NFT: My 5 y/o kid head split open

Might want to have your lawyer request any video on the bus that might have recorded the incident.

My take. Don’t seek redress with the school administration. Find out the bully’s address. There are ways. Contact his parents and send them the $40 medical bill to be reimbursed. It’s not for the money, but for the principal. This bully’s parents need to know what damage their son does. Don’t let this go unchecked, else, this story will repeat.

become a repeated incident. You must document your visit to the principal and next contact the district superintendent and board members. Insist that the incident be further investigated and insist on what measures will be provided to guarantee your child's safety. You don't want your child to be afraid to go to school and end up hating school. Also, speak to your son every chance you have and find out what is going on with him. You don't want your child to feel like he's a victim and at the same time you want to let your child know that he can confide in you.

Even if they end up doing nothing it will be on the record. If you don't report and something happens again, you will not have a record and the school admin can pull the same confidentiality bs and you will be back at square one.
I would also get a lawyer.

Police investigation. Police report. Lawyer. Lawsuit.

Thats how the new me would handle it.

The old me would have reacted in a way that would have made them call the police on me.

Curious how your wife's convo with the principal went... I know how my wife's convo would have went... it would not have been pretty, and there would be zero percent chance this got 'pushed to the side'.

I'm sorry this happened to you.

Sadly, from my youth. Is it possible that the bully's family has pull with the school or perhaps are somehow entitled politically or otherwise? You could be fighting a real uphill battle if this is so.

Save your money and don't bother with a lawyer unless this situation repeats itself. Just make sure the school documents the situation and be the involved parent.

I guess I would just scream bloody murder up the chain of command. But unless there is a documented history of this kid creating issues on the bus this one is going to get passed off as an isolated incident as it should be.

at any grade level. Happens again and its removal from the school system permanently, and there is no benefit of the doubt on second instance.

You need to be very business-like with School Leadership with regards to all future bus rides/interactions of your child with that child. Indicate to the Principal that it is the school's responsibility to do everything they can to ensure they do not cross paths again in any direct fashion.

Born in Brooklyn and raised in Howard Beach Queens

I would go over to the kids house and have a conversation with the parents adult to adult and try and clear it up from there

Most normal parents would make sure their son never bullies again

the medical reports and demand they pay the bills and have the other child see a counselor or you'll pursue a civil action.

These ass clown only know one language...liability. It's the only thing that will move them to action.

In comment 14810623 penkap75 said:

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Lawyers are in it for the money. Its a $40 co-pay, I don't see any lawyer thinking this is worth their while. I will escalate to the superintendent, but I get the feeling nothing will a happen. I also have a feeling that because I am asian, they are blowing us off since asians aren't suppose to make a ruckus. But if the want us to make ruckus, I'm willing to play.

Dude, get the media involved. I'm infuriated just reading this. The principal is a schmuck. He/She is clearly trying to sweep this under the rug.

I'm much more calm now so I have zero desire to duke it out with the dad. I'm a physician so I have way more to lose with that route. I'm planning on having a meeting with principal to assess the situation rationally. My wife was totally blown off by the pricinipal but English is my wife's second language so I think the principal thought she could get away with dismissing it. I'm born and bred bklyn so she's not going to pull a fast one on me. I have been letting my wife handle this since I work.

Regarding cameras, principal claims video just shows the aisle. Bus company claims there is no video. Seems fishy to so I will demand to see the video myself. Bus has no monitor, but today my wife says they added a monitor...

In comment 14810782 Torrag said:

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the medical reports and demand they pay the bills and have the other child see a counselor or you'll pursue a civil action. These ass clown only know one language...liability. It's the only thing that will move them to action.

Good point about liability. That is the only language they understand.

Is simply to have the kid thrown off the bus. He needs to understand their are consequences to his actions. And his parents need the inconvenience of finding another way of getting to him to school. I don't care about lawyers, media. Etc. When I was a kid, bloody fights were normal (not at 5 though, wtf?). But this day and age I thought it was zero tolerance, safe space, and all that bullshit right?

You need to determine what the outcome you want is.

- Do you want to be compensated for your son's pain/suffering/bills?
- Do you want the other kid punished?
- Do you want intervention so the other kid doesn't do this again?
- Do you want the bus driver to be held accountable for what happened?
- Some combination of the above?

If the sequence of events are as you suspect, your son was assaulted. The best next course of action is to call your local police precinct and get in contact with the school resource department or similar.

The school bus very likely has cameras. That is a good place to start for an objective look at what happened.

Every next step you take against any party will greatly be aided by a police report.

And if nothing more needs to be done, at the very least the authorities having a chat with the bully's parents is a good step.

Back in 1975 my father did exactly that. I went to to an all boy school in New Jersey and I was 7-1 as a baseball pitcher as a freshman and thought I was a big deal and BMOC. First day of sophomore year, I was sitting in Algebra class and the Christian Brother teaching us was wearing a hearing aid. The assholes that we were as kids (me in particular), a bunch of us were sitting in the back of the class scratching aluminum to interfere with the Brother's hearing aid. Well, long story short, the teacher caught me and proceeded to take me out to the locker room area and beat the living shit out of me. I still have a scar on the side of my chin where his ring caught me. I was bleeding like I was stabbed. As a 14 year old, you weren't even thinking about fighting back. Well, they suspended me for two weeks. My father came to pick me up having been called at work that an "incident" had occurred. He saw me, asked what had happened. I told him and he said "good, he should have beat you worse, that's what I'm paying for you to go to private school for? Don't ever do anything like that again" (I never did)...he then proceeded to the Brother's office with me in tow and, with one punch, laid him out. Nobody at the school administration ever said a thing. Times have changed. I have always felt bad about putting my father in that position and also about being a jerk with the Christian Brother. I grew up in a hurry that day.

Having said all that, I'm sorry that your little boy went through all that. There are never any easy answers. I do think, that in some respects, the faster you get through all of it, the less traumatic for your son, but, I'm certainly no expert.

sorry this happened. Best wishes for a full and speedy recovery for your kid. Good luck.

who attacked your son, and the lack of parents to parents interaction is extremely disconcerting to me. We once had a similar (not as physically bad in terms of injury, but in a way worse since my daughter was actually bitten by a classmate.)

But the offending child's parents were very ashamed, concerned and apologetic.

And the kindergarten teacher was very involved in the follow up and resolution to the conflict.

The school's and bus company and driver's disinterest in your son's welfare is shocking.

for a speedy recovery both physical and emotional.

incidents with this student or other students. or even if not covering up not taking appropriate actions. and i'd want to know for reasons. if they were they acted negligently and thereby increasing the chances that something happening to someone, in this case, and quite unfortunately, to your son.

if they acted negligently, maybe grossly, i'd be even more pissed at them and want accountability as seen by discipline of people and consequences, including monetary.

pull the thread. get satisfaction. you deserve it.

Superintendent, make an appointment and ask him or her who investigated the incident, the results and what is going to be done. Also say that your child and wife felt bullied by the principal to accept that it was an accident, when that was not what your child reported to you!
You are entitled to a copy of the incident report. The report should tell you how to file a claim, because the school district is required to file an incident report to their insurance company whenever a child is injured.

This is straight from the horses mouth, because my wife was the President of our school board when we lived on Long Island.

In comment 14810828 Bleedin Blue said:

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This is straight from the horses mouth, because my wife was the President of our school board when we lived on Long Island.

Thanks! Very helpful advice. Will definitely do that. I want to do everything possible to avoid lawyers unless they force our hand.

IMO you should insist at least something goes on record if for no other reason than in case the bully tries to pull something else with your son down the road this case is documented.. Even if the dollar amount isn't large I would insist that the boys parents pay for the medical bill. That would also serve as proof if you need it later for some reason.

Someone mentioned going to the press/media. Do your son a favor and don't go down that road. That would only embarrass him and make him a bigger target for mocking from other kids.

This has to be tough, seeing your child hurt or mistreated is a tough thing for any parent. Good luck with it.

In comment 14810818 BlueLou'sBack said:

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who attacked your son, and the lack of parents to parents interaction is extremely disconcerting to me. We once had a similar (not as physically bad in terms of injury, but in a way worse since my daughter was actually bitten by a classmate.) But the offending child's parents were very ashamed, concerned and apologetic. And the kindergarten teacher was very involved in the follow up and resolution to the conflict. The school's and bus company and driver's disinterest in your son's welfare is shocking.

Why is that concerning? No administrator should ever give out someone else's information. Imagine something happened after the fact like as was stated above by going to their house and something happened. The administrator would be in serious shit.

I would try to get some answers from the Super Intentendent or Supervisor. As well as speak to the parents of the boy and even get the kids to speak as well under supervision of the parents and school administration.

I am not sure a lawyer would be needed unless something else comes out of this, like the bus driver did this out of malice...... Yeah I don't think so on the last part...

Best of luck and I really hope this resolves quickly, and your son heals up quickly.

Also, maybe BJJ/Grappling classes would be cool, he will appreciate it in a few years and he will get build some confidence after being shoved like this on a moving bus and losing balance. Just speaking from experience when I was younger, I had a similar experience of being bullied on a bus when I was in 5 in the Half Hollow Hills school district....

the incident by having an alleged attack be re-described as "an accident" to cover the ass of the perp and their second response should in theory be to deny access to information (that could probably be fairly easily ascertained through asking various classmates about the name of the perp) to cover his own ass just in case the aggrieved party, rather than seeking an explanation and resolution, is looking for vigilante justice?

What kind of fucked up society is that, in an exclusive neighborhood?

I thank G-d my daughter's incident occurred in a town with an educational system that valued truth and conflict resolution over ass covering.

IAAL. Call the police and tell them you want a Family Court Order of Protection.

In comment 14810661 Mike from Ohio said:

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Not the stalking...the idea that kids take emotional queues from their parents. Getting yourself worked up, involving lawyers and the media may underscore to your son that he is a victim, and what happened to him is horrible. Making a big deal out of it may also bring even more attention that your son may not want. My suggestion would be to tell your son to sit elsewhere on the bus. Send him with a note from you and your wife that you don't want him sitting with a kid who has been violent. If the driver makes him sit there, call the principal. Believe me, I understand the desire to find the kid's dad and kick the crap out of him. I am a father and have had similar reactions. But I am (slowly) learning that really never is the best answer. I hope your boy is doing better and this is behind both of you.

This is great advice.

that the bully sits no where near your son, and neither will pass each other on the bus.

Otherwise, move on. And consider teaching your son some basic self defense so your son can put an end to the bullying if he has no other options.

Karate lessons?

The more you get involved the worse it might get for your son.

And repeats a violent act you want to have a record that shows the kid has a history. Schools don’t particularly like to have the police brought into these situations. They tend to take things more seriously when that happens. Sorry about your son and hope he has no more trouble with the kid.

...so sorry your son was attacked. I'm from a different era. I would have been ordered by my dad to walk up to the bully the next day and sock him in the nose as hard as possible and then wail on him until stopped. No more bully. I've seen it work, too. The most ironic thing is this. Had the five year old bully pretended to shoot your son with a finger gun, he'd have been arrested and expelled. Food for thought if you can't get anywhere through reason.

In comment 14810939 rnargi said:

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...so sorry your son was attacked. I'm from a different era. I would have been ordered by my dad to walk up to the bully the next day and sock him in the nose as hard as possible and then wail on him until stopped. No more bully. I've seen it work, too. The most ironic thing is this. Had the five year old bully pretended to shoot your son with a finger gun, he'd have been arrested and expelled. Food for thought if you can't get anywhere through reason.

Trust me, I grew up in an era where I fought all the time (and personally enjoyed it). As an asian kid growing in Brooklyn and Queens, I can't count how many times I was called Bruce Lee or go back to china. Kids are dumbasses that age. Settling in the school yard was the only way I knew, even my mom told me to fight and don't bother her.

I teach both my 5y/o and 7/o to fight back, but they keep telling me they are afraid of getting in trouble with the teachers since its suppose to be zero tolerance these days. I tell them they will never get in trouble with me if they fight, hell, I will even reward them with a video game if know they fought back. But despite all this zero tolerance PC bullshit, my kid is getting shafting so the school can minimize their liability. I'm personally talking to the Principal today.

the shocking thing to me throughout this whole story and advice is the bus driver.

The bus driver assigned your son to sit next to this bully. Why? Was it a change? What caused the change? What is the climate on the bus? Is it typically a raucous bus ride or is it typically tranquil? Ask your son if this child has a history on this bus of causing problems. I still would like to know why your son was asked to sit next to him and on that particular day; he was injured by this child.

Second, tissue paper to the cut and let's resume the regular stops??????

This is crazy. If a five year boy had an apparent head injury with blood, the first thing should be a call to 911 and pulling out a first aid kit to staunch the bleeding until the ambulance arrives.

Also, the bus driver should have parent contact numbers and the next call should have been to you or your wife.

This was handled extremely poorly by the bus driver.

I know this isn't primary to your issue, but what about the other kids on the bus who witnessed this and all the blood? What about their parents when the child went home and explained about the drama on the bus that day?

I know the school principal and board should be more involved, but if the bus company is a private entity hired by the school, then complaints should be made against that totally inexperienced bus driver.

That person should never drive a school bus again.

so my advice is based on those experiences, but will probably mostly apply. Cirst of all, you contact the principal again and demand a formal.iformal.incurrent is logged in whatever system they use. Cc the Superintendent. Depending on who is responsible for the bus, you contact the company or the school district and demand an investigation involving the driver's behavior.

Even at that age, when our son was being physically bullied by a known violent kid, I met with the principal and informed him he has to do his job and I do mine. I have instructed my son to defend himself. Every hear we requested not to be in that kid's class. When my son finally did pop him in nose in defence, I told the Principal, "oh well"

In comment 14810910 BlueLou'sBack said:

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the incident by having an alleged attack be re-described as "an accident" to cover the ass of the perp and their second response should in theory be to deny access to information (that could probably be fairly easily ascertained through asking various classmates about the name of the perp) to cover his own ass just in case the aggrieved party, rather than seeking an explanation and resolution, is looking for vigilante justice? What kind of fucked up society is that, in an exclusive neighborhood? I thank G-d my daughter's incident occurred in a town with an educational system that valued truth and conflict resolution over ass covering.

One is completely different than the other. I think we both agree this principal sucks and handled this wrong. However, you never discuss other students to students or parents. I don't understand why that is an issue. If you child was involved in an incident as the one doing the act you think it is right for an administrator to give out your child's information to someone else that could retaliate on their own terms? Sorry. That is stupid. If it is that bad of an incident then file a police report.

is interviewed. They have a tendency to get kids to twist words, change stories, and/or not record exactly what is said. When my son was involved in a bus incident with the matron, first we had to request they interview him. They were set to close the investigation without interviewing the victim. I demanded to be present. At 6, he was a champ. The investigator was a former cop and was interrogating him as if he did something. He asked the same questions several different ways at different points. My boy's answers were unwavering.

In comment 14810594 Gap92 said:

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Shitty situation. As the parent of another non-violent 5-year old boy, I feel your pain and am pissed off on your behalf. I'm not sure what the options are here. Speaking to the Board of Ed is an option, but if your LI board is anything like my Board here in CT, it's likely a waste of time. I hope your little dude feels better and is separated from the bully kid from here on out.

It's not about wasting time. It's important to create a paper trail in case there is a next time.

In comment 14810957 GiantBlue said:

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the shocking thing to me throughout this whole story and advice is the bus driver. The bus driver assigned your son to sit next to this bully. Why? Was it a change? What caused the change? What is the climate on the bus? Is it typically a raucous bus ride or is it typically tranquil? Ask your son if this child has a history on this bus of causing problems. I still would like to know why your son was asked to sit next to him and on that particular day; he was injured by this child. Second, tissue paper to the cut and let's resume the regular stops?????? This is crazy. If a five year boy had an apparent head injury with blood, the first thing should be a call to 911 and pulling out a first aid kit to staunch the bleeding until the ambulance arrives. Also, the bus driver should have parent contact numbers and the next call should have been to you or your wife. This was handled extremely poorly by the bus driver. I know this isn't primary to your issue, but what about the other kids on the bus who witnessed this and all the blood? What about their parents when the child went home and explained about the drama on the bus that day? I know the school principal and board should be more involved, but if the bus company is a private entity hired by the school, then complaints should be made against that totally inexperienced bus driver. That person should never drive a school bus again.

Trust me, this is the 1st thing I am going to bring up with the principal. I am seriously concerned about the bus safety protocol, and the lapses are egregious.

In comment 14810950 penkap75 said:

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In comment 14810939 rnargi said: Quote: ...so sorry your son was attacked. I'm from a different era. I would have been ordered by my dad to walk up to the bully the next day and sock him in the nose as hard as possible and then wail on him until stopped. No more bully. I've seen it work, too. The most ironic thing is this. Had the five year old bully pretended to shoot your son with a finger gun, he'd have been arrested and expelled. Food for thought if you can't get anywhere through reason. Trust me, I grew up in an era where I fought all the time (and personally enjoyed it). As an asian kid growing in Brooklyn and Queens, I can't count how many times I was called Bruce Lee or go back to china. Kids are dumbasses that age. Settling in the school yard was the only way I knew, even my mom told me to fight and don't bother her. I teach both my 5y/o and 7/o to fight back, but they keep telling me they are afraid of getting in trouble with the teachers since its suppose to be zero tolerance these days. I tell them they will never get in trouble with me if they fight, hell, I will even reward them with a video game if know they fought back. But despite all this zero tolerance PC bullshit, my kid is getting shafting so the school can minimize their liability. I'm personally talking to the Principal today.

While I have the same mentality and grew up the same way that is a dangerous path. There are too many idiots today that can get a weapon. Hell, I live in a pretty wealthy area and I went to get my haircut yesterday. The barber just told me a story where a father was waiting to get his haircut so he said he'd be right back. The father brought his kid to the 7-11 next door. There was a car in the parking lot moving very slowly and staring at the father. The window rolls down and the guy asks if he wants to get shot. The father moved his son behind him and rushed him into the store. He was so distraught that he never got the license plate. The barber saw the whole thing out the window. Just remember that there is a fine line between being tough and smart.

NY is a shithole run by shitheads.. The rule of law is fast eroding and the tax base is leaving very quickly. Go visit LA to see your future prospects, not kidding.

So glad we moved, I highly recommend it.

In comment 14810756 give66 said:

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Even if they end up doing nothing it will be on the record. If you don't report and something happens again, you will not have a record and the school admin can pull the same confidentiality bs and you will be back at square one. I would also get a lawyer.

File a report -nothing will happen but youu will have documentation for support.

In comment 14810929 Giant John said:

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And repeats a violent act you want to have a record that shows the kid has a history. Schools don’t particularly like to have the police brought into these situations. They tend to take things more seriously when that happens. Sorry about your son and hope he has no more trouble with the kid.

Don't think I'm going to go that route, and I am meeting with the principal this afternoon.

But out of curiosity, what is he statue of limitation for police reports? The incident occurred wednesday, can you still call the police 2 days later after the fact?

In comment 14810920 Jim from Katonah said:

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In comment 14810661 Mike from Ohio said: Quote: Not the stalking...the idea that kids take emotional queues from their parents. Getting yourself worked up, involving lawyers and the media may underscore to your son that he is a victim, and what happened to him is horrible. Making a big deal out of it may also bring even more attention that your son may not want. My suggestion would be to tell your son to sit elsewhere on the bus. Send him with a note from you and your wife that you don't want him sitting with a kid who has been violent. If the driver makes him sit there, call the principal. Believe me, I understand the desire to find the kid's dad and kick the crap out of him. I am a father and have had similar reactions. But I am (slowly) learning that really never is the best answer. I hope your boy is doing better and this is behind both of you. This is great advice.

Doesn't this send a message that if someone kicks dirt on you that you should take it and then hide?

In comment 14810950 penkap75 said:

Quote:

In comment 14810939 rnargi said: Quote: ...so sorry your son was attacked. I'm from a different era. I would have been ordered by my dad to walk up to the bully the next day and sock him in the nose as hard as possible and then wail on him until stopped. No more bully. I've seen it work, too. The most ironic thing is this. Had the five year old bully pretended to shoot your son with a finger gun, he'd have been arrested and expelled. Food for thought if you can't get anywhere through reason. Trust me, I grew up in an era where I fought all the time (and personally enjoyed it). As an asian kid growing in Brooklyn and Queens, I can't count how many times I was called Bruce Lee or go back to china. Kids are dumbasses that age. Settling in the school yard was the only way I knew, even my mom told me to fight and don't bother her. I teach both my 5y/o and 7/o to fight back, but they keep telling me they are afraid of getting in trouble with the teachers since its suppose to be zero tolerance these days. I tell them they will never get in trouble with me if they fight, hell, I will even reward them with a video game if know they fought back. But despite all this zero tolerance PC bullshit, my kid is getting shafting so the school can minimize their liability. I'm personally talking to the Principal today.

Same experience here. Except that, given popular television at the time, "bruce Lee" was interspersed with "Quai-Chiang" or "Ah-so, Grasshopper" with maybe some "hai-ya"'s and other nonsensical sounds meant to be Chinese thrown in for good measure.

Sniff. I miss those days.

sad but true -Lawyers are what matter. I would speak directly with Principal and then Superintendent and let them know you are speaking with an Attorney, you don't want to do this but it is unacceptable that your child was injured seriously for no reason -especially with a boy who has a history of creating problems. Read the riot act -squeaky wheel gets the grease -even use the race card to put a really good scare into them. Schools are bureaucratic nightmare filled with people who are afraid of lawyers. As a parent that's all you can do in this politically sensitive climate.

leaving the bullying incident aside...

You entrusted care of your minor child to the state (school and/or bus company) and in their care he was seriously injured. It seems to me that there is some liability here, regardless.

Document what was discussed and don't leave unsatisfied but also don't go crazy because they will escort you out.

I would also speak to other parents of the kids on the bus that your son may know or interact with.

It never hurts to mention that you have a cadre of concerned parents because of this child (and future actions), the bus driver (and how she handled this situation as a precursor to future situations) and the principal himself (letting him know that people are watching this reaction).

I know most parents are nervous when they put their five year old's onto a bus and send them to school. Heck, I remember being five years old in Hollis, Queens and wondering if the bus was going the right way just because the route took it north of Hillside Avenue and I lived closer to Jamaica Avenue (1965- Ha!)

I feel for you and your son because he and you/your wife by extension should never have to deal with type of situation/injury. We are seeing what head injuries are doing to football players on a daily basis.

I say again, that bus driver should have taken the greatest possible caution when encountered with that situation.

In comment 14810788 penkap75 said:

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Is simply to have the kid thrown off the bus. He needs to understand their are consequences to his actions. And his parents need the inconvenience of finding another way of getting to him to school. I don't care about lawyers, media. Etc. When I was a kid, bloody fights were normal (not at 5 though, wtf?). But this day and age I thought it was zero tolerance, safe space, and all that bullshit right?

They can but they would have to suspend his bus privileges first, then if another incident, they can revoke, free bus is an entitlement not a right.
You’re better off pursuing an aide to be assigned to the troubled kid, where he has to sit with the side in the front of the bus. That option is costly to the district, so it would be for a short term, and if the kid continues to act up, then they could move to suspend his bus privileges.
Good Luck! Keep us up to date