So yesterday at work, I get a call from my wife hysterical. My 5 y/o son was dropped off from his bus with the back of his head split open and bleeding everywhere from a laceration, clothes soaked in blood. Another 5 year old who has a history of being an asshole, tackled my son, and drove his head hard enough into the bus floor to cut it open. My son had to have 3 staples placed to stop the bleeding.
This bully kid has a history of being violent, and apparently the bus driver decided to seat my non violent calm son next to this kid thinking he would cause less trouble. They have assigned seats, and my kid normally sits no where close to this kid. Bus driver also acted like it was nothing, a just slapped a tissue on my kids head and continue with the drop offs as usual.
So today, my wife talks the principal who is blowing this off as an accident and not even disciplining the kid who assaulted my kid. She sat my kid and bully together and made them say it was accident and he is sorry. She is putting words in my kids mouth, because my kid was clearly saying the other kid tackled him intentionally.
This is in the Roslyn school district of Long Island, and I'm not paying a shitload of school taxes to have my 5 y/o kid's head split open on the bus. I would have stayed in Brooklyn if I wanted my kids beaten up. I'm not a litigious guy (I hate lawyers), but the school is blowing us off as a a nothing incident.
Need advice on what to do. I want to beat the shit out of the other kid's parents, but they won't even tell us the full name and contact info the bully kid.
I'm not sure what the options are here. Speaking to the Board of Ed is an option, but if your LI board is anything like my Board here in CT, it's likely a waste of time.
I hope your little dude feels better and is separated from the bully kid from here on out.
Young children are far more resilient than we are so hang in there. I have two children younger than him so I can understand how you're feeling.
I'm not sure what you can do but I'd sure as hell look into finding out who is most responsible between the school, bus driver/bus company, kids parents, but again I don't know if there's a way.
All the best to your son.
Can't say I can give the correct course of action, but I would certainly consult legal opinions if the school is blowing this off as a non-issue.
I would contact a lawyer for sure. The school is failing to protect your son. This kid is getting away with this kind of behavior, what's it going to take before they take this shit seriously? Some kid to be maimed for life or worse?
If need you a little cash to cover the hospital bill, you could probably get it, but it wouldn't cover your lawyer's bill.
The bully kid has identified himself as a problem child, and the school will know this and transition him to a "special learnig" pathway within a few years.
1) know what outcome you want in advance. You will quickly get frustrated and angry getting blown off and lose focus of the outcome - this is guaranteed to happen. So know your goal in advance, the outcome you and your wife want
2) know why you are being blown off. Two reasons, they’re kids and this stuff is common. Not to you, but to the school system. Secondly, they want it swept under the rug because they know it can quickly become a big freakin deal if they let it...
Best of luck, expect the frustrations, and once again hope the little guy is ok
(1) The School itself
(2) The Principal
(3) The Bus Driver
Schools must do everything in their power to prevent Bullying incidents. From what you're saying, they did the bare minimum.
Its just a matter of justice.
I feel like the principal is just trying to sweep it under the rug like nothing happened and the bully kid gets away with it.
I can't even talk to the parents since its protected info they won't disclose. I would love to settle it the old school way with the father.
This is WILDLY unfortunate what happened to your son and the bully kid...things will catch up to him.
that being said they are young boys and shit happens. the school really isnt going to do much of anything. IF anything, you would need the bus driver to witness it and say to the school the bully 100% meant to hurt your son...different story. the likely story is the kid was just being a jackass and tackled your son not trying to hurt him intentionally but just being a jackass little kid.
IF the driver attests that he intentionally tried to hurt your son, the school can suspend or expell the student.
as for you wanting retaliation, i understand and it makes sense, but beating his parents doesnt solve much of anything as you will surely be charged yourself and your son will be left with staples and a father in jail lol
the best way to combat this? teach your kids it is not appropriate but also teach your kids to defend themselves. not much your son could have done here to defend himself so i think this as mentioned is just an unfortunate, unpreventable event. there will always be bullies...teach your son how to box.
sorry this happened to your boy
A lot of people don't like going that route, and I get it; just giving you what little bit I know.
All we know is the kids 1st name. They won't give us any other info. The kid is not in any of classes of my kid, they just take the same bus.
Hope he's feeling better!
I will escalate to the superintendent, but I get the feeling nothing will a happen.
I also have a feeling that because I am asian, they are blowing us off since asians aren't suppose to make a ruckus. But if the want us to make ruckus, I'm willing to play.
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Something seems a bit off about this story...
All we know is the kids 1st name. They won't give us any other info. The kid is not in any of classes of my kid, they just take the same bus.
When the bus drops your kid off, your wife goes on the bus and tells your son to point out the kid who did it. Your wife asks the kid for his first and last name.
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Something seems a bit off about this story...
All we know is the kids 1st name. They won't give us any other info. The kid is not in any of classes of my kid, they just take the same bus.
Do some simple detective work. Follow the school bus, see where he gets on or off the bus, then get to that bus stop really early stake out the area and see what house he comes out of.
then beat the hell out of that 5-year old bully and his parents.
seriously though if you want to find out who he is it's not hard.
but most importantly, the only advice I will offer is I would not involve the press or get loud about this until (if at all) you calm down and do some minor checking on the incident.
I had a school incident that had me in my car racing to the kindergarten to beat the hell out of the kindergarten gym teacher until my wife got through to me that we didn't quite have the whole story.
I have learned a lot over the years and as important as our children are to us, restraint and patience are strong and critical virtues in child raising. Children take emotional cues from parents. Think of that with how you act during this.
And pursue whatever you want, I am offering no advice on the next steps, that's up to you.
If not, they really get sued. I am in Jersey but I am sure the process is similar, if not the same, in new york.
HIB = Harassment, Intimidation, and Bullying.
Death threats. Violence. Hit lists. Police do jack crap, saying the school police have to handle it. School does nothing because they don't want it to reflect poorly on the school. Kids are back at school. No punishment, minimal at best. Nothing happens.
Then something really bad happens and everyone scratches their heads.
Not saying your son isn't telling the truth, just that different people see different things.
If its confirmed, I would set in person meetings with the principal and the superintendent, WHOEVER will take the meeting.
Make sure you note that you need an IN PERSON meeting and that you will not accept an email or phone call.
Bring pictures and medical reports to the meeting, any corroborating info you have found and lay your cards out on the table.
They don't want the in person meeting to start, especially knowing you are coming in hot.
You should get an appropriate response.
I would, however, take issue with the way the bus driver didn't immediately react to it as an emergency. That's within the scope of being a responsible parent. I'd probably go to the superintendent based on that alone.
You absolutely could sue the school for the medical expenses by the way. I'm surprised they aren't more worried about you doing that. I remember I slipped on ice when I was 10 and broke my front teeth and it happened on school property. The freaking principal was in the nurse's office accompanying me until my mom got there and even called my house later to make sure I was okay. It was obvious they were trying to stay on our good side to avoid a lawsuit lol. Of course my parents didn't blame the school for it and had no inclination to sue the school, they understood that shit happens and it wasn't the school's fault. But in this instance since the school is being shitty about it I would absolutely think about going down that road.
My suggestion would be to tell your son to sit elsewhere on the bus. Send him with a note from you and your wife that you don't want him sitting with a kid who has been violent. If the driver makes him sit there, call the principal.
Believe me, I understand the desire to find the kid's dad and kick the crap out of him. I am a father and have had similar reactions. But I am (slowly) learning that really never is the best answer.
I hope your boy is doing better and this is behind both of you.
This is the way. Go back and see the principal. Follow up with calling the school superintendent's office and say you are dissatisfied with the principal's action. Demand your son never sits near the other kid or ask for the other kid to be removed from the bus for the month or you will seek legal remedies. I also think the school board is liable for your cost for the injury so submit it with the reason.
The bus driver is a $15/hr jockey - hard to blame them when driving on that part of LI is a nightmare. I guess they don't have monitors on the buses on LI?
In your case, be the squeaky wheel. Make everyone who's anyone in that district aware of who this kid is and what they did to your child. Once this kid's on their radar and acts up again, they will be more inclined to intervene
I'm being funny. But, seriously, just because someone says there is a history doesn't mean it is so. You have to prove it and all this father can do is point to this one incident hence him not even knowing who the other kid is. So, who is responsible to show the history? The school? Good luck with that. If this kid wasn't in trouble for this incident I het the school also didn't document a lot of other incidents as well. At that point it just becomes this one incident.
True Detective - Bully - ( New Window )
I will escalate to the superintendent, but I get the feeling nothing will a happen.
I also have a feeling that because I am asian, they are blowing us off since asians aren't suppose to make a ruckus. But if the want us to make ruckus, I'm willing to play.
You don't actually want to sue. You want to scare the district into taking more aggressive measures to ensure your kid's safety. The way to do that (again at least when I lived in Roslyn) is to make it seem like you are willing to lose money to make a point. IE, talk to a lawyer that would be willing to detail out the steps that they will take if x,y,z isn't done to protect your kid. Do you have a family member or friend who's a lawyer by chance?
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He said this kid has a history of bullying.
I'm being funny. But, seriously, just because someone says there is a history doesn't mean it is so. You have to prove it and all this father can do is point to this one incident hence him not even knowing who the other kid is. So, who is responsible to show the history? The school? Good luck with that. If this kid wasn't in trouble for this incident I het the school also didn't document a lot of other incidents as well. At that point it just becomes this one incident.
Understood. I'm only going by what he said from the beginning.
Sounds to me that the already has been a tacit admission to bullying. If the OP is correct, the bus driver sat his son near the aggressor specifically because he thought it would head off abusive behavior. You can't do that without some prior knowledge or experience.
...
I also have a feeling that because I am asian, they are blowing us off since asians aren't suppose to make a ruckus. But if the want us to make ruckus, I'm willing to play.
Now this part gives me flashbacks to being in grade school. I thought we had evolved.
My point is that if this kid was injured and had to go to the hospital to get staples that is something that 100% should be documented and reimbursed for since this happened under their watch. Now, that is just the financial aspect of it. As an administrator, this has to be documented and not just filed under an accident.
I'm sorry, I accidentally pushed someone in front of a car. It is okay though because it was an accident. Intent doesn't really matter. It is the outcome. Any administrator that is trying to downplay this is an asshole.
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A one time incident does not constitute bullying. It is almost always something that happens repeatedly. So, if you want to file this under HIB you are going to have to show that which you obviously do not have. On the other hand, if you can show that this other kid has a history then that may hold more weight. The problem is you really cannot do that. Someone else will have to do that for you and when you are dealing with 5 year olds I don't think they'll take that as seriously as they should.
Sounds to me that the already has been a tacit admission to bullying. If the OP is correct, the bus driver sat his son near the aggressor specifically because he thought it would head off abusive behavior. You can't do that without some prior knowledge or experience.
Being aggressive doesn't mean bullying. Yes, there could be. I'm saying that in order to call it bullying you have to show repeated behavior. Maybe that is the case and most likely is. But it could also be something stupid like a 5 year old just being very energetic by not sitting down, yelling, etc. We don't know the full story.
1) know what outcome you want in advance. You will quickly get frustrated and angry getting blown off and lose focus of the outcome - this is guaranteed to happen. So know your goal in advance, the outcome you and your wife want
2) know why you are being blown off. Two reasons, they’re kids and this stuff is common. Not to you, but to the school system. Secondly, they want it swept under the rug because they know it can quickly become a big freakin deal if they let it...
Best of luck, expect the frustrations, and once again hope the little guy is ok
Exactly right.
Assess both of these and you will know what to do next.
Is that going too far? I don't give a damn. You don't mess with my kid, period.
My sense is that they are doing everything to deflect any hint of litigation. I would try to find a non-lawyer professional dealing with bullying etc to try to get the school (and hopefully the other family) to acknowledge there is a problem and work it through in that way before you go seek legal redress.
What are you really after?
Is that going too far? I don't give a damn. You don't mess with my kid, period.
The parents didn't mess with penkap's kid. Their kid was the cause.
Is that going too far? I don't give a damn. You don't mess with my kid, period.
I'd probably do that but when you think about it you totally fuck yourself. The other parents can say you are harassing them. Then you are now the problem.
I'm an asshole when I have to be but is it too much to ask for that family to apologize to you? I mean, if my son was the one that caused the injury I would take my son's ass over to that house and make him apologize right away and see if there is anything I can do to help alleviate the situation. Does that happen anymore? Fuck no. Nobody takes accountability for their actions anymore.
My friend's family has a bus company for over 60 years and his bus streams and records data. It's not uncommon when an event to occur to assign a monitor to a bus and have a child assigned to another pickup location.
Hope this helps in some way.