NFT: Social Media Epidemic

Is the new “normal” society. Which means all the negatives and dangers will become the new “accepted norms”.
I’m 66, and feel out of step and place with society as it now is. Previous social norms of just walking on the street making eye contact , and communicating are being lost due to the cell phone. I’m not sure the positives outweigh the negatives.

I hope your niece is coping ok. I wish there were an easy answer but all you can do is build her up.

It’s not easy to be a kid these days. The social awkwardness and drama is amplified so much by social media and technology. My daughter is 10, doesn’t have a phone or any social media accounts, but still comes home in tears often because of the text message and google classroom drama. Kids are mean! They always have been but it’s amplified so much by the 24/7 mob communication. There’s no break from it.

So sorry to hear. I have 2 daughters (18 and 15). It's not easy. My wife and I and some friends were just having this conversation because there were some really rough issues with a few girls they know in the school.

Unfortunately the reality is this is all these kids know. It's what they use to interact. They have access to things we never even knew existed (Good and bad). Social media will be here forever so IMO as parents, we have to adapt and evolve. The way it used it be (Our childhoods) is no longer relevant. No use in fighting it.

or the explicit corners of youtube at this point. There's very little social interaction going on, unless you count DMing my favorite porn stars for a chance to star on their OnlyFans.

Seriously, though, it's all content by wannabee influencers. Some succeed but most don't. The quality is borderline trash and yet, we keep scrolling. It's a never-ending rabbit hole because everyone wants to be a star.

At least with Facebook in 2008, it was about stalking people we actually knew. People we talked to IRL at school. Now, it's just idolizing Logan Paul as he sells us perfume-flavored water.

Think about the kids you knew who never got off the couch and watched cable TV all day and night. What did they do with their lives? What was their view of the world?

They probably experienced similar depression as we're seeing today. The only difference is that we couldn't watch Tik-Tok at the doctor's office.

Social Media a non-stop strap-on plowing your brain. Except now, it's much more explicit, sexy, thrilling, amateurish (so it's relatable) content machine.

I'm in my 30s and find myself repeatedly scrolling all hours of the day. I have to literally throw my phone behind the couch to watch TV, of all things. If I'm suffering that much, I can't imagine what tantalization and following come down social brings to a kid's brain.

It's social engineering, I'm sure the purveyors knew things like this would happen. The reach they have is unprecedented and they will not give it up willingly.

All of the instant gratification is killing the rest of society as well, just slower. The more anyone relies on strangers for approval, the less they will value the real people in their lives.

This forum is my only involvement in any form of social media.

It really sucks - in the old days, the kids could get a break with a proper home life to help cope with the social pressures of society - now it follows you everywhere, right at your hip.

I think the only way to fight it is prioritizing communication with your kid is now more critical than ever.

In comment 16121576 Dave on the UWS said:

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Is the new “normal” society. Which means all the negatives and dangers will become the new “accepted norms”. I’m 66, and feel out of step and place with society as it now is. Previous social norms of just walking on the street making eye contact , and communicating are being lost due to the cell phone. I’m not sure the positives outweigh the negatives.

Yep me too. Society has left me behind, and I am ok with that. I find a lot of this "new stuff" pathetic. I know this sounds like "get off my lawn" but I'm beginning to think those old guys had a point

from BBI, LInkedIn is the only other social media website I use, and I need to be for my business. (I get a lot of work from the site.)

RIP. God bless. Prayers to her family and friends.

We attempted to limit the use for my now 16 yr old and she quickly became an outcast from her social group because of how often they use it. I have no reall advice as it’s something we constantly struggle with but have come to accept as the new reality. I give them all the usually warnings and tell them the risks associated with it but at the end of the day if they want to stay connected with their friends they’ll need access.

has also had a negative impact for most people in the dating world.

Created too many unrealistic expectations for partners/mates.

Where you talk to the parents and they all admit it’s a problem but most don’t want to put the effort in to limit its use. And it is an ongoing effort. Even if you set screen time limits on their phones you get bombarded with requests for more.

Good luck.

In comment 16121594 CoughlinHandsonHips said:

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It really sucks - in the old days, the kids could get a break with a proper home life to help cope with the social pressures of society - now it follows you everywhere, right at your hip. I think the only way to fight it is prioritizing communication with your kid is now more critical than ever.

Exactly. There are no breaks. It’s lord of the flies in the palm of your hand.

In comment 16121608 leatherneck570 said:

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We attempted to limit the use for my now 16 yr old and she quickly became an outcast from her social group because of how often they use it.

We're dealing with this now. My daughter (just turning 13) keeps begging us to let her get a Snapchat account for that reason - she gets left out of a lot of things. Almost all of the other girls on her softball team and school chorus have group chats and she can't participate. I feel very strongly about keeping my kids off this stuff to protect them (my son doesn't care anyway, it's not something he really wants to do), but I do understand why this bothers her. No good answer, unfortunately, and I will always err on the side of protecting her.

I highly recommend you all do the same.

to sports and for work a little on Linked In for recruiting. I'm on FB just for family but rarely post.

I'm sorry to hear about your niece's friend.

My girls are all in their 20's now, but we did have problems with one of them. She was getting stalked by an older person and I locked down all her accounts when she was 13-15.

My youngest (20) uses Tik Tok and she gets a bit anxious on posts she sees, but shes old enough to moderate herself.

It hasnt helped our society in my opinion. I see it when trying to hire people. Basic people skills are not developed in many applicants.

Also, it allows very fringe beliefs to be spread around like never in the past.

Its not going away.

Social media is smart. If all you’re seeing is porn and OF girls, there are reasons for that. Chances are your kids aren’t seeing the same things.

.

is probably the worst and completely unreedeamable.

Having said that social media sites like youtube (parts of it) are 100x better than what we see on the garbage TV and the movies.

Its interesting that many of the engineers who built these applications and understand the underlying mechanisms do not allow their children to use social media.

Facebook got big while I was in high school but I never really got into social media. Everyone has the drive to feel recognized, to feel accepted and loved - but the feeling of being exposed, the invasion of privacy was always too much for me.

About this 25 year old kid. Was always super athletic and active. Then became completely unmotivated and stopped working out and basically was considered a failure to launch type kid. Living at home with his parents doing nothing. He decided to give up social media, cell phone, and video games for a month. All the sudden he was working out again and his entire perception on life changed.

Turned out all the stimulation from these devices and platforms had depleted his dopamine levels. Now he’s back to his old self and really turning his life around. My children will not be getting a cell phone or allowed to do social media until I decide they are able to handle such things. There is a real problem with all this tech that we have now and days.

if you explain to your children why they can't use certain social media apps they'll understand. Kids are probably smarter than we think. They already are abandoning Facebook in droves, smarter than dumbass adults.

In comment 16121664 Spiciest Memelord said:

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if you explain to your children why they can't use certain social media apps they'll understand. Kids are probably smarter than we think. They already are abandoning Facebook in droves, smarter than dumbass adults.

Haha do you have kids?

...And leave it to Spiciest to essentially blame the parents. Smh.

Did my daughter understand why I limited her? Of course she did.

Were the consequences that followed regarding the loss of her friends fair? Absolutely not.

Was it worth it? I guess we’ll see?

In comment 16121630 RicFlair said:

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I highly recommend you all do the same.

I've been off for 11 years. Best decision ever. I don't miss it at all. I got sick and tired of seeing everyone's BS perfect lives plastered all over. I know they aren't really that happy and perfect so it just got old. You start trying to compare yourself to these little snippets of other peoples lives as if that is how their lives are 24/7. It isn't realistic.

I'll never forget when I applied for my job at one of the big 4. They do a background check and have to share the results with you. The investigator did a big write up on my lack of social media presence and said before hiring me they should question why I do not conform to social norms. I was so pissed when I read that. I got the job thankfully, but it was shocking to see that I was looked at as an odd ball essentially because I didn't use social media.

through these apps is so scary. I do not have kids, but my friends do and one was telling me how they were allowing their 9 year old twins to make some youtube videos and the kids were already focused in on likes and views and stuff. The parents of course quickly realized this was a bad idea, especially when certain comments from older sick individuals starting popping up.

Social media could have so many positive impacts on the world, but as usual people have to make the worst of something. Everytime i see that instagram (I think) commercial where a young boy is trying to get better at hockey and people are giving tips and this and that i think "man i really wish this was how people used social media".

I find tons of useful info, tips, products, funny, creative etc... stuff on instagram, BUT there is so much negative stuff as well that the positives dont feel like they make up for the negative.

That's awful, completely heart breaking. Very difficult problem to solve.

1) The platforms are literally built to tap into emotions that keep you engaged -- often by agitating, annoying, scaring, and insulting you. Forget kids, adults don't have the skills to navigate this most of the time.

2) It's a private school yard for kids with all the risks and rewards of social interaction, but without the face-to-face accountability.

As a society and as parents I think we need to address both.

In comment 16121681 bradshaw44 said:

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In comment 16121630 RicFlair said: Quote: I highly recommend you all do the same. I've been off for 11 years. Best decision ever. I don't miss it at all. I got sick and tired of seeing everyone's BS perfect lives plastered all over. I know they aren't really that happy and perfect so it just got old. You start trying to compare yourself to these little snippets of other peoples lives as if that is how their lives are 24/7. It isn't realistic. I'll never forget when I applied for my job at one of the big 4. They do a background check and have to share the results with you. The investigator did a big write up on my lack of social media presence and said before hiring me they should question why I do not conform to social norms. I was so pissed when I read that. I got the job thankfully, but it was shocking to see that I was looked at as an odd ball essentially because I didn't use social media.

This is why I don't use my FB or Instagram account (although I keep them to look like a normie). When I had bad depression years ago everyone's perfect lives made me feel worse. I rationally knew a lot of it was just for show, so I stopped looking at it.

I use Twitter a lot for sports news, news news, and the lulz. I should probably decrease my use of that. Whenever I'm writing or doing something in depth at work, I put my phone out of sight. It does wonders.

Also my condolences to the OP.

Its too late for me, my kids are in it but if you can build a kid's life without it, please do so.

We're in their late teens before any of this took off. Smart phones weren't a thing until my kids were in high school. I would hate to be a parent if a tween right now.

The whole internet in the palm of their hands. We had a computer only in the family room so we could supervise and now it's in their pocket.

We're supposedly adults here and we can't even be trusted to talk about adult topics because it devolves so quickly. Imagine what the kids have to deal with.

Oy vey

And this post hurts me too. I agree with the issues here, but I don't think there is a solution. Genie is out of the bottle. Our kids are no longer sheltered and if that is not the right word, well they are no longer being dealt with responsibly nor beneficially by their world. It's up to each kid to figure out how to survive. As parents we can mitigate this and try to be a bulwark, and this is critical, but you can't shut it out. Yes, temptation and cruelty have always been there for young people but today it is so pervasive, influential, insidious, and just plain mean. And kids don't have the experience, wisdom nor filter to protect themselves. They don't typically have the strong social structures to help ground them, help them understand who they are and how to feel, how to imagine a future.

But honestly I blame marketing. Marketing, politics and ultimately money, greed.

In comment 16121664 Spiciest Memelord said:

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if you explain to your children why they can't use certain social media apps they'll understand. Kids are probably smarter than we think. They already are abandoning Facebook in droves, smarter than dumbass adults.

But, they are leaving Facebook to go to other social media outlets. It's not like they throw their phones in the garbage.

sorry for your loss OP.

Echoing most of the above I absolutely hate social media. The small amount of good it can do pales in comparison to the damage it causes. My soon to be 8 year old won’t have any accounts for as long as I can possibly hold out for. Just a nightmare to navigate and manage, kids shouldn’t be exposed to it at all but I realize that’s almost and impossible expectation.

Is if kids start a counter-revolution against social media. Make it cool to disdain instagram, tiktok, discord, etc. I doubt that works, but it's the only thing I can think of.

In comment 16121830 UConn4523 said:

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sorry for your loss OP. Echoing most of the above I absolutely hate social media. The small amount of good it can do pales in comparison to the damage it causes. My soon to be 8 year old won’t have any accounts for as long as I can possibly hold out for. Just a nightmare to navigate and manage, kids shouldn’t be exposed to it at all but I realize that’s almost and impossible expectation.

Thank you but it's not really my loss. A friend of my niece's. Still I can't imagine the pain the family must be going through.

that this shit needs to be regulated, legislated--whatever. It needs to be CHECKED. Big time.

Social media is literally using our kids as data points. IT's eating them alive.

Instead of focusing on the two things tearing this country apart, the financial gulf and social media, we are screaming at each other about other shit. Some of it is important, but nothing is as important as our kids and our budgets.

Divide and conquer. The powers that be have us right where they intended all along.

That is so sad. I do not think this is generational. This is an issue plagued by all generations. Whether it’s Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, SnapChat, TikTok or whatever else, it’s a major problem.

People on these platforms can be nasty, rude, and bold. They say stuff they’d never say in person. The internet emboldens people to say things they’d typically never say.

I don’t know the answer. But all these issues spill into other issues and I have no idea how to get to root cause. I’m afraid the toothpaste is out of the tube.

In comment 16121630 RicFlair said:

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I highly recommend you all do the same.

To add on to this:


Set an example for your kids by getting off social media yourself.

In comment 16121916 RicFlair said:

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In comment 16121630 RicFlair said: Quote: I highly recommend you all do the same. To add on to this: Set an example for your kids by getting off social media yourself.

Yep. Adults act just as bad even worse in a lot of cases. Facebook is a prime example.

That we tolerate so much from adults in power. There is so much shitty behavior with no accountability, then we act surprised when kids act that way on social media. You know what would help? Adults setting better examples.

In comment 16121722 Mike from SI said:

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In comment 16121681 bradshaw44 said: Quote: In comment 16121630 RicFlair said: Quote: I highly recommend you all do the same. I've been off for 11 years. Best decision ever. I don't miss it at all. I got sick and tired of seeing everyone's BS perfect lives plastered all over. I know they aren't really that happy and perfect so it just got old. You start trying to compare yourself to these little snippets of other peoples lives as if that is how their lives are 24/7. It isn't realistic. I'll never forget when I applied for my job at one of the big 4. They do a background check and have to share the results with you. The investigator did a big write up on my lack of social media presence and said before hiring me they should question why I do not conform to social norms. I was so pissed when I read that. I got the job thankfully, but it was shocking to see that I was looked at as an odd ball essentially because I didn't use social media. This is why I don't use my FB or Instagram account (although I keep them to look like a normie). When I had bad depression years ago everyone's perfect lives made me feel worse. I rationally knew a lot of it was just for show, so I stopped looking at it. I use Twitter a lot for sports news, news news, and the lulz. I should probably decrease my use of that. Whenever I'm writing or doing something in depth at work, I put my phone out of sight. It does wonders. Also my condolences to the OP.

It's highly likely someone with a fancy car is in some sort of financial straights. Kind of goes in hand with not having good financial sense.

I ditched it in 2010.

Just today released an advisory - “ Social Media and Youth Mental Health”
Social Media and Youth Mental Health - ( New Window )

but somehow they have almost 3 billion monthly active users.

almost half the freaking planet uses it, but no one uses it.

lol

So sorry to read of this tragedy and best wishes to all involved.

Bradshaw44 hits on something critical imv and offers at least some of the solution. Great lesson of having too much time and raises risks of negative consequences. Keeping kids engaged with meaningful activities they are accountable to and ideally a team environment where everybody is accountable to each other really helps.

Some good posts above about why gov't won't fix this quickly.

In comment 16121992 pjcas18 said:

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but somehow they have almost 3 billion monthly active users. almost half the freaking planet uses it, but no one uses it. lol

Not sure monthly active users is a good way to asses who uses it. IMO, having come from the digital market realm, you are an afterthought if you aren’t a daily active user - companies don’t want to target people who barely log on.

I haven’t been on Facebook since 2015 but I did reactivate it last year when I was trying to contact a childhood friend. I wasn’t an active user but for those couple days and that month I was. Not a big deal but it’s why I definitely don’t buy half the planet using Facebook, the math doesn’t add up to me (and that’s before looking into bot accounts). Also, factor in how many people have instagram and Facebook linked and user the former not the later but click a link that takes them to a FB article - that would make them a monthly active user.

my Facebook. I did the permanent delete option. Did it pre-covid too which I’m sure saved me from a lot of stupid.

In comment 16122073 RicFlair said:

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my Facebook. I did the permanent delete option. Did it pre-covid too which I’m sure saved me from a lot of stupid.

Oh I did the delete too. I wanted it gone. Didn’t want to be tempted to return. I downloaded the file of my history and put it on a flash drive for memories if needed. Other than that I wanted it gone and unsearchable.

In comment 16122073 RicFlair said:

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my Facebook. I did the permanent delete option. Did it pre-covid too which I’m sure saved me from a lot of stupid.

That’s what I did too.