ed is an option, but if your LI board is anything like my Board here in CT, it's likely a waste of time.
I hope your little dude feels better and is separated from the bully kid from here on out.
The bus driver assigned your son to sit next to this bully. Why? Was it a change? What caused the change? What is the climate on the bus? Is it typically a raucous bus ride or is it typically tranquil? Ask your son if this child has a history on this bus of causing problems. I still would like to know why your son was asked to sit next to him and on that particular day; he was injured by this child.
Second, tissue paper to the cut and let's resume the regular stops??????
This is crazy. If a five year boy had an apparent head injury with blood, the first thing should be a call to 911 and pulling out a first aid kit to staunch the bleeding until the ambulance arrives.
Also, the bus driver should have parent contact numbers and the next call should have been to you or your wife.
This was handled extremely poorly by the bus driver.
I know this isn't primary to your issue, but what about the other kids on the bus who witnessed this and all the blood? What about their parents when the child went home and explained about the drama on the bus that day?
I know the school principal and board should be more involved, but if the bus company is a private entity hired by the school, then complaints should be made against that totally inexperienced bus driver.
That person should never drive a school bus again.
Trust me, this is the 1st thing I am going to bring up with the principal. I am seriously concerned about the bus safety protocol, and the lapses are egregious.
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...so sorry your son was attacked. I'm from a different era. I would have been ordered by my dad to walk up to the bully the next day and sock him in the nose as hard as possible and then wail on him until stopped. No more bully. I've seen it work, too. The most ironic thing is this. Had the five year old bully pretended to shoot your son with a finger gun, he'd have been arrested and expelled. Food for thought if you can't get anywhere through reason.
Trust me, I grew up in an era where I fought all the time (and personally enjoyed it). As an asian kid growing in Brooklyn and Queens, I can't count how many times I was called Bruce Lee or go back to china. Kids are dumbasses that age. Settling in the school yard was the only way I knew, even my mom told me to fight and don't bother her.
I teach both my 5y/o and 7/o to fight back, but they keep telling me they are afraid of getting in trouble with the teachers since its suppose to be zero tolerance these days. I tell them they will never get in trouble with me if they fight, hell, I will even reward them with a video game if know they fought back. But despite all this zero tolerance PC bullshit, my kid is getting shafting so the school can minimize their liability. I'm personally talking to the Principal today.
While I have the same mentality and grew up the same way that is a dangerous path. There are too many idiots today that can get a weapon. Hell, I live in a pretty wealthy area and I went to get my haircut yesterday. The barber just told me a story where a father was waiting to get his haircut so he said he'd be right back. The father brought his kid to the 7-11 next door. There was a car in the parking lot moving very slowly and staring at the father. The window rolls down and the guy asks if he wants to get shot. The father moved his son behind him and rushed him into the store. He was so distraught that he never got the license plate. The barber saw the whole thing out the window. Just remember that there is a fine line between being tough and smart.
So glad we moved, I highly recommend it.
I would also get a lawyer.
File a report -nothing will happen but youu will have documentation for support.
Don't think I'm going to go that route, and I am meeting with the principal this afternoon.
But out of curiosity, what is he statue of limitation for police reports? The incident occurred wednesday, can you still call the police 2 days later after the fact?
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Not the stalking...the idea that kids take emotional queues from their parents. Getting yourself worked up, involving lawyers and the media may underscore to your son that he is a victim, and what happened to him is horrible. Making a big deal out of it may also bring even more attention that your son may not want.
My suggestion would be to tell your son to sit elsewhere on the bus. Send him with a note from you and your wife that you don't want him sitting with a kid who has been violent. If the driver makes him sit there, call the principal.
Believe me, I understand the desire to find the kid's dad and kick the crap out of him. I am a father and have had similar reactions. But I am (slowly) learning that really never is the best answer.
I hope your boy is doing better and this is behind both of you.
This is great advice.
Doesn't this send a message that if someone kicks dirt on you that you should take it and then hide?
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...so sorry your son was attacked. I'm from a different era. I would have been ordered by my dad to walk up to the bully the next day and sock him in the nose as hard as possible and then wail on him until stopped. No more bully. I've seen it work, too. The most ironic thing is this. Had the five year old bully pretended to shoot your son with a finger gun, he'd have been arrested and expelled. Food for thought if you can't get anywhere through reason.
Trust me, I grew up in an era where I fought all the time (and personally enjoyed it). As an asian kid growing in Brooklyn and Queens, I can't count how many times I was called Bruce Lee or go back to china. Kids are dumbasses that age. Settling in the school yard was the only way I knew, even my mom told me to fight and don't bother her.
I teach both my 5y/o and 7/o to fight back, but they keep telling me they are afraid of getting in trouble with the teachers since its suppose to be zero tolerance these days. I tell them they will never get in trouble with me if they fight, hell, I will even reward them with a video game if know they fought back. But despite all this zero tolerance PC bullshit, my kid is getting shafting so the school can minimize their liability. I'm personally talking to the Principal today.
Sniff. I miss those days.
You entrusted care of your minor child to the state (school and/or bus company) and in their care he was seriously injured. It seems to me that there is some liability here, regardless.
It never hurts to mention that you have a cadre of concerned parents because of this child (and future actions), the bus driver (and how she handled this situation as a precursor to future situations) and the principal himself (letting him know that people are watching this reaction).
I know most parents are nervous when they put their five year old's onto a bus and send them to school. Heck, I remember being five years old in Hollis, Queens and wondering if the bus was going the right way just because the route took it north of Hillside Avenue and I lived closer to Jamaica Avenue (1965- Ha!)
I feel for you and your son because he and you/your wife by extension should never have to deal with type of situation/injury. We are seeing what head injuries are doing to football players on a daily basis.
I say again, that bus driver should have taken the greatest possible caution when encountered with that situation.
They can but they would have to suspend his bus privileges first, then if another incident, they can revoke, free bus is an entitlement not a right.
You’re better off pursuing an aide to be assigned to the troubled kid, where he has to sit with the side in the front of the bus. That option is costly to the district, so it would be for a short term, and if the kid continues to act up, then they could move to suspend his bus privileges.
Good Luck! Keep us up to date
If that goes unaddressed, your son's injury will pale to the pain and damage that little fucker will get away with in the future.
I taught my kids to defend themselves, there was a bully in my oldest sons elementary school - a punch to the bully's belly ended that episode, but that same bully later kicked a unsuspecting classmate so hard in the balls the kid had damage that had to be surgically repaired.
Fuck bullies. I'd call a lawyer, and go after the kid's family, the school and the bus driver. Fuck that.
You see them do stories on situations similar this all the time and usually paints the school district in a negative light.
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In comment 14810661 Mike from Ohio said:
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Not the stalking...the idea that kids take emotional queues from their parents. Getting yourself worked up, involving lawyers and the media may underscore to your son that he is a victim, and what happened to him is horrible. Making a big deal out of it may also bring even more attention that your son may not want.
My suggestion would be to tell your son to sit elsewhere on the bus. Send him with a note from you and your wife that you don't want him sitting with a kid who has been violent. If the driver makes him sit there, call the principal.
Believe me, I understand the desire to find the kid's dad and kick the crap out of him. I am a father and have had similar reactions. But I am (slowly) learning that really never is the best answer.
I hope your boy is doing better and this is behind both of you.
This is great advice.
Doesn't this send a message that if someone kicks dirt on you that you should take it and then hide?
I can see your point. But with the caveat that I know nothing about the other kid, my 2 cents is thar the age here matters. I have 4 kids (and have coached a lot of youth sports over the past 15 years) and in my experience 5 year olds have little or no impulse control and understanding of the ramifications of their actions. I’ve had kids walk over to other kids and throw baseballs at their head from a foot away, all sorts of crazy stuff ... their brains are just not fully formed, and it’s probably way too early (at least in most cases) to say that their actions were truly informed and mean spirited. I’d feel differently if the kids were even 7 or 8.
Bigger picture, I was raised by the ethic of “never start a fight — but don’t back down one from either,” and I pretty much followed that rule growing up (with mixed results lol). Over time though, I’ve thought about things differently. There is a certain satisfaction with a scorched earth approach, but it also comes with a personal cost of a different sort — immersion in anger at the expense of using your energy to pursue the good things in life. That doesn’t just go for physical fights, it also goes for business disputes, parking spots, you name it ... there is a cost to being drawn in.
I’ve taught my kids ad nauseam that they are going to run into assholes throughout their lifetime, and the best approach is usually to deflect, remove yourself, and not let the bastards draw you in. And, in many instances the better satisfaction is in not pursuing an eye for an eye, but finding a different remedy. For example, in a competitive situation like basketball, if someone commits a dirty foul on you, don’t come back at him like Anthony Mason, come back at him like Steph Curry and drill 3 pointers down his throat ... and then shake his hand at the end. Now, there’s always gonna be a time where you don’t want to be a doormat, but I think teaching your kids some emotional intelligence works — has worked great for my kids, at least.
Lawyers cost money, media gives probably unnecessary spotlight on your kid.
I'm not saying to go punch the other father out, but tell him in no uncertain terms it's not happening again.
Having said all that, I'm sorry that your little boy went through all that. There are never any easy answers. I do think, that in some respects, the faster you get through all of it, the less traumatic for your son, but, I'm certainly no expert.
I did one year at Paramus Catholic. Fucking HATED it. More fights in one year there then I ever had combined in my life. I was a small kid, easy target for bullies.
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In comment 14810661 Mike from Ohio said:
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Not the stalking...the idea that kids take emotional queues from their parents. Getting yourself worked up, involving lawyers and the media may underscore to your son that he is a victim, and what happened to him is horrible. Making a big deal out of it may also bring even more attention that your son may not want.
My suggestion would be to tell your son to sit elsewhere on the bus. Send him with a note from you and your wife that you don't want him sitting with a kid who has been violent. If the driver makes him sit there, call the principal.
Believe me, I understand the desire to find the kid's dad and kick the crap out of him. I am a father and have had similar reactions. But I am (slowly) learning that really never is the best answer.
I hope your boy is doing better and this is behind both of you.
This is great advice.
Doesn't this send a message that if someone kicks dirt on you that you should take it and then hide?
No, it doesn't send that message.
I never said anyone should "take it and then hide"
My suggestion was to take a breath, realize almost all the information the poster has on this has come from a 5 year old and a woman with English as a second language (no offense - and that is probably irrelevant but true), and do some basic investigation.
Don't blow up, and fly off the handle without facts. especially in front of your child.
As a parent and someone who coached kids that were not my own from the time they were 5 years old and up, I learned that children absolutely take emotional cues from parents or coaches or teachers, etc - an authority figure.
if they notice you as a parent as upset about this (in front of them) they will be too. And it could lead to many unintended outcomes. Your child could fear school, fear the school bus, fear for their safety, feel like a victim, etc.
My main point was be measured in your response, explore the issue, gather as much information as possible from as many sources and if and when it's time to blow up then you do. but otherwise approach this calmly - but by no means say what happened is ok or "hide" - no idea where that came from.
But it's certainly possible this was an accident or non malicious. Or maybe it was aggressive and malicious bullying. Point is you don't know.
Lawyers cost money, media gives probably unnecessary spotlight on your kid.
I'm not saying to go punch the other father out, but tell him in no uncertain terms it's not happening again.
You’d create a potential physical confrontation ... concerning the actions of a five year old? Holy moly.
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...I'd get the parents name, get their address, and go knock on their door to correct the situation with their kid.
Lawyers cost money, media gives probably unnecessary spotlight on your kid.
I'm not saying to go punch the other father out, but tell him in no uncertain terms it's not happening again.
You’d create a potential physical confrontation ... concerning the actions of a five year old? Holy moly.
I explicitly said do not punch the father out lol...which obviously means don't doing anything physical.
But I think going there and saying you need to get your kid under control. Maybe it sets off the light bulb they need to do something differently. Hearing directly from the parent.....could work.
Then again, I guess it could run in the family and it could be a confrontation. So advice taken!
But To those blaming the other kids parents though, the kid is 5 years old?!? Are you insane? You think a parent is at fault for a five year old?? My older son, who is now 9, is a pain in the ass. He never hits anyone, but he is immature and gets in trouble in school with his friends by acting up. Every day, I beg him to behave and some days my begging works and some days it doesn’t. As he has gotten older, my parenting has been more helpful in steering him clear of trouble, but anyone who thinks that a parent of a five year old could really control his child who is a “bully” I think is being way too judgmental. The parent of the five year old is probably horrified by what his son did to the OP’s son.
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In comment 14811234 BillKo said:
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...I'd get the parents name, get their address, and go knock on their door to correct the situation with their kid.
Lawyers cost money, media gives probably unnecessary spotlight on your kid.
I'm not saying to go punch the other father out, but tell him in no uncertain terms it's not happening again.
You’d create a potential physical confrontation ... concerning the actions of a five year old? Holy moly.
I explicitly said do not punch the father out lol...which obviously means don't doing anything physical.
But I think going there and saying you need to get your kid under control. Maybe it sets off the light bulb they need to do something differently. Hearing directly from the parent.....could work.
Then again, I guess it could run in the family and it could be a confrontation. So advice taken!
Explain to me how he is going to get his five year old under control??
But To those blaming the other kids parents though, the kid is 5 years old?!? Are you insane? You think a parent is at fault for a five year old?? My older son, who is now 9, is a pain in the ass. He never hits anyone, but he is immature and gets in trouble in school with his friends by acting up. Every day, I beg him to behave and some days my begging works and some days it doesn’t. As he has gotten older, my parenting has been more helpful in steering him clear of trouble, but anyone who thinks that a parent of a five year old could really control his child who is a “bully” I think is being way too judgmental. The parent of the five year old is probably horrified by what his son did to the OP’s son.
Essex you make a good point about the age. 5 is young...as I picture this I'm thinking more of the range your son is in like 8-9.......
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In comment 14811234 BillKo said:
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...I'd get the parents name, get their address, and go knock on their door to correct the situation with their kid.
Lawyers cost money, media gives probably unnecessary spotlight on your kid.
I'm not saying to go punch the other father out, but tell him in no uncertain terms it's not happening again.
You’d create a potential physical confrontation ... concerning the actions of a five year old? Holy moly.
I explicitly said do not punch the father out lol...which obviously means don't doing anything physical.
But I think going there and saying you need to get your kid under control. Maybe it sets off the light bulb they need to do something differently. Hearing directly from the parent.....could work.
Then again, I guess it could run in the family and it could be a confrontation. So advice taken!
It’s Russian roulette if you show up at the front door of someone unannounced concerning an issue like this. You might be charming as heck and mean well, but to me it’s a recipe for trouble.
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In comment 14811350 Jim from Katonah said:
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In comment 14811234 BillKo said:
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...I'd get the parents name, get their address, and go knock on their door to correct the situation with their kid.
Lawyers cost money, media gives probably unnecessary spotlight on your kid.
I'm not saying to go punch the other father out, but tell him in no uncertain terms it's not happening again.
You’d create a potential physical confrontation ... concerning the actions of a five year old? Holy moly.
I explicitly said do not punch the father out lol...which obviously means don't doing anything physical.
But I think going there and saying you need to get your kid under control. Maybe it sets off the light bulb they need to do something differently. Hearing directly from the parent.....could work.
Then again, I guess it could run in the family and it could be a confrontation. So advice taken!
Explain to me how he is going to get his five year old under control??
Have you had any experience with 5 year olds? Not trying to be a wise ass, honestly. They are half in this world and half in la-la land.
That all said, I’m talking a big conciliatory game, but it’s not my kid this terrible thing happened too, and that paternal instinct can come on strong at times. No offense intended if I sound too preachy!