Sorry for the downer post.
My 12-yr old niece's friend just took her own life. Very much addicted to social media. TikTok, Snapchat, Instagram. Whether that played a role is up for debate however the Surgeon General even just said that socials play a role in kids depression, anxiety, etc.
As a father of 3 little kids I worry the effects these platforms will have on their mental well being as they get older. We can manage them now, but once peer pressure and adolescence hits, my wife and I are very concerned.
At what point will our culture wake up to realize the negatives outweigh the benefits of socials.
Keep an eye on your kids and what they're doing.
Rant over.
I’m 66, and feel out of step and place with society as it now is. Previous social norms of just walking on the street making eye contact , and communicating are being lost due to the cell phone. I’m not sure the positives outweigh the negatives.
It’s not easy to be a kid these days. The social awkwardness and drama is amplified so much by social media and technology. My daughter is 10, doesn’t have a phone or any social media accounts, but still comes home in tears often because of the text message and google classroom drama. Kids are mean! They always have been but it’s amplified so much by the 24/7 mob communication. There’s no break from it.
Unfortunately the reality is this is all these kids know. It's what they use to interact. They have access to things we never even knew existed (Good and bad). Social media will be here forever so IMO as parents, we have to adapt and evolve. The way it used it be (Our childhoods) is no longer relevant. No use in fighting it.
Seriously, though, it's all content by wannabee influencers. Some succeed but most don't. The quality is borderline trash and yet, we keep scrolling. It's a never-ending rabbit hole because everyone wants to be a star.
At least with Facebook in 2008, it was about stalking people we actually knew. People we talked to IRL at school. Now, it's just idolizing Logan Paul as he sells us perfume-flavored water.
Think about the kids you knew who never got off the couch and watched cable TV all day and night. What did they do with their lives? What was their view of the world?
They probably experienced similar depression as we're seeing today. The only difference is that we couldn't watch Tik-Tok at the doctor's office.
Social Media a non-stop strap-on plowing your brain. Except now, it's much more explicit, sexy, thrilling, amateurish (so it's relatable) content machine.
I'm in my 30s and find myself repeatedly scrolling all hours of the day. I have to literally throw my phone behind the couch to watch TV, of all things. If I'm suffering that much, I can't imagine what tantalization and following come down social brings to a kid's brain.
All of the instant gratification is killing the rest of society as well, just slower. The more anyone relies on strangers for approval, the less they will value the real people in their lives.
This forum is my only involvement in any form of social media.
I think the only way to fight it is prioritizing communication with your kid is now more critical than ever.
I’m 66, and feel out of step and place with society as it now is. Previous social norms of just walking on the street making eye contact , and communicating are being lost due to the cell phone. I’m not sure the positives outweigh the negatives.
Yep me too. Society has left me behind, and I am ok with that. I find a lot of this "new stuff" pathetic. I know this sounds like "get off my lawn" but I'm beginning to think those old guys had a point
RIP. God bless. Prayers to her family and friends.
Created too many unrealistic expectations for partners/mates.
Good luck.
I think the only way to fight it is prioritizing communication with your kid is now more critical than ever.
Exactly. There are no breaks. It’s lord of the flies in the palm of your hand.
We're dealing with this now. My daughter (just turning 13) keeps begging us to let her get a Snapchat account for that reason - she gets left out of a lot of things. Almost all of the other girls on her softball team and school chorus have group chats and she can't participate. I feel very strongly about keeping my kids off this stuff to protect them (my son doesn't care anyway, it's not something he really wants to do), but I do understand why this bothers her. No good answer, unfortunately, and I will always err on the side of protecting her.
I'm sorry to hear about your niece's friend.
My girls are all in their 20's now, but we did have problems with one of them. She was getting stalked by an older person and I locked down all her accounts when she was 13-15.
My youngest (20) uses Tik Tok and she gets a bit anxious on posts she sees, but shes old enough to moderate herself.
It hasnt helped our society in my opinion. I see it when trying to hire people. Basic people skills are not developed in many applicants.
Also, it allows very fringe beliefs to be spread around like never in the past.
Its not going away.
Having said that social media sites like youtube (parts of it) are 100x better than what we see on the garbage TV and the movies.
Facebook got big while I was in high school but I never really got into social media. Everyone has the drive to feel recognized, to feel accepted and loved - but the feeling of being exposed, the invasion of privacy was always too much for me.
Turned out all the stimulation from these devices and platforms had depleted his dopamine levels. Now he’s back to his old self and really turning his life around. My children will not be getting a cell phone or allowed to do social media until I decide they are able to handle such things. There is a real problem with all this tech that we have now and days.
Haha do you have kids?
Were the consequences that followed regarding the loss of her friends fair? Absolutely not.
Was it worth it? I guess we’ll see?
I've been off for 11 years. Best decision ever. I don't miss it at all. I got sick and tired of seeing everyone's BS perfect lives plastered all over. I know they aren't really that happy and perfect so it just got old. You start trying to compare yourself to these little snippets of other peoples lives as if that is how their lives are 24/7. It isn't realistic.
I'll never forget when I applied for my job at one of the big 4. They do a background check and have to share the results with you. The investigator did a big write up on my lack of social media presence and said before hiring me they should question why I do not conform to social norms. I was so pissed when I read that. I got the job thankfully, but it was shocking to see that I was looked at as an odd ball essentially because I didn't use social media.
Social media could have so many positive impacts on the world, but as usual people have to make the worst of something. Everytime i see that instagram (I think) commercial where a young boy is trying to get better at hockey and people are giving tips and this and that i think "man i really wish this was how people used social media".
I find tons of useful info, tips, products, funny, creative etc... stuff on instagram, BUT there is so much negative stuff as well that the positives dont feel like they make up for the negative.
1) The platforms are literally built to tap into emotions that keep you engaged -- often by agitating, annoying, scaring, and insulting you. Forget kids, adults don't have the skills to navigate this most of the time.
2) It's a private school yard for kids with all the risks and rewards of social interaction, but without the face-to-face accountability.
As a society and as parents I think we need to address both.
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I highly recommend you all do the same.
I've been off for 11 years. Best decision ever. I don't miss it at all. I got sick and tired of seeing everyone's BS perfect lives plastered all over. I know they aren't really that happy and perfect so it just got old. You start trying to compare yourself to these little snippets of other peoples lives as if that is how their lives are 24/7. It isn't realistic.
I'll never forget when I applied for my job at one of the big 4. They do a background check and have to share the results with you. The investigator did a big write up on my lack of social media presence and said before hiring me they should question why I do not conform to social norms. I was so pissed when I read that. I got the job thankfully, but it was shocking to see that I was looked at as an odd ball essentially because I didn't use social media.
This is why I don't use my FB or Instagram account (although I keep them to look like a normie). When I had bad depression years ago everyone's perfect lives made me feel worse. I rationally knew a lot of it was just for show, so I stopped looking at it.
I use Twitter a lot for sports news, news news, and the lulz. I should probably decrease my use of that. Whenever I'm writing or doing something in depth at work, I put my phone out of sight. It does wonders.
Also my condolences to the OP.
The whole internet in the palm of their hands. We had a computer only in the family room so we could supervise and now it's in their pocket.
We're supposedly adults here and we can't even be trusted to talk about adult topics because it devolves so quickly. Imagine what the kids have to deal with.
Oy vey
But, they are leaving Facebook to go to other social media outlets. It's not like they throw their phones in the garbage.
Echoing most of the above I absolutely hate social media. The small amount of good it can do pales in comparison to the damage it causes. My soon to be 8 year old won’t have any accounts for as long as I can possibly hold out for. Just a nightmare to navigate and manage, kids shouldn’t be exposed to it at all but I realize that’s almost and impossible expectation.
Echoing most of the above I absolutely hate social media. The small amount of good it can do pales in comparison to the damage it causes. My soon to be 8 year old won’t have any accounts for as long as I can possibly hold out for. Just a nightmare to navigate and manage, kids shouldn’t be exposed to it at all but I realize that’s almost and impossible expectation.
Thank you but it's not really my loss. A friend of my niece's. Still I can't imagine the pain the family must be going through.
Social media is literally using our kids as data points. IT's eating them alive.
Instead of focusing on the two things tearing this country apart, the financial gulf and social media, we are screaming at each other about other shit. Some of it is important, but nothing is as important as our kids and our budgets.
Divide and conquer. The powers that be have us right where they intended all along.
People on these platforms can be nasty, rude, and bold. They say stuff they’d never say in person. The internet emboldens people to say things they’d typically never say.
I don’t know the answer. But all these issues spill into other issues and I have no idea how to get to root cause. I’m afraid the toothpaste is out of the tube.
To add on to this:
Set an example for your kids by getting off social media yourself.
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I highly recommend you all do the same.
To add on to this:
Set an example for your kids by getting off social media yourself.
Yep. Adults act just as bad even worse in a lot of cases. Facebook is a prime example.
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In comment 16121630 RicFlair said:
Quote:
I highly recommend you all do the same.
I've been off for 11 years. Best decision ever. I don't miss it at all. I got sick and tired of seeing everyone's BS perfect lives plastered all over. I know they aren't really that happy and perfect so it just got old. You start trying to compare yourself to these little snippets of other peoples lives as if that is how their lives are 24/7. It isn't realistic.
I'll never forget when I applied for my job at one of the big 4. They do a background check and have to share the results with you. The investigator did a big write up on my lack of social media presence and said before hiring me they should question why I do not conform to social norms. I was so pissed when I read that. I got the job thankfully, but it was shocking to see that I was looked at as an odd ball essentially because I didn't use social media.
This is why I don't use my FB or Instagram account (although I keep them to look like a normie). When I had bad depression years ago everyone's perfect lives made me feel worse. I rationally knew a lot of it was just for show, so I stopped looking at it.
I use Twitter a lot for sports news, news news, and the lulz. I should probably decrease my use of that. Whenever I'm writing or doing something in depth at work, I put my phone out of sight. It does wonders.
Also my condolences to the OP.
It's highly likely someone with a fancy car is in some sort of financial straights. Kind of goes in hand with not having good financial sense.
Social Media and Youth Mental Health - ( New Window )
almost half the freaking planet uses it, but no one uses it.
lol
Bradshaw44 hits on something critical imv and offers at least some of the solution. Great lesson of having too much time and raises risks of negative consequences. Keeping kids engaged with meaningful activities they are accountable to and ideally a team environment where everybody is accountable to each other really helps.
Some good posts above about why gov't won't fix this quickly.
almost half the freaking planet uses it, but no one uses it.
lol
Not sure monthly active users is a good way to asses who uses it. IMO, having come from the digital market realm, you are an afterthought if you aren’t a daily active user - companies don’t want to target people who barely log on.
I haven’t been on Facebook since 2015 but I did reactivate it last year when I was trying to contact a childhood friend. I wasn’t an active user but for those couple days and that month I was. Not a big deal but it’s why I definitely don’t buy half the planet using Facebook, the math doesn’t add up to me (and that’s before looking into bot accounts). Also, factor in how many people have instagram and Facebook linked and user the former not the later but click a link that takes them to a FB article - that would make them a monthly active user.
Oh I did the delete too. I wanted it gone. Didn’t want to be tempted to return. I downloaded the file of my history and put it on a flash drive for memories if needed. Other than that I wanted it gone and unsearchable.
That’s what I did too.
& social media sucks. I hate it. No one posts their worst moments on social media, it's them in Aruba or @ a fiesta. And if you're in a funk & see a follower or friend traveling in Europe...it is human nature to make you even more depressed. I think social media has done some very good things, but it has always a lot of bad things. If it was up to me, I'd prefer a non Facebook/Instagram/Snapchat/etc. world.
& social media sucks. I hate it. No one posts their worst moments on social media, it's them in Aruba or @ a fiesta. And if you're in a funk & see a follower or friend traveling in Europe...it is human nature to make you even more depressed. I think social media has done some very good things, but it has always a lot of bad things. If it was up to me, I'd prefer a non Facebook/Instagram/Snapchat/etc. world.
Yeah I was in a funk after a long-term relationship not working out and all my friends were posting engagement pictures, date pictures, baby pictures, etc. But then the ones I were close to I knew the real stories (some are now divorced). It's not real life. It's a snapshot of a moment that may or may not be faked. And when you think about it, even back in the polaroid/kodak era, people always tried to look happy in photos.
The converse of that is Twitter, where the world is always ending, the other political team is trying to destroy you, society is going to shit, etc. For some reason, the doomerism doesn't bother me and somehow makes me more optimistic. (I've always been a contrarian.)
If social media is making you feel bad, either delete the particular app or take a break, and see how you feel. The app will always be there if you want to go back.
& social media sucks. I hate it. No one posts their worst moments on social media, it's them in Aruba or @ a fiesta. And if you're in a funk & see a follower or friend traveling in Europe...it is human nature to make you even more depressed. I think social media has done some very good things, but it has always a lot of bad things. If it was up to me, I'd prefer a non Facebook/Instagram/Snapchat/etc. world.
Don’t forget to incited twitter. It’s an absolute cesspool, unfortunately it is a good information source for sports.
I only get into a really dark foul mood if I lose like 7 matches in a row in Rocket League and drop 100 rating points.
I only get into a really dark foul mood if I lose like 7 matches in a row in Rocket League and drop 100 rating points.
I doesn’t bother me personally but it’s alarming at the macro level. I don’t know what the solution is but it definitely can’t go on the way it is currently.
I’m 66, and feel out of step and place with society as it now is. Previous social norms of just walking on the street making eye contact , and communicating are being lost due to the cell phone. I’m not sure the positives outweigh the negatives.
I disagree. As the public starts to learn what these platforms are doing to our kids the social media companies will be sued just like the cigarette companies.
The tide is turning. My 20 year old has realized what is happening and has shut it off. Her generation will stop this nonsense.
Twitter is a cesspool of outright lies and bullying.
How do 10 to 12 year olds learn how to commit suicide? How the ef is that possible? Everyone was bullied at school when we were at that age, but at least before social media when you left school it was over. You almost always had your group of friends and kept away from the a$$holes.
Do parents not see that their kids are depressed? It is sad and frightening.
Adults act like assholes on social media too though. School has to be extremely challenging for parents to navigate, it’s something I definitely think about. But there are plenty of adults on Facebook and Twitter who are just as bad if not worse.
Decades ago, kids were being bullied physically in school much more than they are today. Different stresses and challenges at that time. There was suicide back then too.
It all stems from the home.
Decades ago, kids were being bullied physically in school much more than they are today. Different stresses and challenges at that time. There was suicide back then too.
It all stems from the home.
To an extent, sure. But it’s promoted in our culture so it’s a constant battle parents today face. It’s not as simple as “no”. It’s not a piece of candy or staying up late, or seeing an R rated movie - it’s very literally a lifestyle and incredibly complicated to navigate. You can be an exceptional parent and still raise a kid who drives drunk, abuses drugs, or falls off the deep end on social media.
In other words, the key need children have is not to have their time and access to social networks restricted, but to have responsive parents. According to the research this has the strongest correlation.
They suggested when a child has questions/concerns/problems they turn to adults for guidance. When those adults are distracted, the child's learns quickly that they must figure out their own solutions and seek those solutions out on the internet. This is where problems really begin.
So the solution less in good, attentive parenting. Not helicoptering over children, but being available and encouraging when children turn to parents for guidance.
Just thought I'd share.
Now, granted it was a Monday at 12:30, but still, the mall was so depressing. Half the stores were shuttered, and the only people walking around inside were some old people. I thought a lot about how we have killed the social experience of shopping with our online purchases, and one of the costs is fewer opportunities for teens to socialize in a safe space.
It's not enough to eliminate social media, you must replace it with safe spaces for teens to socialize outside of the watchful eyes of their parents.
First off all, my condolences to the loved ones of the deceased and prayers for her and her family. It is tragic when someone is so young is so lost that they feel like the only way out is to take their own life.
It also seems like some of you don't have teens or grew up in a Normal Rockwell home and the real world is some fictitious Hollywood creation.
It's not all *one* thing. It's not all "the parents" it's not all "social media" it's not all "COVID and authoritarian policies" (surprisingly no one really even mentioned this) it's not all whatever one thing people want to blame. But I get it, when a tragedy happens, it's human nature to want to have a *thing* to blame.
Change happens. every generation points to the current change as the problem and reminisces back to their youth when things were great. But the older people of that generation said the same shit about whatever change was happening at the time.
I'm not defending social media, I'm simply stating it's not the only problem and I'd even say there are other things that are much worse impacting the mental health of the younger generations. I say this as a parent of three teens and as someone who has coached this generation in various youth sports for a decade+. Anecdotal? sure, but a lot of data points.
Some of the other things we cannot have as a discussion about on this forum, so I will leave it at that.
Good luck to you parents out there.
Now, granted it was a Monday at 12:30, but still, the mall was so depressing. Half the stores were shuttered, and the only people walking around inside were some old people. I thought a lot about how we have killed the social experience of shopping with our online purchases, and one of the costs is fewer opportunities for teens to socialize in a safe space.
It's not enough to eliminate social media, you must replace it with safe spaces for teens to socialize outside of the watchful eyes of their parents.
Driving by the park I saw kids sitting around a tree on a nice sunny day.
They were all looking down at their smart phones.
The presentation at the conference was not a presentation on a single study, but the observations made by a team of PhD's who have been studying the relationship between social media use in teens and mental health.
Counter to the intuition of many, including the researchers at first, was the conclusion they reached.
And yes, the issue is much more nuanced than you might imagine. Marginalized children have actually positive benefits from increased time on social media. Kind of makes sense, right??
As a parent of a 12 year old (also an 8 year old who is not on social media yet) all I can say is no good ever comes from social media. It is almost impossible to stop and there is nothing redeeming about the content. I have also found Group Chats on the iPhone to be toxic as there are so many fights and disagreements. The only thing I can recommend is to check your kids phone and accounts every day so you know exactly what they are doing!
Our middle son is 13 and has a phone, with supposedly parental controls in place on his browsing. But, I am fairly certain he found a loophole that I haven't figured out yet, or has seen stuff via friends.