NFT: What potential/actual addiction did you avoid/escape from?

.

Had an older friend(actually best friend) when I was a kid. He smoked two packs a day..$0.75 per pack, so $1.50 per day. I figured that was about $500 per year. When you at 12 to 14 in the 60s/70s that was a lot of money.

In comment 15263911 section125 said:

Quote:

Had an older friend(actually best friend) when I was a kid. He smoked two packs a day..$0.75 per pack, so $1.50 per day. I figured that was about $500 per year. When you at 12 to 14 in the 60s/70s that was a lot of money.

when you are....

pack or so per day through my college years, reduced to about 2 packs per week through age 25. Tapered off to just a few per weekend socially/drunk by age 29.

Got engaged at 29 and my fiance told me it was a non-negotiable. Had to stop. Since then, I've smoked maybe 2 total packs of cigarettes in 8+ years, primarily confined to very late nights on special occasions like bachelor parties or etc.

In comment 15263918 bigbluehoya said:

Quote:

pack or so per day through my college years, reduced to about 2 packs per week through age 25. Tapered off to just a few per weekend socially/drunk by age 29. Got engaged at 29 and my fiance told me it was a non-negotiable. Had to stop. Since then, I've smoked maybe 2 total packs of cigarettes in 8+ years, primarily confined to very late nights on special occasions like bachelor parties or etc.

or Giants’ losses..😎

My friend, you have a protracted lifetime addiction.

Totally out of control when it come to the NY Giants.

Optimistic, hopeful and positive about things you have no control over is no way to go through life!

or is it?

Alcohol in '83, after one of my best friends was shot to death in a drunken argument leaving a bar. I was a heavy, daily drinker at the time for quite a few years, and was supposed to go with him, but was too hungover and decided not to go. Gave up alcohol a few months later as a New Years resolution. Looking back, that's the only New Years resolution I ever actually followed through on. Lol

In comment 15263925 Bill2 said:

Quote:

My friend, you have a protracted lifetime addiction. Totally out of control when it come to the NY Giants. Optimistic, hopeful and positive about things you have no control over is no way to go through life! or is it?

😂😂

... social drinker ... but currently struggling with getting off the energy drinks. Monsters and Red Bulls are the go-to. Not even about the potential rush. I have a wicked sweet tooth.

I got through yesterday drinking more water. Then on the way in today there was a magnetic pull and my car stopped at a corner store. DAMMIT!

I'm going to be in the vicinity of my wife. and of course kids (6/4/2).

If my kids see me smoking a cigarette even once, I will have failed myself.

(I don't say that in judgment of anyone else, just my own self-expectations as someone who grew up with parents/grandparents/aunts/uncles who smoked cigarettes and how much easier that made it for me to fall into the same trap)

from alcohol. Definitely crossed the line into alcoholism years before that.

Gave up cigs years ago but still use nicotine lozenges and have an occasional cigar or pipe. So, work to be done on the nicotine front but that's my only vice/addiction.

In comment 15263931 bigbluehoya said:

Quote:

I'm going to be in the vicinity of my wife. and of course kids (6/4/2). If my kids see me smoking a cigarette even once, I will have failed myself. (I don't say that in judgment of anyone else, just my own self-expectations as someone who grew up with parents/grandparents/aunts/uncles who smoked cigarettes and how much easier that made it for me to fall into the same trap)

Some have said that stopping cigarettes is the hardest of addictions to break and I tend to ascribe to that. I mean, it’s virtually a 24 hour addiction. If I got up at night to use the bathroom, I’d light up, or first thing in the morning.

....haven't had a drop since September 2020.

In comment 15263937 BillKo said:

Quote:

....haven't had a drop since September 2020.

Yeah, back in the mid ‘90s, I developed IBS (maybe acts up a few times a year, but no biggie now) and was told to stop carbonated beverages. I can’t recall HOW MANY Diet Cokes I consumed per day back then, but haven’t had soda in about 25 years.

with some moderate injuries, thankfully nothing long-term or life threatening. I was prescribed some excessively strong opiates that I have since learned are highly addictive. Thankfully, I was just starting my career and rushed back to work. The pills would not have allowed me to perform my work duties, so I never got into them. I have seen similar prescription drugs ruin several lives in recent years.

6 Volvos and boring everyone to death with my car repair stories.

Diabetes diagnosis did it for me.

Started at 13, gave it up at 39. Smoked 3 packs a day due to job stresses. Took a double pneumonia to set me straight

made the decision to deactivate in 2015. Actually reactivated a few weeks ago to follow the page of the woman who breeds the puppy we are waiting for to see pictures since its the only platform she uses. I've gotten a nice glimpse of what I've avoided the last 6 years and it reaffirmed how toxic it got on there.

it just was too much and too time-consuming. Eventually, I had to be much more judicious and start turning people down.

and had my last cigarette on 1/4/2009. Went to a really dark place with alcohol and some hard drugs for a few years prior to that. I was an uppers man...cocaine, amphetamines...never got into heroin/opiates. It was all hard to give up, tried and failed several times before that.

I'm very fortunate I survived with my health intact, and for some really good people who helped me get out of it. I pass no judgments on anyone elses drinking, smoking, drug use. I just do my best to be there to help others when people ask for it.

It's scary to think back to how carelessly I treated my life, my health, my job, and my relationships back then, but it's important for me to remember that, keeps me very grateful for all the good things I have in my life now.

that the receptors in the brain for nicotine are immediately proximate to those for heroin which are immediately adjacent to those for chocolate.

I am Jonesing for a chocolate bar right now.

In comment 15263967 Bill L said:

Quote:

it just was too much and too time-consuming. Eventually, I had to be much more judicious and start turning people down.

RAZE had the same problem..😜

that is an interesting subject. I will say I have had two significant surgeries and a couple of smaller ones and I can see how others can become addicted to painkillers. I have never been that way- don't do drugs, moderate to lighter drinker.. But, they give out a TON of painkillers after surgery.

I couldn't believe how many painkillers they gave me and told me if I felt I needed more to reach out to them. I sued maybe 6 total after my two cervical disc fusions.

In comment 15263976 jvm52106 said:

Quote:

that is an interesting subject. I will say I have had two significant surgeries and a couple of smaller ones and I can see how others can become addicted to painkillers. I have never been that way- don't do drugs, moderate to lighter drinker.. But, they give out a TON of painkillers after surgery. I couldn't believe how many painkillers they gave me and told me if I felt I needed more to reach out to them. I sued maybe 6 total after my two cervical disc fusions.

sued= used..

this, my father just turned 80 and I said to him the other day, shit you're 80 may as well take up smoking again. He was hard core, couple packs a day.

I figure once you get to a point in life where you can say "you lived a full life" may as well enjoy the rest of the ride.

but i guess people don't think that way - or maybe not all do, but today I can say I feel like I will.

I'm firmly in middle-age - late 40's and I feel like if I live to see 60 I'm going to enjoy the back nine. But who knows, by then I could have grand kids and feel like life is too precious to pick up some enjoyable vices like smoking a pipe or cigars, or regular day drinking or day trading stocks, online gambling, whatever.

I've worked my ass off since I was 15 or 16 years old, ate well for the most part, exercised regularly, once I retire I feel I owe it to myself to sit on a lake fishing smoking a cigar as my main activity.

So, to flip this OP a little, I'm looking forward to a late in life vice/addiction.

Any recommendations? Can't do cigarettes - both parents did - they nauseate me. just the smell of them even.

While I avoided nicotine in Jr High School, I had issues when in Navy with marijuana. I see in the kiddo's I work with is their addiction to electronic devices (cell phones primarily). I hear throughout the week of teenagers making suicidal threats. These last 14 months of increased self-isolation has increased their addiction to electronics, made their poor social skills worse, and decreased their direct support system which has led to more suicidality and depression. Our local Dept Children's Services has been overwhelmed as they are now even more into homes than ever before.

.

In comment 15263906 Big Blue '56 said:

Quote:

.

At what age did you give up drinking BB56? Just curious. I tend to think one day I will need to give it up - over the years my alcohol consumption has increased as the stress of daily life has and continues to increase. Not a good path I am currently on.

In comment 15264008 Bergen346 said:

Quote:

In comment 15263906 Big Blue '56 said: Quote: . At what age did you give up drinking BB56? Just curious. I tend to think one day I will need to give it up - over the years my alcohol consumption has increased as the stress of daily life has and continues to increase. Not a good path I am currently on.

40s..I just felt like shit the next day and not because I was drunk..I ALWAYS had to have “one more.” Others were able to stop when they had too much. Not me..

Bourbon + Marijuana. I know you have the Bourbon part down but the mix is lovely in moderation.

Gave up booze in 2018, was also a smoker till 2006. Life is better without both.

Thankfully I have been lucky to not succumb to that terrible addiction.

Both my father and grandfather were alcoholics (my father was worse), so there was something in the genes that made them susceptible to alcohol addiction.

My grandfather was able to overcome it and lived until he was in his 80s with a great professional and personal success; however, my father wasn't so fortunate. As the youngest and most talented child of my grandparents' eight kids (from what everyone told me as I was growing up and even now), my father succumbed to the addiction and died in a motorcycle accident when I was only seven and he was in his early 30s. There are some stories of how wild he was that I've found out in the past few years (my relatives appear to feel more comfortable being frank with me as I've gotten older) from him being an enforcer for the local mob to him having a string of girlfriends after he and my mom split up when I was young. Obviously he had many demons that he was dealing with, but whether they were the result of his alcoholism or whether his alcoholism was his coping method for his wild ways, who knows.

and I didnt stop, but i drink way less than I used to

What I changed is "only social drinking," no more drinking alone at home watching TV. Worked like a charm

.

but not coffee. I've kicked them for a few weeks at a time but I definitely consume less than I used to.
The biggest scare for me however was after having a tooth extracted I took a heavy duty pain reliever just to get some good sleep finally. The next day I took another without ever feeling any pain. On day 3 I could feel the urge, I grabbed the bottle handed them to my wife and said hide them, flush them, whatever but get them away from me because I can feel something setting in.

After watching the first episode of “Crime of the Century” on HBO, I told my wife how I dodged a bullet not getting hooked on painkillers. I was prescribed Oxycontin in college, and my first experience with pain pills included mixing with alcohol and it was awful. I never messed around with painkillers from that point on, but have had close friends go to rehab because of their painkiller addictions.

to show some of our vulnerabilities.

Alcoholic here. I have never been a dramatic drunk, never mean, but that was part of the problem and harder for me to control, simply because I didn't feel like I was hurting anyone else but myself, but in reality I was hurting others by hurting myself. Anyway, it's been a struggle of on again off again behavior since 2011. I'm currently in a good dry spell (no drinks since last august, three years has been my longest before thinking "one beer won't be a big deal").

I have issues with anxiety and depression that alcohol intensifies, so each time I decide to have a drink I know in the back of my mind this could be the time that I am not able to come out of the intense depression that will inevitably come from my decision to play with a fire that I am not able to safely back away from.

Anyway, thanks for people sharing personal demons. Sharing helps give others hope in that they, themselves are not alone with their problem.

In comment 15263967 Bill L said:

Quote:

it just was too much and too time-consuming. Eventually, I had to be much more judicious and start turning people down.

All those sad dudes!

Haha, jk, for me it was smoking. From age 18 - 27, smoked about a pack a day. I quit cold turkey after watching High on Crack St on HBO. I felt like the cigarettes were controlling my behavior like crack was these addicts. Haven't touched one since. I also calculated how many total cigareetes I smoked and how much $$$$$ I spent and it was staggering.

addictions, but I got off of Twitter, cold turkey, the day after the election, after having spent 2-3 hours a day on it for about 6 months

... my wife is also a recovering addict herself and has big family issues with substances on her side.

Fortunately, hard liquor almost always made me sick to my stomach... not just a one-time throw-up, either... rather, I'd be puking for hours on end. Drinking is totally debilitating for me.

What's somewhat notable is that I still often tried to "drink big" in my younger days... most of peer group drank hard, and I just wanted to be a part of.

Anywho: turned out to be a blessing looking back.

My wife, OTOH, could drink most grown men under the table and still want more and be totally unable to stop... she's a "Real McCoy alcoholic" if there ever was one... without working the program of AA she'd be dead years ago... no doubt.

My parents smoked my entire childhood, and so did most family members. I always found it really annoying, but my brothers both smoked on and off into adulthood.

I feel like my bigger vulnerability would be gambling. That's one that if I weren't married or had kids I could see myself making a mistake and getting in over my head.

...not for me, I bailed - over time, all those relationships disappeared and a couple of those guys were never healthy and got into stronger drugs, one died at 51 a few years back.

Managed to avoid the major harmful addictions so have been fortunate. I am currently spending way too much time in front of screens and recently have been taking digital breaks around dinner time.

Soda. Drank WAY too much of it until mid 20s & then went cold turkey. I try now & again to cut back on the beer, but with mixed results.

Started as a trickle, went full blown in 80s
Never needed the money, but sold it in bars anyway just because I was way too into the party scene
Dropped out of college to bartend in south florida
Got arrested by fbi, went on extended vacation to Morgantown, WV federal penitentiary
Even when I got out still partied some
Never had an epiphany, i was just a rambunctious suburban kid and when the enjoyment of it was minimal and the staring at the ceiling not sleeping was at it maximum , I just tapered off it and lost interest
Actually went back to college, became an accountant, studied my ass off finally 10 yrs later and after many failures became a CPA. Was always worried they wouldn’t license me but they did, in 3 states no less
Now I am basically semi retired, finally saved $$$$ instead of blowing it, financially secure
Go figure. In spite of myself, it worked out. Great wife sure helps a lot!
Occasionally I have been around I coke over last 20 yrs, just wasn’t interested. Just loved to party when I was was young, tons of females, crazy times
I don’t even regret it. I had a lot of fun
But now I am so content watching football, boxing, Netflix. Working out hard. U have to drag me to go out. Funny thing in my worst condition, still never miss workouts. That’s my real addiction! Love it

In comment 15264055 crick n NC said:

Quote:

to show some of our vulnerabilities. Alcoholic here. I have never been a dramatic drunk, never mean, but that was part of the problem and harder for me to control, simply because I didn't feel like I was hurting anyone else but myself, but in reality I was hurting others by hurting myself. Anyway, it's been a struggle of on again off again behavior since 2011. I'm currently in a good dry spell (no drinks since last august, three years has been my longest before thinking "one beer won't be a big deal"). I have issues with anxiety and depression that alcohol intensifies, so each time I decide to have a drink I know in the back of my mind this could be the time that I am not able to come out of the intense depression that will inevitably come from my decision to play with a fire that I am not able to safely back away from. Anyway, thanks for people sharing personal demons. Sharing helps give others hope in that they, themselves are not alone with their problem.

My wife will have an occasional glass of wine, that’s it..I could get away with a drink here and there, but after awhile, I’d be back full time, so I’ve never even taken a sip of anything.

Btw, What’s amazing to me was how eady it was for me to stop alcohol as heavily invested in it as I was..Never really missed it and Yes, people drinking around me has never bothered or tempted me.

Cigarette quitting was brutal. I must have failed 50 tines way back when. The thought of never, ever smoking again proved far too much for me to handle, so I capitulated over and over again..

One day, Over 40 years ago I took a different tack. I didn’t make it final in my mind (given how it’s mostly a mental addiction after the physical cravings leave). I simply said to myself, “I’ll go back, I’m just postponing my next cigarette.” That relieved a huge mental burden FOR ME..I never went back.

Never touched coke. My old man-Maryland graduate-scared the hell out of my siblings & I with the Len Bias tragedy.

I know multiple people who died young of heroin. Tragic.

weed aholic - sober for 15 or so years

alcoholic - sober for almost 4 years

I was quite functional at both 95% of the time, but I'm sure it wasn't my best life.

Smoking is verboten now, but I remember being at prep school and getting “smoking permission” from my parents so I could smoke at school. How ridiculous does that seem today anyone under 30? But that’s the way the world was for a long time, smoking was okay and it was done everywhere by nearly everyone. WWI to like the early 90s and smoking was either encouraged or at the very least accepted as completely normal and even necessary. As a kid I remember candy cigarettes - and I known those still exist - but how fucking evil is that? Teaching kids to smoke. Wow. Advertisements for smoking were everywhere - TV, print, radio. The Marlboro Man was everywhere. Welcome to Marlboro country! Does anyone remember Joe Camel? That campaign was designed to appeal to children. Again, how evil is that? Anyone remember all the crap people would “buy” with Camel dollars and Marlboro miles? (Or whatever they called those incentive programs).

But, it was totally accepted and social normal. As a kid my mom would send me and my friends to buy her cigarettes- like we were ten - and no one ever questioned us or failed to sell cigarettes to us. I remember being young adult in NYC and laughing at the very idea of non-smoking bars which were emerging in SF and LA. Now I can’t imagine going to a smoke filled bar. People used to smoke on the Metro North - does anyone remember how smoke filled the car and especially the bar car would be by the time you got to Stamford? Going from New Haven to New Canaan was local and I’d smell like an ash tray by the time I got off. Good lord... but it was totally normal. People used to smoke on airplanes. Imagine.

And of course the tobacco companies hid and denied and lied about all the efforts to market to kids and all the knowledge they about the health impacts. And then it all changed, in like a couple of years smoking went from being socially acceptable and really encouraged to being completely unacceptable and a clearly substantiated and undeniable public health cost and the acknowledged most severe personal health risk.

Anyway, yeah, I’m glad I quit smoking almost 20 years ago when I first needed to get life insurance. That was a horrible and insipid and expensive addiction. I thank God I am no longer a slave to nicotine.

I don’t drink or hang out with Mary Jane anymore either. Haven’t for more than two decades - probably couldn’t have put down the cigarettes if I were drinking. After college, I saw way too many of my friends turning a bend I didn’t want to go around. Probably half the guys I skated with in college are 12 steppers now and probably most of the other half should be! My best friend from prep school and I met up once in the city when we were like 25 and I couldnt believe how hard he was partying with booze and drugs. He looked like he was 50 in his face. That woke me up for sure. I don’t miss any of it. Glad I avoided any lasting health damage. I sure as shit don’t judge anyone who partakes in any of these things or struggles with excess.

In comment 15264077 Big Blue '56 said:

Quote:

In comment 15264055 crick n NC said: Quote: to show some of our vulnerabilities. Alcoholic here. I have never been a dramatic drunk, never mean, but that was part of the problem and harder for me to control, simply because I didn't feel like I was hurting anyone else but myself, but in reality I was hurting others by hurting myself. Anyway, it's been a struggle of on again off again behavior since 2011. I'm currently in a good dry spell (no drinks since last august, three years has been my longest before thinking "one beer won't be a big deal"). I have issues with anxiety and depression that alcohol intensifies, so each time I decide to have a drink I know in the back of my mind this could be the time that I am not able to come out of the intense depression that will inevitably come from my decision to play with a fire that I am not able to safely back away from. Anyway, thanks for people sharing personal demons. Sharing helps give others hope in that they, themselves are not alone with their problem. My wife will have an occasional glass of wine, that’s it..I could get away with a drink here and there, but after awhile, I’d be back full time, so I’ve never even taken a sip of anything. Btw, What’s amazing to me was how eady it was for me to stop alcohol as heavily invested in it as I was..Never really missed it and Yes, people drinking around me has never bothered or tempted me. Cigarette quitting was brutal. I must have failed 50 tines way back when. The thought of never, ever smoking again proved far too much for me to handle, so I capitulated over and over again.. One day, Over 40 years ago I took a different tack. I didn’t make it final in my mind (given how it’s mostly a mental addiction after the physical cravings leave). I simply said to myself, “I’ll go back, I’m just postponing my next cigarette.” That relieved a huge mental burden FOR ME..I never went back.

Funny you mention that. I play men's league hockey with a recovering crack addict. He says he's alive today because he still uses crack. I said, what??? he says he has 1 day per year where he checks into a hotel room and smokes crack all day.

he survives the other 364 days knowing he has that 1 day.

Obviously not completely analogous to what you said but reminded me of him.

Weird guy, obviously has demons, but the mental way to live with addiction seemed similar (though he followed through on it)

In comment 15264055 crick n NC said:

Quote:

to show some of our vulnerabilities. Alcoholic here. I have never been a dramatic drunk, never mean, but that was part of the problem and harder for me to control, simply because I didn't feel like I was hurting anyone else but myself, but in reality I was hurting others by hurting myself. Anyway, it's been a struggle of on again off again behavior since 2011. I'm currently in a good dry spell (no drinks since last august, three years has been my longest before thinking "one beer won't be a big deal"). I have issues with anxiety and depression that alcohol intensifies, so each time I decide to have a drink I know in the back of my mind this could be the time that I am not able to come out of the intense depression that will inevitably come from my decision to play with a fire that I am not able to safely back away from. Anyway, thanks for people sharing personal demons. Sharing helps give others hope in that they, themselves are not alone with their problem.

Crick: Good for you and good luck. If your goal is to stay completely sober, there are plenty of resources out there to help. Obviously AA, but there's also SMART recovery, and individual therapists can also help, and I'm sure many others.

I also struggle with depression and anxiety; recently had to up my dosage on my meds but am consequently feeling better. Alcohol also interacts with these illnesses in various ways for me as well. If you'd ever like to talk offline I can put my email address in my profile for a little while; lmk.

What are some tips/things you do to help with your anxiety? I go through waves where I feel totally fine and then out of nowhere i'll have trouble sleeping, anxiety, intrusive thoughts etc. and have tried to avoid going back on SSRIs.

I took celexa for a few years and it helped me, but I stopped 4 years ago amid some side effects and wanting to live drug-free.

Thanks guys. Feels good to share since I usually don't talk about this stuff with my friends or family.

In comment 15264077 Big Blue '56 said:

Quote:

In comment 15264055 crick n NC said: Quote: to show some of our vulnerabilities. Alcoholic here. I have never been a dramatic drunk, never mean, but that was part of the problem and harder for me to control, simply because I didn't feel like I was hurting anyone else but myself, but in reality I was hurting others by hurting myself. Anyway, it's been a struggle of on again off again behavior since 2011. I'm currently in a good dry spell (no drinks since last august, three years has been my longest before thinking "one beer won't be a big deal"). I have issues with anxiety and depression that alcohol intensifies, so each time I decide to have a drink I know in the back of my mind this could be the time that I am not able to come out of the intense depression that will inevitably come from my decision to play with a fire that I am not able to safely back away from. Anyway, thanks for people sharing personal demons. Sharing helps give others hope in that they, themselves are not alone with their problem. My wife will have an occasional glass of wine, that’s it..I could get away with a drink here and there, but after awhile, I’d be back full time, so I’ve never even taken a sip of anything. Btw, What’s amazing to me was how eady it was for me to stop alcohol as heavily invested in it as I was..Never really missed it and Yes, people drinking around me has never bothered or tempted me. Cigarette quitting was brutal. I must have failed 50 tines way back when. The thought of never, ever smoking again proved far too much for me to handle, so I capitulated over and over again.. One day, Over 40 years ago I took a different tack. I didn’t make it final in my mind (given how it’s mostly a mental addiction after the physical cravings leave). I simply said to myself, “I’ll go back, I’m just postponing my next cigarette.” That relieved a huge mental burden FOR ME..I never went back.

Bb56. Thanks for this response! It's amazing how one thing is tough for one individual while not necessarily for the other.

Your last paragraph is so on-point. When I tell myself I can never drink again the pressure becomes too much. At times I will tell myself that I may have a beer today (of course it's never one, that's the problem). It helps relieve the pressure knowing that I can, but probably shouldn't. As the day goes on the thought of driving to the store to grab beer to get drunk starts causing anxiety which is a good friend in this case, I have an easier time canceling my plan of drinking for that day, but the key for me is stay away from absolutes (irony 😂) as in, "I can never drink again".

Thanks for your contribution!

I've had trouble with drinking. Probably got to an alcoholic level for a few years. I've cut back. My routine now is I don't drink Monday-Thursday unless it's a truly special circumstance, but will on weekends. (I've only had 1 truly special circumstance in the last 8 months, so I'm taking that pretty seriously.) There are many weeknights where I have 0 desire to drink. Some weeknights I do, but then I remind myself I have the weekend. I've been cutting back the amount I drink on weekends as well, but that's still a work in progress.

AA and abstinence are not right for me for a number of reasons, but I will not go into it because I want to be supportive. For all those who do want to quit drinking, there is AA, SMART recovery, therapy, religion, Buddhist yoga, support groups, all types of different things that can help you. I encourage you to give it a shot and don't get down if it doesn't work right away, you're not perfect, nobody expects you to be and nobody will judge you.

I'm happy to discuss offline with anyone who wants to. Reply to my message and I'll put my email in my profile for a little while. (Unfortunately my user name is already pretty revealing so I don't want everyone to know my true identity forever.)

On another note, I've met a few heroin addicts and it's heartbreaking. They all seem like good people who got caught up in a terrible addiction. No one starts doing drugs with the intention of stealing from their friends and family. That just goes to show you how deep and tough that addiction gets.

In comment 15264104 crick n NC said:

Quote:

In comment 15264077 Big Blue '56 said: Quote: In comment 15264055 crick n NC said: Quote: to show some of our vulnerabilities. Alcoholic here. I have never been a dramatic drunk, never mean, but that was part of the problem and harder for me to control, simply because I didn't feel like I was hurting anyone else but myself, but in reality I was hurting others by hurting myself. Anyway, it's been a struggle of on again off again behavior since 2011. I'm currently in a good dry spell (no drinks since last august, three years has been my longest before thinking "one beer won't be a big deal"). I have issues with anxiety and depression that alcohol intensifies, so each time I decide to have a drink I know in the back of my mind this could be the time that I am not able to come out of the intense depression that will inevitably come from my decision to play with a fire that I am not able to safely back away from. Anyway, thanks for people sharing personal demons. Sharing helps give others hope in that they, themselves are not alone with their problem. My wife will have an occasional glass of wine, that’s it..I could get away with a drink here and there, but after awhile, I’d be back full time, so I’ve never even taken a sip of anything. Btw, What’s amazing to me was how eady it was for me to stop alcohol as heavily invested in it as I was..Never really missed it and Yes, people drinking around me has never bothered or tempted me. Cigarette quitting was brutal. I must have failed 50 tines way back when. The thought of never, ever smoking again proved far too much for me to handle, so I capitulated over and over again.. One day, Over 40 years ago I took a different tack. I didn’t make it final in my mind (given how it’s mostly a mental addiction after the physical cravings leave). I simply said to myself, “I’ll go back, I’m just postponing my next cigarette.” That relieved a huge mental burden FOR ME..I never went back. Bb56. Thanks for this response! It's amazing how one thing is tough for one individual while not necessarily for the other. Your last paragraph is so on-point. When I tell myself I can never drink again the pressure becomes too much. At times I will tell myself that I may have a beer today (of course it's never one, that's the problem). It helps relieve the pressure knowing that I can, but probably shouldn't. As the day goes on the thought of driving to the store to grab beer to get drunk starts causing anxiety which is a good friend in this case, I have an easier time canceling my plan of drinking for that day, but the key for me is stay away from absolutes (irony 😂) as in, "I can never drink again". Thanks for your contribution!

Well, we are often on the same wavelength…😎

In comment 15264102 GGGGmen said:

Quote:

What are some tips/things you do to help with your anxiety? I go through waves where I feel totally fine and then out of nowhere i'll have trouble sleeping, anxiety, intrusive thoughts etc. and have tried to avoid going back on SSRIs. I took celexa for a few years and it helped me, but I stopped 4 years ago amid some side effects and wanting to live drug-free. Thanks guys. Feels good to share since I usually don't talk about this stuff with my friends or family.

I'll be honest: for me SSRIs and other meds for panic attacks have been the only thing that truly help. Exercising obviously helps a little. I have a few friends who are into meditating, mindfulness exercises, Budhist yoga (which is apparently a thing), etc. I'd recommend giving some of that stuff a whirl. You can download mindfulness apps for free, and I'm sure there are meditation apps and Youtube videos.

In comment 15264094 Mike from SI said:

Quote:

In comment 15264055 crick n NC said: Quote: to show some of our vulnerabilities. Alcoholic here. I have never been a dramatic drunk, never mean, but that was part of the problem and harder for me to control, simply because I didn't feel like I was hurting anyone else but myself, but in reality I was hurting others by hurting myself. Anyway, it's been a struggle of on again off again behavior since 2011. I'm currently in a good dry spell (no drinks since last august, three years has been my longest before thinking "one beer won't be a big deal"). I have issues with anxiety and depression that alcohol intensifies, so each time I decide to have a drink I know in the back of my mind this could be the time that I am not able to come out of the intense depression that will inevitably come from my decision to play with a fire that I am not able to safely back away from. Anyway, thanks for people sharing personal demons. Sharing helps give others hope in that they, themselves are not alone with their problem. Crick: Good for you and good luck. If your goal is to stay completely sober, there are plenty of resources out there to help. Obviously AA, but there's also SMART recovery, and individual therapists can also help, and I'm sure many others. I also struggle with depression and anxiety; recently had to up my dosage on my meds but am consequently feeling better. Alcohol also interacts with these illnesses in various ways for me as well. If you'd ever like to talk offline I can put my email address in my profile for a little while; lmk.

Hi Mike!. I sincerely appreciate your compassion and advice, thank you! I certainly would like to add you to my contacts, not solely for me.

I'm glad you're feeling better, meds and good intentioned human interaction\connection are key for me. Humans just aren't made to handle burdens entirely themselves. "It is not good for man to be alone". Talking and listening with good intentions is amazing therapy for both individuals in my view.

In comment 15264113 Big Blue '56 said:

Quote:

In comment 15264104 crick n NC said: Quote: In comment 15264077 Big Blue '56 said: Quote: In comment 15264055 crick n NC said: Quote: to show some of our vulnerabilities. Alcoholic here. I have never been a dramatic drunk, never mean, but that was part of the problem and harder for me to control, simply because I didn't feel like I was hurting anyone else but myself, but in reality I was hurting others by hurting myself. Anyway, it's been a struggle of on again off again behavior since 2011. I'm currently in a good dry spell (no drinks since last august, three years has been my longest before thinking "one beer won't be a big deal"). I have issues with anxiety and depression that alcohol intensifies, so each time I decide to have a drink I know in the back of my mind this could be the time that I am not able to come out of the intense depression that will inevitably come from my decision to play with a fire that I am not able to safely back away from. Anyway, thanks for people sharing personal demons. Sharing helps give others hope in that they, themselves are not alone with their problem. My wife will have an occasional glass of wine, that’s it..I could get away with a drink here and there, but after awhile, I’d be back full time, so I’ve never even taken a sip of anything. Btw, What’s amazing to me was how eady it was for me to stop alcohol as heavily invested in it as I was..Never really missed it and Yes, people drinking around me has never bothered or tempted me. Cigarette quitting was brutal. I must have failed 50 tines way back when. The thought of never, ever smoking again proved far too much for me to handle, so I capitulated over and over again.. One day, Over 40 years ago I took a different tack. I didn’t make it final in my mind (given how it’s mostly a mental addiction after the physical cravings leave). I simply said to myself, “I’ll go back, I’m just postponing my next cigarette.” That relieved a huge mental burden FOR ME..I never went back. Bb56. Thanks for this response! It's amazing how one thing is tough for one individual while not necessarily for the other. Your last paragraph is so on-point. When I tell myself I can never drink again the pressure becomes too much. At times I will tell myself that I may have a beer today (of course it's never one, that's the problem). It helps relieve the pressure knowing that I can, but probably shouldn't. As the day goes on the thought of driving to the store to grab beer to get drunk starts causing anxiety which is a good friend in this case, I have an easier time canceling my plan of drinking for that day, but the key for me is stay away from absolutes (irony 😂) as in, "I can never drink again". Thanks for your contribution! Well, we are often on the same wavelength…😎

That is good to know, seriously 👍

I feel for all of you. There are some truly unfortunate stories here. Again thanks to everyone for sharing

It was awful. I went into rehab 3 times but always relapsed, until I got tired of the Giants sucking. Several really awful and obnoxious posters also assisted in helping me get over my addiction. One of them, remaining unnamed, mostly writes about how awful Jones is as a qb.

remind (explain to) me how to edit my BBI user profile, I'd greatly appreciate it.

to an insurrection of One Giants Way after Parcells left and Handley was hired. And then after Reeves was hired.

Fortunately, I found BBI in '97 and have used this platform to channel by dissatisfaction... ;)

I love to gamble and have had several challenges with pulling back at times. But I've always been pretty good at the cold turkey routine and now I just dabble. And mostly with horse racing...

In comment 15264126 Mike from SI said:

Quote:

remind (explain to) me how to edit my BBI user profile, I'd greatly appreciate it.

i can do it for you but you need to provide me with your social security number.

In comment 15264134 Big Al said:

Quote:

In comment 15264126 Mike from SI said: Quote: remind (explain to) me how to edit my BBI user profile, I'd greatly appreciate it. i can do it for you but you need to provide me with your social security number.

Actually see link on upper right of page near your handle.

Quit in December of 2007. One immediate benefit was being able to watch the playoffs and Super Bowl without running outside every 15 minutes to spark up

In comment 15264131 bw in dc said:

Quote:

to an insurrection of One Giants Way after Parcells left and Handley was hired. And then after Reeves was hired. Fortunately, I found BBI in '97 and have used this platform to channel by dissatisfaction... ;) I love to gamble and have had several challenges with pulling back at times. But I've always been pretty good at the cold turkey routine and now I just dabble. And mostly with horse racing...

Kind of funny, Art Stapleton began his mini-camp tweets with this:

Quote:

Back at 1925 Giants drive for on-field "stuff"...

you need to correct him on the specifics before you sue him for copyright infringement.

In comment 15264102 GGGGmen said:

Quote:

What are some tips/things you do to help with your anxiety? I go through waves where I feel totally fine and then out of nowhere i'll have trouble sleeping, anxiety, intrusive thoughts etc. and have tried to avoid going back on SSRIs. I took celexa for a few years and it helped me, but I stopped 4 years ago amid some side effects and wanting to live drug-free. Thanks guys. Feels good to share since I usually don't talk about this stuff with my friends or family.

I've struggled with anxiety/GAD/panic attacks for ages. After several years of not having panic attacks, I had a pretty massive recurrence brought on with oral surgery a few months ago. I'll spare you the details but I was astonished at how far I fell mentally so quickly. I was right back where I was when I first started having panic attacks as a college student.

Anyway, I do take an SSRI (was actually trying to get off it before this) and my doc upped my dose. This appears to have helped. I started exercising more and I also started cognitive behavioral therapy which really helped me understand mindfulness and apply it to my daily life. Two of the things that really helped me: acceptance of the current moment/understanding that it will pass, and then moving my attention to my body (e.g., focusing on breathing or any given body part feels at the moment) instead of my mind when anxiety sets in. I can't battle anxiety on its own turf; I can simply accept that it's there and move my attention elsewhere. It helps a lot.

The whole experience recently helped me understand that, aside from panic attacks, I carry around a shitload of anxiety on a 'normal' day. Am now doing my part to minimize it where possible.

Wish you all the best. It can be a real MF'er as I've unfortunately had to understand all over again recently.

Friend of Bill's here...

I earned my seat.

Life is way better including my marriage, my work situation, my health, etc.

I also quit smoking around the same time.

Yea, a good choice...

In comment 15264138 Big Al said:

Quote:

In comment 15264134 Big Al said: Quote: In comment 15264126 Mike from SI said: Quote: remind (explain to) me how to edit my BBI user profile, I'd greatly appreciate it. i can do it for you but you need to provide me with your social security number. Actually see link on upper right of page near your handle.

Muchas gracias.

4/9/97 for me. Quit smoking in 2005. Life is good.

.

I honestly think if I didn't ditch facebook during the 2015 election season, I could well have lost my job. The ramp up of fake news, troll posts and racist garbage spewed by so many outer circle acquaintances - I was becoming addicted to my feed, it was taking 15-20 minutes each morning to catch up and I spent waaaay too much time debunking garbage.

I happily bailed. Did the same with Twitter. Screw social media. No regrets.

nicotine. I've never stopped it, been 28 years now. I did stop smoking around when I got married, 18 years ago now, because my wife hates it. Switched to dip, and 5 or 6 years ago I switched from that to Swedish snus.

And one of the best things I ever did. Only downside is I miss a lot of birthdays now of friends from HS and College - I know a few friends who keep it just for birthdays but I needed to get off that platform.

I am getting close to doing the same with Instagram and twitter. I spend too much time on my phone as it is.

is doing to so many out there. Much like any other vice, there's moderation and then there's abuse. I don't think we known the magnitude of the problem either, it just keeps getting bigger or more damaging.

In comment 15264169 Greg from LI said:

Quote:

nicotine. I've never stopped it, been 28 years now. I did stop smoking around when I got married, 18 years ago now, because my wife hates it. Switched to dip, and 5 or 6 years ago I switched from that to Swedish snus.

When I went to Sweden they put dip in their upper lip - just looked weird. I used to use skoal back in the day. all the hockey players did - sort of like our homage to Sandlot.

Mostly stupid shit on eBay. I will go through phases where I will get fixated on certain things, and I will build up a stable of good used Allen Edmonds shoes or older Birdwell britches; usually more than I need. I guess it's a combination of the thrill of the hunt as well as finding a present waiting for me in the mailbox when I get home from work.

Getting rid of all the "stuff" and being a clutter-free minimalist is a pipe dream for me. Sadly, I don't have the willpower to get rid of all but the most basic essentials.

In comment 15264178 UConn4523 said:

Quote:

is doing to so many out there. Much like any other vice, there's moderation and then there's abuse. I don't think we known the magnitude of the problem either, it just keeps getting bigger or more damaging.

People are addicted to the internet regardless and social media has only made that problem worse.

I remember coming across an interesting book, which I now think is a decade old, how our modern life just isn't good for us at all. And mental health problems are only getting worse with social media. The problem is, it's practically impossible to break off of it, without going full Robinson Crusoe.

How can we get people to get enough daily exercise, sun, healthy foods, and limiting social media/internet usage when all of that us antithetical to being moderately successful in our society? Good luck trying to get a job if you tell them, "I don't use the internet". There's some professions that would work, but not nearly enough, and because kids are now ingrained with it, it's like they are almost incapable of doing it. I remember being on job sites and old men bitching about how lazy kids are (and many haven't learned a good work ethic yet) but these kids are climbing a steeper mountain than ever before.

In comment 15264178 UConn4523 said:

Quote:

is doing to so many out there. Much like any other vice, there's moderation and then there's abuse. I don't think we known the magnitude of the problem either, it just keeps getting bigger or more damaging.

The Social Dilemma on Netflix was pretty eye opening - for those of you who haven’t seen it PLEASE watch it. These social media apps are literally designed to keep us addicted and to keep users coming back and spending more and more time on the apps. Oh, haven’t been on Instagram in a while? Well lets send you a notification that your Ex posted a new picture! Maybe that will get your attention.

I do think Instagram is entertaining, especially because I love nature and diving and there are a lot of cool accounts, but Twitter can get dangerous which is why I only use it for sports and news and only follow a small amount of accounts.

Used to be a real hot head that fought on the streets a ton, and drank too much. Wrestled at a big D1 school, lost my scholarship my Junior year. Was out of college for 2 years working, and cleaned my life up. Started doing MMA during that time, then finished college at a smaller school. Now I only drink socially, still workout a lot, and I can control my anger.

In comment 15264183 GruningsOnTheHill said:

Quote:

Mostly stupid shit on eBay. I will go through phases where I will get fixated on certain things, and I will build up a stable of good used Allen Edmonds shoes or older Birdwell britches; usually more than I need. I guess it's a combination of the thrill of the hunt as well as finding a present waiting for me in the mailbox when I get home from work. Getting rid of all the "stuff" and being a clutter-free minimalist is a pipe dream for me. Sadly, I don't have the willpower to get rid of all but the most basic essentials.

Guilty. An eBay addict..😎

its a crazy dilemma. I was the last of our kind to get through all K-12 without social media - Facebook started as a freshman in college and it was pretty tame and useful then. I remember UConn.org getting the invite and it was cool to input my classes and immediately be connected to my classmates. Skipping school and getting the notes was great, haha.

But by not growing up with it I think its almost as bad or worse for those in their mid-30s and later compared to someone my daughter's age (5) who will learn to incorporate it better in their daily lives. My mother-in-law is obsessed with it and she's 70 - can't even visit her grandkid without being attached to Facebook. She's also body shaming herself because she sees pics of her friends and thinks she fat (she's probably 95 pounds, tiny woman).

For me I got of Facebook for 2 reasons. 1, I couldn't even talk sports with people without it turning into threats of violence. Normally its something you shrug off but when its all people you know its a lot more "real". 2nd was having a kid, I didn't want to do the picture posting thing and get caught in that trap so I just removed it from my life. And sure enough 5/6 years later almost every woman I know post their children 10x online - its an addiction for sure.

I don't know what the solution is I just hope to guide my daughter as best I can and pray she develops thick skin.

In comment 15264187 Bergen346 said:

Quote:

In comment 15264178 UConn4523 said: Quote: is doing to so many out there. Much like any other vice, there's moderation and then there's abuse. I don't think we known the magnitude of the problem either, it just keeps getting bigger or more damaging. The Social Dilemma on Netflix was pretty eye opening - for those of you who haven’t seen it PLEASE watch it. These social media apps are literally designed to keep us addicted and to keep users coming back and spending more and more time on the apps. Oh, haven’t been on Instagram in a while? Well lets send you a notification that your Ex posted a new picture! Maybe that will get your attention. I do think Instagram is entertaining, especially because I love nature and diving and there are a lot of cool accounts, but Twitter can get dangerous which is why I only use it for sports and news and only follow a small amount of accounts.

Saw that and agree..I signed up for twitter when it first came out. The constant pinging on my phone drove me nuts. After a few hours, I got off it and never went back..

*

In comment 15264189 MyNameIsMyName said:

Quote:

Used to be a real hot head that fought on the streets a ton, and drank too much. Wrestled at a big D1 school, lost my scholarship my Junior year. Was out of college for 2 years working, and cleaned my life up. Started doing MMA during that time, then finished college at a smaller school. Now I only drink socially, still workout a lot, and I can control my anger.

Thanks. I will NOT fu*k around with you on here…😂

except for calls/text (for wife, friends, emergencies), and work email. Everything else I only find out about if I seek it out (group chat, sports updates, personal email, etc).

Sounds like we are about the same age. Facebook was new when I started college and it was nice to be able to connect with your future roommate and everyone who was going to be in your freshman class - I am pretty sure that’s why it as first developed. Now its turned into Boomers posting crazy things, fake news, and constant bombardment of moms posting pictures of their kids every 5 minutes.

Smart phones still weren’t very smart when I was in college and cameras on phones weren’t that great either (thank god). I think it must be incredibly difficult for kids these days who are constantly on social media. Someone snaps one pic of you without your consent doing stupid college stuff and your life could be ruined. Also, IMO it really fuels depression and anxiety in kids, especially as they go through puberty etc. Not to mention bullying on social media.

Honestly I think social media is one of the most addictive and toxic things to happen to our society maybe ever. Sorry, not trying to hijack the thread !

that I was SUCCESSFUL when I quit FOR ME and not at the urging of others which occurred quite often.

In 2015, I spent 28 days in rehab for a cocaine problem. It was probably the best 28 days I've ever spent on MYSELF. Why was I using? What did I need to do to stop? Who in my life was using me? Who was I using? Who was I hurting other than myself? What did cocaine mean to me?

What I found out really surprised me.

First, using coke was a singular choice. But it became my friend. My girlfriend, my social life, pretty much everything. I was in a terrible marriage as it was, so I became even further disconnected from her too.

I also learned who was really a true friend to me and who loved me. I'm not blaming her, but she and her family very quickly separated themselves from me. Our marriage came to an end (thankfully).

It's not easy to work on yourself. In fact, for me, it's extremely difficult. A daily struggle. Recently, I have reached out to a professional to discuss the petty BS that weighs me down.

I no longer use, but I can't say that if it was in front of me, I wouldn't do it. I just no longer seek it out.

I'm glad I got this off of my chest. Thank you

but glad you did what you needed to do to get to where you are today.

In comment 15264247 UConn4523 said:

Quote:

but glad you did what you needed to do to get to where you are today.

I second that..

account, I haven't posted anything on it in about a decade, no idea what compels people to share some of the stuff or post some of the things they do on that site.

I only use it (very rarely) just to stalk pictures of my ex-girlfriends. You know....like a normal person and closer to the reason it was created in the first place.

In comment 15264162 GiantsLaw said:

Quote:

4/9/97 for me. Quit smoking in 2005. Life is good.

Friend of Bill here too, 12+ years, amen brother

In comment 15264013 Big Blue '56 said:

Quote:

In comment 15264008 Bergen346 said: Quote: In comment 15263906 Big Blue '56 said: Quote: . At what age did you give up drinking BB56? Just curious. I tend to think one day I will need to give it up - over the years my alcohol consumption has increased as the stress of daily life has and continues to increase. Not a good path I am currently on. 40s..I just felt like shit the next day and not because I was drunk..I ALWAYS had to have “one more.” Others were able to stop when they had too much. Not me..

Pretty much the same here with booze...the problem wasn't quitting, but stopping at a given point. Cigarettes, of course, after 20 years of two-a-days. The biggie was morphine after five years of (legal) consumption.

Looking back on it, it was remarkably easy to quit all three. Just a matter of gaining the right mind-set and letting her buck.

when I saw you started this thread, I had no idea how wonderfully cathartic it would seem to be to many people. I'm truly (but not literally) blown away.

As a young man growing up in the late 60's early 70's I was able to dodge the hard drug scene. I was able to do so because I watched one of my closest friends go down that path. We all smoked Pot, but Tony crossed the line and within weeks his brain was fried. And he has never recovered. Bad Acid? Uppers? Downers? Coke? Something fried a portion of his brain. One Hell of a way to see firsthand where that shit can lead.

In comment 15264255 pjcas18 said:

Quote:

account, I haven't posted anything on it in about a decade, no idea what compels people to share some of the stuff or post some of the things they do on that site. I only use it (very rarely) just to stalk pictures of my ex-girlfriends. You know....like a normal person and closer to the reason it was created in the first place.

Attention, being "liked", and the feeling of inclusion, that's the addiction. Its basically a dopamine high that's chased in a way. Some people can post a picture and not give two shits if anyone likes it and other will get angry and depressed if someone doesn't like it - 1. because they aren't getting the high and 2. they don't feel important.

I'm wondering how psychology and mental health education in general is taught now. I would think this is a major component of study which is just scratching the surface.

In comment 15264263 UConn4523 said:

Quote:

In comment 15264255 pjcas18 said: Quote: account, I haven't posted anything on it in about a decade, no idea what compels people to share some of the stuff or post some of the things they do on that site. I only use it (very rarely) just to stalk pictures of my ex-girlfriends. You know....like a normal person and closer to the reason it was created in the first place. Attention, being "liked", and the feeling of inclusion, that's the addiction. Its basically a dopamine high that's chased in a way. Some people can post a picture and not give two shits if anyone likes it and other will get angry and depressed if someone doesn't like it - 1. because they aren't getting the high and 2. they don't feel important. I'm wondering how psychology and mental health education in general is taught now. I would think this is a major component of study which is just scratching the surface.

Somewhat off topic but it does pertain to the internet. Kids of today will have no idea what it was like to HAVE TO go to the library to doa report/term paper and the gratification that (hopefully) resulted from that effort, imv.

And yes, it is a helluva lot easier to get info nowadays via the net

In comment 15264201 Big Blue '56 said:

Quote:

In comment 15264189 MyNameIsMyName said: Quote: Used to be a real hot head that fought on the streets a ton, and drank too much. Wrestled at a big D1 school, lost my scholarship my Junior year. Was out of college for 2 years working, and cleaned my life up. Started doing MMA during that time, then finished college at a smaller school. Now I only drink socially, still workout a lot, and I can control my anger. Thanks. I will NOT fu*k around with you on here…😂

I have a wife and an amazing little boy, those days are long gone fortunately : )

In comment 15264279 MyNameIsMyName said:

Quote:

In comment 15264201 Big Blue '56 said: Quote: In comment 15264189 MyNameIsMyName said: Quote: Used to be a real hot head that fought on the streets a ton, and drank too much. Wrestled at a big D1 school, lost my scholarship my Junior year. Was out of college for 2 years working, and cleaned my life up. Started doing MMA during that time, then finished college at a smaller school. Now I only drink socially, still workout a lot, and I can control my anger. Thanks. I will NOT fu*k around with you on here…😂 I have a wife and an amazing little boy, those days are long gone fortunately : )

👍🏿👍

I never realized that I had such a bland life. When you grow up with an intact 'normal; family (north Jersey for me), that's all you know. Dad and his side of family were a bit of drinkers, but we as a family were pretty middle-of-the lane type people; no anxiety, addictive behaviors, or other acronyms, etc. Just work hard, follow the Yankees and Giants, be home for dinner, and 'nothing good happens after midnight'.

THEN, I met my eventual wife and her young kids when I was 38. It turned around my life in many ways. While I was pretty 'straight and narrow', her and her kids were not. So getting to know and love them, was all new territory.

As per this topic, their biological father had addictive/narcissistic personality and passed some of that onto the kids. He was also a manipulative, vindictive, mind-games, alcoholic, gun toting lunatic. So boring me, dealing with a wife with her own OCD's and anxiety from being married to a lying cheating prick, step daughter with HUGE daddy-rejection issues therefore low self esteem, and an OCD/addictive step son. Keeping the kids off drugs, alcohol, social media, was all a large challenge. I can't say I/we succeeded 100% in all areas (they are in their 20's now, there is still ongoing effort to support them, but doing well all things considered). But they changed their names to mine, consider me their role model, and my daughter keeps saying, "I want to find someone like Dave(me)". Seeing them struggle with the hand their father dealt them, just made me (and my wonderful wife) work harder to help them.

The moral of this story is not obviously me being addicted, but the feelings and emotions that are present by those around someone when they are struggling. It is not just hard on the victim of addiction, it is also difficult for the loved ones involved. Congratulations to all who have made such great progress!

In comment 15264283 PA Aggie said:

Quote:

I never realized that I had such a bland life. When you grow up with an intact 'normal; family (north Jersey for me), that's all you know. Dad and his side of family were a bit of drinkers, but we as a family were pretty middle-of-the lane type people; no anxiety, addictive behaviors, or other acronyms, etc. Just work hard, follow the Yankees and Giants, be home for dinner, and 'nothing good happens after midnight'. THEN, I met my eventual wife and her young kids when I was 38. It turned around my life in many ways. While I was pretty 'straight and narrow', her and her kids were not. So getting to know and love them, was all new territory. As per this topic, their biological father had addictive/narcissistic personality and passed some of that onto the kids. He was also a manipulative, vindictive, mind-games, alcoholic, gun toting lunatic. So boring me, dealing with a wife with her own OCD's and anxiety from being married to a lying cheating prick, step daughter with HUGE daddy-rejection issues therefore low self esteem, and an OCD/addictive step son. Keeping the kids off drugs, alcohol, social media, was all a large challenge. I can't say I/we succeeded 100% in all areas (they are in their 20's now, there is still ongoing effort to support them, but doing well all things considered). But they changed their names to mine, consider me their role model, and my daughter keeps saying, "I want to find someone like Dave(me)". Seeing them struggle with the hand their father dealt them, just made me (and my wonderful wife) work harder to help them. The moral of this story is not obviously me being addicted, but the feelings and emotions that are present by those around someone when they are struggling. It is not just hard on the victim of addiction, it is also difficult for the loved ones involved. Congratulations to all who have made such great progress!

^ Great post.

As more of an Al-Anon type myself, I sympathize a lot with your point-of-view.

My family growing up wasn't perfect... but my upbringing was paradise compared to what my wife went through.

Having to walk with her through addiction and recovery has both 1.) been hard and 2.) made me a better person, and my wife and I a better couple.

I got pretty bad on the pain medicine to the point of taking up to 15 10mg hydrocodone's a day. Was costing me 600 @ week. After about a year of that I weaned off. It took 3 weeks to wean down and 3 more weeks of withdrawals to be fully dry. To this day 8 years later a normal dose of a pain killer does nothing to me, that's how bad I was.

Where my issue. Bum/party smoker through college and a few years after school. It a rough patch professionally and took a job just to pay the rent and you could smoke pretty much whenever you wanted. Became about a pack a day smoker at that point and up and until I was 31. I could tell it was starting to significantly impact my health and I quit. Hardest thing I ever did. I allowed myself to have one or two a day for a few weeks just to take off the edge. It worked for me.

I smoke cigars now...have been for about 4 or 5 years. Was one or two a week...since COVID its been 3 to 5 a week mostly because I am home all the time and bored. Not the same as cigarettes...I was certainly addicted to them. I do not feel like I am addicted to cigars. Hard to explain its just different. You have to make time to have a cigar...its peaceful. I tell my wife its either cigars or the crack pipe so pick one...lol.

After several back surgeries. Terrible place to be. Got clean in 2013 through NA, learned many valuable lessons. I don’t work a program now, as I don’t really agree with all the tenets. But for that 4 years in my life, it totally saved the quality of my life (and possibly my actual life). I was just put on a ridiculous amount of pain meds after my fusion with no map provided once I wanted to get off. Finally went cold turkey and hit meetings. Wow, that was one of if the choices I’m most proud of. Getting that junk out of my life opened many doors. My life was small then and so many good things, my career, my lady, the Mets seven game win streak. They all stem from that four years.

A personal vice for drinking martinis but try to keep it on the reservation for the most part...

for all my surgeries (7 or 8 surgeries the past 15 years - everything from shoulder impingement, torn rotator cuff, frayed labrum to broken foot, to bone recession and more) and not going to lie I liked how they made me feel, but man they tore my stomach the hell up - and constipated me. the awful stomach/GI effects are enough to make me only take them when I need them, but I can definitely see what people like about them.

It would be good if they made them so they stopped the pain without the euphoria, but it's probably one in the same medically.

In comment 15264363 pjcas18 said:

Quote:

for all my surgeries (7 or 8 surgeries the past 15 years - everything from shoulder impingement, torn rotator cuff, frayed labrum to broken foot, to bone recession and more) and not going to lie I liked how they made me feel, but man they tore my stomach the hell up - and constipated me. the awful stomach/GI effects are enough to make me only take them when I need them, but I can definitely see what people like about them. It would be good if they made them so they stopped the pain without the euphoria, but it's probably one in the same medically.

Kratom. No secret why there is so much push back on it, the drug companies won't get their cut.

and thanks for sharing.

I grew up with an alcoholic as a parent and my wife later battled alcoholism which developed later in life. That pretty much turned me off to the idea of alcohol but I'll have an occasional beer and fail to finish it.

My biggest issue has been cigarettes. Started when I was 19 while waiting tables and bartending. At that time, pretty much everyone in the service industry was smoking. I just 41 this past year and I just haven't been able to kick it.

In comment 15264361 Jimmy Googs said:

Quote:

A personal vice for drinking martinis but try to keep it on the reservation for the most part...

Why post that on this thread?

and I'm all about working to eliminating the stigma. I'm coming up on 5 years off heroin. I had always been a pretty heavy partier, mostly alcohol and weed. There were cracks in the foundation to begin with. At various times in my 20s people gently suggested there could be a problem. Eventually I probably would've ended up where I am now, which is completely abstinent, but opioids sped up the process.

It's such a cliche but I had a slip/fall accident at work and was prescribed pain meds. Initially I was really scared of them. I'm a social worker and at the time worked in Kensington, a neighborhood in Philadelphia that's known as the largest open-air drug market in America. Google it, its like another planet. I took them sparingly for awhile and then, for some reason, one day I thought "I wonder what 4 of these would do...", and that was it. From that moment on it was a problem. It escalated to upwards of 250mg of oxy a day at $1 a mg. Its since gotten much more expensive and difficult to find legit pills. Most of it is home-pressed fentanyl. Getting dope sick for the first time is a strange thing. Demoralizing and sobering. I mean, you know full well what you're doing. But to actually feel it creep in...theres a guilt and shame I'd never experienced before. I swore I'd never do heroin but it was so much cheaper. As someone once said to me one day as I was short on money and getting sick: "two 30s (percocet) is $60 and might get you well for an hour. Two bags is $20 and will get you high until tomorrow. Make a business decision." I will never forget that for as long as I live. Make a business decision. I did, and then the madness really started.

Long story short, from mid 2012 through 2016 I did all the things opiate addicts do. I lost my career, nearly lost my marriage, brushes with the law but in that respect I was very fortunate. Im not sure how many times I've overdosed bc some medical professionals consider losing consciousness an overdose. And technically I guess it is, but that was the goal and it happened nearly every day. But I've been narcan'd on three occasions. Its really freaking scary but the crazy thing is that you *immediately* seek more dope, because the naloxone will put you into withdrawal. The clock is ALWAYS ticking. It is the worst full time job you can ever imagine. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, your only purpose is to not get sick. Withdrawal is a beast. Just nasty. Its like the worst flu you can imagine but also anxiety through the roof and a compulsion to use that is so strong that you will step over anything and anyone you cared about.

In any case, I'm incredibly fortunate to have a good family who supported me and kept good boundaries. And that wasn't hugs and pats on the back. What that means is they cut me off and my wife kicked me out of our home. It's what I needed. When I'd suffered enough I became willing to do anything to get clean. I have a way I live my life now, and its kind of like daily maintenance. There is no standing still. You keep moving forward and working on yourself.

I've been very fortunate in rebuilding my life. Because I had a degree I was able to return to my field about a year into my sobriety. Family is great. Had a son 2 years ago and thankfully our daughter was too young to remember anything. I'm finishing the masters degree that got derailed way back when this first started. I don't share this for a pat on the back. And I'm serious about that. I made awful, selfish choices that nearly cost me my life and really hurt a lot of people. I'm fortunate to be where I am. And sometimes I wonder why. I have no idea why I'm still here and so many people I've known are not. But I share it because, like I said, I'm all about eliminating the stigma. The silver lining of the opioid epidemic is that nearly everyone knows someone who has been affected by it. I also share it because I promise you, there are people who are reading this board who are struggling with this, and those people need to know that help is available and that people do recover.

thanks for sharing man.

What a story. I'm glad to hear you're doing better.

I lost a few friends, and I know many kids I went to high school with who either passed away or ended up in prison because they were prescribed pain killers which eventually led them to seek a cheaper option via heroin. These were good kids, smart kids, with bright futures - there should be no stigma because this could happen to anyone. In one case my best friend, and an extremely bright individual, got Chron’s disease and his life was never the same.....Too many lives lost and futures put in jeopardy so the Purdue family could make billions.

Opioid addiction is incredibly difficult and I applaud you for being so honest and for finding a way. This crisis has effected far more people than we can imagine and big pharma needs to be held accountable.

God bless you and congratulations on fighting. I know you are not looking for a pat on the back, but you should be extremely proud of yourself because I know a lot of strong, smart people who weren’t able to do what you did.

That was a very compelling read. So glad to hear you have found your way. All the best moving forward...

Thanks for sharing this. I hope in some way it was cathartic for you but as you’ve just said, a terrific lesson for those who need the understanding and of course, help..

Love ya buddy..

It isn't your typical Friday-night-escape reading, but it's the most powerful and meaningful thread I've ever read on BBI. I offer prayers of support to all of you who still struggle, and prayers of gratitude for those who've managed to put the struggle in the rearview mirror. We're lucky to be here, every day.

In comment 15264379 Bergen346 said:

Quote:

In comment 15264361 Jimmy Googs said: Quote: A personal vice for drinking martinis but try to keep it on the reservation for the most part... Why post that on this thread?

I hear you but don't judge.

I believe in Epigenetics (your environment has more to do with who you are than your genes, basically) and these key pieces of OT scripture from the 10 commandments " “‘You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. 9 You shall not bow down to them or serve them; for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, 10 but showing steadfast love to thousands[b] of those who love me and keep my commandments. (Deuteronomy 5:8-10) - these verses tell us how generational sin (bad behaviors) carries down family lines. God created mankind, family and community and we struggle.

My parents are both WWII babies; 2 years old when the Germans rolled into Poland and both had brutal, traumatized childhoods on a scale most can't comprehend. Their word for LIFE is SURVIVE not LOVE. As a child I had what today we would understand to be PTSD from beatings both in my home and outside.

Basically, I spent much of my adult life "Looking for LOVE in the all the wrong places (ways)" to fill the hole in my soul. To escape the pain. What made it hard too was that I was very handsome, intelligent and well built (gifted) making "fun" easy for me.

Today I Love God and Love my neighbor as myself. I have learned to walk in God's love and caring so that no fiery darts can take me down. But its a process to come to Spiritual, Physical, Mental and Emotional maturity. I broke the generational sin cycle as did my brothers!!!

My friends and my faith (church) keep me accountable and today I understand that I don't have to be god to be happy.

I believe strongly that the first step in any bondage, sin, addiction is to ADMIT you have a PROBLEM. Most can't or won't see it, even to death. I am a certified Recovery Coach and 20 year combat veteran and my goals in life have changed from those of my youth. My mindset has changed. Heck, everything had to change because "I had a lot of bad information put in my head" in my youth that need to be torn out and replaced by the God of Love. Amen.

In comment 15264162 GiantsLaw said:

Quote:

4/9/97 for me. Quit smoking in 2005. Life is good.

I too have been a friend of Bill and am a leader in the life recovery process. All by the grace of God. Congratulations!

not addicted but it seemed like many of the most regrettable moments of my life happened at a club, under the influence. Stupid avoidable brawls, reckless promiscuity.

That lifestyle - too easy for things to go south - DWIs, serious brawls, some accelerating into felonies, even worse.

You really got into some of the nitty gritty of the addiction in a short space. You made mistakes, and you worked your ass off the rebuild your life, you should be proud.

The proliferation of drugs (legal and illegal) is staggering. Growing up, high school age, I knew a few kids who smoked pot here and there. That was it. My kids a few years ago, in a 'normal' smallish suburban area in central PA, their high school was 'Drug Central'. You could get anything, anytime, and cheap. There were known 'dealers' who you could text and get a drop-off. My kids know half a dozen classmates who are dead due to drug OD in HS or soon after.

How do we stop it nationally? Who knows. Since the 1970's, tons of money, and nothing has worked. It starts with the family; who are your kids' friends, what are they doing with their spare time, etc. Getting my kids into sports and strongly encouraging and supporting their involvement worked for us.

I want to think everyone for their contribution here. Sharing personal weaknesses isn't easy. This is easily one of the better threads I have been ok in a while.

Thanks Again
✌

and obviously the kind words. Really cool to see some friends of Bill here too.

Aggie- Im originally from Schuylkill County in Pa and when I go home to visit its so sad. There was always a blue collar boozy edge to it but its gone far beyond cultural fabric right to epidemic.

Personally I think our only hope of managing it is decriminalization (for possession) and treatment. And when I say treatment I mean 12 month programs that treat adjacent issues: mental health, life skills, transitional housing, subsidized salaries to help people get back in the work force. I know dumping money into it isnt a popular idea but what about the cost society is already incurring? Just to start, we have a whole generation of kids growing up without parents. We're dumping money into incarcerating people and have been, en masse, since the war on drugs began. Now this is just my opinion, but that doesn't really seem to have worked...

Inspirational.

Respect.

jrud, glad to see you kicked your demons. God bless.

but most assuredly, if I needed to, I would have done so in a heartbeat..To “celebrate” his work, I have a Bobblehead of Bill W on a shelf..😎

I've actually had several surgeries in the past. Several people told me this would be a very painful one. The doctors in the surgeon's office told me to stay ahead with the pain meds, not to let the pain catch up to me.

The scripts called for some opiod-based painkiller every 4-6 hours. I had two weeks for recovery before I had to be back to work. By the end of the first week I called the doctor to get a refill. The nurse was surprised that I was out. I told her I wasn't out, but would be at some point over the weekend as I had been following instructions, taking them every 4-6 hours so that I wouldn't fall behind. She ordered some more for me and I kept going.

Two days later I woke up and said I'm done - I need to start feeling normal again and I'm going to face the pain. I stopped taking the pills cold turkey.

I started to feel sick. Really sick. Like not just sick in my body, but sick in my soul. Not sure how to describe it otherwise, I couldn't rest, I couldn't sit, pacing didn't help. I spent three days tortured with illness and mentally I went to a very dark place. I felt like suicide was the only way out.

On the fourth day I started to feel a little bit better. My daughter-in-law stopped by and asked how I was feeling. As I explained to her my suffering over the previous few days she said "sounds like you're going through withdrawal". It hit me like a ton of bricks.

I hadn't realized that I had developed an addiction and that I was "dope-sick". I learned a lot from the experience and am full of gratitude and humility because of it.

Don't judge addicts. Unless you have personal experience you have no way of knowing the suffering they may be going through. It is in no way comparable to any other suffering I've experienced in my life. If I'd had the idea that another pill could help me escape that suffering, I'm pretty sure I would have just taken another pill.

Addictions are not a sign of moral failure. They are a sign of illness. True, there may be some bad characters who end up with addictions, just like there are bad characters who end up as politicians, or doctors, or teachers, or firefighters, or mothers, or any other group.

Show compassion for people around you. It just helps make the world a better place.

In comment 15264384 j_rud said:

Quote:

and I'm all about working to eliminating the stigma. I'm coming up on 5 years off heroin. I had always been a pretty heavy partier, mostly alcohol and weed. There were cracks in the foundation to begin with. At various times in my 20s people gently suggested there could be a problem. Eventually I probably would've ended up where I am now, which is completely abstinent, but opioids sped up the process. It's such a cliche but I had a slip/fall accident at work and was prescribed pain meds. Initially I was really scared of them. I'm a social worker and at the time worked in Kensington, a neighborhood in Philadelphia that's known as the largest open-air drug market in America. Google it, its like another planet. I took them sparingly for awhile and then, for some reason, one day I thought "I wonder what 4 of these would do...", and that was it. From that moment on it was a problem. It escalated to upwards of 250mg of oxy a day at $1 a mg. Its since gotten much more expensive and difficult to find legit pills. Most of it is home-pressed fentanyl. Getting dope sick for the first time is a strange thing. Demoralizing and sobering. I mean, you know full well what you're doing. But to actually feel it creep in...theres a guilt and shame I'd never experienced before. I swore I'd never do heroin but it was so much cheaper. As someone once said to me one day as I was short on money and getting sick: "two 30s (percocet) is $60 and might get you well for an hour. Two bags is $20 and will get you high until tomorrow. Make a business decision." I will never forget that for as long as I live. Make a business decision. I did, and then the madness really started. Long story short, from mid 2012 through 2016 I did all the things opiate addicts do. I lost my career, nearly lost my marriage, brushes with the law but in that respect I was very fortunate. Im not sure how many times I've overdosed bc some medical professionals consider losing consciousness an overdose. And technically I guess it is, but that was the goal and it happened nearly every day. But I've been narcan'd on three occasions. Its really freaking scary but the crazy thing is that you *immediately* seek more dope, because the naloxone will put you into withdrawal. The clock is ALWAYS ticking. It is the worst full time job you can ever imagine. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, your only purpose is to not get sick. Withdrawal is a beast. Just nasty. Its like the worst flu you can imagine but also anxiety through the roof and a compulsion to use that is so strong that you will step over anything and anyone you cared about. In any case, I'm incredibly fortunate to have a good family who supported me and kept good boundaries. And that wasn't hugs and pats on the back. What that means is they cut me off and my wife kicked me out of our home. It's what I needed. When I'd suffered enough I became willing to do anything to get clean. I have a way I live my life now, and its kind of like daily maintenance. There is no standing still. You keep moving forward and working on yourself. I've been very fortunate in rebuilding my life. Because I had a degree I was able to return to my field about a year into my sobriety. Family is great. Had a son 2 years ago and thankfully our daughter was too young to remember anything. I'm finishing the masters degree that got derailed way back when this first started. I don't share this for a pat on the back. And I'm serious about that. I made awful, selfish choices that nearly cost me my life and really hurt a lot of people. I'm fortunate to be where I am. And sometimes I wonder why. I have no idea why I'm still here and so many people I've known are not. But I share it because, like I said, I'm all about eliminating the stigma. The silver lining of the opioid epidemic is that nearly everyone knows someone who has been affected by it. I also share it because I promise you, there are people who are reading this board who are struggling with this, and those people need to know that help is available and that people do recover.

j rud, what an inspirational story! I know my story was nowhere near as bad as yours but the withdrawals I went though even after weaning down were brutal. I can't even imagine what yours were like. The weeks of withdrawal alone was enough for me to never want to get that way again. Brother you should definitely take pride in the strength you had to do that.

and courageous to those that shared. Continued best wishes. You probably have helped someone on BBI whether directly or indirectly. Thank you!

In comment 15263925 Bill2 said:

Quote:

My friend, you have a protracted lifetime addiction. Totally out of control when it come to the NY Giants. Optimistic, hopeful and positive about things you have no control over is no way to go through life! or is it?

nicely done 2.

...the great god, nicotine.

I learned a tremendous amount just by reading through these.

My personal addiction was/is anger, which came from some dark places and manifested itself in some shitty ways, but I'm happy to say that I've turned the corner. It started off - as most of these things do - with child abuse at home. My parents also got divorced when I was young - splitting myself and my brothers apart - and I became a raging ball of anger. As an angry kid, I got bullied a lot. I had very little sense of humor so it was easy to set me off. Bullies pounced on that and high school was really hard. Football was a good outlet - a pissed off kid turned out to be a pretty good linebacker - but it also exposed me to bullying by older players.

In college, I was finally able to escape the bullies - both at home and at school. But, funny thing happened - free from the bullies I found myself in a position of power. I was a well-liked guy and I had a big group of friends who didn't know about my past. I could have taken that opportunity to heal, but instead, I looked at it as my opportunity for revenge. Then I joined a fraternity and that only magnified the problem. Now I had an army of guys behind me willing to fight for me. Then I decided that I wanted to learn how to fight for real, so I started taking martial arts classes. Now I had weapons to use, too.

I eventually (and with some luck) graduated college and my plan was to salvage my career in law school. The only way I could pull that off was to isolate myself and dedicate myself to studying. With one exception - the Internet. Using the web, I continued bullying. I was a bully for pretty much my entire 20s, entirely online, and a lot of it right here on BBI. By day I was an upstanding citizen, but by night (on the web) I was a troll and I had a way to continue exacting my revenge, but with the benefit of anonymity. Or so I thought. It took another flip of the script for me to realize my mistake. I became the victim of bullying again. My trolling was turned around on me and I started getting stalked by someone I had bullied online, but in much worse ways than I had ever conceived. It started with threats - threatening emails, threatening phone calls, attempted identity theft, trying to ruin my career, etc. It got really bad. But it also gave me an epiphany - this is a cycle that can only end when broken.

To break the cycle, I had to start being nice to people and not expecting them to be nice to me in return. I had to learn that helping someone is rewarding in and of itself, whether or not you get anything back. I had to learn to give people the benefit of the doubt - maybe they're having a bad day, too. Marrying a social worker helped. Smoking weed helped. Becoming a parent helped, too. Not only did I have to teach myself how to control my anger, but I also had two little ones depending on the example I set for them.

I won't lie and say I've kicked anger completely. There are still hard days, outbursts here and there. I probably yell a little more than I should (definitely when the Giants are playing) and I still overreact sometimes when things go wrong. But now I'm aware of it and I have tools in my new arsenal to break the cycle. I will never hit my kids in anger. I will never bully anyone again. I won't be part of the cycle.

Last but most certainly not least, I want to apologize to anyone here that I bullied in the past. No excuses. I'm just really sorry and ashamed.

...incredibly powerful and moving posts here. I'm certain some will benefit greatly from this.

For drinking, I wasn't addicted per se and I certainly wasn't an alcoholic, but I would drink in every social interaction (mainly due to peer pressure). However, I found that even a shot or a beer would exacerbate my ulcerative colitis so I decided to just go completely dry once and for all (with the exception of wine and champagne). Makes me pretty boring at parties (as Brett and Cam can attest to), but alas.



And the only soda I drink is Zevia. Once I found out how much sugar is in regular soda and how artificial sweeteners are just as worse in diet soda, I gave it up cold turkey and never really looked back. Zevia isn't as good, but it'll do.

and in the 70s I saw what some of my friends were getting into with cocaine and I steered very clear...never tried it.

Thank-you for posting your story. I hope others in crisis will read and understand what you've been through. It hit me like a ton of bricks... Your life mirrored the life of my youngest son. He was bright, articulate and loving. But, he experimented with drugs and became addicted to heroin while he was attending Pace University. He was a small town kid in a big place and he was not as fortunate as you. After two years as an honors student in business at Pace, he couldn't finish his third year. From there, he never found his way out of addiction. He spent time in rehab, but it seemed to be more of a training ground for more addiction. He tried valiantly to get clean and had a family that loved him and was there for him, but he finally died of an overdose in his Brooklyn apartment at the age of 25. That horrible day was 3 days before Christmas and one day before me and him were going to see our first Rangers game at Madison Square Garden...

In comment 15265081 BamaBlue said:

Quote:

Thank-you for posting your story. I hope others in crisis will read and understand what you've been through. It hit me like a ton of bricks... Your life mirrored the life of my youngest son. He was bright, articulate and loving. But, he experimented with drugs and became addicted to heroin while he was attending Pace University. He was a small town kid in a big place and he was not as fortunate as you. After two years as an honors student in business at Pace, he couldn't finish his third year. From there, he never found his way out of addiction. He spent time in rehab, but it seemed to be more of a training ground for more addiction. He tried valiantly to get clean and had a family that loved him and was there for him, but he finally died of an overdose in his Brooklyn apartment at the age of 25. That horrible day was 3 days before Christmas and one day before me and him were going to see our first Rangers game at Madison Square Garden...

Heartrending to read..So sad.

...these stories!

I think we're all likely a little better for having read them.

Called anyone vile names, accused people of weakness, insulted anyone's opinions, etc. We all have our own opinions about sports, politics, etc. But this post might just be the most influential that I've ever participated in. Thank you all.

In comment 15265395 MattyKid said:

Quote:

Called anyone vile names, accused people of weakness, insulted anyone's opinions, etc. We all have our own opinions about sports, politics, etc. But this post might just be the most influential that I've ever participated in. Thank you all.

Very well said. We all have our differences on this forum. I am guilty of getting too opinionated on trivial stuff like sports. I never mean to make things personal but I don't like the way I come off a lot of the times and I'm working on it. Threads like this show you that we're all humans who struggle and have flaws. This is really powerful stuff. Thanks for getting this started BB56

And kudos to you all for being so forthright and kicking those habits. You've become better and more complete persons because of it.



And I agree about breaking the stigma. I've been seeing a therapist for 19 years and have been on psychotropic medications for 17 years. I have many, many unresolved issues.


But I think the underlying reason for most of our vices is that life is just hard even under the best circumstances. Living and being functional are very difficult and we try to find outlets in whatever way we can. Some are healthy and conducive and some are not, but the human experience is all about living and learning.

In comment 15265081 BamaBlue said:

Quote:

Thank-you for posting your story. I hope others in crisis will read and understand what you've been through. It hit me like a ton of bricks... Your life mirrored the life of my youngest son. He was bright, articulate and loving. But, he experimented with drugs and became addicted to heroin while he was attending Pace University. He was a small town kid in a big place and he was not as fortunate as you. After two years as an honors student in business at Pace, he couldn't finish his third year. From there, he never found his way out of addiction. He spent time in rehab, but it seemed to be more of a training ground for more addiction. He tried valiantly to get clean and had a family that loved him and was there for him, but he finally died of an overdose in his Brooklyn apartment at the age of 25. That horrible day was 3 days before Christmas and one day before me and him were going to see our first Rangers game at Madison Square Garden...

So sorry for your loss Bama. Ive made peace with a lot of stuff, but I think Ill always have bouts of survivors guilt. I think the best I can do is make the most of it and try to help others.

In comment 15265447 Anakim said:

Quote:

And kudos to you all for being so forthright and kicking those habits. You've become better and more complete persons because of it. And I agree about breaking the stigma. I've been seeing a therapist for 19 years and have been on psychotropic medications for 17 years. I have many, many unresolved issues. But I think the underlying reason for most of our vices is that life is just hard even under the best circumstances. Living and being functional are very difficult and we try to find outlets in whatever way we can. Some are healthy and conducive and some are not, but the human experience is all about living and learning.

Couldnt agree more with that last paragraph a anakim. There's an addiction specialist named Gabor Mate who pretty much says the same. Basically to exist is to experience some sort of trauma and that we will seek to manage that in some way. Some are productive, some are destructive. He's written a lot on the subject but In the Realm of the Hungry Ghosts, about his experience working with addicts in Vancouver.

I also had to kick a cigarette habit. I'll mention that a little later.

In high school, I smoked a lot of pot. I went to laser light shows, concerts, parties and screenings of The Wall and Easy Rider, so, yeah, I was doing bong hits regularly. My parents found out about my pot use, and they weren't upset. They were more concerned that I be careful. They encouraged me to use it in moderation, to remember it is a "treat." Don't get carried away, and try to be responsible. And for a long while I was. Didn't party during school, always had a designated driver and mostly imbibed during the weekend.

Problem with all good things, it is just so easy to get carried away. Since all my friends were into it, we spent most nights looking for dime bags and apple fritters. I started to break my own rules about moderation. I was getting high during school, and my grades started to suffer. I went to one class so wasted that I couldn't translate my own notes that night when I attempted to do the homework. Not good. I started experimenting with other drugs like opium, hash and cocaine.

What finally made me say hold it was when I learned that several of my party friends were all sent off to drug rehabilitation by their parents. One day, they were just gone. Now, I never was as bad as them. They had done a lot of bad things like theft, black outs and ditching school. Their parents had reached their limit and they had to do something. So, like being sent to jail, these kids were being sent away to get clean. For several weeks at a time. I had been smoking almost as much as these kids had been doing, how close was it for me to be just like them? I hadn't gotten into any real trouble, yet, but I could tell I was starting to have a problem. I was drug dependent.

What I mean is, I was depending on pot to enjoy doing anything anywhere. For example, I was planning to go to college and instead of selecting a major being the most important thing to think about, I was more worried about where was I going to find a reliable dealer when I got there. I realized although I wasn't technically addicted to anything, I was depending on this drug to live, and that was not good. So with this realization, and the rehab kids, I knew I had to change things.

I stopped buying, and I went to NA and AA meetings. I took back control of my life and set better priorities. I have used since then, but I no longer seek it out.

I've been fortunate. I know it. Stories like mine don't happen too often. The definition of hitting rock bottom so you seek help is different for everyone. In my case, I identified the problem early, and no one got hurt especially me. I was able to find a good support system and met some really great people who had it a lot rougher than me. I appreciate the struggle, and I try to pay it forward when I can.

Regarding cigarettes, I was addicted for quite while. At the end, I was smoking a little over a pack a day. I chose to quit when my fiancee said I couldn't be smoking if I was going to marry her. Married or smoke? Not a tough choice. So with the help of hypnosis and zyban, I was able to give it up. Going on 16 years without even a single puff. I think what really helped was having a strong motivation. I wanted to marry this girl, and I wasn't going to let anything get in my way.

In comment 15265558 MadPlaid said:

Quote:

I also had to kick a cigarette habit. I'll mention that a little later. In high school, I smoked a lot of pot. I went to laser light shows, concerts, parties and screenings of The Wall and Easy Rider, so, yeah, I was doing bong hits regularly. My parents found out about my pot use, and they weren't upset. They were more concerned that I be careful. They encouraged me to use it in moderation, to remember it is a "treat." Don't get carried away, and try to be responsible. And for a long while I was. Didn't party during school, always had a designated driver and mostly imbibed during the weekend. Problem with all good things, it is just so easy to get carried away. Since all my friends were into it, we spent most nights looking for dime bags and apple fritters. I started to break my own rules about moderation. I was getting high during school, and my grades started to suffer. I went to one class so wasted that I couldn't translate my own notes that night when I attempted to do the homework. Not good. I started experimenting with other drugs like opium, hash and cocaine. What finally made me say hold it was when I learned that several of my party friends were all sent off to drug rehabilitation by their parents. One day, they were just gone. Now, I never was as bad as them. They had done a lot of bad things like theft, black outs and ditching school. Their parents had reached their limit and they had to do something. So, like being sent to jail, these kids were being sent away to get clean. For several weeks at a time. I had been smoking almost as much as these kids had been doing, how close was it for me to be just like them? I hadn't gotten into any real trouble, yet, but I could tell I was starting to have a problem. I was drug dependent. What I mean is, I was depending on pot to enjoy doing anything anywhere. For example, I was planning to go to college and instead of selecting a major being the most important thing to think about, I was more worried about where was I going to find a reliable dealer when I got there. I realized although I wasn't technically addicted to anything, I was depending on this drug to live, and that was not good. So with this realization, and the rehab kids, I knew I had to change things. I stopped buying, and I went to NA and AA meetings. I took back control of my life and set better priorities. I have used since then, but I no longer seek it out. I've been fortunate. I know it. Stories like mine don't happen too often. The definition of hitting rock bottom so you seek help is different for everyone. In my case, I identified the problem early, and no one got hurt especially me. I was able to find a good support system and met some really great people who had it a lot rougher than me. I appreciate the struggle, and I try to pay it forward when I can. Regarding cigarettes, I was addicted for quite while. At the end, I was smoking a little over a pack a day. I chose to quit when my fiancee said I couldn't be smoking if I was going to marry her. Married or smoke? Not a tough choice. So with the help of hypnosis and zyban, I was able to give it up. Going on 16 years without even a single puff. I think what really helped was having a strong motivation. I wanted to marry this girl, and I wasn't going to let anything get in my way.

All of what you say is powerful, but that your parents understood about the “treat” was awesome..They were realistic in that regard and though certainly not encouraging anything, that’s impressive to me.

In comment 15265588 Big Blue '56 said:

Quote:

In comment 15265558 MadPlaid said: Quote: I also had to kick a cigarette habit. I'll mention that a little later. In high school, I smoked a lot of pot. I went to laser light shows, concerts, parties and screenings of The Wall and Easy Rider, so, yeah, I was doing bong hits regularly. My parents found out about my pot use, and they weren't upset. They were more concerned that I be careful. They encouraged me to use it in moderation, to remember it is a "treat." Don't get carried away, and try to be responsible. And for a long while I was. Didn't party during school, always had a designated driver and mostly imbibed during the weekend. Problem with all good things, it is just so easy to get carried away. Since all my friends were into it, we spent most nights looking for dime bags and apple fritters. I started to break my own rules about moderation. I was getting high during school, and my grades started to suffer. I went to one class so wasted that I couldn't translate my own notes that night when I attempted to do the homework. Not good. I started experimenting with other drugs like opium, hash and cocaine. What finally made me say hold it was when I learned that several of my party friends were all sent off to drug rehabilitation by their parents. One day, they were just gone. Now, I never was as bad as them. They had done a lot of bad things like theft, black outs and ditching school. Their parents had reached their limit and they had to do something. So, like being sent to jail, these kids were being sent away to get clean. For several weeks at a time. I had been smoking almost as much as these kids had been doing, how close was it for me to be just like them? I hadn't gotten into any real trouble, yet, but I could tell I was starting to have a problem. I was drug dependent. What I mean is, I was depending on pot to enjoy doing anything anywhere. For example, I was planning to go to college and instead of selecting a major being the most important thing to think about, I was more worried about where was I going to find a reliable dealer when I got there. I realized although I wasn't technically addicted to anything, I was depending on this drug to live, and that was not good. So with this realization, and the rehab kids, I knew I had to change things. I stopped buying, and I went to NA and AA meetings. I took back control of my life and set better priorities. I have used since then, but I no longer seek it out. I've been fortunate. I know it. Stories like mine don't happen too often. The definition of hitting rock bottom so you seek help is different for everyone. In my case, I identified the problem early, and no one got hurt especially me. I was able to find a good support system and met some really great people who had it a lot rougher than me. I appreciate the struggle, and I try to pay it forward when I can. Regarding cigarettes, I was addicted for quite while. At the end, I was smoking a little over a pack a day. I chose to quit when my fiancee said I couldn't be smoking if I was going to marry her. Married or smoke? Not a tough choice. So with the help of hypnosis and zyban, I was able to give it up. Going on 16 years without even a single puff. I think what really helped was having a strong motivation. I wanted to marry this girl, and I wasn't going to let anything get in my way. All of what you say is powerful, but that your parents understood about the “treat” was awesome..They were realistic in that regard and though certainly not encouraging anything, that’s impressive to me.

Thanks for sharing MadPlaid seems like things turned out well. I keyed in to the same comment at BB '56 and as a parent of teenagers I struggle with that one.

I know my kids will (and have) tried weed, just like alcohol, and I didn't want my kids going away to college and have their first experience with weed or alcohol to be more dangerous because it's new and they don't understand effect or limits, but at the same time I wrestled with when is allowing or better yet tolerating too empowering for a 17/18 year old.

it's sort of scary shifting from the kid waiting outside liquor stores at 16 years old looking for a mark to buy us booze, to getting fake ID's and buying it ourselves, to whatever came next and knowing all the ups and downs and life or death moments and decisions and then being a parent trying to raise children through the same.

Sometimes my tendency is NFW, I did that and almost died tons of times (whether it was drinking and driving, fights, just poor decision making, etc.) and I know that could just push kids/young adults away and to rebel, so it's important (for me) to try to know your individual kid and find the right approach.

Because my twins couldn't be more opposite.

thanks again.

In comment 15265507 j_rud said:

Quote:

In comment 15265447 Anakim said: Quote: And kudos to you all for being so forthright and kicking those habits. You've become better and more complete persons because of it. And I agree about breaking the stigma. I've been seeing a therapist for 19 years and have been on psychotropic medications for 17 years. I have many, many unresolved issues. But I think the underlying reason for most of our vices is that life is just hard even under the best circumstances. Living and being functional are very difficult and we try to find outlets in whatever way we can. Some are healthy and conducive and some are not, but the human experience is all about living and learning. Couldnt agree more with that last paragraph a anakim. There's an addiction specialist named Gabor Mate who pretty much says the same. Basically to exist is to experience some sort of trauma and that we will seek to manage that in some way. Some are productive, some are destructive. He's written a lot on the subject but In the Realm of the Hungry Ghosts, about his experience working with addicts in Vancouver.

Thanks anakim and Jrud

I wish I could say that my parents were purely motivated by looking out for my well being regarding partying. The thing is they were using too. I think to justify their own use, they were a little lenient with me and my siblings. Didn't want to be hypocrites, I suppose. They did emphasize that we had to avoid trouble, and that school was still a priority. They warned us about how easy it was to get in trouble if we over did anything.

And, it just so happens that I smoked grass with them too. On many occasions. I guess you can look at it that if I was going to party, and I partied with them, they could keep an eye on us to make certain we weren't getting carried away. Not perfect, but it did make it so I was comfortable to talk with them about my using, and when I knew I needed help, I didn't hesitate to talk with them about it. They were very supportive about getting clean. No stigma whatsoever.

pj, I get it. It is a very difficult thing to navigate with our children. I am wary of what it is going to be like when my boy gets there. The only thing I can say is trying to find the balance between caution and tolerance is key. Always letting them know you are there to help is a good thing. No judgement. My Dad told schnitzie if she ever went to a party and she didn't feel safe, to call him. No matter what time, he was going to be there for her. She took advantage of that once, and according to her, Dad greeted her with a big smile and a laugh. He didn't make her feel bad at all for calling him so late at night. He was proud of her for using her head and not getting into real trouble.

All the best to you.

In comment 15265631 MadPlaid said:

Quote:

I wish I could say that my parents were purely motivated by looking out for my well being regarding partying. The thing is they were using too. I think to justify their own use, they were a little lenient with me and my siblings. Didn't want to be hypocrites, I suppose. They did emphasize that we had to avoid trouble, and that school was still a priority. They warned us about how easy it was to get in trouble if we over did anything. And, it just so happens that I smoked grass with them too. On many occasions. I guess you can look at it that if I was going to party, and I partied with them, they could keep an eye on us to make certain we weren't getting carried away. Not perfect, but it did make it so I was comfortable to talk with them about my using, and when I knew I needed help, I didn't hesitate to talk with them about it. They were very supportive about getting clean. No stigma whatsoever. pj, I get it. It is a very difficult thing to navigate with our children. I am wary of what it is going to be like when my boy gets there. The only thing I can say is trying to find the balance between caution and tolerance is key. Always letting them know you are there to help is a good thing. No judgement. My Dad told schnitzie if she ever went to a party and she didn't feel safe, to call him. No matter what time, he was going to be there for her. She took advantage of that once, and according to her, Dad greeted her with a big smile and a laugh. He didn't make her feel bad at all for calling him so late at night. He was proud of her for using her head and not getting into real trouble. All the best to you.

Quote:

My Dad told schnitzie if she ever went to a party and she didn't feel safe, to call him. No matter what time, he was going to be there for her. She took advantage of that once, and according to her, Dad greeted her with a big smile and a laugh. He didn't make her feel bad at all for calling him so late at night. He was proud of her for using her head and not getting into real trouble.

Yup, did the same thing with my son. I had him sign that ‘Contract for Life’ which essentially says, that he will call me at ANY TIME during the night and I will pick him up WITHOUT JUDGEMENTS OR LECTURES. But, I reserved the right to discuss it with him a few days later.

Well, one night, he did just that and frankly, I had tears in my eyes, that he upheld the bargain. As did I..We talked about it a few days later.

I didn't invent this, but I've told my kids, if they are ever in any situation, anywhere, and are not comfortable with their surroundings all they have to do is text me the letter "X" and that will tell me to call them and based on how they respond will plan my course of action (pick them up, call police, just talk to them, whatever).

obviously no judgment, my only concern is for their well being, but they have to really trust you to do it.

Fortunately (hopefully, fortunately), I've never gotten an "X" text from my kids, I hope they've never been in a situation where they were not comfortable but also not comfortable reaching out to me.

I also put them on my uber account - actually just put my credit card in to their accounts - and they have used that (both away at college) and sometimes I think it's more a chauffeur service, but at the end of the day, I'll take it vs getting into a car in non ideal situations and they haven't abused it so I trust they're using it judiciously.

that the escape plan for kids is an understood thing parents should have in place. I never had to take advantage of it with my Dad. However, I did one time use it with schnitzie. In my case, it wasn't that I was in an unsafe situation, it was my car broke down somewhere outside of Buffalo after a night out partying in Toronto. Schnitzie came to my rescue all the way from Rochester early in the morning. Picked me and my friends up, bought us breakfast, and laughed at us the whole way home. It was hilarious. Honestly, it was the most fun I ever had at a screw up.

that it sounds like it's from a very special episode of Family Ties:

I tried it with a friend who'd been in rehab and was experiencing a binge. We drove to the Beach Flats in Santa Cruz -- not a wonderful part of town -- and dropped down 80 bucks for, I dunno, some amount of cocaine. We got back to my place, I watched my friend do whatever you do to prepare it to be smoked (I guess turning it into crack?), and we hit the pipe. I observed my friend enter a state that seemed more like simple relief than anything resembling bliss. I myself felt an ascent towards some sort of blissful state but then suddenly stopped this ascent short of such a state. I think we managed two or three more hits, each one failing to deliver me to paradise's door. I remember right there thinking very definitively, "This is simply a tease."

My friend eventually turned into the most desperately persuasive person I've met before or since. He tried to convince me to return to the flats with twice as much money so we could buy twice as much. I told him I didn't have enough in my account and he started trying to convince me to use my parents' credit card. My concern about such a withdrawal that I NEVER make at 1 am from an ATM across town being very hard to explain meant nothing to him. Finally I simply said no, which was a very hard thing for me to say at that particular age and to this particular person. I drive him home instead.

Next morning, he calls me apologizing profusely and telling me that inhumane level of desperation is simply what coke does to him.

That about did it for me for that drug.

full season NFL pool in 1987, then going to Atlantic City alot. Always managed to stay right around even. But then around 1990 i started getting more serious, betting regularly on NFL and the Giants (who kept me afloat in 1990), and on big boxing matches. I started to realize one night in AC that I just wasn't having fun, that playing craps was work. And I wasn't enjoying watching games as much because I was too worried about the spread. I started thinking about my favorite Uncle who was a problem gambler and it ruined his life, so that I just stopped. I don't think most people understand how gambling is as much of an addiction as booze, drugs, smoking or anything else.

Lots of good stories here. Thanks for sharing them everyone.