I rarely come on NFTs, but somehow I was thinking about how fortunate I’ve been to avoid, quit or escape from protracted or lifetime addiction(s).
I quit cigs over 40 years ago (hardest addiction for me to stop) and alcohol nearly 30 years ago (I diagnosed myself as an alcoholic and my behavoir bore that out, imv)..
That said, I believe I dodged a HUGE bullet when I tried cocaine twice back in the ‘70s. Fortunately for me, all it did was make my throat numb and I became nauseous..Had it had the desired effect, there’s no question in my mind that I would have become addicted and probably would have lost everything. Thank goodness after those 2 “failures” (SUCCESSES in retrospect) I never had any interest in trying it again..
You?
It would be good if they made them so they stopped the pain without the euphoria, but it's probably one in the same medically.
It would be good if they made them so they stopped the pain without the euphoria, but it's probably one in the same medically.
Kratom. No secret why there is so much push back on it, the drug companies won't get their cut.
I grew up with an alcoholic as a parent and my wife later battled alcoholism which developed later in life. That pretty much turned me off to the idea of alcohol but I'll have an occasional beer and fail to finish it.
My biggest issue has been cigarettes. Started when I was 19 while waiting tables and bartending. At that time, pretty much everyone in the service industry was smoking. I just 41 this past year and I just haven't been able to kick it.
Why post that on this thread?
It's such a cliche but I had a slip/fall accident at work and was prescribed pain meds. Initially I was really scared of them. I'm a social worker and at the time worked in Kensington, a neighborhood in Philadelphia that's known as the largest open-air drug market in America. Google it, its like another planet. I took them sparingly for awhile and then, for some reason, one day I thought "I wonder what 4 of these would do...", and that was it. From that moment on it was a problem. It escalated to upwards of 250mg of oxy a day at $1 a mg. Its since gotten much more expensive and difficult to find legit pills. Most of it is home-pressed fentanyl. Getting dope sick for the first time is a strange thing. Demoralizing and sobering. I mean, you know full well what you're doing. But to actually feel it creep in...theres a guilt and shame I'd never experienced before. I swore I'd never do heroin but it was so much cheaper. As someone once said to me one day as I was short on money and getting sick: "two 30s (percocet) is $60 and might get you well for an hour. Two bags is $20 and will get you high until tomorrow. Make a business decision." I will never forget that for as long as I live. Make a business decision. I did, and then the madness really started.
Long story short, from mid 2012 through 2016 I did all the things opiate addicts do. I lost my career, nearly lost my marriage, brushes with the law but in that respect I was very fortunate. Im not sure how many times I've overdosed bc some medical professionals consider losing consciousness an overdose. And technically I guess it is, but that was the goal and it happened nearly every day. But I've been narcan'd on three occasions. Its really freaking scary but the crazy thing is that you *immediately* seek more dope, because the naloxone will put you into withdrawal. The clock is ALWAYS ticking. It is the worst full time job you can ever imagine. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, your only purpose is to not get sick. Withdrawal is a beast. Just nasty. Its like the worst flu you can imagine but also anxiety through the roof and a compulsion to use that is so strong that you will step over anything and anyone you cared about.
In any case, I'm incredibly fortunate to have a good family who supported me and kept good boundaries. And that wasn't hugs and pats on the back. What that means is they cut me off and my wife kicked me out of our home. It's what I needed. When I'd suffered enough I became willing to do anything to get clean. I have a way I live my life now, and its kind of like daily maintenance. There is no standing still. You keep moving forward and working on yourself.
I've been very fortunate in rebuilding my life. Because I had a degree I was able to return to my field about a year into my sobriety. Family is great. Had a son 2 years ago and thankfully our daughter was too young to remember anything. I'm finishing the masters degree that got derailed way back when this first started. I don't share this for a pat on the back. And I'm serious about that. I made awful, selfish choices that nearly cost me my life and really hurt a lot of people. I'm fortunate to be where I am. And sometimes I wonder why. I have no idea why I'm still here and so many people I've known are not. But I share it because, like I said, I'm all about eliminating the stigma. The silver lining of the opioid epidemic is that nearly everyone knows someone who has been affected by it. I also share it because I promise you, there are people who are reading this board who are struggling with this, and those people need to know that help is available and that people do recover.
Opioid addiction is incredibly difficult and I applaud you for being so honest and for finding a way. This crisis has effected far more people than we can imagine and big pharma needs to be held accountable.
God bless you and congratulations on fighting. I know you are not looking for a pat on the back, but you should be extremely proud of yourself because I know a lot of strong, smart people who weren’t able to do what you did.
Love ya buddy..
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A personal vice for drinking martinis but try to keep it on the reservation for the most part...
Why post that on this thread?
I hear you but don't judge.
My parents are both WWII babies; 2 years old when the Germans rolled into Poland and both had brutal, traumatized childhoods on a scale most can't comprehend. Their word for LIFE is SURVIVE not LOVE. As a child I had what today we would understand to be PTSD from beatings both in my home and outside.
Basically, I spent much of my adult life "Looking for LOVE in the all the wrong places (ways)" to fill the hole in my soul. To escape the pain. What made it hard too was that I was very handsome, intelligent and well built (gifted) making "fun" easy for me.
Today I Love God and Love my neighbor as myself. I have learned to walk in God's love and caring so that no fiery darts can take me down. But its a process to come to Spiritual, Physical, Mental and Emotional maturity. I broke the generational sin cycle as did my brothers!!!
My friends and my faith (church) keep me accountable and today I understand that I don't have to be god to be happy.
I believe strongly that the first step in any bondage, sin, addiction is to ADMIT you have a PROBLEM. Most can't or won't see it, even to death. I am a certified Recovery Coach and 20 year combat veteran and my goals in life have changed from those of my youth. My mindset has changed. Heck, everything had to change because "I had a lot of bad information put in my head" in my youth that need to be torn out and replaced by the God of Love. Amen.
That lifestyle - too easy for things to go south - DWIs, serious brawls, some accelerating into felonies, even worse.
The proliferation of drugs (legal and illegal) is staggering. Growing up, high school age, I knew a few kids who smoked pot here and there. That was it. My kids a few years ago, in a 'normal' smallish suburban area in central PA, their high school was 'Drug Central'. You could get anything, anytime, and cheap. There were known 'dealers' who you could text and get a drop-off. My kids know half a dozen classmates who are dead due to drug OD in HS or soon after.
How do we stop it nationally? Who knows. Since the 1970's, tons of money, and nothing has worked. It starts with the family; who are your kids' friends, what are they doing with their spare time, etc. Getting my kids into sports and strongly encouraging and supporting their involvement worked for us.
Thanks Again
✌
Aggie- Im originally from Schuylkill County in Pa and when I go home to visit its so sad. There was always a blue collar boozy edge to it but its gone far beyond cultural fabric right to epidemic.
Personally I think our only hope of managing it is decriminalization (for possession) and treatment. And when I say treatment I mean 12 month programs that treat adjacent issues: mental health, life skills, transitional housing, subsidized salaries to help people get back in the work force. I know dumping money into it isnt a popular idea but what about the cost society is already incurring? Just to start, we have a whole generation of kids growing up without parents. We're dumping money into incarcerating people and have been, en masse, since the war on drugs began. Now this is just my opinion, but that doesn't really seem to have worked...
Respect.
The scripts called for some opiod-based painkiller every 4-6 hours. I had two weeks for recovery before I had to be back to work. By the end of the first week I called the doctor to get a refill. The nurse was surprised that I was out. I told her I wasn't out, but would be at some point over the weekend as I had been following instructions, taking them every 4-6 hours so that I wouldn't fall behind. She ordered some more for me and I kept going.
Two days later I woke up and said I'm done - I need to start feeling normal again and I'm going to face the pain. I stopped taking the pills cold turkey.
I started to feel sick. Really sick. Like not just sick in my body, but sick in my soul. Not sure how to describe it otherwise, I couldn't rest, I couldn't sit, pacing didn't help. I spent three days tortured with illness and mentally I went to a very dark place. I felt like suicide was the only way out.
On the fourth day I started to feel a little bit better. My daughter-in-law stopped by and asked how I was feeling. As I explained to her my suffering over the previous few days she said "sounds like you're going through withdrawal". It hit me like a ton of bricks.
I hadn't realized that I had developed an addiction and that I was "dope-sick". I learned a lot from the experience and am full of gratitude and humility because of it.
Don't judge addicts. Unless you have personal experience you have no way of knowing the suffering they may be going through. It is in no way comparable to any other suffering I've experienced in my life. If I'd had the idea that another pill could help me escape that suffering, I'm pretty sure I would have just taken another pill.
Addictions are not a sign of moral failure. They are a sign of illness. True, there may be some bad characters who end up with addictions, just like there are bad characters who end up as politicians, or doctors, or teachers, or firefighters, or mothers, or any other group.
Show compassion for people around you. It just helps make the world a better place.
It's such a cliche but I had a slip/fall accident at work and was prescribed pain meds. Initially I was really scared of them. I'm a social worker and at the time worked in Kensington, a neighborhood in Philadelphia that's known as the largest open-air drug market in America. Google it, its like another planet. I took them sparingly for awhile and then, for some reason, one day I thought "I wonder what 4 of these would do...", and that was it. From that moment on it was a problem. It escalated to upwards of 250mg of oxy a day at $1 a mg. Its since gotten much more expensive and difficult to find legit pills. Most of it is home-pressed fentanyl. Getting dope sick for the first time is a strange thing. Demoralizing and sobering. I mean, you know full well what you're doing. But to actually feel it creep in...theres a guilt and shame I'd never experienced before. I swore I'd never do heroin but it was so much cheaper. As someone once said to me one day as I was short on money and getting sick: "two 30s (percocet) is $60 and might get you well for an hour. Two bags is $20 and will get you high until tomorrow. Make a business decision." I will never forget that for as long as I live. Make a business decision. I did, and then the madness really started.
Long story short, from mid 2012 through 2016 I did all the things opiate addicts do. I lost my career, nearly lost my marriage, brushes with the law but in that respect I was very fortunate. Im not sure how many times I've overdosed bc some medical professionals consider losing consciousness an overdose. And technically I guess it is, but that was the goal and it happened nearly every day. But I've been narcan'd on three occasions. Its really freaking scary but the crazy thing is that you *immediately* seek more dope, because the naloxone will put you into withdrawal. The clock is ALWAYS ticking. It is the worst full time job you can ever imagine. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, your only purpose is to not get sick. Withdrawal is a beast. Just nasty. Its like the worst flu you can imagine but also anxiety through the roof and a compulsion to use that is so strong that you will step over anything and anyone you cared about.
In any case, I'm incredibly fortunate to have a good family who supported me and kept good boundaries. And that wasn't hugs and pats on the back. What that means is they cut me off and my wife kicked me out of our home. It's what I needed. When I'd suffered enough I became willing to do anything to get clean. I have a way I live my life now, and its kind of like daily maintenance. There is no standing still. You keep moving forward and working on yourself.
I've been very fortunate in rebuilding my life. Because I had a degree I was able to return to my field about a year into my sobriety. Family is great. Had a son 2 years ago and thankfully our daughter was too young to remember anything. I'm finishing the masters degree that got derailed way back when this first started. I don't share this for a pat on the back. And I'm serious about that. I made awful, selfish choices that nearly cost me my life and really hurt a lot of people. I'm fortunate to be where I am. And sometimes I wonder why. I have no idea why I'm still here and so many people I've known are not. But I share it because, like I said, I'm all about eliminating the stigma. The silver lining of the opioid epidemic is that nearly everyone knows someone who has been affected by it. I also share it because I promise you, there are people who are reading this board who are struggling with this, and those people need to know that help is available and that people do recover.
j rud, what an inspirational story! I know my story was nowhere near as bad as yours but the withdrawals I went though even after weaning down were brutal. I can't even imagine what yours were like. The weeks of withdrawal alone was enough for me to never want to get that way again. Brother you should definitely take pride in the strength you had to do that.
Totally out of control when it come to the NY Giants.
Optimistic, hopeful and positive about things you have no control over is no way to go through life!
or is it?
My personal addiction was/is anger, which came from some dark places and manifested itself in some shitty ways, but I'm happy to say that I've turned the corner. It started off - as most of these things do - with child abuse at home. My parents also got divorced when I was young - splitting myself and my brothers apart - and I became a raging ball of anger. As an angry kid, I got bullied a lot. I had very little sense of humor so it was easy to set me off. Bullies pounced on that and high school was really hard. Football was a good outlet - a pissed off kid turned out to be a pretty good linebacker - but it also exposed me to bullying by older players.
In college, I was finally able to escape the bullies - both at home and at school. But, funny thing happened - free from the bullies I found myself in a position of power. I was a well-liked guy and I had a big group of friends who didn't know about my past. I could have taken that opportunity to heal, but instead, I looked at it as my opportunity for revenge. Then I joined a fraternity and that only magnified the problem. Now I had an army of guys behind me willing to fight for me. Then I decided that I wanted to learn how to fight for real, so I started taking martial arts classes. Now I had weapons to use, too.
I eventually (and with some luck) graduated college and my plan was to salvage my career in law school. The only way I could pull that off was to isolate myself and dedicate myself to studying. With one exception - the Internet. Using the web, I continued bullying. I was a bully for pretty much my entire 20s, entirely online, and a lot of it right here on BBI. By day I was an upstanding citizen, but by night (on the web) I was a troll and I had a way to continue exacting my revenge, but with the benefit of anonymity. Or so I thought. It took another flip of the script for me to realize my mistake. I became the victim of bullying again. My trolling was turned around on me and I started getting stalked by someone I had bullied online, but in much worse ways than I had ever conceived. It started with threats - threatening emails, threatening phone calls, attempted identity theft, trying to ruin my career, etc. It got really bad. But it also gave me an epiphany - this is a cycle that can only end when broken.
To break the cycle, I had to start being nice to people and not expecting them to be nice to me in return. I had to learn that helping someone is rewarding in and of itself, whether or not you get anything back. I had to learn to give people the benefit of the doubt - maybe they're having a bad day, too. Marrying a social worker helped. Smoking weed helped. Becoming a parent helped, too. Not only did I have to teach myself how to control my anger, but I also had two little ones depending on the example I set for them.
I won't lie and say I've kicked anger completely. There are still hard days, outbursts here and there. I probably yell a little more than I should (definitely when the Giants are playing) and I still overreact sometimes when things go wrong. But now I'm aware of it and I have tools in my new arsenal to break the cycle. I will never hit my kids in anger. I will never bully anyone again. I won't be part of the cycle.
Last but most certainly not least, I want to apologize to anyone here that I bullied in the past. No excuses. I'm just really sorry and ashamed.
And the only soda I drink is Zevia. Once I found out how much sugar is in regular soda and how artificial sweeteners are just as worse in diet soda, I gave it up cold turkey and never really looked back. Zevia isn't as good, but it'll do.
Heartrending to read..So sad.
I think we're all likely a little better for having read them.
Very well said. We all have our differences on this forum. I am guilty of getting too opinionated on trivial stuff like sports. I never mean to make things personal but I don't like the way I come off a lot of the times and I'm working on it. Threads like this show you that we're all humans who struggle and have flaws. This is really powerful stuff. Thanks for getting this started BB56
And I agree about breaking the stigma. I've been seeing a therapist for 19 years and have been on psychotropic medications for 17 years. I have many, many unresolved issues.
But I think the underlying reason for most of our vices is that life is just hard even under the best circumstances. Living and being functional are very difficult and we try to find outlets in whatever way we can. Some are healthy and conducive and some are not, but the human experience is all about living and learning.
So sorry for your loss Bama. Ive made peace with a lot of stuff, but I think Ill always have bouts of survivors guilt. I think the best I can do is make the most of it and try to help others.
And I agree about breaking the stigma. I've been seeing a therapist for 19 years and have been on psychotropic medications for 17 years. I have many, many unresolved issues.
But I think the underlying reason for most of our vices is that life is just hard even under the best circumstances. Living and being functional are very difficult and we try to find outlets in whatever way we can. Some are healthy and conducive and some are not, but the human experience is all about living and learning.
Couldnt agree more with that last paragraph a anakim. There's an addiction specialist named Gabor Mate who pretty much says the same. Basically to exist is to experience some sort of trauma and that we will seek to manage that in some way. Some are productive, some are destructive. He's written a lot on the subject but In the Realm of the Hungry Ghosts, about his experience working with addicts in Vancouver.
In high school, I smoked a lot of pot. I went to laser light shows, concerts, parties and screenings of The Wall and Easy Rider, so, yeah, I was doing bong hits regularly. My parents found out about my pot use, and they weren't upset. They were more concerned that I be careful. They encouraged me to use it in moderation, to remember it is a "treat." Don't get carried away, and try to be responsible. And for a long while I was. Didn't party during school, always had a designated driver and mostly imbibed during the weekend.
Problem with all good things, it is just so easy to get carried away. Since all my friends were into it, we spent most nights looking for dime bags and apple fritters. I started to break my own rules about moderation. I was getting high during school, and my grades started to suffer. I went to one class so wasted that I couldn't translate my own notes that night when I attempted to do the homework. Not good. I started experimenting with other drugs like opium, hash and cocaine.
What finally made me say hold it was when I learned that several of my party friends were all sent off to drug rehabilitation by their parents. One day, they were just gone. Now, I never was as bad as them. They had done a lot of bad things like theft, black outs and ditching school. Their parents had reached their limit and they had to do something. So, like being sent to jail, these kids were being sent away to get clean. For several weeks at a time. I had been smoking almost as much as these kids had been doing, how close was it for me to be just like them? I hadn't gotten into any real trouble, yet, but I could tell I was starting to have a problem. I was drug dependent.
What I mean is, I was depending on pot to enjoy doing anything anywhere. For example, I was planning to go to college and instead of selecting a major being the most important thing to think about, I was more worried about where was I going to find a reliable dealer when I got there. I realized although I wasn't technically addicted to anything, I was depending on this drug to live, and that was not good. So with this realization, and the rehab kids, I knew I had to change things.
I stopped buying, and I went to NA and AA meetings. I took back control of my life and set better priorities. I have used since then, but I no longer seek it out.
I've been fortunate. I know it. Stories like mine don't happen too often. The definition of hitting rock bottom so you seek help is different for everyone. In my case, I identified the problem early, and no one got hurt especially me. I was able to find a good support system and met some really great people who had it a lot rougher than me. I appreciate the struggle, and I try to pay it forward when I can.
Regarding cigarettes, I was addicted for quite while. At the end, I was smoking a little over a pack a day. I chose to quit when my fiancee said I couldn't be smoking if I was going to marry her. Married or smoke? Not a tough choice. So with the help of hypnosis and zyban, I was able to give it up. Going on 16 years without even a single puff. I think what really helped was having a strong motivation. I wanted to marry this girl, and I wasn't going to let anything get in my way.
In high school, I smoked a lot of pot. I went to laser light shows, concerts, parties and screenings of The Wall and Easy Rider, so, yeah, I was doing bong hits regularly. My parents found out about my pot use, and they weren't upset. They were more concerned that I be careful. They encouraged me to use it in moderation, to remember it is a "treat." Don't get carried away, and try to be responsible. And for a long while I was. Didn't party during school, always had a designated driver and mostly imbibed during the weekend.
Problem with all good things, it is just so easy to get carried away. Since all my friends were into it, we spent most nights looking for dime bags and apple fritters. I started to break my own rules about moderation. I was getting high during school, and my grades started to suffer. I went to one class so wasted that I couldn't translate my own notes that night when I attempted to do the homework. Not good. I started experimenting with other drugs like opium, hash and cocaine.
What finally made me say hold it was when I learned that several of my party friends were all sent off to drug rehabilitation by their parents. One day, they were just gone. Now, I never was as bad as them. They had done a lot of bad things like theft, black outs and ditching school. Their parents had reached their limit and they had to do something. So, like being sent to jail, these kids were being sent away to get clean. For several weeks at a time. I had been smoking almost as much as these kids had been doing, how close was it for me to be just like them? I hadn't gotten into any real trouble, yet, but I could tell I was starting to have a problem. I was drug dependent.
What I mean is, I was depending on pot to enjoy doing anything anywhere. For example, I was planning to go to college and instead of selecting a major being the most important thing to think about, I was more worried about where was I going to find a reliable dealer when I got there. I realized although I wasn't technically addicted to anything, I was depending on this drug to live, and that was not good. So with this realization, and the rehab kids, I knew I had to change things.
I stopped buying, and I went to NA and AA meetings. I took back control of my life and set better priorities. I have used since then, but I no longer seek it out.
I've been fortunate. I know it. Stories like mine don't happen too often. The definition of hitting rock bottom so you seek help is different for everyone. In my case, I identified the problem early, and no one got hurt especially me. I was able to find a good support system and met some really great people who had it a lot rougher than me. I appreciate the struggle, and I try to pay it forward when I can.
Regarding cigarettes, I was addicted for quite while. At the end, I was smoking a little over a pack a day. I chose to quit when my fiancee said I couldn't be smoking if I was going to marry her. Married or smoke? Not a tough choice. So with the help of hypnosis and zyban, I was able to give it up. Going on 16 years without even a single puff. I think what really helped was having a strong motivation. I wanted to marry this girl, and I wasn't going to let anything get in my way.
All of what you say is powerful, but that your parents understood about the “treat” was awesome..They were realistic in that regard and though certainly not encouraging anything, that’s impressive to me.
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I also had to kick a cigarette habit. I'll mention that a little later.
In high school, I smoked a lot of pot. I went to laser light shows, concerts, parties and screenings of The Wall and Easy Rider, so, yeah, I was doing bong hits regularly. My parents found out about my pot use, and they weren't upset. They were more concerned that I be careful. They encouraged me to use it in moderation, to remember it is a "treat." Don't get carried away, and try to be responsible. And for a long while I was. Didn't party during school, always had a designated driver and mostly imbibed during the weekend.
Problem with all good things, it is just so easy to get carried away. Since all my friends were into it, we spent most nights looking for dime bags and apple fritters. I started to break my own rules about moderation. I was getting high during school, and my grades started to suffer. I went to one class so wasted that I couldn't translate my own notes that night when I attempted to do the homework. Not good. I started experimenting with other drugs like opium, hash and cocaine.
What finally made me say hold it was when I learned that several of my party friends were all sent off to drug rehabilitation by their parents. One day, they were just gone. Now, I never was as bad as them. They had done a lot of bad things like theft, black outs and ditching school. Their parents had reached their limit and they had to do something. So, like being sent to jail, these kids were being sent away to get clean. For several weeks at a time. I had been smoking almost as much as these kids had been doing, how close was it for me to be just like them? I hadn't gotten into any real trouble, yet, but I could tell I was starting to have a problem. I was drug dependent.
What I mean is, I was depending on pot to enjoy doing anything anywhere. For example, I was planning to go to college and instead of selecting a major being the most important thing to think about, I was more worried about where was I going to find a reliable dealer when I got there. I realized although I wasn't technically addicted to anything, I was depending on this drug to live, and that was not good. So with this realization, and the rehab kids, I knew I had to change things.
I stopped buying, and I went to NA and AA meetings. I took back control of my life and set better priorities. I have used since then, but I no longer seek it out.
I've been fortunate. I know it. Stories like mine don't happen too often. The definition of hitting rock bottom so you seek help is different for everyone. In my case, I identified the problem early, and no one got hurt especially me. I was able to find a good support system and met some really great people who had it a lot rougher than me. I appreciate the struggle, and I try to pay it forward when I can.
Regarding cigarettes, I was addicted for quite while. At the end, I was smoking a little over a pack a day. I chose to quit when my fiancee said I couldn't be smoking if I was going to marry her. Married or smoke? Not a tough choice. So with the help of hypnosis and zyban, I was able to give it up. Going on 16 years without even a single puff. I think what really helped was having a strong motivation. I wanted to marry this girl, and I wasn't going to let anything get in my way.
All of what you say is powerful, but that your parents understood about the “treat” was awesome..They were realistic in that regard and though certainly not encouraging anything, that’s impressive to me.
Thanks for sharing MadPlaid seems like things turned out well. I keyed in to the same comment at BB '56 and as a parent of teenagers I struggle with that one.
I know my kids will (and have) tried weed, just like alcohol, and I didn't want my kids going away to college and have their first experience with weed or alcohol to be more dangerous because it's new and they don't understand effect or limits, but at the same time I wrestled with when is allowing or better yet tolerating too empowering for a 17/18 year old.
it's sort of scary shifting from the kid waiting outside liquor stores at 16 years old looking for a mark to buy us booze, to getting fake ID's and buying it ourselves, to whatever came next and knowing all the ups and downs and life or death moments and decisions and then being a parent trying to raise children through the same.
Sometimes my tendency is NFW, I did that and almost died tons of times (whether it was drinking and driving, fights, just poor decision making, etc.) and I know that could just push kids/young adults away and to rebel, so it's important (for me) to try to know your individual kid and find the right approach.
Because my twins couldn't be more opposite.
thanks again.
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And kudos to you all for being so forthright and kicking those habits. You've become better and more complete persons because of it.
And I agree about breaking the stigma. I've been seeing a therapist for 19 years and have been on psychotropic medications for 17 years. I have many, many unresolved issues.
But I think the underlying reason for most of our vices is that life is just hard even under the best circumstances. Living and being functional are very difficult and we try to find outlets in whatever way we can. Some are healthy and conducive and some are not, but the human experience is all about living and learning.
Couldnt agree more with that last paragraph a anakim. There's an addiction specialist named Gabor Mate who pretty much says the same. Basically to exist is to experience some sort of trauma and that we will seek to manage that in some way. Some are productive, some are destructive. He's written a lot on the subject but In the Realm of the Hungry Ghosts, about his experience working with addicts in Vancouver.
Thanks anakim and Jrud
And, it just so happens that I smoked grass with them too. On many occasions. I guess you can look at it that if I was going to party, and I partied with them, they could keep an eye on us to make certain we weren't getting carried away. Not perfect, but it did make it so I was comfortable to talk with them about my using, and when I knew I needed help, I didn't hesitate to talk with them about it. They were very supportive about getting clean. No stigma whatsoever.
pj, I get it. It is a very difficult thing to navigate with our children. I am wary of what it is going to be like when my boy gets there. The only thing I can say is trying to find the balance between caution and tolerance is key. Always letting them know you are there to help is a good thing. No judgement. My Dad told schnitzie if she ever went to a party and she didn't feel safe, to call him. No matter what time, he was going to be there for her. She took advantage of that once, and according to her, Dad greeted her with a big smile and a laugh. He didn't make her feel bad at all for calling him so late at night. He was proud of her for using her head and not getting into real trouble.
All the best to you.
And, it just so happens that I smoked grass with them too. On many occasions. I guess you can look at it that if I was going to party, and I partied with them, they could keep an eye on us to make certain we weren't getting carried away. Not perfect, but it did make it so I was comfortable to talk with them about my using, and when I knew I needed help, I didn't hesitate to talk with them about it. They were very supportive about getting clean. No stigma whatsoever.
pj, I get it. It is a very difficult thing to navigate with our children. I am wary of what it is going to be like when my boy gets there. The only thing I can say is trying to find the balance between caution and tolerance is key. Always letting them know you are there to help is a good thing. No judgement. My Dad told schnitzie if she ever went to a party and she didn't feel safe, to call him. No matter what time, he was going to be there for her. She took advantage of that once, and according to her, Dad greeted her with a big smile and a laugh. He didn't make her feel bad at all for calling him so late at night. He was proud of her for using her head and not getting into real trouble.
All the best to you.
My Dad told schnitzie if she ever went to a party and she didn't feel safe, to call him. No matter what time, he was going to be there for her. She took advantage of that once, and according to her, Dad greeted her with a big smile and a laugh. He didn't make her feel bad at all for calling him so late at night. He was proud of her for using her head and not getting into real trouble.
Yup, did the same thing with my son. I had him sign that ‘Contract for Life’ which essentially says, that he will call me at ANY TIME during the night and I will pick him up WITHOUT JUDGEMENTS OR LECTURES. But, I reserved the right to discuss it with him a few days later.
Well, one night, he did just that and frankly, I had tears in my eyes, that he upheld the bargain. As did I..We talked about it a few days later.
obviously no judgment, my only concern is for their well being, but they have to really trust you to do it.
Fortunately (hopefully, fortunately), I've never gotten an "X" text from my kids, I hope they've never been in a situation where they were not comfortable but also not comfortable reaching out to me.
I also put them on my uber account - actually just put my credit card in to their accounts - and they have used that (both away at college) and sometimes I think it's more a chauffeur service, but at the end of the day, I'll take it vs getting into a car in non ideal situations and they haven't abused it so I trust they're using it judiciously.
I tried it with a friend who'd been in rehab and was experiencing a binge. We drove to the Beach Flats in Santa Cruz -- not a wonderful part of town -- and dropped down 80 bucks for, I dunno, some amount of cocaine. We got back to my place, I watched my friend do whatever you do to prepare it to be smoked (I guess turning it into crack?), and we hit the pipe. I observed my friend enter a state that seemed more like simple relief than anything resembling bliss. I myself felt an ascent towards some sort of blissful state but then suddenly stopped this ascent short of such a state. I think we managed two or three more hits, each one failing to deliver me to paradise's door. I remember right there thinking very definitively, "This is simply a tease."
My friend eventually turned into the most desperately persuasive person I've met before or since. He tried to convince me to return to the flats with twice as much money so we could buy twice as much. I told him I didn't have enough in my account and he started trying to convince me to use my parents' credit card. My concern about such a withdrawal that I NEVER make at 1 am from an ATM across town being very hard to explain meant nothing to him. Finally I simply said no, which was a very hard thing for me to say at that particular age and to this particular person. I drive him home instead.
Next morning, he calls me apologizing profusely and telling me that inhumane level of desperation is simply what coke does to him.
That about did it for me for that drug.
Lots of good stories here. Thanks for sharing them everyone.